Bragging on My Girl

                                 

I came to pick up my 2nd grader from Latchkey the other day and she was so pleased to see me. We hugged and she went to say goodbye to her friends and gather her book bag and the teacher pulled me aside and said, "I need to talk to you about something that happened yesterday." Good God, what did she do? I was feeling very nervous because my child is a little unpredictable. She is a good girl but she can say some outrageous things and she speaks her mind. I was waiting to hear what inappropriate thing she blurted out to the rest of the class.

Instead her teacher said this, "We got a new student who has Down Syndrome and I was nervous about how the kids would react. Your daughter really took her under her wing. She introduced herself right away and made it a point to play with her and include her with the other friends. She really has a big heart." That made my heart smile to hear that.

In the car the kids chattered about their week and she told me about her new friend. "Mom, I have a new friend and her name is E. She is different because God made her special. She is funny and really good at foosball. She kept beating me!"

I can say for certain that my kids are sweet and wonderful. I was so glad that she made an effort to include this little girl and make her feel welcome. I think she would have done so regardless. She is kind and it gives me a sense of peace to know that the things I have been telling her do not just go in one ear and out the other. Be kind to others, never exclude others, be a good friend, that some people were made special that's a great thing - how boring the world would be if we were all the same! I hope she always carries those things with her. It will serve her well in life. I may not be the most stellar parent on the planet. I might let my kids eat ice cream before dinner and I may scream at them like a crazy person and forget to schedule their dentist appointment and make them wear clothes from consignment stores. But I am doing a good job where it counts. My kids are GOOD people.

I felt bad that I assumed that her teacher was about to say something bad about her. She isn't always an easy child and we certainly have our challenges. She isn't like all other kids- God made her special too and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Home Alone

                            

When we went to back to school night, my daughter’s teacher 

mentioned that the kids with cell phones are not allowed to bring them into class. I asked my daughter later if 4th graders actually 

do have cell phones. She replied, “Mostly the ones who stay home alone.” I asked, “Kids in fourth grade stay home alone?” She shrugged, “Some of them.” So that has been our new thing, to tell her 

that we are going to leave her home alone.  Of course we never 

would. Not because I don’t think she’s capable of being alone in

 the house for a short period of time, mostly because it’s socially 

unacceptable but also because the child is afraid of her own 

shadow and doesn't even like to be left in a room alone.

This weekend we were all in the car and I mentioned to the children that me and dad have a date for next weekend. My 9 year old 

said, “Who is going to watch us?” I teased her, “You are in fourth 

grade now, so you are going to be in charge of watching yourself

 and your sister.” “Mom, really, who is going to watch us?” “You 

are.” “BUT MOM, REALLY!” “No, really- you are big now, you can 

do it.” She crossed her arms and pouted, “But only BAD parents

 leave their kids home alone.” She’s not judgmental at all. I 

laughed, “Of course we are getting you a sitter.” She was happy

 after that.

We can’t have a conversation without my 7 year old putting in her 2 cents. She piped up, “Well, I have a date with reality. Starting now, lasting forever.” Everyone was silent for minute to process the words that just came out of her mouth. Then we laughed and

 laughed. Who says that? What does that even mean? We are

 going to start calling her Plato. I am going to start using that

 phrase actually. I have a date with reality every day. We have a

 love/hate relationship.

Underwear Shopping

                              
I talk often about how years of child rearing has left me with pretty much no standards. Another example of this became apparent to me last week when I was in Target to gather a few things. I decided that I needed some new under garments. I walked over to the underwear section and was bombarded with things like this:

                    
                     
                                
I walked past them all. I mean, I don't need any bows. I don't need a lace butterfly on my underwear or "come and get it" written on my rear end. I am too old and too worn down for all that. In my younger days, that used to be everyday under garments. Now those are special occasion under garments. Another thing is my kid's ages. I am very careful about what comes into my house because I would never want my kids to find skanky underwear or lingerie in my drawers. Everyone I know has been traumatized at one point in their lives by something they found in their parent's bedroom when they were kids and I'd like to avoid that.

Anyway, I walked straight to the wall where they have the packages of underwear. My first thought was, "Which one of these has a full seat?" Full seat, that is important to moms. I saw packages with this sticker:
                          
What? Wedgie free underwear? What wizard manufactures these panties? I had to have them. Moms can not be having wedgies. That is unacceptable. I decided to get the ones with the strings on the side so that I would feel better about myself. But really, who am I f-ing kidding? They are cotton, full seat, wedgie free underwear - the strings on the side aren't doing anything for anyone. Maybe I think my husband will think I'm trying to put in a little bit of effort. "Well, if she got the string sides maybe that means she hasn't ACTUALLY given up on life...."

