Parent of Tween Problems

I try to be a good mom. I really do. I do work a lot but I want to be there a lot with my kids too. Sometimes I will have lunch with them at school. It's an easy thing to do. They both eat within an hour of each other. I can get to them both within that time. My 7 year old loves it. She will hug me and kiss me and hang on me. My 9 year old keeps her distance a little bit more, which is understandable. Yesterday I went for lunch and I was trying to be cool about it. We chatted for a bit. I smoothed out her hair. When she left, I gave her a big wave and a smile and she waved back sheepishly. I went home, back to my work and felt energized and happy because I had just seen my babies.

I picked the kids up from school and my 9 year old was being really quiet. We came home and she went right up to her room. I sent out a few emails and then went up to see if she wanted a snack. I opened the door and she shot daggers at me. "Whats wrong?" She started to yell at me. "I don't want you coming to have lunch with me anymore. I hate when you try to hug me and try to touch my hair. I hate when you wave to me. You are so embarrassing - just like Papa (my dad). You are not cool or funny." Then she slammed the door in my face. Wow. I just wanted to know if she was hungry and needed a snack. I didn't know that she hated to see me in the middle of the day. I stood there and stared at her bedroom door and my heart sank into my stomach a bit. What do you even say to that? My feelings were hurt. I didn't want to have a confrontation because she was all bent out of shape, I gave her time to calm down a bit.

The rest of the afternoon didn't get any better. I made dinner and the kids did their homework. They were both in a grumpy mood. I was ready for bedtime. The kids got showered up and in their pajamas and I went in to do my nightly chat and tuck-in. I went in and sat in bed next to my 9 year old who just didn't look like herself. "Something is going on with you. Do you want to talk about it?" Yes, she wanted to talk about it. She unloaded. She wept. She told me about school and a test she took that she didn't think she did good on and a friend who wasn't being nice and a variety of other things. She is a perfectionist. She wants to be good at everything and she wants to please everyone and she really struggles because of that. She is just like her mother. I hate that for her. She thinks too far ahead. She thinks if she does bad on 1 test she won't get into college. I sat and I just listened for a long time and we talked about some solutions and it was a long chat, 40 minutes at least.

Halfway through, my 7 year old barged in and put her hands on her hips and looked at me angrily. "Well, did you forget about me?" "Go to your room, I'll be there soon." She protested, "Why does SHE get all the time?" I turned to my little one, "Because she needs me a little bit more tonight." I saw the look of betrayal on her face when I said that. She turned around and went back to her room. I know that look. I was instantly reminded of the early weeks when my second daughter was born. The feelings of conflict when you have a child who has immediate needs but your other child who needs you too. It's very difficult and it goes back and forth. Sometimes, one needs you more than the other and you have to balance that. Last night, my 9 year old needed me there to listen and rub her back and work things out and I made the choice to do that. That meant that my 7 year old had to wait. Finally she was done, she felt a little better. I kissed her head and tucked her in and said good night. Then I went to tuck in my 7 year old.

I walked in and she was laying in bed, with her arms crossed - looking at me like I was the worst person ever. She raised her eyebrows and said, "Is it your intention to make me miserable?" I had to smile at that question a little bit - my second grader questioning my intentions. She thinks she is a college professor. I climbed into bed with her and held her for a bit. "Sometimes she gets more time and sometimes you get more time." She pouted, "She always gets the most time." I sighed, "You both think that about each other." It's a battle. I have little sympathy though, because I was the oldest of 4 kids. I was lucky if my parents acknowledged my existence on a daily basis. I don't know how parents of a lot of kids do it. I hugged her and I kissed her and I told her that I love her and that I do the best that I can. I don't think she believed me but I gave it a college try.

This is hard. This whole being a parent thing. It doesn't get easier or less busy. It gets harder and more emotionally draining. Lord give strength.

Growing Pains

                                 
My nine year old is getting big. She goes through periods where she experiences growing pains, which are very inconvenient. I took her to the doctor when she first had them because I have arthritis and I was petrified that she did too but all her blood work was normal and so we just go on in life. They happen infrequently but this week she has really been complaining. Her leg muscles feel really sore and achy and usually it's in the evening. She was miserable last night before bed. I made her take a hot shower and I told her that she needed to take some ibprofen. We were out of the liquid so I told her I had to take a pill. Oh.my.God. You would have thought I asked her to eat bacon-wrapped dog poop. She refused. She screamed and cried. "It tastes so gross." "You chew it, you don't swallow it." "Noooooo." I shrugged my shoulders, "I guess you don't want to feel better." It was 8:30 at night, I was not going out to buy liquid ibprofen. She knows how to swallow pills. I don't care if I get the Bad Mom Award. Stop being a diva, and take the ibprofen.

