My youngest daughter will be thirteen in 3 months. And believe me, she acts like it. She is experimenting with makeup and different clothing styles. It's really hard to pinpoint her style. Girls at this age dress pick a style- athletic, preppy, emo, slutty...she doesn't fit into any category. I call her style "edgy lesbian chic." One day she might wear jeans and a sweatshirt, then the next day a pair of Adidas track pants and a tee shirt, then the day after that a pair of leggings and one of her father's button up shirts, then the next day a dress with sunflowers on it. There is no rhyme or reason. I don't have a problem with it at all. I'm entertained by it.
Last week, she came in my room wearing a pair of tight, black and white plaid polyester paints, combat boots, a black blouse and my long black blazer. I was sitting at my computer and she asked, "Hey, can I wear black lipstick?"
First of all, where did you even get black lipstick? Second of all, no. I let my kids wear mascara and a little lip gloss in 6th grade and makeup in 7th grade but they have to wear natural makeup to school. No crazy blue eye shadow, no dark lipstick. I just think there is a time and place. If you want to wear black lipstick to a party or the mall to be shocking- have fun. School is not the place for you to be walking around looking like Ziggy Stardust or Marilyn Manson.
So I said to her, "No. Not to school."
"But, mom....." she protested.
"You know you can't wear black lipstick to school. That's why you asked me in the first place."
"You don't understand!" she said.
I had to laugh. I was the girl in seventh grade who would show up at school, change in the bathroom and put on black lipstick. I had the anarchy symbol written in white-out all over my book bag. Because I thought I was so bad ass. I know it was in the last millennium but the more things change the more they stay the same.
She stomped off and my husband took her to school as usual. I went about my day. In the afternoon, I drove to pick her up. As I rounded the corner, I spotted her waiting in her usual spot. Her lips were black as night. She is bold as hell. Seventh grade me would have AT THE VERY LEAST wiped off the black lipstick before school pick up. Not her. It was a power move. I was pissed.
As she is walking to the car, the assistant principal (who I know) looks at her and then looks at me like, "What the hell is going on?" and I'm just looking at her like,
She gets in the car and I am just reaming her out. "I told you that you couldn't wear black lipstick to school!"
Do you want to know what this child said to me? She said, "It's not black, it's just really dark plum."
I was heated. I really had to take some deep breaths and ask God for strength in that moment. I had been here before.
When I got home, I was in the kitchen making dinner and my oldest wandered in for a banana and a glass of gingerale. "You wanna know what your sister did today?" I relayed the black lipstick story to her. She smiled to herself and sighed. "She learned from the best. Do you remember the time-"
"Yes, I remember," I interjected.
When SHE was in the 7th grade, she went to the mall with a group of friends. There was 6 of them, boys and girls. She convinced this dumb ass boy to buy her this DARK red lipstick from Sephora. It was like $32. She came home and I straight up told her she could not wear it to school.
Well, sometime that week I had to go to the school randomly to do something. I am walking down the hall and who rounds the corner, but my child who was wearing that damn dark red lipstick. Her face when she saw me was priceless. She was like:
I said, "What do you think you're doing?"
"I was actually going to the bathroom to wipe off this lipstick," she said. DAMN RIGHT.
I followed her into the bathroom and I whispered threats in her ear. That child really put me through the damn ringer in seventh grade. She pierced her own ears with 8 million holes, she changed clothes when she got to school, she was in a whole struggle. I required so much therapy. I need a tee-shirt that says "I survived 7th grade....AGAIN." We can laugh about it now but it was the worst.
So, here I am again. My youngest has about 7 weeks of seventh grade left. They tell you not to wish the time away but I don't give one shit. Seventh grade is the worst, I am ready for it to be gone. So is she.
Seventh grade is a transitional year. The kids change and that is hard. Socially it's hard. She rants to me all the time. She'll say things like, "I don't know why girls act like that. Maybe that's how you get guys but I'm not trying to get guys, so I don't understand it." She generally is low drama but is surrounded by a lot of drama and she hates it. My favorite words of wisdom from her lately is, "I don't care how you live your life, just don't be an asshole all the time." I can agree with that.
She has a lot of friends that are boys. But the boys are....well, teenage boys now (most of them) and they say things that bother her sometimes. She hates the way that they talk about girls and she hates the way girls talk about each other. She basically thinks being a girl is unfair.
She hates school. She's smart, straight A student but doesn't enjoy it. She dislikes adults who are disingenuous and that talk down to her. She went on a whole rant the other day about teachers and administrators who are passive aggressive. She said, "And then she said to me. 'Wow, there's a lot of holes in those pants...' If it's against dress code, then just tell me it's against dress code. If it's not, then don't say anything at all. What am I supposed to say to that?" She's going through her rage-against- authority-stage of life, but it's funny because she is a rule follower so her rants are AMAZING. She's smart and she's cynical and she is trying to make sense of the world around her and figure out who SHE is. I think she's going to be just fine.
She's really into Heathers right now. The 80's movie - and the musical. I didn't even know there was a musical. "What made you get into Heathers?" I asked, I thought it was a random thing. "You and dad said it was a good movie so I watched it," she said. So, at least I know she trusts our judgement about some things. That's kind of frightening.
The kids are so busy but I've noticed the past few months that in the evening, when I'm exhausted and laying in bed- they will come in and join us in our room. We talk and we laugh and we "spill the tea" as the children would say. We get so few family dinners now a days that it's nice for us to all have that time together.
I'm rambling, none of this makes sense. I feel like my brain is going into a million different directions lately. Anyway, seventh grade is almost over. Then I can count all the years left on one hand. I don't think about that though. I keep those thoughts in a box with all the other unpleasant things that I don't like to think about or deal with.
