Is this what the beginning of the end of the world feels like? I always work from home so in many ways my daily schedule is unchanged. My husband has adjusted to working from home just fine. He gives us a daily briefing on his conference call schedule so that we don't interrupt. He walks by me and makes weird sexual innuendos that make no sense whatsoever. Like the other day I told him I was thinking about doing a boil and he winked and said, "Oh, I'll boil something."
I do enjoy having him around though.
On Sunday they announced that school would be closed for two weeks. I have a sinking feeling that it will go much longer than that. These two weeks are simply the lube. I don't mind the eLearning so much. My youngest did virtual school for 6th grade so it's not new to her, she's picked it up again just fine. My oldest already does a lot of work in Google classroom for school so it's fine. I worry about the social aspect for them. Teenagers are social creatures and friends are important to them. It's just hard.
They seem to be doing okay. We've been doing different activities to keep busy. I planned a picnic and frisbee "tournament" for today. Tomorrow we are painting baseboards. I told them I'd pay them. We've planned trivia nights, game nights. I think we might buy a badminton set, some paint by numbers. I purchased one of those "To Catch a Killer" puzzle boxes and we will get take-out from a local restaurant and make it whole night. I'm trying to give the children something to look forward to. But really, deep down, I know I need something to look forward to.
It's such a weird time. Time doesn't exist at all. It's like the days before a hurricane. Those are the worst days. Everything is closed and boarded up. The sun is still shining and people visit empty beaches and parks. But you know that a storm is churning towards the coast and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You pray for it to turn. To not be as bad as expected. Then you wait, and you wait and you wait. Hurricanes are familiar territory. This is something totally different altogether.
I hate this. The uncertainty, the disappointment, the suffering of others. I feel a heaviness inside of me. I've been trying to spend time outside, walking. Praying. Waiting. If they cancel school for the year, I will NOT BE OKAY for a hot minute. But then, I will do what I always do. I will accept it and bury all my feelings deep down inside of me, never to see the light of day. I will try to find joy, and be grateful, spend time with my family and keep moving forward. That's all I can do. This isn't about me anyway.
I don't really have anything else to say at all. I'm just sad. For everyone.
