Why Is It Almost December and What Is Happening?

                         
It's 8:30 and I am in my pajamas, in bed with a piping hot mug of cocoa on my nightstand. The house is mostly quiet except for muffled sound of sh*tty pop music that is coming through the kid's bathroom door. Yes, I have survived another day.

My life has been crazy. I say that all the time, but I mean it very sincerely. It's crazy in a way that only my life can be. My husband's birthday is a perfect example. It was two Fridays ago. I woke up up extra early that day to make him a big breakfast. I made eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, a fruit salad - a nice spread. I served him coffee and I told him he didn't look a day over 30.

It was an unusual day. When I decided to do online school with my youngest, I pulled away from a lot of my volunteer commitments. However, I stayed on to do the books for band boosters because it does not take a lot of time and most of what I do I can do from home. Our biggest fundraiser is in the fall and that day was the day money was due.

My plan was to bring my oldest daughter to school, stay for a few hours, reconcile the money and finalize the order. This happens ONCE A YEAR. My husband was leaving at 8:15 and I planned to be home at 11:30. My youngest daughter had finished most of her lessons for the week already so her friend that also does online school was going to come over and they were going to do their lessons together, and work on a project. After I got home, I was going to make them lunch and we were going to make a birthday cake for my husband. An easy day.

I got all my stuff together and went to the bathroom before I had to leave. I reached for the toilet paper and the roll was empty. That bathroom either has 10 rolls of toilet paper in it or none. There is no in-between. I yelled for someone to get me a roll of toilet paper. I listened to everyone in my family argue over who was going to retrieve toilet paper for me. I just sat there and I thought about how if I was a man, I wouldn't need toilet paper to pee. I could just shake it off and go about my day. I want to be a man, I'm jealous of them with their low maintenance man-parts and higher pay. Do you know what's more inconvenient than owning a vagina? Literally nothing. MAYBE the DMV. The DMV is a close second. Uggggh.

Before long, the bathroom door opened and and a roll of paper towels landed at my feet. Not toilet paper- paper towels. Because no one wanted to walk up the stairs to get toilet paper. "REALLY, GUYS?!?!?!" I screamed through the bathroom door. I knew then, that the day was not going to go as planned.

I kissed my husband goodbye and then drove my oldest to school which was the longest ride ever because we got in an argument about her not turning in classwork. CLASSWORK. That's an easy thing to do. She was being super defensive about it, "I know what I need to do!" Eye rolling, arm crossing and deep sighing ensued. "Then do it!" I yelled back. "Like, if you checked PowerSchool as much as you checked Snapchat, you'd be on point." By the time I pulled up to school we both were heated. She slammed the car door and walked ahead of me. I was not in a good mood. I just wanted to put my headphones in, do my money counting and not talk to anyone.

I'm walking through the hallway and I was pulled aside to get a talking-to about my daughter's pants that were ripped. I guess one of the rips was too high. She's worn these pants multiple times a week since school started and this was the first time I heard they were not within dress code so I was like, "Okay, whatever."

I get to where I needed to be and my daughter is now having a full on teenage nervous breakdown about her pants. "Calm down, it'll be fine. I'll buy you a new pair of pants." I was still pissed at her. She leaves, I sit down and count money. Not 5 minutes later, she is back again in full on panic mode. "They said you need to go home to get me different pants."

              

Now, I'm annoyed. I get up and go to the person and say, "Listen, I'm not going home to get her new pants, so what needs to happen?"

"I told her she can tie her sweatshirt in front of her to cover up the rip."
I almost laughed out loud. She's in middle school. In middle school, kids get ridiculed for simply existing, so I know for a fact she is not going to walk around all day with a sweatshirt tied around the front her waist. I'm not going to insist that she do that either.
"Yeah, she's not going to do that. So, if she doesn't do it, she will be sent to ISS. Correct?"
I know how this goes.
"Yes, but we don't want to have to do that."

So I go back to my daughter and say, "You have 2 options. I am not going home to get you new pants so you can either tie your sweatshirt around the front of you OR you can be in ISS today."
She threw her hands up, in defeat. "I'll just go to ISS." Then she went on a rant.

