The Search for the Illusive Khakis

Last week my daughter came home with a note from school stating that she would need a pair of khakis for her chorus uniform. We have been really busy and I just got around to it on Tuesday. I am weird about clothes. I rarely shop retail - I always shop at thrift stores and consignment, because my kids ruin clothes....and because I am cheap. So we went to Once Upon a Child and there were no khakis in her size at all. Next we tried some discount stores- we went to Marshalls. Still no khakis. There were skank clothes for kids but not one pair of khakis. Then we went to Burkes Outlet and again not a single pair of khakis. I was so annoyed. Finally I broke down and decided to go to Old Navy. I mean Old Navy invented khakis. I didn't really feel like spending $30 on kids pants but whatever. 

I walk into Old Navy and to my left was a huge sign that said "khakis" and a picture of a man in khakis wearing a sweater and jumping up with his hands in the air. He was happy and excited about his khakis. A little too happy in my opinion. I was feeling confident. I walk over to the kids section and there was one rack with khakis. They were cargo khakis with sweat pant material on the inside. I picked them up and looked at them inside and out and was very confused. They were not going to do. There was one pair of size 14 khakis in the school uniform section. That was it. Also, there were no $30 pants there. All the clothes were way cheaper and flimsier than I remember Old Navy clothes being. It was like being in Walmart except with louder more annoying music. I hate retail. My daughter did need a new pair of shoes. She found a lovely pair that were made in China by a 10 year old. *Sigh* I went up to the front and the cashiers were taking forever. They had this huge display up so that your kids can annoy you and ask for stuff while you wait. My kids were all over it, I swear they were thinking, "We cannot leave until we touch every single thing on this display." My daughter handed me a nail file and asked me to get it for her. It was a pretty standard nail file. Small, colorful, made in China. They were selling these nail files for $3. I thought steam would come out of my ears. What a load of crap. I know very well this thing cost less than a dime to make and ship and they were selling it for $3. That is highway robbery. I always feel that way about printer cartridges as well. I get so angry. I do not understand why a flimsy piece of plastic filled with ink is so damn expensive. I mean $35, really? So I left Old Navy annoyed. We headed to Moes. I knew that would lift my spirits.

We got to Moes and ordered food and my husband was running late to meet us as usual. I was talking to the kiddos and eating and then the lady-I-don't-like showed up. There are very few people in the world that I don't like but she is one of them. She always is at Moes when I am. She always wears fitness clothes. The reason I don't like her is that one time she was behind me at the soda machine and I was filling up my diet coke and she said, "You shouldn't drink diet soda. It's so bad for you. I would NEVER drink diet soda." She just went on and on. In a really condescending manner. I laughed it off and said, "But hey - it has no calories." Then she went on and on about how I should exercise instead (how does she know I don't?) and her husband is a personal trainer. Whatever. Who does this lady think she is? I wanted to tell her she could come to my house and do my dishes and take care of my kids while I went and worked out with her husband. I sooooo wish I could tell people how I really feel. Now every time I see her it's awkward because I want to throw things. She was wearing butt high work out shorts on this particular day. On a cold, rainy evening at the end of November. I don't know why she just can't go eat organic at Jason's Deli and let me have Moes to myself. 

Anyway, here I am. Still no khakis, still drinking diet soda. I am going to explore the mall in search of khakis tonight. Wish me luck!

First Comes Children, Then Goes the Marriage

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We went up to North Carolina to see my family. We ate ourselves silly and we headed for home on Friday evening. We had a grand plan. We had to leave at approximately 6 pm. The goal was to entertain the kids for an hour and a half in the car, stop for icecream to rev them back up a little bit and then have the darkness and the lull of the car on the highway get them to sleep about 1 hour to 50 minutes before we got home. We would unload their limp, sleepy bodies from the car into their beds and SCORE! have time alone without the children. Don't get me wrong - we love hanging with the kids, but a husband and wife need time alone every once in a while.

