Referee Time

          
We had the usual weekend, jam packed with sleepovers. My 8 year old slept over a friend's house on Friday and my 10 year old had friends sleep over our house on Saturday. I had some basic rules for Saturday night:
1. Eat the pizza and shut up
2. Entertain yourselves
3. No pictures on Instagram
4. No inappropriate music
5. Don't play in my make up and closet (last time they used all my $30 CC cream)
6. Don't bother the parents

We sat downstairs and watched a movie while the girls played upstairs. We let them sleep in our room and I fell asleep on the couch. At midnight I heard stomping down the stairs. My 10 year old woke me up and was yelling that her little sister was taking up all the room in bed. My eight year old showed up and started discounting the story. Her sister turned around and said, "You're lying." My eight year old walked right up to her and smacked her hard on the arm. Then it dissolved into a physical altercation.

I hopped off of the couch and put myself between them in an attempt to pull them apart. "CHILL OUT!!!" I screamed. I pointed at my eight year old angrily:

                      
"YOU! YOU'RE DONE. YOU LAY ON THIS COUCH AND YOU SLEEP HERE!" I was so annoyed. When I signed up for this whole mom thing I didn't know I was going to be a referee. I don't even own a black and white striped shirt. It was in the middle of the night for God's sake.

I ushered my oldest daughter back upstairs and I went to lay in her bed. I could hear the wails of my eight year old echoing throughout the house. Screaming and crying at the injustice. I just wanted to sleep. That was it. I was too tired to go downstairs to tell her to shut up. I heard my husband say something to her and in a second she was completely quiet. I don't know what he said but it obviously put the fear of God into her.

I quickly fell asleep. As always, it wasn't for long. I felt a nudge a short time later. My little one had wandered upstairs. "Mom, mom. Can I sleep with you?" I didn't even have time to answer before she crawled into bed with me. She nudged me to the edge of the twin side bed as she always does and I slept uncomfortably for the rest of the night.

I had nothing planned for the next day. Once the kids were gone I was going to nap and relax. I was exhausted. The last little girl was getting picked up. I opened the door to walk her out and out of nowhere a dog ran up to me and started jumping on me like I was her long lost relative. It was rainy and wet and she tracked mud all over me me. My husband came out with a leash and put it on the dog. It had a collar so we assumed that surely she belonged to one of our neighbors.

We walked door to door looking for her owner. No luck. We didn't know what to do so we took it back to our house. It was freezing cold outside and we couldn't leave her in the back yard. We brought her in and our dog freaked out and they had a dog fight in the hallway which my husband put his life at risk to break up. We put her in the cage but not before my husband looked the dog in the eyes and said, "You're a real asshole, Summer." You know, because the dog can understand English.

Here we were babysitting a dog who was the size of the horse. My relaxing Sunday was dissolving before my eyes. I called the SPCA to get some direction. I explained the situation to the man on the other line. He asked, "Did you take her somewhere to see if she is microchipped?" What? Get the hell out of here. A dog shows up randomly at my house and I have to run errands now? I might as well take her out to dinner while I'm at it. Jesus Christ Almighty.

He gave me the number for animal control. I called the number and the lady on the other end was a huge beeotch. "Animal control doesn't work today," she said dryly. "I'll send an officer." I hung up and turned to my husband. "The cops are showing up apparently. We'd better clean up so they don't think we are neglectful parents." I spent the next 20 minutes speed cleaning the house.

A short time later a police officer showed up at the door. I let him in and explained the situation. He called in to someone on his radio. "When does animal control get in tomorrow?" The person on the other end said, "She's off tomorrow. She'll be in Tuesday at 8:30." The cop shrugged. "So you have two options. You can keep the dog outside until Tuesday or you can keep her inside until Tuesday."
            
First of all, there is only 1 person that works animal control in our city and when she is off you are just on your own. I hope a rabid raccoon doesn't show up in your attic while she is on vacation because you will be out of luck. Secondly, why did the cop get forced to have his time wasted by showing up to tell us something that he could of have just told us over the phone?

I thanked the officer for protecting and serving and showed him out. Then I sat with my husband on the couch and the random dog stood in front of us, staring. Before we knew it she jumped on our laps. She was huge. Her ass side was on me and her front was on my husband. She must have weighed a hundred pounds. She looked back at me like, What are you going to do about it? I'm your new house guest. Someone just kill me.

The doorbell rang at dinner and it was the owner. They were out looking and one of our other neighbors directed them to us. I was so glad to unload the dog back to it's rightful owner. After dinner I cleaned up and made lunches and signed reading logs and got ready for the next day. The whole day was gone. Wasted. I was tired and grumpy.

That was my weekend in a nutshell. Damn dogs.