Stalkerliscious

The other day I was on an important call and my 9 year old came up to me and was whispering in my ear, "Mom, mom, mom. Can I go to the mall." I was waving her away. "Mom, mom. I want to go to the mall with the neighbors." Again I waved her away. She stood in front of me and stomped her feet and then started doing a whisper whine. "Mom, Mama...." I wanted to do this:
                                  
But I didn't. It was hard not to, but I restrained. I covered the phone. "Just go." It was a moment of weakness. I didn't have my wits about myself. It was 4 pm and I had a lapse of judgement.

We had dinner and she wasn't back yet. So I texted their mom and the 11 year old daughter, no answer. So I waited. It was my fault. I didn't ask when they'd be home. Bad Mom Award. The minutes past. Finally when it was 8 o'clock, I had enough. It was time for the search and rescue mission. I mean who goes to the mall for 4 hours? I enlisted the help of my 7 year old. "I need your help." She hopped in the back seat and we headed to the mall. We got to the parking lot and I said, "What color is their van." "Red." We drove up and down the lanes until I thought I spotted it. "Is that it?" My daughter was like, "Yeah, I think." I parked next to it. "Look inside, do you see car seats?" That's when I spotted the 11 year old walking out of Sears with her baby brother on her hit. I drove away slowly and then parked out of sight. I watched the rest of the family come out carrying bags and then I saw my daughter. She was happy, she was fine. I watched them all walk to the car. Then I realized that I was being a creepy stalker. If I took my kids friend's somewhere and knew their mom was watching us from a distance and follow us - I would be completely offended and weirded out. What is wrong with me?

I drove away quickly so we could beat them home. I had to swear my 7 year old to secrecy. "You can never tell them that we did this tonight?" "Why?" "Because they will think I was crazy." For some reason this made her extraordinarily angry and she screamed, "IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Whatever.

We beat them home and we got in the house. We didn't want to seem suspicious. I then realized that I am going to make myself crazy when my kids are teenagers. Like, I might wear camo and hide in bushes outside of parties. I feel bad for my kids. I'm going to be like that creepy mom in the "I Love You Forever" book.
 
Someone help me.

Their car pulled in and we greeted them. I chatted with the mom for a little while. She is the funniest. She is Sudanese and has a thick accent and she is always just speaking her mind. She says things like, "I cannot wait until all of these children are out of my house" and "I am tired of these kids." haha. I walked over to her and hugged her. "How are you?" she asked and then she said, "Oh, you are gaining wait." Great - I am a creepy mom stalker and I am gaining weight. My life is falling apart.

Anniversary Time

 
Tuesday was our wedding anniversary. Number 12. Which seems kind of impossible. It doesn't seem like it's been that long at all. I woke up that morning and my husband was at the bottom of the stair and I gave him a big hug and I said, "I'm not your teenage bride any more." He laughed. That we are not. It's amazing this transformation. Just the other day I was counting his greys. I look at the faint lines around his eyes. He still 17 to me. We have both slowly changed and you don't realize it until you look at old pictures and think, "Whoa, look how young and thin we were."

We met and married when we were teenagers. We are from the same small town, attended the same schools and even had the same high school job. It seems more like a novelty than anything else when we got married but as time has gone by I treasure and appreciate the history that we have together. I love that he knew my grandfather and that we dined at his beach house, that I got to know his grandmother and father before they passed. That we can tell the kids stories about growing up and they are almost identical. We grew up just 2 miles apart! Sometimes he'll remind me of things I've forgotten. Just the other day we were talking about our regular Wawa customers and we were laughing at their funny habits. The old lady who would by 5 cartons of Benson and Hedges and insist that we pack them in a paper bag, the guy who used to come in and ask for 2 pounds of chipped ham. We were reminiscing and having a good time. I am glad that he reminds me of things that I have long forgotten. It really is a huge blessing that I have only come to appreciate in the past few years. He really is my past, present and future.

So what did we do to celebrate our anniversary? Nothing exciting. We never do gifts. Maybe it was because we were so poor during our first few years of marriage and couldn't afford gifts. We are super low key. We worked and that evening I made dinner and then we walked to the fire station to vote in the run-off. We're exciting. As we were walking back I said, "What do you want to do tonight?" "I don't know." "We can always watch a movie and make out on the couch."

My daughter made this face:
                 
"You guys are DISGUSTING! That should be ILLEGAL!!!!"

We got home and this kids went wherever they go and we tried to agree on a movie. Which was hard. We can never agree on a movie. So we watched The Craft. Horrible acting. But  from the 90's - a decade we both appreciate.