Our plan was so working. We pulled in at 9:45, both the kids were tuckered out. I was in charge of scooping up the youngest, he had the oldest. We laid them down in their beds and my oldest stirred. We both froze in place. Like robbers who were about to be caught. We waited for her to drift back to sleep but she opened her eyes and said, "Can I sleep in your room?" WTF?!?!?! "I laid down next to her and said, "No, go to sleep." I laid with her until she fell back asleep, which was annoying. I could just let her cry and get upset. Then she would have woken up her sister and then we would be completely done because nothing ruins the mood more than cranky, crying kids. She finally went back to sleep. We were glad.

The next day she continued to be cranky and unreasonable. We woke up and my husband made a big breakfast and we sat around and ate. We eat breakfast together every morning, we have dinner together in the evening and we eat lunch together whenever we are all home. It's how we reconnect. I am a slow eater - I savor every bite and the kids are typically done eating first. We excuse them and they will go play and do whatever they do and we will sit together for a half an hour and talk and laugh. It's like being on a mini-date, except that it's in our own house and it's free and we don't have to get dressed. I feel like our lives are so kid-centered that we need these moments in the day.

So after breakfast, the kids got up and the hubby and I were leisurely finishing our coffee and shooting the bull when my 8 year old comes up and says, "Can we decorate for Christmas?" "Yes, we will do that later today." "I want to do it now." "No. It's 8 am, let me finish my coffee and then we need to go to the grocery store." She freaked out. Was completely unreasonable. She tried to explain to me a hundred times why we needed to decorate at that exact moment and when I held my ground she started screaming all the reasons why we are horrible. We never let her do what she wants, we are mean, and then she said, "You always want to ignore us and every time you just want to talk to each other." God forbid! We actually like to talk to each other - I didn't realize that it was so traumatic for her. I said, "Do you want your father and I to stay married?" "Yes." "Well, then we need to talk to each other EVERYDAY." She got mad and cried in the other room. I refuse to be guilt tripped by a third grader. We pour endless amounts of love and attention into the children. We take them to fun places, we are generally pretty easy to live with. I am not going to feel bad for carving out pockets in the day to hang with the hubby. The kids benefit from it hugely in the long run. 

So she cried and we finished our coffee and ignored the crying. We discussed how we were going to wear out the kids that day to get them to go to bed early to get some alone time. We are devious. Horrible, neglectful, devious parents. :)

Thanksgiving

Today as Thanksgiving - a day where we eat WAY too much food and give thanks for everything we have. I have so much to be thankful for - it's a list a book long. I am thankful for my health and the health of my children, family and friends, my job, my co-workers, the food in my cabinets and the love of my husband....and I could go on and on.

Let's face it - my life is AMAZING. I don't mean that in the sense that I have everything I want. I don't have fancy things and I don't take trips to Europe and my kids aren't junior scholars. My life is not glamorous at all....but I do have everything I NEED and and a little extra and I know that makes me more fortunate than a lot of people in this world. I am so grateful for all the blessings in my life - the big things and the little things. 

Last year, when my daughter was in second grade, she brought home this paper that had all the things she was thankful for. I have kept it on my fridge all year but thought it was so appropriate to share today. Happy Thanksgiving!

Weekend Away

We went away this weekend for my husband's birthday. It was a fun time. We left early Saturday afternoon and the car trip was about 2 hours. I felt pretty prepared. We had the Ipad, some books, toys and snacks but the kids were still annoying. "MOM, We've been in the car all day." I was like, "Actually, we have been in the car for 40 minutes." FML. At one point they just started beating each other. It was pretty horrible. They are too damn old to be acting like that. I threatened to drop them off on the side of the road and then they started acting better.

I was so happy when we pulled into the hotel parking lot. Myrtle Beach was pretty much deserted and it felt like we had the whole place all to ourselves. When we got to the hotel room the kids were so excited. We were on the water at the top of the hotel and we stepped on the balcony and saw people riding horses on the beach. The kids were jumping up and down, "Look mom, fresh towels." "They gave us hangers for our clothes." "Look what's in here -the Holy Bible." It was a pretty standard hotel room, it made me a little sad that the kids were excited about fresh towels and hangers. I obviously don't take the kids to enough fun places.

We got ready and headed out to Medieval Times. We were waiting outside on the drawbridge and a trumpet sounded and the royal procession walked by. I thought the kids were going to poop their pants they were so excited. We purchased our tickets and got our picture with the princess. The "king" came up to the girls and thanked them for coming to his castle. All the staff were calling them princess and my husband and I "Lord and Lady". We all got a big kick out of it.