She wanted me to lay with her because she didn't feel good. So I climbed into her twin sized bed and I rubbed her back. Sometimes I forget how little she still is. Even though she will be as tall as me soon, and insists that I don't hug her in front of her friends and is such a big kid all around; she is still just a little girl who wants her mom to hold her when she doesn't feel good and hug her stuffed monkey. It's a strange in-between place.

After she fell asleep, I got ready for bed. My husband was funny. "What's wrong with her?" "I think she's just having growing pains." He looked at me suspiciously, "What does that mean?" He is so funny. He is such a man. "Ummm....she has a headache, does that mean anything?"

The next morning she woke up and was feeling better. "Can I get a morning hug?" She looked at me and said, "Ahhhhh......NO." Yes, things were back to normal again.

Time Warp

I don't know where this whole month went. An entire 4 weeks, lost forever. We have been so busy. Between the kid's school stuff, work, trying to clean the house, various other events.... It's really been a whirlwind. We unplugged last weekend and went to Virginia to visit my cousin. Our kids are the same age and we just love them. We went to Jamestown and Williamsburg, we played cards and had an at-home Chopped challenge. We just spent time together, away from home, away from the computer and just relaxed and enjoyed each other. It was so awesome. We needed it for sure.

We got home on Monday night and tried the best we could to get everything ready for the week. It was finally time for bed. I told the kids they could read before they went to bed and my 7 year old climbed into my bed with her book. "No, get in your bed." "I want to be in yours tonight." "No!" She threw down her book and stormed into her room and sobbed. She was tired, she gets emotional and terribly grumpy when she is tired.

I went into her room and laid down next to her and she let me have it. She unloaded on all the injustices in her life. "It's not fair, mama. I want to sleep you with but you don't want to be with me and you and dad always get to stay up until whenever you want and we NEVER do. That is not fair. You always tell us what to do and school always tells us what to do and we don't ever get to do what we want to do." *Sob*Sob*Sob* Then she curled up into my arms and said, "Plus, everyone always tells me I'm small and I don't want to be small. I want to be big. I'm NOT small." *Sob*Sob*Sob* All of the things that were bothering her were just pouring out. I get it. She thinks that the grass is greener and that when she grows up she will be able to just do whatever she wants. That's the irony, when you finally have the autonomy to do whatever you want, you don't really get to because you have to do all these things you don't want to do. Like work, and laundry, and shushing hysterical children. The being small thing really bothers her. She's the smallest kid in her class. She has normal growth but her parents are little people. She is really disturbed by it. I always try to tell her that I was the same way and that great things come in small packages but that doesn't seem to help. I didn't say anything this time. I just listened and let her cry until finally she fell asleep. Oh man, it's hard being a kid.

I watched her sleep for a while. She is so cute when she sleeps. Both of the kids are adorable when they are sleeping. They remind me of baby animals. My 7 year old reminds me of a baby lion
                       
and my 9 year old reminds me of a kitty cat.
                       

Does that sound weird? They just remind me of little baby animals. They just kind of look like them. I can't explain it. I got up and went to check on my 9 year old. I kissed her little button nose and then went straight to bed. I was so tired. My 7 year old did climb into our bed in the middle of the night. She snuggled in and was petting my head. haha. She's my little sleepwalking lion cub. I love these kiddos.

The Sleep Saga

It's no secret that we have night time issues in our house. It's been getting better. It ebbs and slows. Sunday was an unusual day because the kids were really tired and they were in bed and asleep at 8:15. We had the house to ourselves and I stayed up longer than usual hanging out with the husband. I did need to leave the house by 6:10 am so I went to bed at 11 (which is late for me, may as well be 2 am) so that I could get a good, solid 6 hours of sleep. Six hours is the minimum amount of hours that I need to function. I do not have a hard time falling asleep. I laid on my pillow and was out immediately....

Until I felt a tap on my face. I opened my eyes and my 7 year old was standing in front of me. Big eyes, crazy hair. "Mama," she whispered, "Can I play Cool Math?"  I looked up at the clock. Of course, it was 3:39 am. "No, you cannot play cool math. It's the middle of the night, go to bed." That's when the whining started, "Noooo, mama, I'm not tired." I groaned. She climbed in between my husband and I and burrowed under the covers. I thought she was going to go back to sleep. No. I dozed off for 7 minutes. Then I heard another whisper, "Mama, mama. I need my jeans." What.the.hell. "No. Go to sleep." "But I need my jeans for the boosterthon. I could not find them." "We will find them when we wake up." She didn't like that answer. She wept. She wept for 15 minutes. My precious sleep was not going to happen. She finally was still and I thought she fell back asleep. I tossed and turned and finally decided to get up at 4:45. I was going to get up at 5 anyway. Ugggh.