We will have a real date this weekend. Dinner at a fancy restaurant downtown and the house to ourselves.

That RARELY happens. We need it. So here is to another year of marriage in the books. We're just having a good ole time!

When I Thought All Was Well....

                                   
I thought we were over the illnesses. No one has vomited for a few days. And then I got a call last week in the middle of the day, "Hi, your daughter is in the office and she has a head ache and a fever of 101.6. We're going to need you to come pick her up." I called my husband and he picked her up and got her home to rest and take some medicine. The next morning she was still very feverish and lethargic and he took her to the pediatrician. They must love us. We are definitely contributing to their children's college fund.

They thought she might have a recurrence of strep but it was negative and they told us it was probably a virus and manage her symptoms at home, blah, blah, blah. So she rested for a few days and her fever was gone and she was back to her normal self.... Until Saturday night. She was eating dinner and was like, "My food is spicy." It was a hot dog. She kept asking for cold water and by the next morning her throat hurt so bad she was complaining that it was painful to swallow. Still no fever and back to her normal self besides the sore throat.

So I took her back to the pediatrician this morning and they looked her over and did a finger stick and guess what she has...... MONO.
                                
Really? My 8 year old has the kissing disease. I was teasing her - "Who did you kiss?" The doctor said she will feel like crap for 2-6 weeks. I feel horrible for her. Her whole summer might be ruined by mono. She was so discouraged. She laid in bed and watched The Suite Life of Zach and Cody all day.

We are doing better as the kids get older. When they started pre-school they started getting sick all the time. It was just a rotation of sick kids. We did sooooo good this year. The kids only missed 2 days of school for illness - how odd that the summer is here and they are petri dishes. Between the 4 of us, someone is always sick. Allergies, coughs, colds, sore throats, vomiting. It just makes it's way around the family. I don't understand. We get enough Vitamin C, we practice good hand washing. Thank God we live in modern times because if it was 200 years ago, I'm pretty sure that we'd all be dead by now.
                   
So, I am crossing my fingers that we can have a reprieve from sickness for a little while. I need a break. The kids need a break. My 50 pound seven year old does not need an illness that affects her appetite. Please send healing thoughts to my baby!

I need to go now - my husband is asking me if I'm, "Writing embarrassing things again." haha.

Are you Afraid of the Dark

                       

It's the summer time and the kids have decided that they would like to camp out in our room on the floor instead of sleeping in their rooms. Whatever. They are on us like white on rice. We were all laying down and I was complaining about the light in the bathroom being on and opened a crack. I like to sleep in complete darkness. I have been known to cover the router with a blanket because I don't like the blue lights. The glow from the alarm clock even bothers me. My husband on the other hand likes to have a little light. He always makes a lame excuse like, "What if I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night?" Ummm.... walk out of bed and walk 3 steps in a STRAIGHT LINE. We don't need a light on. I was grumping about the light and my husband was like, "Just leave it on." I had enough. I sat up in bed. "Honey, just admit that you are afraid of the dark." I've had my suspicions. He denied it and denied it. I was talking to him like I was trying to get him to come out of the closet. "It is okay if you are. I won't love you any less or think you are less of a man. Just admit it. You are afraid of the dark." He denied it again, "I am not." "Okay, prove it. Go into the closet with no lights for 2 minutes." I waited for his response. "NO WAY!!!" I freaking knew it. "That's because you are afraid of the dark." He laughed, "I don't need to prove myself to you." "That sounds like something that someone afraid of the dark would say." He sighed, "Why don't you do it, then?" I looked him in the eye, accepting the challenge. I got up and went in to the closet. It was dark as could be and I loved it. I began to doze off when I heard my daughter say, "TWO MINUTES!" I stepped out - victorious. "Your turn." He protested, but finally - he got up and accepted my closet challenge.

He lasted the whole time, then walked out. "There, are you happy? I am not afraid of the dark." Maybe. I'm still on the fence about it.

He laid down and we all had a little before bed chat. We got on the subject of super powers. I asked the kids what super power they would have if they could pick one. My 9 year old said, "I would have super speed and outrun anyone." My little one said, "I would be a fairy and have wings and a wand and would fly everywhere." My husband piped in. "I would pick telekinesis." "Why? You want to kill a bunch of high school students at prom." He laughed, "No, I would do nothing. I would make things come to me. I would never move. I would float." I thought for a while. I would pick invisibility. I would sneak into the White House, I would get on airplanes to exotic locations, I would follow around the kids when they are teenagers. That seems kind of creepy and stalker-ish. Then I thought I would love to have the ability to read minds. It would come in handy in a lot of situations. I would know if my husband REALLY was afraid of the dark. But it would be bad too, because I wouldn't want to know if people don't like me. That would hurt my feelings. Then I thought that maybe I would like the ability to see into the future. Not my life, but winning lottery numbers or terrorist attacks that I could thwart or accidents that could be prevented. I want all the super powers. I can't pick just one. We debated the usefulness of our hypothetical superpowers and then fell asleep.