After you buy your ticket they send you to the reception area of the castle to wait to be seated and "enjoy the atmosphere" but really it's like going through a gauntlet of advertisement and merchandise. They were selling princess tiaras, stuffed animals, shirts, swords, goblets, flags, glow sticks, drinks. All overpriced, of course. I was thinking that the kids were going to be bratty and ask for a bunch of stuff but they did not ask us for one thing. They browsed but were so good. I was so proud of them. I know it took a lot of self restraint. 

We finally were seated and the wench got our drinks and started serving food. There were no utensils and you have to eat with your hands- the girls thought that was the coolest thing. We were seated in the red and yellow knight section. At the start of the show the individual knights preformed different activities and if they did well they received flowers to distribute to the ladies in their section. Our knight passed out flowers but kept passing us by. Every time he came with flowers my 8 year old got so excited and waved her hands but still he passed. By the third time, it was not looking promising. He was close to us and I was looking at the knight like, "Look at my girl - she would love a flower." He made eye contact with me and gave me a little nod but still passed us over.

Then it was time for the competition. Before the competition the king tied sashes around the lances of the knights and declared that they had to pick a special lady to fight for. Our knight rode over and parked his horse directly in front of us. He pointed to my 8 year old and waved her down. She turned to me and said, "Does he mean ME?" "Yes - go!" She was so excited, she jumped out of her seat and ran over and pulled the sash off of his lance. It read, "Queen of the Tournament". My 6 year old was so happy for her too (thank God she wasn't jealous).  It was awesome - made her night. It was short lived because our knight was killed in a sword fight by the red knight 20 minutes later. Bastard.

When we got back to the hotel the kids thanked us a thousand times. "Thanks so much for bringing us here! You are the best mom and dad EVER. I love our family." They were so genuinely appreciative. It really warmed my heart.

The next day we went to the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum which was a total tourist trip. It would have been okay if it was 1/2 the price but we were kind of disappointed. We ended our trip with lunch at Planet Hollywood. The kids thought it was so cool to walk into the big earth and we walked around looking at all of the movie memorabilia. I was reminded of movies I love, like Mrs. Doubtfire. While we were eating they played trailers for upcoming movies and music videos. We watched a music video made by One Direction. My husband was watching it very intensely. He turned to me and in a very serious tone said, "You know, if there was ever a zombie Apocalypse I don't think any of them would survive." I nearly choked on my sandwich. He is so funny.

When we got home we relaxed. I lit a fire and drank hot chocolate and then we watched Mrs. Doubtfire. It was such a relaxing, fun weekend. We needed it!

Getting Older

Today my husband is 30. The big 3-0. It seems kind of weird that he should be 30. I seems like a moment ago that we were celebrating his 18th birthday. We celebrated at the Wendy's in Millville, NJ. haha. We have been anticipating his birthday all year. He's been acting really chill about it but it's little things that make me realize that he is kind of in awe of ushering in his 30s. A few months ago he come home with a gray hair in his beard. He came home and he said, " I was looking in the mirror and I thought the light was hitting my hair at a wrong angle and then I realized it was really a gray hair. Look at it!" His one gray hair just hangs out on his jaw line now. It's all alone. His one token gray hair. He sometimes will remark about his crows feet. A few weeks ago he stormed out of the bathroom and stood at the edge of the bed and said, "Honey - I'm getting spots all over - just like my dad." I could have told him that would happen. I have been lecturing him for an entire decade about the importance of wearing sunscreen. Instead of saying "I told you so" I said "That's because you are getting old." Yesterday he pulled a muscle in his arm and was very uncomfortable so when he came home he rubbed Bengay on it. We were both exhausted by the week and by 7:30 we both were laying in bed like zombies and letting the kids fend for themselves. It was a Friday night, 7:30 pm and I was already in bed with my Bengay smelling husband . That's enough to make you feel old.

