This is 34

I had a birthday yesterday, I'm 34. Which is young - youngISH. A few days ago my husband said, "Damn! How's it feel to be turning 35?" I was like,
                 
"Don't be adding years to me." He always does that. That man doesn't even know how old he is.

People were like, "What are you doing for your birthday?"
"Nothing." It was on a Wednesday, I'm not Oprah so life went on. My husband had to work, the kids had school, I had dentist appointment and kids to drop off and pick up in the afternoon. I DID make myself cupcakes though and I brought myself presents - so that is birthday-ish.

I woke up that morning and my husband wanted to make me breakfast. I have some stomach issues going on (that's needs it's own blog) so I begged for a bowl of oatmeal. Eggs and bacon would have just been too much. He looked disappointed but he obliged. He made his own lunch and my daughter's lunch so I could just sit and enjoy my coffee. That was awesome.

I did the dishes and a load of laundry and then got ready for my dentist appointment. My youngest was doing a lesson when I left and I went over her assignments. I was sitting at the dentist's office and they were running behind. Then my phone starts blowing up. My youngest finished her lesson and asked to go to her friend's house around the corner (who is also home schooled), my oldest was having a nervous breakdown about whatever the current crisis of the day was, my friend was texting me about the vape-bust that was going on at school. My youngest did not text me when she got to her friend's house and I started panicking that she got abducted.....

Just a typical day. The appointment ran so long. I sat in the leather dentist chair FOREVER. Like, an hour and a half. I was low-key annoyed. At the end of the appointment, I chatted with the dentist. I stood up and there was a huge sweat imprint of my butt on the chair. I was mortified. Then we both kept talking and pretended not to see it, even though we both did and it was super awkward. Polyester leggings and leather chairs don't mix, apparently.
                 
After that, I confirmed that kid #2 actually did get to her friends house and not a windowless van and I agreed to have lunch with my oldest. She had gotten over her current crisis, so that was good. We had lunch together and I have her my usual "you-will-get-through-this" pep talk. Then I swung by and got lunch for kid #2. I picked her up and supervised some of her lessons. Then the dog shit in the living room and I picked that up.

Then I went back to the school to pick up my kid (and some other band kids), dropped off my other at gymnastics, came home and made tacos for the band kids. My girlfriend dropped by with some brownies and a card. LOVE her, she is so sweet.

Then, I dropped off the band kids at a clinic which we ran late to. The GPS led me to the wrong entrance. One of the kids was like, "We have to go in right there. Just drive through the field." I looked both ways, didn't see anyone and thought, F*ck it! YOLO. I drove through the field, onto the basketball courts and got them there with one minute to spare. My daughter was just shaking her head. This is who I am.

Then I drove home so I could have 25 minutes alone with my husband before he had to do the gymnastics pick up. It was- by far- the best part of my day.

                 
Then I went BACK to pick up the band kids (I did not drive through the field this time), dropped them off at their respective homes, and then went home and ate a cupcake and opened the gifts I got myself.

I held them up to my husband, "Ohhhhh.....look what you got me." Nothing exciting - a ceramic travel mug, some games. Stuff I wanted.

I was asleep by 9:30. Which, to be honest, is past my bedtime.

So, that was my birthday. It was simply a day in my life. It was a fine day. Don't feel bad for me though - I'm having dinner with my co-workers tonight, I'm having girls night on Friday, and my husband and I are going out with friends sans kids on Saturday. I'll be living it up.

I am at a good time in my life. It's been a good life. I have been so lucky. I have done so many amazing things, met so many amazing people, I've watched my marriage and children grow. I'm still young - 34 years old. There are still so many things I want to do. I am still figuring out this life. I always joke to the kids that I wish I could be their age again because I knew EVERYTHING.

Even though I feel like I don't know anything at all and that I'm basically just floating through life -winging it- there are some things that, after 34 years, I know for sure:

1. You'll be much happier if you are your authentic self. We care too often what other people think about us, but the truth of the matter is, that they probably aren't thinking about us at all.

2. Don't waste your time with jealously. There will always be people above you and below you. Celebrate other's success and good fortune because when it is your turn, you'll want others to celebrate with you.

3. Practice gratitude. No matter how much or how little you have. You can always find something to be thankful for. Just waking up in the morning is a gift.

4. Trust that GOD has a plan. I am not super religious and I'm not going to get preachy but I believe this strongly. GOD has a plan-it might not be your plan, but there is a plan for your life. Pray and have faith.

5. Be flexible. Make plans but know that they are only that. You might miss your connecting flight, you might get sick, your spouse might cheat, you might leave an unintentional butt sweat imprint on the dentist chair. Sometimes things don't go as planned and you have to be willing to accept the things you can't change, do what you can to find solutions and move forward. When in doubt, refer to #4.