I carried this package around the store with me, past other customers and it didn't even phase me. Yeah, I'm buying mom underwear. I'm not afraid to tell the world I have no standards. It was just sad. A sad, sad purchase. But the wedgie free part  - that's happiness.

Cheese, Cheese, Cheese

                      
We survived the first week of school! On Friday afternoon I picked up the kiddos and I unloaded everything out of their book bags. I went through my 4th grader's folder and looked at her calendar of assignments. Already the month of August is filled up with upcoming quizzes and work to be done. Fourth grade is the real deal. Some of the days said, "No Math" and "No Science" with little sad faces drawn next to them. I was very confused. I called my daughter over, "Honey, why did you draw sad faces on the days that you have no homework?" She very sweetly said, "I want to do math and homework so I can learn and get smarter." Those words actually escaped her mouth. She takes after her mother.

The funny thing about having kids is that you watch what they do and you refer back to your own childhood. I sat there with her open assignment book and thought about when I was a kid. I loved doing homework. I would get home and pour a large glass of iced tea and sit at the corner of the dining room table and unpack all my books. I would get out my assignment book and do homework for hours. I now realize that it had nothing to do with my love for learning, but rather because I am an anxious control freak. I liked to have things done so I didn't have to worry. I liked the idea of having tasks to do and crossing them off my list. I was a good student and I always tried to get my work done and do it well. Expect for one time. I asked the kids if they wanted to hear a funny story about homework. They humored me.

This is a true story. I was a junior in high school and for Biology class we had to do a research project that we were supposed to work on the whole semester. It was worth half of our grade that semester or something crazy like that. We had to submit a proposal and I decided for my project I was going to make cheese and write a paper about the science behind it. My proposal was accepted but for some reason I didn't get started right away. I was distracted. I had just started dating my husband so I was young, stupid and in love and not in the mood to make cheese.

Well, here I was the week before the project was due and I was freaking out. You can't just make cheese on a whim. I was reading about how to make cheese and I was realizing I had to come up with an alternate plan. I couldn't just buy cheese, that would be much too obvious. I decided to make a cheese concoction. I got a sauce pan out and I pulled anything cheese related out of the fridge. I poured in some milk, yogurt, cream cheese, Parmesan cheese, sliced cheese and heated it up- but it was so gloopy so I added some flour and a little bit of salt until it was a goopy, doughy, cheesy, smelly ball. I didn't have any cheese cloth and I needed that for realistic, home made cheese. I did have an old pair of panty hose though - so I poured the gloopy, cheese ball into the foot of my old panty hose and I hung it up with a bowl under it and squeezed the moisture out.

While this fake, nasty cheese ball was hanging in my old panty hose foot - I was busy writing my paper about the science behind cheese making and I even designed a poster about how to make cheese (the legitimate way). The day the project was due, I took the smelly cheese mixture out of my panty hose and into a tupperware container. It lived in my locker all day without refrigeration. I carried it to class and waited to be called up.

The teacher called my name and I had to come up and present my project to the class. I walked through my poster and how cheese is made. I answered questions. I felt like a fake. At the end of my project presentation, my biology teacher asked to see the cheese. He looked at it, he smelled it. I held my breath and my heart beat a mile a minute. He looked up, "Can I try it?" I was stuck - I couldn't tell him it wasn't real cheese and it was gross and had been in the foot of my panty hose. It was worth half my grade. I watched him scrape some of the nasty cheesy dough ball and put it in his mouth.  I was freaked out, he was going to know it wasn't real. "This is really good." He then invited the class to come try it. I swear to God, this happened. I watched in horror as 10-15 of my class mates lined up for a taste. They scraped at it with a spoon and consumed my cheese ball. Mr. M said, "Are you going to have some?" I was like, "No, I already had some when I made it." I am a liar.

I got an A for my research project. I need to answer for that event when I get to heaven some day. Moral of the story - don't procrastinate. My daughter laughed and laughed. "Mom, I will never try to make cheese."

Bad at Making Memories

It's been a crazy week. I barely know what day it is. School started this week. I was so excited for the kids. I got up early on Monday and the kids were ready to get going. They wanted to take a shower and I told them that it needed to be quick. I was very careful with my 7 year old.