I don't really think that 30 is old. In fact, I think that 30 is young - but it's not really that young. By 30, you have a bit of history. We feel young most of the time but there are things that make us feel old. Like the realization that someone born in the late nineties can have a baby or telling the kids about when I went to go see The Little Mermaid when it first came out in the movie theater, or that my baby sister is of legal drinking age, or hearing a song that was popular when we were dating, or when my husband talks about his walkman he used to have with his mixed cassette tapes and our kids look at him like he has 3 heads. I feel old when I say something is "the bomb" and I am told that no one has used that phrase in 15 years. Sometimes I forget that it's not the 90's. The 90's were the bomb.

My husband was against doing anything for his birthday. He just wanted to go out to eat with me and the kids. I thought that was a totally lame idea. So we are doing a weekend away. We are combining my husband's love of fantasy, food, and all things weird and spending the weekend in Myrtle Beach. We will do Medieval Times tonight, stay at a hotel on the beach and do Ripley's Believe It or Not on Sunday with a yummy lunch at Planet Hollywood.  It will be nice to get away and the kids are really excited.  

You may be getting old if you remember watching this when it first aired:

Coat Drama

My kids are not morning people. They must get that from their father. When I get up at 5 am - I pop out of bed and fix a cup of coffee and am generally in a good mood. When I go to wake my kids up (and my husband) they burrow under the covers and moan, "Just 5 more minutes." I smile and say, "Okay, but the early bird gets the worm." They respond with moans and whines.

My children were in rare form yesterday. They were being generally uncooperative and grumpy. I asked my oldest daughter to put her shoes on and she gave me a death stare. My youngest child freaked out that she didn't want water for snack and pretty much told me I am a horrible person for not buying Capri Sun. She's just going to have to realize that we are not that high class. We are simple people and water it will be. Then my oldest and I got into a screaming match about her coat.

Last year we had the same argument. She hated the coat I had purchased for her and would give me a hard time about it. This year I let her pick out her own coat. I found these $85 coats marked down at Zulily for $20. It is cute and warm and has fur trim. This weekend I brought her a crocheted owl hat.
                                 
She looks stinking adorable. But apparently that doesn't matter because yesterday morning she REFUSED to put on a hat and coat.

I have certain rules when it come to temperature. No shorts if the high is under 70. Short sleeves can be worn from 60-70 degrees if they wear a zip up sweater over it. Long sleeves or sweaters must be worn if it is 50-60 degrees and a winter coat is required if the temp is under 50. I need to publish these arbitrary rules in my house somewhere.

So it will 45 degrees yesterday morning and she would not put on her coat. "I am not cold." I told her that I didn't care, it is cold outside so put the coat on. "No." "Put it on NOW." "No, I am not wearing a coat. It is not that cold." "IT IS 45 DEGREES OUTSIDE!!!! PUT ON YOUR COAT." "No." This was going no where. I was so irritated. "That's fine - you can just be cold all day." She put her chin up, "I won't be."

We got in the car and I put on the music and ignored the kids. I was pretty much done at that point and it was only 7:05. As I dropped them off I offered the coat one last time and she waved it away. Whatever.

When I came home that night, both the kids were in a better mood. "So, how did it go without your coat today?" My daughter was quiet. "You were cold, weren't you?" She nodded. "I should have worn my coat." I love when my kids admit I am right - it doesn't happen often! Score for mom!

The Car Wreck

I work at a museum 4-8 hours a month on Saturdays. This past Saturday was a museum day and my husband was planning to take the kids to Disney on Ice. It was going to be a nice day.

I am at work and in the middle of giving a tour and my co-worker came up to me and said, "I'm taking over your tour. You need to call your husband." She kind of shrugged like she didn't know why. I was very concerned because he NEVER calls me at the museum. I called him and the first words out of his mouth were, "Honey, I've been in a bad accident." I knew he had the kids with him and fear took over my body in a way that I can't even explain. It felt like the blood drained from my body and my knees were week. "The kids are they okay?" "Yes." "You are sure?" "Yes." "So, they are okay?" "Yes, come get us." I went where he told me to go. As I drove by I could see this mangled car. OUR mangled car. My kids jumped out when I arrived. They were telling on their dad, "Mom, dad crashed the car. It's really broken." My husband sat in the passengers side with his legs hanging out - kind of sad and slumped over and defeated. I kissed him. "It's only a car. Thank God everyone is okay. Next time tell me that you and the kids are okay BEFORE you tell me you had a car accident." 