6. Remember that most human beings carry baggage around with them. Most of us feel damaged and broken. Most people struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Most people feel like everyone else is doing a better job at life than they are. As much as possible, be gentle with others. What we all desire most of all is to be loved, valued and accepted.

7. People will come in and out of your life. Friends will come and go, people will die, love will be lost, your children will grow up. Every person you meet will touch you and will teach you lessons (good and bad). Find relationships that feed your soul and create boundaries and distance with relationships that are harmful to your mental health. Try to find your people. If you are in a room full of people and you still feel lonely-RUN. You will know your people when you find them. You'll get that warm feeling, like coming home.

8. Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes, we all say things that we wish we didn't, we all have things that we aren't proud of. It's okay to be flawed. Try to be the best person you can be but don't beat yourself up too much. The best thing about life is that every day you get a new chance to try again.

9. Life is not a competition. It's not a checklist of achievements and milestones. Find what makes you happy and do THAT. Trust that life will unfold as it should. Listen to your heart and intuition and let them guide you. 


10. Look for the beauty. There are so many wonderful things all around us and our lives get so busy sometimes that we forget to LIVE. Savor the smell of coffee in the morning, the feeling of your husband's arms around you, the sound of your children's laughs, cotton candy clouds at sunset.... If you are still for a moment and take the time to look around you, you'll see that there is so much beauty in the world.

Maybe in 50 more years I'll have a list of 20. I'm going to get a tee-shirt that says: I'm Wise and Shit. Maybe I'll feel grown up by then. Regardless, I'm going to keep smiling, keep laughing, and enjoy this wonderful, crazy, beautiful life of mine.

Snow Daze

                                 
So.....I completely underestimated the winter storm. The night before the storm, I was picking up my youngest from gymnastics and I got a text from my daughter that we were were out of firewood. I went to three different stores and everyone was sold out of wood. I texted her back that everyone was sold out and she was not happy. This was how the conversation went down:

I came home empty handed. My husband suggested that I try Lowes in the morning. We got up early and it was freezing cold. My husband was planning to work from home. We cuddled on the couch and sipped our coffee. "I can't believe it's going to snow," I said, excited.

"It's not going to snow," my husband replied. We argued about it. "We could get up to two inches they are saying." He rolled his eyes, "I'll believe it when I see it." 

I ventured out with my oldest to find firewood and hit the jackpot at Lowes. Then, we went to pick up Hollister boy as discussed in my last blog. We got home and lit a fire and waited for the snow. It started off as some freezing rain and then around noon transitioned to snow. Big, fat, snowflakes raining from the sky and actually sticking to the ground. It was a rare sight to behold. My youngest was the most excited. The kids went out and threw snowballs at each other. We tried to make a snowman but the snow was too powdery as it was coming down. 

I wanted to take a walk in it. I layered up, put on my boots, fixed a cup of piping hot coffee in my travel mug and headed out into the snow for a long walk. I hate the cold, but somewhere, deep inside of me, I am a Jersey girl. Snow reminds me of my childhood. I walked for a long, long time. I admired the icicles that had formed on the mailboxes and houses, our neighborhood covered in white, I let the snowflakes land on my face and mostly, I just thought about life and enjoyed the peace and quiet.

There are few things that I value more than my solitude. It was amazing to be alone with just the snow and my thoughts. I was gone a long while. Then, my phone started to ding, text messages from my kids.

MOM. WHERE ARE YOU? ITS COLD. COME BACK.

That is what it's like to be a mom. I headed home after that. I stepped inside and shook the snow off of me. The kids all looked at me strangely. "What were you doing out there for so long?" 

I shrugged, "Just contemplating life."

We had much more than 2 inches of snow by then. Hollister boy's mother called and said she couldn't get to us as the roads were super icy. So, that created a situation. 

The afternoon dragged on and the snow kept coming and coming. It was crazy. My husband declared he wanted chicken noodle soup. "I didn't buy chicken noodle soup." You would have thought I committed a war crime. 

"What do you mean, you didn't buy chicken noodle soup? It's super cold outside. We have to have chicken noodle soup." 

I happened to have a whole fryer chicken in the fridge and I made my husband his soup. Like a good little wife. I had all the ingredients except for the noddles but I had rice so I made chicken and rice soup. I baked some rolls we had leftover in the freezer from Christmas. It was so yummy. There is something about chicken soup that is good for the soul. 

Then, I baked chocolate chip cookies, made hot chocolate and we spent the evening watching tv in front of the fire. It was nice. Soon it was bed time. We made the sleeping arrangements. "Hollister boy will sleep on the couch, you will sleep in your room and I will sleep on the floor, in the hallway, outside of your bedroom."

They looked at me like I was being a little heavy handed, but you know what? F*ck those kids. I have always ascribed to the church of Don't Trust Kids. The minute you turn your back they are trying to jump off the staircase, flush a screw driver down the toilet, draw on the wall with markers. I DEFINITELY don't trust teenagers. Because even smart kids, even good kids are human kids. 