Early in the morning and right before bed she can be a little scary. If you say the wrong thing to her, she will go off the deep end. Seriously. If you tell her to hurry up (even nicely) she will throw her hands in the air and scream and say things like, "WHY DON'T YOU EVER GIVE ME ANY TIME?!?" Then she will cry and will make you late and then cry that everyone blames her for making them late. It's uber annoying. So if you need to hurry her along you need to be gentle. Also, you need to avoid eye-contact. If you look at her the wrong way she will pout and yell "STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!" She reminds me of my little sister. She is just evil in the morning.

So she got up fine. She got in the shower. I avoided eye contact with her. It was good. They got into their new outfits and we were having a good day. That's just what I wanted on the first day of school. We were sitting around the breakfast table and my oldest child said something to her sister she she went off. She hit her, she screamed and then went in the other room and sat on the couch and cried. I turned to my 9 year old, "You should know by now not to talk to, look at, or be near your sister in the morning."

I finally got her calm enough to get a picture. The looked so cute. I got each of them separately and then I asked them to get together. Big mistake. My youngest said something and her sister shoved her hard and so she kicked her in the shin. They both started crying. I almost asked them why they were ruining our first day of school memories, but I bit my tongue because that is such a mean thing to say. So I just thought it in my head. Bad Mom Award.

Then they refused to stand next to each other. I told them that's fine but when they grow up and they wonder where the pictures are of their first day of 2nd and 4th grade are, I am going to tell them that they were fighting and being mean. They decided to put their differences aside and let me get a picture.

We loaded into the car and I walked them in. They ditched me in the front lobby. "Have a good day girls, I love you!!" I am sure they couldn't hear me - they were already disappearing into the crowd of children. I hesitated for a moment before I left the school. I don't know why, maybe a piece of me deep down thought they would come back and give me a hug. I felt a tightness in my throat, but the moment passed.

Back to School

                            
It's 9:00am on a Sunday and everyone in my house is still sleeping except for me. What happened to these kids this summer? They are in for a rude awakening tomorrow when school starts. It's here again.

They have picked out their clothes for a week. The bookbags are packed, the papers are filled out, the school supplies have been gathered. My second and fourth grader (YIKES) are ready to go. I am excited. I don't care for the summer very much at all. It's hot, I have no parental standards which makes me feel guilty, summer camp costs a bajillion dollars a week. Most of all I HATE making lunches. HATE IT.

We have to make lunch for summer camp and at the start it isn't so bad. I try to make sure everything is balanced. That they have protein, fruit, vegetable, dairy,ect. That crap gets old really quick. By mid-July I am hating my life and cursing making lunch. I am spreading peanut butter in bread and wondering why I can't just win the lottery so I can have a live-in cook who can make delicious lunches for my kids. It's a chore I despise. It got so bad this summer that I actually did the unthinkable. Wait for it.....I purchased Lunchables. I went back and fourth on the Lunchables. Nutritionally they are crap. Processed, gross, horrible. I'm a little snobby about the Lunchables. But one day I was at the grocery store and it occurred to me that once a week, I wouldn't have to make lunch. I could just grab the Lunchable and go (and add a fruit or carrot sticks). I purchased them. I hid them in the bottom of my cart so no one could see them. I mourned the loss of the nutritional standards that I once had for my children. It was sad.

No more packing water bags or ensuring they have field trips. Getting a raise from discontinuing summer camp. Yes, I am ready for school to start. I wrote out checks for the children and stuck them in their folders, "Girls, this is your lunch money - don't forget to turn it in." I was almost giddy just thinking about not having to make lunch anymore.

The first day of school used to make me sad and nostalgic. I am becoming a professional at this by now. This is my 5th back to school. I am getting it under my belt. I imagine I will be sad next year when my daughter moves to the middle school. Ugggh.

We were driving around yesterday after getting some last minute school stuff and my daughter was pointing to all of the big house she wants us to move in to (as if). I remarked to her, "Why are we going to need a big house like that? In 9 years you'll be going away to college." She said, "So?" So I smiled at her and said, "When the kids are out of the house we can just throw big parties." She rolled her eyes at me, "You'll be old then." I laughed, "When you go to college, I'll only be 38 - everyone will think I'm your sister." She was not happy when I said that. "NO, you will be old then." I will feel kind of old tomorrow when I drop her off at the school. She won't let me walk in with her and she definitely won't hug or kiss me good bye. My second grader MIGHT hug me but she will walk in on her own too. My girls are getting big.