The next night my husband went downstairs and I heard him say, "Damnit!!!" I shouted down, "What happened?" "The hallway light is out." He came upstairs a short while later. "I will bet you a million dollars that you left the light on in the kitchen so that it would light the hallway on your way upstairs." He smiled at me. "It's only because I am going to go back down there." I smiled back, "Or because you are afraid of the dark." Check mate.

Why Is there Always Vomit?

Last week was a rough week. Life had just returned to normal after my little one's illness, when my 9 year old started complaining that her stomach hurt. Typical.

She was mostly okay though. I gave her some anti-nausea medicine. She was a little more sleepy than usual and went to bed around 8 and I thought she would sleep it off. I woke up at 3 am, when she tapped me on the shoulder and asked of she could take a hot bath since she was kind of achy. I checked her temperature and it was normal, so I ran her a hot bath. "Here is a towel. Come to bed as soon as you are done." I laid down and had just drifted off to sleep when I heard my daughter's soft voice in front of me. "Mama, I threw up. Can I have some water?" I sat up. "It is on the floor, it smells like chicken." Thanks for the heads up. I nudged my husband and said, "Honey, I have to clean up puke - can you go get C a bottle of water?" He got up and walked like a zombie down stairs. I went to survey the damage.

Now, you must know that I am a veteran when it comes to vomit clean up but this was like nothing I had ever seen. It seemed impossible that so much vomit could come from a single human being. On a scale of 1-10 is was a 9.5. Literally vomit covered 1/2 the bathroom floor. It was up the wall and splattered from the back of the door onto the walls of the bathtub. It looked like someone dropped a vomit bomb. It smelled like chicken, alright. Rotting chicken carcasses. My husband was at the top of the stairs with the water bottle and began to dry heave. It was going to be a solo project.

I got out the towels and began to clean it up. It was everywhere. I could feel it going through the towel and seeping in between my toes. Everywhere I looked, there was more and more. I was delirious, I was so tired. Why does vomit always happen in the middle of the night? ALWAYS in my house. It is never convenient. I used 5 old bath towels and 3 dish rags. It was unreal. I scrubbed my feet and legs and arms up to my elbows and changed my clothes. I crawled into bed next to my husband, my daughter was still in the shower. "Don't touch me. Did you change?" I rolled my eyes. "You are such a wimp. What if I threw up and you had to clean it up?" He thought for a moment. "I would look at it and then say, 'I guess we'll have to move.'" He would do that.

My daughter came out wrapped in a towel. "Mom, will you lay with me?" I did. She wanted me to hold her and she fell asleep facing me and I was pretty sure that was a 50-50 chance that she was going to throw up right in my face while I slept. But, I didn't mind so much. What is it about being a mom, that your need for self preservation just disappears? That you are willing to put yourself at risk of having a child throw up all over your face so that you can hold said child and comfort her? That you can have their vomit in between your toes in the middle of the night and not even be phased? That is love right there.

I watched her sleep for a while. She looked like a kitty cat. I got lucky that night. She didn't puke again and was better the next day. I hope to get a reprieve from vomit for a while. These poor kids. I need to talk to them about trying to do it during the day and directly into the toilet. I can dream....

Father's Day

Every wife thinks her husband is the best dad ever, and I am no exception. I think my husband is pretty much in the running for world's greatest dad. Something changed in him when he became a dad.

I'll never forget the day our oldest daughter was born. They gave me some crazy drugs in the hospital and I briefly remember her being placed in my arms and then conking out and waking up alone in a hospital room. A few minutes later he walked into the room and he had tears streaming down his face. I was very concerned. "Is everything okay?" He wiped his face. "No! The baby is in the nursery crying and no one will pick her up." It literally killed his soul. After they brought her to us, we didn't let her leave. They came to take her to test her hearing and he was like, "I'm coming." He didn't let her leave his sight. It was hard for him when she was an infant because she was so attached to me, but as she grew they developed a beautiful bond. When she was 1, she would wake up in the morning and look around for him. "Daddy's at work." She would go to the living room window and cry, "Dada!!!" What am I? Chopped liver? When he came home, he was like a celebrity.