I went back and said, "She will not be covering up the rip so you will have to give her an ISS." Then it was, "We don't need to do that. All she needs to do is cover up the....." I lost my mind. Seriously, I was giving ZERO F*CKS about these pants. I didn't want to deal with it. Put her in ISS, send her work to her and maybe she might get things done without distractions, maybe even get a nap in - which she needs. I was OVER IT. If that is what we do with kids that show a small portion of their upper thigh, that is more of a reflection of our f*cked up society than anything else.

So I go back to my melting-down kid who now is smiling. She had tracked down some black duct tape, taped it to her skin, under her pants and now she was within dress code. "I covered up the rip," she said, her eyes still red. Good, problem solved. I can't say she's not resourceful.

I hugged her. "I love you and I want you to have a good day but seriously, turn in your classwork and GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER." She rolled her eyes at me, "Ok. love you too," she muttered under her breath.

I sat down and started doing was I was there to do. I was on edge though. So annoyed. Like, beyond annoyed. Then, 10 minutes later, my phone rings. It was my youngest. I was assuming she was calling to ask me something ridiculous- like can she have leftover meatloaf for breakfast. I picked up the phone.
"Hey whats up?" I asked.
"Yeah, so mom....uh...the police just left here."
"WHAT?!?! Why?!?!"
"So, uh, my friend rode her bike over here and she left it in the front yard and the police came and wrote me ticket."
"For what?"
"For having a bike in the front yard, but don't worry, you don't have to pay any money. It's like a warning."
"Did he ask to speak to an adult?"
"No. He just wrote me a ticket. Then the dog jumped on him and ran down the street. So I had to go get her and we put the bike in the garage. We are going to start our lessons now. It's ok."
"Alright, I'll be home soon."

Who writes a ticket to an 11 year old? You get a ticket for having a bike in your front yard? What kind of fascist bullshit is this? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

I ended the call and I put my head in my hands. I am a shit mother. How did my life spiral this out of control in an hour and a half? Help me please. 

I finished my work there and then signed my older daughter out and headed home. I walked through my front door at the TV is at full blast, my daughter and her friend are on the couch with their laptops and my house was destroyed. Sh*t everywhere, dishes piled in the sink....

I made them help me clean up (which they complained about) and then I made them lunch and we got to work on my husband's cake. My youngest had surveyed him earlier in the week about what he wanted and made an ambitious plan for this cake. 

We had made the actual CAKE the day before and now it was time to put it together and decorate it. Well, you could say it did not come out quite as planned. 

Is it a cake? A hat? A f*cked up nipple? Who knows?

To top it off, we went to the Dollar Store to get candles and they didn't have the same 3 and 5 so the final product was this.

This cake is the physical manifestation of how things usually go for me. LOL. It's just sad, but made with love and that's what really counts, right?

I had the house cleaned and dinner made by the time my husband came home. He laughed and laughed at the cake but was very gracious about it. We sang Happy Birthday and called him "old man". I brought him his favorite beer and poured myself a much needed glass of wine. 

My dad and brother came over and we did our favorite thing. About once a week, they come over and we all take turns playing the CHEESIEST music videos we can find and we dance and sing along. It has almost become a tradition. The kids get really into it too. We listened to Europe, Steve Winwood, Rod Stewart.... the girls did an amazing impression on Milli Vanilli that had us all rolling on the floor.  It was a nice, relaxing low-key night. 

By 9:30 I was exhausted. I kissed my husband. "Sorry your birthday was kind of anti-climatic."

"What?!?! It was amazing." This is why I love him. Because I can be a hot mess and we can make a ghetto birthday cake and sing along to Milli Vanilli in our pajamas and it can still be a good day.

That, folks, is a slice of my life.

P.S. I was trying to write this yesterday evening, but my 13 year old closed my laptop, hopped into bed with me and said, "I'm going to need you to stop what you are doing and pay attention to me." Then the 11 year old showed up and talked my ear off as well. For all the parents with young children wondering when you will get a break- you won't. Just give up hope, surrender yourself, this is your life now....

The Chaos

I'm tired as hell. This is not new. I've been tired for like, 14 years straight but I've been especially tired lately.

Last week was nutty. My husband was out of town all week and I picked him up at the airport late on Friday night. The weekend was jam-packed. We were planning to divide and conquer. My youngest had a gymnastics competition 3.5 hours away and my oldest was dancing at the fair.