Back to School Shopping

I have been busy getting the kids ready for back to school. I have spent so much money. I don't understand how people can afford to have kids. I got all of their school supplies and new back packs. I went to Goodwill, as usual. The kids needed new shoes and they wanted Twinkle Toes, so I told them we could go to the Sketchers outlet and get a few outfits from Justice. They were so excited to get clothes that no one else owned before. That made me feel kind of sad. Not sad enough to start paying full price for new things but a slight amount of guilt.

We got the shoes and they picked out some back to school outfits. As usual they choose neon orange and pink. You will be able to see them for a mile away. At least I won't have to watch them closely. I do get ultimate veto power but am pretty flexible. Unless it's skanky. It's unbelievable how many  kids stores sell slutty outfits for little girls. It's just sad. I am a little strict when it comes to clothes - no short shorts, no bikinis. I won't let them get their ears pierced yet. Not that I am morally against short shorts, earrings and bikinis. I just want them to be little girls for a while.

Then we went to the mall. Uggh. I go to the mall only a few times a year. To go see Santa and to visit Payless. They always send me good coupons. The Payless is near the mall entrance so I never walk through the mall. Therefore, I am oblivious to current fashion trends. On this visit, I walked through the mall and was shocked by what a saw. Store after store of mannequins dressed like this:

                                    

The most hideous, skanky, tacky clothing. I am losing my faith in humanity. I saw a sweater that literally had spikes coming out of it. Who would wear that? Someone who hates getting hugs, that's who.
There was row after row of stripper shoes. If I ever went into the street walker business, at least I know I can get some good deals at the mall.



I saw teenagers coming out of Hollister holding bags with half-naked young people and kissing.
                                 
That store is so loud that it hurt my ears to walk by it. I realized that I am way to old to be in the mall. I need to hang out in Dillards. I sure hope the style of clothing changes within the next 5 years before my kids become teenagers....

Losing My Mind

                      
I am losing my mind. I've decided. I am going crazy. It's been the little things this week that have slowly chipped away my sanity. First it was the mold, and a crazy work week, and the restaurant that lost my credit card, and getting ready for back to school. Last night, I decided it was going to be good day Friday. I had 8,000 things to do but I was going to wake up early and get them done and then take the kids school shopping and to the movies and RELAX. I needed that -  I am feeling overwhelmed and a little under pressure.

I woke up at 6 am and fixed a cup of coffee and sent out 10,000 emails before the kids even woke up. I was doing good. I told them to get dressed so we could run some errands. I was feeling a little frantic but I have a can-do attitude so I was optimistic. We hopped in the car and I turned the key and it wouldn't turn over. I left my lights on all night and it drained my battery. Because I am an idiot. I banged my fists and screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The kids were frightened.

We have 3 vehicles but I let my dad borrow my extra car because his car is in the shop so I was stranded. I tried to call him but he didn't answer. He lives a mile away and I decided I would just call a cab to take me over there because I'm a diva and didn't want to walk and have a schedule to maintain. I called a cab company and I did not understand the guy on the other end and when I asked him to repeat himself he got all ignorant with me and said loudly, "Where you be?" I said, "You mean, where am I located?" "Yea." Then he told me it would be $30 bucks and I said- bunk that. My level of irritation was very high at this point. My dad finally came and jumped my vehicle and I told him I want my car back. I was kind of mean about it, but I was losing my mind.

We ran our errands and came home but by this point I had lost so much time that I felt way behind. My house is a freaking disaster. There is boxes and crap everywhere. Just horrible. I hate it. So I am sitting in my messy house and I am in the middle of a phone call - an important phone call- and the kids start screaming. They are fighting over a mirror and literally beating the s**t out of each other. I muted my call and went outside to finish my conversation and just let them duke it out. When I can back in they were still going at it. I went upstairs and screamed at them. Not just regular screaming. Crazy person screaming. My veins were jutting out of my neck. I think I said some curse words. The kids stopped and just stared at my like I was insane and I hated myself in that moment. What is wrong with me?

I closed my eyes and I imagined myself in that moment - turning and walking down the stairs. Getting into the car and getting $500 out of the ATM and just buying a one way bus ticket to the midwest. I would go there and change my name to Lolly. I could get a job waiting tables at a local diner and live in a trailer at the edge of the woods. No one would find me. I would take up smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey. I escaped in that moment. It was glorious.

