Making it Through the Day

                              
It was a long week. The days went by fast but the week was long. I keep so busy shuffling the kids between the water park and different activities.

My eleven year old has been playing Jeckyll and Hyde this week. On Tuesday night I suggested that we do something together. Maybe play a game. My youngest was excited. My oldest was like:
           
"I'm just going to go bed." Whatever. Take your crappy attitude and go to bed. Later, I went into her room and she was browsing Pinterest. That's her favorite thing. "Mom, look what I just found on Pinterest. It's only $26. Will you buy it for me?"

Anyway, I walk in and sit on the edge of her bed. She looks up at me, annoyed. "Why are you in here?"
Because it's my house.
"I just wanted to see what's up."
"Ugggh. Go away. You're bothering me."
"Alright. Good night then, don't leave your lights on."

The next day she was okay. She was neutral. Her sister had a sleepover and it was just us. She was being whiny and asking us to buy games for the computer. We said no. That led to an all-out tween tantrum. Above and beyond what was usual. I went to bed and she followed me in the bedroom, crying. Finally, I'd had enough.

"What is wrong with you?"
"You love W more than me because you do more things with her."
"Like what?"
"Like playing with her the other night."
"I offered for you to play too but you didn't want to."
"That's not true!"
"Yes it is."
"Well,  you never come into my room to talk."
"I always come into your room to talk."
"Not last night. You just left."
"You told me to go away and that I was bothering you."
"I didn't REALLY want you to go away."
                          
"It's okay. Come lay down. Let's talk."

She cried some more. And kept crying. And kept crying. "Honey, you have to stop crying."
"Buuut....I can't. I'm trying. I just can't." Being a tween girl is the worst. Lord help us. Somebody stop this roller coaster because I am ready to get off.

Today, she was totally over it. We went to the grocery store -just the two of us. She helped with the shopping, unloaded the car, was pleasant and didn't roll her eyes ONE TIME. She even hugged me in public. Stop the presses. I try to appreciate days like this because you never know who she might be the next day. We're working through it.

This evening we went to get book bags. My nine year old was infuriating. "None of these are my style."
"Oh yeah, what is your style?"
"Like black and different patterns."
My 11 year old interjected. "Are you trying to be emo or something? Anyway, you can't like black because I like black."
"Since when do you like black?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I'm trying to re-invent myself."
This child is out of control. Re-invent yourself? Where did she even hear that.

Besides re-inventing her style, she is excited because she got invited to a birthday party next weekend. I texted the mom and asked, "Do you have any gift suggestions?"
"She really wants a little live bird."
I know this lady. I thought she was joking and being funny.
"You want ME to get her a live bird?"
"Absolutely. Thx so much."
I was like:

           
I think I just committed to getting this child a live bird. WTH. I told my husband about it. "You can't just get a bird. Doesn't it need a cage?"
"It's getting a makeshift cage and like, 2 days worth of food. That's it."

I don't know how I let this happen. You can't just run into a random store and get a bird. You need to research and talk to the people and learn about it's care. I can't just show up with a random bird and be like, "I don't know what to do with this thing. Good luck!" It seems like more work that I want to put in for a birthday gift. Poo.

Anyway, between the bird, the tween mood swings and my fourth grader making declarations of re-inventing herself - I'm done for the week. I'm pretty sure that I've lost control of my life.

No Sleep Till Brooklyn

                           

The sleep issues in my house are well documented. Just when I think they are getting better, we regress. Lately my nine year old has been scared at night so we let her set up a pallet in our bedroom on the floor. We gave up years ago. We are just lazy, shitty parents.

Last night she declared that she was going to sleep in her room. Thank goodness. We went to bed at 10 pm feeling great about life. I woke up at 12:32 am as my nine year old was pushing me over so she could crawl into my bed. NOOOOOOO. She is physically too big to be in bed with us. I didn't protest. I was tired. I fell back asleep cliff hanging off the edge of the bed.

I drifted back to sleep until 1:50 am. In walks the 11 year old crying. "What's wrong?"
"My ankle is hurting and I can't fall asleep." Boo hoo hoo.
"What did you do to it?"
"I don't know."

I went to get out of bed and the nine year old clings to me. "Don't leave, mama." I nudged my husband. "Can you help?"