I woke up early on Saturday morning because I had a list of a thousand things to do before I had to leave. Typical. The house was quiet. I went downstairs and fixed myself a cup of coffee and some oatmeal. I ate and then sat on the couch to drink my coffee and read the news. It's my daily routine. I need that 20 minutes in the morning.

My husband came downstairs shortly after and joined me on the couch. He wanted to chatter about his week and whatever else. No. Just not now. I gave him the "look" and told him that right now I needed some peace.
"You are being annoying today," he said.
"No I'm not. I'm just trying to drink my coffee in peace," I replied.
"Yeah, but you're not paying attention to me," he joked. It was only a half-joke. He did want me to pay attention to him.

I need my space. It's because I'm an Aquarius. I blame all of my terrible personality traits on being an Aquarius. Emotionally unavailable? It's because I'm an Aquarius. Never call you back? Aquarius. Grumpy? Aquarius.
                            
                                       We are the worst.....along with Aries and Scorpio.

He settled for sitting quietly next to me. My kids came rolling downstairs at 7:30 am. On a Saturday. Why?!?!?! They could have slept, it is unlike them. "What's for breakfast?" they asked. "Whatever you make yourself," I said. I was annoyed. I didn't want to see them until I finished my coffee.

I got up and straightened the living room. Then I went into the kitchen to pack lunch for the drive to Greenville. I'm in the kitchen, peeling clementines and making sandwiches and listening to the radio when all hell breaks loose.

My oldest decides she is going to play the flute LOUDLY in the adjoining dining room, the dog sees a car drive by and is barking and running in a circle around the house, the cat is at my ankles meowing for a treat, my youngest is like, "Mom, mom, mom....." and trying to get my attention, and my husband is standing there trying to talk politics to me, there are dishes piled in the sink because my damn dishwasher broke last week....I was like

                   
This is what my life is like. This is why I need my 20 minutes with my coffee every morning because my days are literal shit shows. Don't get me wrong, I have a good life and I enjoy it but it is mass chaos. It is dirty dishes, laundry, carpools, demanding pets and hormonal daughters and a traveling husband. It's just pure insanity at all times.

I handled one thing at a time. I validated my husband and gave my political opinion, I assured my daughter I would mend her warm-up pants before we left, I offered feedback to my flute-playing daughter, I gave the cat some treats and let the dog out. Then, I kicked everyone out of the kitchen and started the dishes and finished packing lunch. That is what moms do. We multi-task.

I gave specific directions to my husband for the dancing event at the fair. I set out her costume, got the tickets ready, gave them cash. I tried to make it easy. My husband is an IT person. He doesn't like to be surprised, he likes a timeline and directions, he wants to know what to expect, hates surprises. It's probably because he is an asshole Scorpio.

I headed out the door and we made the journey to the gymnastics competition. It was a long drive but nice. I had her teammate and mom with me, which helped the time pass. I was in the stands watching my daughter compete, and my phone starts blowing up. My husband was losing his ever-loving mind.

My daughter convinced him to pick up her friend and take him to the fair too. He did, not a problem. Well, she had to go dance and this teenage boy was just stuck hanging out with my husband and brother. After she danced, she wanted to go on some rides and meet up with some other friends. Still not a problem.

He wants to leave and my daughter tells him that he is the only adult there. She told her friends that her dad and uncle would be there to chaperone them. It all sounded sketch to me. "If you want to leave, just leave."
"And leave all these other kids here unsupervised?" he asked. He's such a dad.
"Ummm. Yes. You never agreed to supervise anyone else's kid. No parents spoke with you. It is not your responsibility. You are responsible for our kid and the kid you picked up but not the others. If they wanted you to watch their kid then they should have reached out to you."
"This is bullshit. I'm taking the little one ALWAYS. EVERY TIME from now on."

This was not in the plan, he stayed later than expected, he was totally triggered. It was the funniest. I'm glad he got stuck at the fair. I hate the fair. I refuse to go. Someone threw up on a ride that spins in the air and it rained vomit on me and the kids one year. The food is gross. It's dirty as hell and I want to scrub myself. I don't trust rides that were put together a week ago. The traffic is terrible. The fair does not bring me joy. I know I sound snobby and people love the fair but I despise it. I'm so glad it's over.