I called my husband. He always knows how to talk me off the ledge. "Calm down. When I get home let's make a list of things that are overwhelming you and I will take some of it on to help you." I was weepy, "Really?" He laughed, "Yes. Stop acting crazy." "That's my point. I am losing it today." I felt a little better then.

I hung up the phone and looked around at my dirty kitchen. I turned to the kids:\"Come on, guys. Let's go out to dinner." I needed some Diet Coke. Diet Coke is my mother's little helper. I had my Diet Coke and decided to let everything go. I try my best everyday. That's all I can do. So the house isn't clean and I'm not prepared for back to school and my kids annoy me and I work too much. I'm not special. That's how it goes in life. Every other working mom with school aged kids is in my boat. I'm over it. I can only do what I can do. I don't really want to run away to the midwest, anyway.

Cartwheel Problems

My 7 year old daughter loves to do cartwheels. It's not the kind of thing where she occassionally does cartwheels. She does cart wheels ALL.THE.FREAKING.TIME. I am not exaggerating. When I pick her up from camp, she does cartwheels all the way out to the parking lot. When we get home she does cartwheels all the way up to the door and then through the hallway and into the kitchen. She barely walks anymore, she only does cartwheels. At first it was kind of cute and funny but now it's just wearing down on me.

She does cartwheels at the worst times and at the worst places. She is apt to kick a table, her sister, me, the bed....anything in her way. She will stop and say "Owww" and then continue to do cartwheels. I will tell her to stop and she will but then goes into another room and when I discover her - low and behold she is doing cartwheels again.

A few weeks ago we went to Moe's and she was cartwheeling down the sidewalk - with her shoes off. That's her second favorite thing besides cartwheels. As soon as we get into the car - the shoes come off. If we go out to eat, it never fails she will get real close to me and whisper in my ear, "Mama, can I take off my shoes?" "No." "But they're itchy and sweaty." They are always itchy and sweaty- no matter what shoes - they could be flip flops. "NO." But at some point I will hear it - the plop, plop of her shoes hitting the floor. Then I usually sigh and pray for patience and contemplate just leaving her. On her way out, she does a cartwheel.

I lost it the other night. I was sitting on the floor, folding laundry and I asked her to get in the shower. She goes into the bathroom and emerges a few minutes later - completely nude- and starts doing cartwheels around my room. It was the most obscene sight I had ever experienced. "SERIOUSLY? You are being completely inappropriate. Go do naked cartwheels in your own room with the door closed." She stopped and looked at me and then did one more. I threw up my hands, "Why do you have to do cartwheels all the time?" She shrugged, "I have my hobbies and you have yours." I laughed, "And what are my hobbies?" She thought for a moment, "Folding laundry and being a jerk." She's got it all wrong - I don't fold laundry frequently enough to have it considered a hobby of mine. I had enough of her for one night.

"Just get in the shower." "NO." "This is your last chance, do it now." She just sat there. I had to get up and bring her to the shower. She went limp like a noodle. When we finally got to the shower it was a struggle - she hung onto the door, put her leg out to block and when I finally did get her in, she pulled me in half way too - so I got soaked from the shoulders up. I slammed the shower door. "AFTER THIS YOU ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO BED!!!!" And she thinks being a jerk is MY hobby? Puh-lease. At least there were no more naked cartwheels.

My Sweeties

                             
The day after our moldy garage excursion, my 9 year old daughter had a few friends sleep over. My husband and I were pretty beat so we just relaxed and let the kids play and do their thing. The kids were debating how late they could stay up. They were talking about 3 am, 4 am. Why does that even sound appealing?

By 10 pm my husband and I could not keep our eyes open. "Girls, these are the rules: stay in the house, be nice, don't light anything on fire or do anything dangerous. Have fun!" We crawled off to bed. I instantly fell asleep.

I woke up at 6:30 Sunday morning and went downstairs. The kids were piled on the couches snoozing. I quietly went into the kitchen to fix coffee. My sleepy-eyes 7 year old walked in and said, "Mama, I need you to go upstairs right now!" "But I'm making coffee." I sighed, "But I have a surprise for you." Whatever. I went upstairs. My husband looked up, "Did you make coffee?" "No, we're not allowed to go downstairs right now."