I got up and went to fix a cup of coffee. I was down in the kitchen and I hear the pitter patter of feet down the stairs. In walks my 7 year old. "Mom, why aren't you in bed?" I sighed deep. "I have to leave soon." She looked at me blankly for a minute and said, "Can I have a cup of soymilk?" I grabbed a glass. "Only a tiny bit. It's not even 5 am yet, go back to bed." She drank her soymilk and went upstairs. I finished fixing my coffee and breakfast. I sat down to read the news and have my 10 minutes of morning peace. Two minutes in and I feel a tap on my shoulder. "Mama, I need my jeans." Yes, that is life in our house. I went with her to find her jeans and started the shower. She loves taking long hot showers. Finally I was going to get my 10 news-reading, coffee-drinking minutes.

I sat down and not a minute later my nine year old walked in. She crawled into my lap and hugged me. "Did you get good sleep?" She nodded. I was glad. At least one of did. That's only 25%. We had bad statistics that morning. My sweet baby. She might be a vampire. She stalks the night.

Hockey Time

         

Last night we took the kids to a hockey game. My 9 year old was singing the national anthem with her chorus and she was so excited. She dressed up in her school colors and made her hair pretty. Her friends were at the game, which was a nice treat. My dad came along. He loves hockey. He always had the Flyers games on when we were kids.

We climbed the stairs to get to our seats and at the top of the stairs they were giving out vuvuzelas. I knew at that moment it would be a long game. Think World Cup, annoying buzzing horns. Yes, it was painful.

We took our seats and they called the kids down and they sang the Star Spangled Banner beautifully. I was so proud of my baby. She came back to her seat and begged me to go sit with a friend. I let her but was a little disappointed. She was pretending not to know me., I think. My husband told me that I'm embarrassing because I get a little too excited. I throw my hands in the air and cheer. I don't care. I paid $12 for my ticket. I'm having fun.

The hockey players skated out. I am fond of hockey players. They really do it for me. Out of all of the mainstream sports, I would say think hockey players are the most attractive. They are manly men. They don't mess around. They have weapons on their feet, for Gods sake. They are always checking people and starting fights. They are just tough, manly dudes. I like that. Some would argue that football is the most manly sport but I would disagree.They are always smacking each others butts (and their own, WTH?) and doing fruity victory dances.

I'm not into all of that. That turns me off. If you saw a hockey player doing that, he may get a beat down. 

The only weird thing about hockey is the goalie. The goalie always reminds me of a crab. They make strange, crab-like movements. Watch it one time, you'll get what I'm saying.

So anyway, they started the game and we were cheering and having a good time. The opposing team was really aggressive but there weren't any good fights until the end of the game. Our team lost. :( It was a nice night with the family, though. We had a good time.

I have my plate full today. My 7 year old decided that she wanted to start a book club. She wants me to make tea sandwiches. I'll serve them tea sandwiches and strawberries and milanos on china and serve them tea in little tea cups and her and her friends will discuss their books that they're reading. She is so funny. She's like a 60 year old woman. haha. 

Off to prepare for the book club this afternoon....no rest for the weary.

Here Comes the Sun

                
Last week was a weird week. The kids were off from school for 2.5 days because of the terrible winter storm and all the ice. It started to warm up at the end of the week. The girls had some friends sleep over on Saturday which they were excited about. We retired early and gave the list of rules: don't light anything on fire, stay in the house, get your own snacks, no music videos on Youtube.... Then I crashed. The days and weeks have been long lately and we were beat.

I woke up at midnight to crying. My children were asleep in next to our bed but their 2 friends were still up. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "What's wrong?" "We heard scary sounds coming from downstairs. It sounds like someone was crying." More tears. I felt so bad. I kicked my husband out of bed. "Do you want to lay up here?" "No, I called my mom and she is going to get me." So we gathered up all of her things and went downstairs. My husband was on the couch, watching a documentary about Judas. You know, something light for a Saturday night. They asked for a snack so I got some Go-gurt (don't judge me) and we waited. We talked about the crying downstairs. I think it was the toilet. Sometimes it runs and I think it sounds like whispering. It is kind of creepy, I didn't blame them for being upset and scared. The little one got picked up so it was just my husband and I and my girl's little friend and the Judas documentary. "Finish your Go-gurt and it's time for bed." She took forever to finish that go-gurt but she told us all of her stories, About school, about the funny things her parents do, about her friends. She is so funny and entertaining. She finished her go-gurt and we went upstairs. My hubby decided to sleep on the couch and finish his movie. I crawled into bed and their friend stood at the edge looking at me with big eyes. "I'm still kind of scared. Can I sleep with you?" She hopped in and fell asleep in what seemed like an instant. No matter what, I always seem to have a kid in my bed.