I felt like the shittiest mom ever because I got us into the situation by not really paying attention to the weather, because there was now officially a co-ed sleepover occurring at my house, and also - in full disclosure- I let the kids watch Summer Heights High. I'm a garbage parent. 

I made my bed in front of her door and settled in. I felt like I was the guard in the 12 Dancing Princesses. I didn't get any sleep because the cat was confused about me sleeping on the floor and kept putting his butthole in my face for some reason. Jerk.

My husband and I got up before the children. The whole neighborhood was still blanketed in snow. It was glittery and beautiful. When all was said and done-we got 7 inches. It was a sight to see! My husband made us all omelets or breakfast. After, I went for another long walk - again, to contemplate life. Again, my kids started texting me obsessively asking where I was and when I was coming home. 

The kids spent most of their day playing in the snow, coming in to warm up, back in the snow, back in again. My entryway was a hot mess. Hollister boy's mother came to get him in the afternoon. The roads were still terrible. We don't have snow plows or salt. The last time the city has had snow like this was 1989. It was a rare event.

The snow didn't melt. For days we were stuck inside. Do you know what? It was glorious. I LIVE for days that I don't have to leave the house. They are so rare. I stayed in my sweats, in front of the fireplace, and we binged watched The Crown, Vice Principals, The End of the F*cking World, re-watched the first season of Westworld. It was so restful. 

But, all good things must come to an end. The snow completely melted yesterday and now it all seems like a strange dream. Not only am I back to my regular scheduled chauffeuring gig, I get to go to the DMV today because my license is about to expire. I can't believe it's been 10 years, I'm going to miss 24 year old me smiling every time I open my wallet. They better get my good side. 

Winter is Here

The New Year is here. I'm feeling good about it. I had a chill New Years Day, ate my pork and saurkraut, gathered around the fireplace, relaxed.... The New Year brought some frigid weather to us. It's been unseasonably cold. The average temp in January where we are is 59 degrees, last year on January 2nd, it was 68 degrees. We never put away our summer clothes and flip flops here.

The weather is calling for snow tomorrow. Actual snow! Every few years we might get some snow flurries or an ice storm but we haven't had visible snow here since February 2010.

I'll never forget it- the kids were young then, 4 and 6. It was a Friday night and they had foretasted snow for a few days. We waited all evening, but nothing. We put the kids the bed at 8 and put on a movie. It started to snow at 11 pm. We debated waking up the children and finally decided to. Who knew when we'd get snow again? You only live once.

We shook them awake. "Guys, get dressed, it's snowing." They rubbed their eyes and rushed to the window with excitement. We bundled them up and went outside to play in it. I watched them in the glow of the street lights, the big fat snowflakes falling from the sky, and the palm trees in the background. There was something magical about it.

My oldest loved it. We made a tiny snowman and snow angels. My youngest was confused. She did not like how cold it was. She'd come outside for a minute, deem it too cold, and go back in, then come out and go back in. "It's too cold, mama. I don't like it," she said in her tiny baby voice, her blonde curls spilling out from under her knit hat. She was so darn cute.

We made kettle corn and hot chocolate and stayed up half the night. It snowed almost 2 inches.The kids still remember that night. It's the only time that it snowed here in their entire lifetime. Needless to say, they are very excited about the prospect of it snowing tomorrow.

My oldest asked, "Can Hollister Boy come over when it snows and we can make a snow man?"
Yes, things have changed in 8 years.

Certain things are off limits to talk about here, for my kids privacy. Generally, boys, friends, anything they would find embarrassing. Too bad, there are some hilarious stories I keep to myself. So, I won't say too much about Hollister Boy.

He is a friend of my daughter's and has been spending quite a bit of time at my house over Christmas break. They mostly just sit on my couch, watch Rick and Morty and look at memes. He's respectful, a nice kid. I like him well enough, as much as a parent can like a teenage boy who has their daughter's picture as his phone screen.
                         
So, Hollister Boy will come over and I'll make hot chocolate and we'll wait for the snow to come. I have some coal and carrots. I wish I had a top hat. I'm going to make the kids build a snow man so I can get a picture of it in front of our house.

If it's another 8 years until it snows again, I will be an empty-nester. There won't be children to build a snowman. The girls will be 12 and 14 this year. I'm not even going to think about it. That's how I deal with unpleasant realities- I just pretend they don't exist. If running away from your problems were an Olympic sport, I'd have a gold medal.

                   
Thankfully, the snow and cold will be short lived. It's supposed to be 63 on Monday. Thank goodness! I am not made for cold weather. Also, I need to clean out my garage.

It's really unacceptable. I'm trying to get my shit together this year so I'm starting with the garage. If you don't hear from me for a while, send a search party.