I got to watch my baby compete. She placed third overall. I was so proud. She is a hard worker.

This week has been a hot mess. The kids have had a million activities. I've written like 20 checks which I'm pissed about. My dishwasher is costing $220 to repair. There have been field trips and band fundraisers and dance costumes.....We had to pay to replace my youngest daughter's passport because the dog ate it. Christmas is next month. Thankfully my shopping for the kids is pretty much done. Yesterday my oldest tried to add something to her list and I was like, "No. Christmas is not magic anymore. You get what you get." Aquarius.

Well, I have to go. I have a never ending list things to do- as usual.

P.S. My daughter just informed me that the dog pooped on the living room rug while I wrote this. I'm wasn't kidding when I said my life was a literal shit show. LOL

Tokyo

Every year we take a vacation. We have the next 3 years planned out. We were supposed to go to Puerto Rico this June. After the hurricane my husband approached me. "You know how we were planning to go to PR in June? Well, I'm pretty sure they are going to be rebuilding the island still by then."
"Okay. So where do you want to go?"
"I was thinking Tokyo."

We planned to go to Tokyo in 2020. This would be a flip. I told him that I would look into it. I did. There is no way in hell we could go in June, it would be much too expensive. I was looking at dates and it is half the amount to go in March / early April for Spring Break AND that is the week the cherry blossoms bloom so BONUS.  I've been watching flights like a maniac and found a really good deal.

We will fly out of NYC and our flights to Tokyo (including flights to NYC, baggage and fees) were very reasonable. Lodging is expensive in Tokyo and I wanted to stay in Shinjuku but that was out of our price range. I found a cute AirBNB in Kita that is close to a train station that offered a great weekly discount. There were a lot of reviews and they were positive so I'm feeling good about it.

We will spend 2 days at DisneySea which will be the most expensive thing but there is a LOT of stuff to do in Tokyo that is absolutely free.

We will attend the Kanamara Matsuri: FREE

                             

It's a penis festival. It's actually The Festival of the Steel Phallus and it's a religious tradition. They have a parade with big giant penises, women in kimonos cradle penises as seen above, they sell penis shaped food, candy and souvenirs. This is an event that is right up my alley.

It's a family friendly event- I mean, as family friendly as a penis festival can be. People bring their kids and grandmas show up. We are pretty laid back about that kind of stuff so I don't think it's that big of a deal.

I know people will think I'm a bad mom for attending the Kanamara Matsuri with my kids but keep in mind that I toured an ancient brothel with my children this summer so I'm not exactly winning in that department. Pompeii is one big giant ode to penises.

In ancient Italy they had fascinus which are penises with wings on them and they were considered to be good luck. There was this booth outside of the city gates that had rows and rows of giant fascinus as well as other questionable souvenirs.

We just walked by with the kids like:
                                  

A penis is a penis, once you've seen one- you've seen them all. It will be fascinating and I definitely won't post pictures on Facebook but I'm weirdly excited about it.

We will go to Ueno Park and view the cherry blossoms: FREE

How beautiful is this? I'm thinking that we'll picnic here with our $5 Bento boxes

We will visit the Imperial Palace: FREE



We will explore a Japanese cemetery: FREE


We will visit Sensi-Jo: FREE


We will visit the Meji-Shrine: FREE


We will explore Akihabara and go in all the anime stores: FREE

My youngest loves all things Manga and anime so this will be a real treat!

Watch a sumo practice: FREE


Wander through Tokyo markets and back alleys: FREE


We will visit the Muramatsu flute store: Free

There are actually multiple flute manufacturing facilities in Tokyo and we might hit up a few. My oldest is so excited about it. She wants to try ALL the flutes.

We will eat treats at the Kawaii Monster Cafe:

We will take selfies at Tokyo Tower: Free


You can pay to go up to the top but we won't. Instead we'll go to the top of the Metropolitan Government building which has amazing views of the city and is FREE.

We have taken some legit vacations the past few years and people are always ask us about it. The number one question I get is:

How can you afford to go?
I watch flights like a hawk. I have alerts on my phone and I watch out of all the hubs - New York, Boston, Washington DC, Atlanta, Miami. I watch flights for ALL of my bucket list places. Did you know you can fly to Beijing from NYC for $429 round trip? Or from Miami to Tel Aviv for $550? That's crazy!