He rear ended a truck that stopped suddenly in front of him in stop and go traffic. He drives a Kia station wagon that is low to the ground and was only going 10 mph but the back of that truck pretty much ripped off the entire front of his car. He waited for the tow and I took the kids to Disney on Ice.

When I got home my husband was so upset. "Man, this is going to be so expensive." "It's okay, we can eat lots of spaghetti for the rest of the month." My husband always complains about MY driving and we always debate which one of us is the better driver. He thinks I drive to slow (I am law abiding and do follow the speed limit) and I don't check my blind spot in a way that he likes. He'll jokingly say, "You are such a woman driver." I laugh, "I will get us home in enough time to make you a sandwich, dear." Anyway, I knew that this was my chance. "So, I just want you to admit I am a better driver than you." He looked at me like I was crazy. "If you compare our driving records...." He put his head down, "Okay, you're a better driver." My poor hubby.  

Even though we were kind of bummed about the car - no one in the family had a scratch on their beautiful little bodies. I was so grateful and thankful for that. As for my husband,  he gets to drive a rockin' Volkswagon all week - so it's not all bad.  Let the spaghetti eating commence!

Birthday Parties

 I have two children who go to a freaking ton of birthday parties. We pretty much attend every single birthday party we are invited to. Unless we are out of town or something, we arrange our schedules to make sure that our kids attend these parties. In an average year I buy WAY more toys for other kids than I do my own children. It's all my dad's fault. About 4 years ago when I went back to work, the kids were in pre-school and started coming home with these birthday invites. On one random Friday night my dad was over and he asked what I was doing for the weekend and I said that my daughter had been invited to a party but that we probably weren't going to go. You would of thought I told him I was planning to murder people and cannibalize them. He seem really bothered. "You are taking her to the birthday party." "Ummmm.....probably not." He gave me this long lecture, "When you were a kid, you went to every birthday party. What if it was your kid? Can you imagine planning a party and then barely anyone shows up? What if all the other parents decide they aren't going to go to the party? That kid will be so disappointed and have her feelings hurt. You are taking her to the party and if you don't - I will." He was very passionate about it and it struck a cord with me. I took her to the birthday party.

Every time we get an invitation, I hear his voice in my head. Sometimes we have 2-4 parties in a weekend. It ebbs and flows. This month is a crazy month for birthdays...must be nothing on TV historically in March. We have a birthday party Friday night, Disney on Ice Saturday afternoon, another birthday party Saturday night and another quasi-birthday party on Sunday afternoon. Holy Hell! The following weekend we will be celebrating all weekend in Myrtle Beach because my hubby will be 30!

This past weekend my daughter was invited to a sleep over birthday party and she was so excited because it is a friend from her old school and she was planning all week. We were 45 minutes late because of traffic from the fair (which someone got stabbed at.....how ghetto). She was so anxious the car ride over. When we pulled up to the driveway the house was dark. No cars. I pulled out the phone and pulled up the e-mail and I got the date wrong - it was the following Saturday. My poor daughter was so upset. She sobbed. I felt so bad. Bad mom award for me. It wasn't all a wash. We had a dinner date planned with friends that night who have an amazing child that my kids love. Her playroom was pretty awesome. I realized that we indeed have a active social life - even if it only consists of events with jump castles, pta meetings, and playdates!

Politics

The election is coming up (in case you didn't know) and this year I decided that the children are old enough to come with me and vote and see how the whole process works. It will be a social studies lesson. We have been talking about the candidates and generally making the kids be bored with us.

On the way home yesterday I asked the kids who I should vote for. My youngest said, "Obama." I asked her why. "Because he seems really funny." My oldest looked offended, "No way! Obama is a liar and he seems kind of creepy. You should vote for Mitt Romney." "But Obama is nice." "Definitely not." They argued for a few minutes. I realized that politics is a divisive subject among kids AND adults. As long as they don't start a fist fight at the poll, I think we will be good.

I recall as I child wishing that Bob Dole would win the presidency. Why? Because he reminded me of a grandfather and I didn't want his feelings to be hurt. Kids look at the important issues, you know.

Happy Voting!