Give Me Attention

   
My 9 year old's attention seeking has been especially bad lately. She requires a lot of attention. This is nothing new. She spends her entire life like:
                          
                                 Over here! Over here! Look at me! Mom! Look at me!

I love her so much but sometimes, I just don't have time for that sh*t. Right now is a super busy time and I cannot dedicate all my attention to her. I feel a little guilty about this. But then I think, You know what? That's crazy. At no time in history would moms do this.

Like, in pioneer times when women were fetching water from wells, canning food for the winter, beating rugs outside and rubbing their husbands feet - they were not having 9 year olds hang off of them. Those kids were expected to milk cows and shut their mouths. If they didn't, they'd get a good beating and have to sit in the corner and read the Bible. Okay, maybe that's not totally accurate but seems legit. My point is, adults have things that need to get done and children were not the center of the universe.

Last Saturday morning, I had to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to take my older daughter and some friends to a band thing. I woke up at 6, made sure the my daughter and her friend were up, told them to be quiet so to not wake up my little one, then I went into the bathroom to get ready. I was so excited to have the bathroom to myself and get dressed in peace. Maybe I'd enjoy a peaceful cup of coffee.

I took a shower and got dressed. I was applying my make-up when I heard a knock on the door. I had a moment of panic. Who knows what was on the other side of that door? I open it and there stands my 9 year old with crazy hair -wide awake. She lifts up her foot. "Mom, I have a cut on my foot. It really hurts. Can you do something for it?" I looked down at her foot. It was a tiny scrape. The tiniest scrape. I looked at her like,
                               
"Seriously?!?! It's 6:30 in the morning. Please go back to sleep. Go lay with your dad."
"No. I'm not tired."
"Just close your eyes. Just try."

Surprisingly, she did. I went downstairs to make a cup of coffee. I was standing at the counter, putting creamer in my mug when I heard my oldest daughter and her friend come down stairs. They stood in the kitchen and just stared at me. They didn't say anything. Just stared.

I was very annoyed. "What do you want?"
My daughter shrugged.
"We are going to go get doughnuts. Now go get everything you need. I don't want to see or hear you guys until I'm done my coffee."
They stood and stared some more. What the actual hell?
"GO!"
                                 
The older I get, the grumpier I am in the morning. I don't even care if I'm mean anymore. I've gotten up too early for too long. It's wearing away at my soul.

I took them to the tryout and when I got home, I was exhausted. It was cold outside so I put on my sweats, curled up in bed and tried to take a nap. I was right on the verge of sleep. Literally, a moment of way from drifting into dream land and my 9 year dive bombed me. I was startled awake and I was so mad. I pushed her off the bed and she looked at me like SHE was offended.

"Seriously, I've worked all week. I'm tired. I have a lot to do. Leave me alone. Watch a movie, read a book, just please." She decided she would nap next to me. She climbed in bed and kept lifting the covers up and down. Every time a cool breeze hit me. I was not going to fall asleep. I had it.
               
"OH MY GOD! GET AWAY FROM ME OR BE STILL. AHHHHHH!!!!" She got up. Thank goodness. I finally got a nap. It was amazing.

When I got up, I had a list of gazillion things to do. My steam mop broke a few weeks ago and the replacement parts had just come in so I needed to make mopping my floors a priority. They were gross. I've been spot mopping. It's the best I could do.

I cleaned the house to the best of my ability. I was upstairs mopping the floor and my 9 year old had the gall to ask me if I could go downstairs and get her book bag. I looked at her like she was trippin. "No. You have two legs. I am not your servant." She had the nerve to say, "I have to do everything around here."

The next day, I was hoping it would be better. I had to do my taxes, which is not a happy event. It always puts me in a bad mood. I just sit there and watch my savings account be drained with every passing minute. My husband and I call it the worst day of the year. After I do my taxes I want to sit in the corner and suck my thumb.
                
           
I'm sitting on the couch with my laptop, I have a bunch of papers all around me and my 9 year old decides it would be a good time to sit next to me and lean her head on my shoulder.  NO. NOT NOW. NO NO NO. She sat on top of 8 receipts. I could feel the irritation rise up in me.

"You need to go do something. You can sit on the love seat over there. You can be around me but I need to do this. This is a priority."
"But mom, I just want you to love me."

"I can't love you right now. I can't love you until next week, okay? Now I need you to go." Bad Mom Award.

I felt really bad but you know what? The IRS doesn't care if she gets loved on, they only care that they get their money. I did not have time for that nonsense.

That night, I laid with her before bed. That's right. I lay with my almost 10 year old before bed EVERY NIGHT. Like a sucker. "I'm sorry that I was grumpy this weekend. I love you." I didn't even make her wait until next week to love her again.