Popular Moms

My oldest daughter was invited to a birthday party of a boy in her class. In lieu of gifts, they requested that we bring a donation for Water Missions International. I thought that was very sweet. It saved me a trip to the store to buy a plastic Chinese crap toy plus we got cake and pizza that I didn't have to pay for. A win-win situation. I assumed that the whole class was invited and that there would be a hodge podge of people so I was looking forward to having my kids be occupied and meeting new people.

We show up and my children find their friends and run off to play and I am alone with the 20 other parents. That normally would have been cool. I am not shy at all and have no problem introducing myself. But these were not random parents. These were the good friend/neighbor parents whose kids have gone to school together for the past 3 years and I am the outsider mom because my kids have just transitioned from private to public school. Maybe I am reading too much into it but it sure felt that way because no one made an effort to talk to me at all. I don't think they ignored me on purpose, they just were too involved in their mom-cliques to notice.

I felt awkward about it but decided that I had to come up with a plan of action within the unspoken rules of awkward school-party etiquette.

Rule #1: Don't act shy and NOT talk to anyone or sit around and wait for someone to talk to you. This could be misinterpreted as snobbery. It is never a good idea for the mom clique to think that you are "too good" to talk to them. Not a good first impression.

Rule #2: Don't talk to men only. Dads are usually easier to initiate some sort of conversation because dads don't usually have men cliques. It's okay to converse with the dads for a short time but if it lingers it could be misinterpreted as flirting which is a no-go for the mom clique.

Rule #3: Complimenting the child of a mom in the mom clique is always an excellent idea. Let's face it - moms care about their perception of their motherhood by other mothers. Is this fair? No way. Is it reality? Hell yes.

I am more likely to hang out with other people who think my kids are pretty darn awesome.

Rule #4: Even if you are not successful in breaking into the mom clique, always be gracious. Thank your hostess and tell everyone that you were glad to meet them. They might lie to you and tell you they were glad to meet you too. This last interaction will help provide another memory of your face so that you won't be so much of a "stranger" the next time around.

I thought I had escaped the awkwardness and social anxiety of my teenage years but then...I became a mom of school aged children.

Does it matter what other people think of me and my kids? No way. Is it important that I get into the mom clique? It is - so that I can include other moms so they don't feel like schmucks at birthday parties where they don't know anyone.