The next morning the weather was beautiful and the kids were all outside. It was in the mid 70s so their were in shorts and t-shirts and flip flops. What a change from the ice just a few days earlier. I was busy cleaning the house and doing laundry. The girls came in and asked if we could walk to the park and feed the ducks. Sure, I told them. So I got dressed and found some bread ends and went to join them outside. They had pulled their bikes out of the garage. We hadn't ridden them in months. My oldest daughters handlebars were all jacked up and were laying flat and she's grown 5 inches so it really is too small, my 7 year old's bike had a tire that was almost flat and their friend was using their scooter than is meant for a 5 year old that we only keep because the neighbor's little kid likes to use it. "Guys, we are going to walk. We need to rehab your bikes." They cried and protested and were upset about it, so finally I said - whatever. You should have seem the 3 of them. My daughter with her handlebars pretty much in her lap, my little one with her wobbly half-flat tire and their friend scrunch over the scooter that was much to small for her and me in my yoga pants bringing up the rear. It was pitiful. We looked like we were from the land of Misfit Bicycles. They did not care. They were happy as clams.

We got to the park but there were no ducks. Just a heron. We threw the bread in the water anyway. The girls played. I picked up litter. There was a nice breeze and it was literally the perfect weather. We took a short cut home and all got stuck in a mud puddle. The poor kids were ankle deep in mud. I had to fish flip-flops out of the puddle.

It was nice to just be outside. I miss the warm weather, the sun, showing my toes. I'm ready for winter to be over.

Excursion to Claires

                       
This week seemed like the longest week ever. I've been so exhausted but there is always something to be done. My husband took some time off so we went to the grocery store together yesterday afternoon. It's hard sometimes to go with the husband because he tends to want to deviate from my list and I can be a little psycho about it. I try to keep our weekly grocery budget at $160 so it's pretty tight. We had all of our stuff rung up and it was $177. I burned to my husband and said, "Man, we are $17 over budget." I was slightly disappointed about it. The cashier was funny, he said, "You only spend $160 a week? That's good. That's REALLY good." I don't think it's that good. If I was a stay at home mom, I would definitely be able to feed us on a hundred bucks a week. When I was home with the kids I would make my own broth, bread, soups. I would make pierogies from scratch. I would kill it. I still plan all of our meals and snacks and try to match them to the deals but we definitely buy more convenience foods. So we are bagging up the groceries and the cashier said, "I can tell you don't like to spend a lot of money." Then he turned to my husband and said, "That's really awesome. That's probably why you married her." Haha. We walked to the car and I said, "Is that true honey? I that why you married me? Because I don't like to spend money?" He gave me a big smile and said, "Of course that's not why I married you....but it is why I stay with you." He's a smart alec.

We picked the kids up and they reminded me that it was Friday - allowance payout day. My 9 year old started bugging me immediately to go to Claires. She wan't to buy a pair of glasses. Not sun glasses - non prescription glasses. Whatever. So I took them. I was exhausted so I was looking very raggedy. No make-up, my un-brushed hair pulled into a messy pony tail. I did not care. We walked through Dillards to get to the mall and I admired all of the things. Even though I don't like to spend money, I still want all of the things that I see. I like nice things. It's a battle. I looked at the cardigans. I smelled the perfume. The makeup lady approached me and asked if I wanted to try some anti-aging creme. :/ Welcome to 30, when people start thinking you need anti-aging creme and you realize they are right.

We walked by the juniors section and my 4th grader went up to this beautiful dress and said, "I would so wear this to the prom." I laughed and said, "Yeah, in 10 years." She put her hand on her hip and said, "Actually, in 6 years." That's kind of crazy. Six years doesn't seem that long from now. Her prom date better mind his manners.

We made it to Claires and they looked at everything before making their selections. My 9 year old purchased her glasses with rhinestones on them. My 7 year old purchased a wallet for all of her money. She does have a lot. More than me. They left happy.

On the ride home we were listening to the radio and "I'm a Slave 4 U" came on and my daughter who had never heard it said, "Who sings this?" I said, "Britney Spears. This is an old song. This song came out when I was in high school." Her eyes got big and she said, "Britney Spears is that old?" I nodded, "Britney Spears is older than me." She thought about this for a moment and said, "Well, she doesn't look like it. She looks way younger than you." WTH? I gave her this big speech about photo-shop and her team of stylists and personal trainers and probably chefs and chemical peels. This is Britney Spears:
                         
So boo-ya. I walked in the house and my husband was starting dinner. He looked at me and said, "What's wrong?" I threw my hands in the air and I said, "I could look like Britney Spears if I had "people." He looked very confused but didn't ask any questions. He knows how to deal with my craziness.