By the time our second daughter was born, he was a professional. He was the first person to see her, and to touch her. He adored her. He changed diapers, he rocked crying babies, he carried them around in a baby carrier. He loved to just play with them and make them laugh.

As they have gotten older, he has grown as a father. Watching him with the girls makes me love him exponentially. The girls love super heroes, which makes him so happy. They watch X-Men cartoons and he plans trips to see all the new comic movies. They came name all the Justice League members. They play badminton and pillow fight. They have fun together and he just loves them to pieces. Few people know that side of my husband. He has such a tough exterior and is often mistaken for being stern and serious - but he is really a softie. I love that about him.

He is mom a lot too. I travel extensively for work and that means that he has to run the show alone frequently. He is on it. He makes dinner, checks homework, makes sure the girls are groomed and taken care of. People always seemed amazed when I tell them that my husband runs the household singe -handedly when I am away. This bothers me, because he is completely capable of doing all the things that I can do. Dads are completely underrated and under valued in our society. I hate tv and movies that portray dads as clueless. Truth be told, I think my husband is a better parent than I am. He never second guesses himself. He lives in the moment. He is organized. He is the perfect balance of hard and soft. Just this week, I was trying to get my daughter to take her medicine. She refused repeatedly until I chased her around the house. She finally gave in. I sat across from her with the syringe in my hand. She sighed, "Dad does it better than you." I rolled my eyes, "Oh, really?" "Yeah. He doesn't chase me around like a maniac. He touches my leg and says, 'Look, you have to take your medicine so you will feel better. Okay?'" She has a point. I touched her leg and said, "You have to take your medicine so you will feel better."

That night, we were watching a movie and my husband was laying on the couch. I went and laid on top of him. Then my nine year old came over and then the seven year old. We all wanted to lay with dad. I realized that he is the sun around which we all revolve. I feel so blessed to have him as the father of our children and I appreciate him more than he will ever know. :)

Weekend Getaway

We have had such a busy year and we needed to take a little time away so this weekend we took the kids to the mountains. I saw a commercial for horseback riding and I really thought the kids would love it, so I made the reservation and on we went.

They are so excited. They love staying at hotels. I don't understand it. We got into our room and they "ohhhed" and "ahhhhed". My 7 year old jumped on the bed and touched the blankets, "Ohhhh, this blanket is so silky." All I could think about is that there was probably a naked person laying in that bed 12 hours ago. Hotels are gross. On Saturday afternoon we went exploring downtown. There was food and shopping and we explored. My 9 year old asked for this stuffed monster thing and we said no, so she acted like a complete you-know-what the rest of the afternoon. She refused to walk next to me. She rolled her eyes. She refused to talk to us. I wanted to check out St. Lawrence Basilica. It is beautiful.
 

So we walk in and I was so taken aback by the beauty of it. It was amazing. We were there for a minute and my daughter started huffing and puffing. I wanted to leave her.

I wanted to go to Riverside Cemetery because I am fascinated by historic cemeteries. The art and sculptures are so beautiful and interesting. Thomas Wolfe is buried there. My oldest fell asleep on the way over. Thank goodness, she needed a nap. My husband parked the car and my 7 year old and I went exploring. We looked at the statues of angels and admired the architecture of the massive mausoleums. My 7 year old practiced her math. "Mom, this man was 94."  It was a very peaceful and beautiful place and it went on and on.
                                   
We went back to the hotel and had pizza and went swimming in the hotel pool. The kids were loving it. They swam the length of the pool, back and forth. Finally, it was time to wind down. We were headed back to her room when my 7 year old says, "Mom, I'm bleeding." Her entire flip flop was covered in blood. I had her sit in one of the lobby chairs and asked the front desk for bandaids. She scraped the bottom of her toes somehow and they were bleeding profusely. There was blood everywhere. Poor baby. The blood was seeping through the band aid and she was acting like she was on the battlefield. She was so funny.

The next day we headed deeper into the mountains for some horseback riding. I have never been and I saw a commercial for it a few months ago and I thought the kids would love it. We were literally in the middle of no where. We had lunch at a place that was on the edge of a sinkhole. It was a little scary, but the home made banana puddin' was delicious.

We made it to the ranch and they made the girls put on helmets and directed us to our horses. We attempted to mount the horses, which was a comedy of errors. The guys was rolling his eyes. He was probably thinking - Damn city slickers. Some guy was pushing on my husband trying to get him on the horse and he was hanging onto the saddle for dear life. It was very amusing.