After a little while our daughter came up and and invited us down. We walked into the kitchen and found the table was covered with a gold scarf and there was a delicious looking fruit salad with blueberries, stawberries and sliced bananas. There was heart shaped waffles and wine glasses with soy milk. There was a 1 glass with 2 straws in it. My oldest daughter said, "We wanted to make fresh orange juice but we didn't have oranges so we made fresh apple juice instead." "How?" She shrugged, "I looked it up on the internet. It has a little bit of cinnamon." They pulled out the chairs and we sat down. The 4 girls just looked at us grinning. "We wanted you to have a romantic breakfast because we want something special for you." Sooo sweet. They left the room so we could have some "privacy". We sat at the gold adorned table and ate our heart shaped waffles and drank our homemade apple juice. We are lucky to have such sweet girls. We pretty much won the kid lottery.

Garage Problems

                    

I had a very long week and I was excited to get home and hang with the family and RELAX. I picked up the kids and they asked if they could ride bikes when they got home. I thought some outside time was a great idea. My yard is looking kind of rough, so I figured that I could weed and trim the bushes and spruce things up a bit. Then, I was going to sit out front with a cold glass of sweet tea and watch the kids and get some much needed rest.

I opened the garage so the kids could get their bikes out and I started pulling weeds from the front of the house. At some point I went into the garage to get something and I noticed water on the floor. At first, I thought the kids spilled something, but it was a lot of water - so I began moving things. This is not easy. My garage is a catchall place to put crap we don't need and aren't ready to throw away. I moved some things and I saw black mold covering the wall behind the water heater. My boxes of seasonal decor and various other things had "absorbed" some of the water and were also covered in mold. OH MY GOD! Even though I was exhausted, my adrenaline kicked in and I started moving stuff out of the garage as quickly as possible. Every time I would lift a box, water would come out of the bottom all over me. I wanted to cry. I moved box after box onto the drive way. An hour later, I was still excavating the garage when my husband came home. He walked up, looking very confused and just stood at the door and looked in. He said nothing. "What happened?" I told him that I think something was wrong with the hot water heater and I called to have it looked at. "Get on some crappy clothes and come help me."

When I was emptying the garage, my kids decided this was a good time to talk to me. They have horrible timing. "Mom, can I have a drink?" "I am ankle deep in moldy water - get and eat whatever you want - just stay out of the garage!" Then they tried to go through the moldy boxes. "Mom what are you doing with this stuff?" "Throwing it away." The tears came. "But these are our Halloween decorations." "So, we'll get new ones. It's okay." At one point my 7 year old came up and said, "Mom, can I look at your china?" I didn't hear her correctly. I whipped my head around angrily, "WHAT DID YOU JUST ASK ME? Are you out of your mind? Why would you say that?" My daughter looked at me stunned. My husband laughed and laughed. "She said CHINA not VAGINA." Oh my God. I acquired my grandmother's china recently and my daughter discovered my hiding place for it and she wanted to go see it. "That's fine.Just don't touch it - and stay out of the garage." So that wound up being the running joke for the night. "Ladies only share their china on special occasions." "Don't show your china to strangers." "Put your china away...." I needed some humor at that point. Haha.

So now it was the early evening and in my front yard was a pile of moldy boxes, trash and whatever else came out of the garage. I turned to my husband "What are we going to do with this stuff?" He pondered, "We can put it on the curb for bulk trash day." That was not going to work. Trash pick up is on Thursday and I was not having this crap in front of my house for 6 days. The neighbors will think we're hoarders. I called a haul away service and they said they would pick it up in the morning and load it. "We take anything, except for radioactive materials and dead bodies", the man said. "Good. I'll just make sure that I move the dead bodies into the backyard before you come." My husband gave me a weird look. I hung up the phone and then had an epiphany. This is the answer to all of my prayers. I turned to my husband, "This is going to be a long night."

I went room to room with old boxes and began to fill them. My husband said, "What are you throwing away?" "Everything." I would fill a box and bring it outside, fill another and bring it outside. My 9 year old got in the fun. Which was surprising because she wants to keep EVERYTHING. It was amazing. We were done at midnight. The pile was HUGE. I don't know how we acquired so much crap. I don't really ever buy anything. I am not a shopper. I don't understand. None the less, half of our things were out of the house. It felt so good.

The next day the guys came and took all of our things away. It was $195. Best money I ever spent. I now have to get new Christmas and Halloween decorations. Which I am glad about. I wanted to re-vamp my seasonal decor. There was one box in that corner that I cared about - my box with pictures, the kids drawings, my wedding dress, my daughter's dress she wore home from the hospital. Sentimental things and it was the only box in that pile that was not ruined. Not a drop of water in it. I think there was divine intervention there. Now I feel inspired to do stuff in the house since the crap is out. I did say I wanted to get rid of everything and start over. You get what you ask for. :)