I found tickets to Tokyo for $480 round trip from New York. We flew out of New York to go to Rome. When we went to South Dakota we had to drive to fly out of Atlanta to Denver and drive 7 hours through Wyoming. Otherwise, we never would have been able to afford to go. On the upside, we got to visit family and explore the Rockies. The long drive though Wyoming was beautiful and we bonded for sure. We laugh about the night we spent at JFK airport. We make the best of it. We only have a 3.5 hour layover for this trip so it won't be so bad. Direct flights are super expensive.

Convenience costs a lot of money so sometimes I find great deals that might not be as convenient as I like but that is the difference between us being able to go or not go.

When we went to Rome, we couldn't afford to stay in the center of the city. We stayed in a small hotel outside of the city walls. Everyday we had a 10 minute walk to the bus station and another 15 minute ride into the city. It was totally fine. It added to our experience because there were a lot of non-touristy restaurants and shops in the area.

We booked the smallest interior room on the cruise ship. We are only there to sleep - there is no need for a bigger room and balcony. Would it be nice to have a bigger room and a balcony? Sure. But that is the difference between us being able to go or not go.

If we go to a sit down restaurant, it will be for lunch and not dinner. We will eat a lot of market/ street food in Tokyo and a lot of Bento boxes. There is a supermarket across the street from our apartment and we will buy breakfast and snacks there. We will fill our water bottles and carry them with us. We do everything we can that is free. I don't do expensive tours, I plan everything myself.

We don't buy souvenirs. I let each of the kids spend $30 in Europe and I brought some magnets for the fridge. I don't buy gifts for people. I'm kind of an asshole like that. haha. But really, we go on trips to create memories not to collect things. I'm not spending hundreds of dollars on souvenirs. That is the difference between us being able to go or not go.

We squirrel away a little bit of money every paycheck for our vacation fund. If you want to take a $5,000 every year that breaks down to a little over $13 a day. Most of us waste more than $13 on bullshit. We are frugal and we are savers. We are not shot callers. We live very modestly.  That is the difference between us being able to go or not go. 

We decided that if we want to travel we have got to do it with the resources that we currently have.

Are you scared?
Yes. The idea of flying across the ocean gives me the creeps big time. Being in a country where I can't read or speak the language is super intimidating. Different than Europe because I know a little bit of French and Spanish. I can only say "hello!" and "thank you" in Japanese. Our 11 year old knows a TON of Japanese phrases so we will put her in charge. Bad mom award.

I've been studying public transportation in Tokyo. The train stations have signage in English. Thank goodness! I think the first day will be overwhelming but by the end of our trip we'll be pros. On the upside, the train system in Tokyo is very efficient and trains are always on time. Not at all like the Roman bus system.

I've figured out the currency and how the dollar converts to yen, so I feel confident about that. Tokyo is a pretty safe city and I've read that the people are very nice and helpful. You don't have to worry about pick pockets as much as you do in Europe.

I'll read as much as I can so I feel comfortable as possible going. There are going to be hiccups, there are going to be frustrations, and we might even get lost a few times. But guess what? We'll figure it out. That is what we have always done in life. If my husband can figure out how to get from Germany to France and navigate Paris by himself then surely we can get around Tokyo. We have done this before. It will be fine.

Are you traveling with your kids?
People think I am crazy to travel with the kids and they have just gotten to the ages where we can travel with them easily. They do great. They carry their own things, they can walk long distances without complaining (well, mostly), they enjoy the things we enjoy. They make great traveling buddies. The only downside is that we can't play the piano and while not ideal, it's okay.

We could not leave them for 9-10 days. I know they are older now but I'd miss them terribly. Besides, I think being able to travel and see the world so young is definitely an education and will help us bond as a family.

We are traveling because I HAVE to. This is my life's dream. It's important to me. I want to see the world. I have so many places on my list. I am young and we can. I don't know what the future holds. We could be living in a Hunger Games-like dystopia in 10 years. If not now, then when?

I am very excited about it and I am very humbled. My husband and I are just some rag-tag kids from New Jersey and we have worked hard and been very fortunate in our lives. I think Tokyo will be amazing and life-changing. Then, it will be time to plan our next trip.