My daughter had a friend sleep over this weekend (what's new). Her little friend is one of my favorite people in the universe. I love her like she's my own. Her parents are great. We just enjoy her. She constantly says completely inappropriate things, which I find hilarious. At breakfast on Saturday, I don't know how this came up, but she told my daughter that my husband and I probably do "strange things" together when we're alone.
She's right. We do strange things together when we're alone. My husband plays the XBOX while I dance like this:
I told the girls to get dressed because I was going to take them to an event that the library was sponsoring and then I told them that I'd take them to lunch afterwards. They went upstairs to take showers while I cleaned up. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get myself ready. I walked into the bathroom and there were band aids spread all over the counter top and a cotton ball with some blood splotches on it. I went into my daughter's room and asked what happened. She shrugged, "Blondie just scraped herself." I didn't think anything of it.
I took them out and we went to lunch and had a fine time. We came back home to get her friend's stuff before I took her home. They had changed into shorts since it was hot. Blondie wanted to sit in the front seat. She took her shoes off and put her feet on the dashboard. I looked over at her and noticed 3 band aids near her ankle. "Is that where you scraped yourself?" She nodded. Then I looked over again. Her leg looked awfully smooth and shiny. "OH MY GOD! Blondie, did you shave your legs!?!?!?" She slunk down in her seat sheepishly, "My leg." She shaved one leg and she butchered herself so she didn't shave the other.
"Are you allowed to shave your legs?" She shook her head no. Lord in heaven. She protested, "It's not fair. Your daughter gets to shave her legs." That is true. Not because I am a negligent parent who thinks little children should shave their legs, but because my rule always was that she could shave once she needed to shave her underarms. I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be so early but that is the reality for us. She has her own razors and shaving cream. This child has better shaving equipment than I do.
"Tell me the story," I demanded. Blondie started, "Well, we were going to take showers and C went to get a towel and I saw her razors and I begged her to teach me how to shave my legs and she said okay. I was almost done and I cut myself real bad." My daughter piped in from the back seat, "Yeah, it started just shooting out blood and Blondie was shaking and she said 'I think I'm going to die'. I wanted to get you but she said 'No, your mom is going to kill me and we'll be in big trouble.' Then we got it to stop bleeding."
I was horrified.
Then, the icing on the cake was when my daughter finished with, "And then she made me shave her upper lip."
Christ Almighty. "You are NEVER supposed to shave your face!" They seemed intrigued. "Why not? Boys do it." I sighed, "Because boys are hairy beasts, you are delicate flowers. There is a difference." Blondie said, "Well, what are you supposed to do with that hair on your upper lip?" I replied, "Wax, hair removal cream, or just leave it alone. I don't do anything to my upper lip. I'm proud of my woman-stache." I don't understand this obsession with body hair removal. I think body hair is there for a reason, I personally think shaving and waxing are annoying. I mean, I do it out of obligation but if I was single I would grow everything out and braid my arm pit hair and hang out with hordes of cats. It would be HAWT.
I shook my head, "You know your mom is never going to let you sleep over my house again. You came to me in one piece and now I'm taking you home half-hairless with a chunk of your leg missing." I thought I had some decent street cred going that I was a somewhat responsible parent but once word gets out about this, no one is going to let their kids sleep over my house. "Do you hear what goes on over there? I heard she lets her kids play with razors! RAZORS! For shame!"
Her mom was cool about it. I love her. I need to have her over for margaritas as a peace-offering. In the car on the way home I berated my daughter for the incident. "Never do that again. Just because you can do something doesn't mean your friend's can too. That was wrong of you. Do you understand?" She nodded and then you know what she said to me? "Okay, but mom, I need some more shaving cream. I'm all out." I was so annoyed, "AND stop wasting the fancy shaving cream!!!!"
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