We finally were all saddled up and ready to go for our trail ride. The horses just followed each other. It was amazing. The girls were so happy, the weather was perfect and the view was spectacular. It was like a scene out of a movie.

But alas, all good things must come to an end. We dismounted and started the trek home. 

I can tell you one thing - horse back riding is not easy on the pelvis. Lord in heaven. I wanted to sit on some ice. 

The ride home was mostly uneventful until the last 20 minutes when my daughter started complaining of a stomach ache. I told her that she just needed to go to the bathroom. When we got home, that's what she did. She took a shower and put on her jammies. When she was all tucked in with a movie, I went to unload the car. I came in with the suitcases and I heard what sounded like choking. It was my 7 year old, vomiting into the sink. She almost made it. It was a lot of puke, and being as I am the Regurgitation Sanitation Coordinator in my house, I cleaned it up. She went back to bed and woke an hour later to vomit into the vomit bowl. She threw up like every hour throughout the night. At 3 am, I couldn't do it. I had a business trip to leave for the next morning. I shoved my husband, "It's your turn." I woke up bleary eyed just a few hours later. My daughter stared up at me with tired eyes. "You did 5 throw ups and dad did 3." I kissed my husband good bye. "Take her into the doctor first thing."

He did and she had strep throat. Vomiting was her only symptom - weird. We can't have a fun weekend without someone puking. It's an unwritten rule. She is better now - thank God! I hope this weekend is a little less eventful.

The Last Day

                              
The last day of school was last Friday. It was supposed to be Monday but the governor decided on Wednesday night that Monday wasn't a good idea and so Friday it was. This game me little time to get teacher gifts that I was planning to purchase over the weekend. I asked the kids what they wanted me to get their teachers. My oldest said a mug with sharpies and she would put a note on it that said, "You are the sharpest teacher." My youngest wanted a picture of her and her teacher and a mug. I threw in some Target gift cards so they have something they can actually use. I mean, they must have a gajillion mugs from students over the years.

I was okay about this last day of school thing until I was wrapping the teacher gifts. I lost it. I framed the picture of my daughter and her teacher and I sobbed. Her first grade teacher moved up to second grade last year and brought her class with her. My daughter has had the same teacher and the same group of kids in her class for 2 years! Over 2 years, I have gotten to know her teacher very well. I just adore her. She is good to my daughter and encouraging to her and she always keeps me in the loop and tells me about the funny things she says and does. I don't know if any teacher will love my daughter the way she does. She talks about those kids as if they were her children. It was very, very hard for me. My little one wrote her a letter that said, "I will love you every day of my life." *Sniffle*

And then there is my sweet 9 year old. Her last day of elementary school. It nearly broke my heart. She has grown so much this year that I can hardly believe it. She is so smart and funny and talented. I hope she always remembers that. It will be hard when she is in the Middle School next year. Middle School in our district is 5th-8th, which people think is weird. However, when I was a kid our elementary school was K5-7th. So in the morning, you had kindergartners walking in with 13 year olds in Doc Martens, black lipstick and Nine Inch Nails tee shirts. So, I don't think it's that weird. I mean, it could be worse.

They brought home their book bags, full of crap and papers and I cleared them out. I went through everything and decided what I would save and what I would throw away. My oldest didn't have cute pictures or papers with "I love mom" written in the margins. It was all real school work. Poor kid. Her fun days are over.

My youngest one on the other hand brought home a composition book that read, "My Journal". I flipped through this journal and I was very disturbed. There was a picture of Medusa holding an axe. There was a picture labeled "mom" and in an quote bubble she has me singing, "It's the end of the world as we know it", there was a picture of a mermaid holding a sword and a shark cut in half - blood filling the water and the shark's head sinking to the bottom. There was a picture that looked like McDonald's arches:
                                                
Underneath it was labeled, "A Big Butt." Haha, I guess I could see that. I asked her to explain herself. "Well, we watched that movie with Medusa and you do like that song. The shark picture is happy because the shark was going to eat the mermaid's pet fish but she saved it." "What about the big butt?" She didn't answer me, she just giggled.

So it is summertime again. I told the kids that we are going to make a summertime bucket list. We are going horseback riding in the mountains this weekend. I want to have a picnic, make smores, and lay on the grass and star gaze. My youngest wants to go to a "resort." I told her to try again. My oldest said, "I want to light a dandelion on fire." WTH? "Why?" She shrugged, "I saw it on Pinterest." Whatever. As you can see, we have a lot to do. Yes- summer vacation is here!