My husband has had the most horrible commute ever for the past 6 years. His office is about 18 miles from the house but in order to get there you need to drive through Satan's anus. He has to leave the house by 6:15 am to make his meetings on Monday. It takes forever for him to get home. When he has to pick the kids up they are in latchkey until the very last minute. Traffic is always horrible. I don't know how he has dealt with it, truly. The company he works for is expanding and they are moving the office to a location just 13 minutes from the house. I am soooooo happy. I LITERALLY cried tears of happiness when he told me the news.
So today, he had to assist with moving into the new building. I planned to hang with the girls and take them to the movies. The movie theater is close to his new office so he told me to stop by and see the space. He left in the morning and that afternoon we headed over to the office. I parked and called my husband to escort us in. He didn't answer. Then I texted him and he didn't respond. I was getting inpatient and the kids were complaining. I was sitting there, looking at his car and then I turned to the kids, "Wanna play a prank on dad?" I decided that we were going to move his car to the side of the building so that when he left the office he would think it was stolen. I don't know what possessed me to do this, but I thought it was hilarious.
We went across the parking lot and got into his car and drove it to the other side of the building. We laughed and laughed. The kid's were like, "This is a good trick." We walked back to my car and all of a sudden my phone began to ring. It was my husband. I began to giggle. I took a deep breath and answered the phone. "Hey, are you here?" I was like, "I think so. I'm not sure this is the right building -I didn't see your car." "What do you mean? I can see the parking lot from the office." Then there was a pause and a sense of panic in his voice, "I'll be right down." Click. We were hysterical. I told the kids they needed to be calm and act like they didn't know anything.
Unfortunately, there is a side door and he saw his car. He looked very confused. "I didn't park here. I parked out front. I am freaked out right now." We couldn't keep it in. We were busting out laughing. "Mom, moved your car." He smiled, "You suck. I thought someone stole the car. I was flipping out." Best prank ever. My daughter was like, "That was so funny, that I'll probably tell my grand kids about it." That's what he gets for tickling me when he know I hate being tickled. He showed us the office and gave us hugs and kisses and off we went to the movies.
We went to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 which was really cute and funny but it made me sooo hungry. There was a cheese burger spider, taco crocodile, shrimp monkeys...it was delicious. Then I took the kids to get the car washed. They love the car wash. They are so amazed by the car wash. They shriek with delight. It was a great day....until we went to the grocery store.
The kids are always so horrible in the grocery store. It was especially bad today. My 7 year old kept trying to crawl under the cart. I kept telling her to get off, that she was going to fall out and I was going to accidentally run over her head. Then she kept hanging on it and it almost tipped over twice. "Get off the cart, get off the cart, get off the cart." Finally I grabbed her by the arms and turned into this:
I got really close and in a Nicki Minaj Roman voice said, "You had BETTER not get near the cart one more time, or you will regret it later." A lady in the aisle gave me a dirty look. Whatever, Miss Yoga Pants, let her hang off your cart for a while and see how long you tolerate it.
Then they started begging me to buy things that weren't on the list. Then my youngest took her shoes off - yes in the middle of the grocery store - and my oldest put them on. Then my youngest screamed at her to take them off. "MOM- MAKE HER GIVE ME MY SHOES BACKKKKKKK." Dear God. Then I turned into this:
I melted down on them in pubic. "You are too old to act like this. Behave or you will go home and sit in your room and do NOTHING the rest of the evening! GRAAAAAAA!!!!" They were silent after that. They pouted but were behaved. I was near the end of my rope. We made it though checkout uneventfully, except for the time when they wandered off to the card section while I was unloading the groceries. We finally got the groceries into the car and I sat down and took a deep breath. A sigh of relief that I survived the trip and didn't abandon the children.
I turned the key and the radio came on. Nirvana's All Apologies was playing. I really love this song, I thought in my head. Then my nine year old yelled from the back seat, "Put on some REAL music, mom." What else can I say?
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