He was grumpy. He rolled out of bed and snapped at her to get back in bed while he went to get her some ice. After my husband left the room my 9 year old asked, "Why is dad so grumpy?"
"Well, mom and dad have not had consistently good sleep in over 11 years. That can make you a little cranky sometimes."
There was a pause and then I heard her little voice in the dark say, "I'm sorry that we're horrible."
                             
How is it that she gets to just wake us up all hours at of the night for non-legitimate reasons for YEARS....nearly a DECADE. Yet somehow she can make it seem like I am an a-hole.

"You are not horrible. Come here." She curled up close to me and I rested my arm over her and fell asleep. She did kick me at least 5 times before I woke up in the morning. That's what I get.

Back to School Shopping

Believe it or not, the summer is coming to an end here in the South. The first day of school is three weeks from tomorrow. Only twenty more days of sleeping in, freedom, and cleaning up after the children all-the-live-long-day.

That means there is just twenty more days to complete our back to school shopping activities. I've done a little bit over the past few weeks. The school supply list for my fourth grader is reasonable. I told her that we are re-using a lot of the stuff from last year. "Okay, but mom I need a new flash drive."
"Why?"
"Because cat woman's head fell off."

I purchased a flash drive that was covered in a sleeve that looked like cat woman, just FYI.

"So what?"
"Mom, that's ghetto." Ghetto is her new slang word. Can a flash drive even be ghetto?
"No it's not. Tell people she got decapitated while she was fighting Batman. I paid $14 for that stupid thing, you will use it through high school."

She rolled her eyes at me.



The supply list for my 6th grader. Don't even get me started. I can't even look at the thing without having a freaking panic attack. Someone a few years ago told me how great it is when your kids are out of elementary school. "It's awesome, they only need to bring a pack of pencils." I forget who told me that, but they are a f**king liar.

They have like, twenty classes and each class need a bunch of stuff but the list is not really user friendly. It's divided into subjects.

I don't care what the sh*t is used for. I just want a total count of how many composition books, folders, pencils, ect are needed. The list is on my fridge and every time I see it, it just kills my soul. It's helping with my diet at least because every time I want to snack I think about the 6th grade supply list and lose my appetite.

My kids both need new book bags this year. I purchased cute monogrammed L.L. Bean bookbags a few years ago and they are done. The dog chewed through the straps and I sewed them back together. It's time. The kids are so specific about the book bags. My oldest who thinks she is Kim Kardashian wants a crazy hipster, impractical book bag.

They also need new lunch boxes that I can pack every morning with food made with despair and resentment.
I HATE packing lunches. It ranks up there with dishes and laundry of my least favorite chores.
                                                   
And then there is the clothes. My nine year old is like, "When are we buying me new clothes for school?" Ummm, I'm buying you one thing. This is her closet:

That's just what you can see, not what is packed into both sides. I counted 66 tops. Seriously. Sixty-six.

She has like 10 pairs of jeans and 6 pairs of tights. I get her stuff, she gets her sisters clothes, and a ton of super cute hand me downs from friends. I'm jealous. We were laughing that she could wear a different outfit to school for 3 months.

My oldest is growing like a weed and I have to always buy her clothes. I have an unhealthy obsession with American Eagle. I get such good deals. Tee-shirts for $4, you can't get deals like that at Target. Now they send me all kinds of coupons. I just got a 20% off total purchase coupon in the mail and I was thought, OMG! I have to buy a whole bunch of things from American Eagle or else it's like I'm LOSING money. That's how they get you.

Last weekend Plato's Closet had a red bag sale. You get a bag and fill it up for $15. We showed up in the morning and it was worse than black Friday. The store was packed with 12-17 year olds and their moms trying to get some good deals. It was so funny to see all the teenagers with their moms. I have never seen so much eye rolling in my life. 

This one mom was like:

"Stephanie, what do you think about this top? It's kind of nice, huh?"

The daughter was like:

"Ugggh. That is so ugly. Just don't touch anything. And I go by Veronica now, remember? My life is horrible. I hate everything."

She didn't say the last part, but I'm pretty sure she was thinking it. 

We got some cute stuff. She was excited. What she needs now is new shoes. 

I told the girls they could get one expensive pair of shoes ( up to $60) and two pairs of inexpensive shoes. My oldest wants a pair of converse high tops. I told her fine. 

A few days ago she said, "There are these boots at Journeys and you can wear them high and you can also fold them over and they are like patterned on the inside."

"They are probably like, a hundred bucks."

"No, they are only $70 but it's like two pairs of shoes in one." 

You can get your Converse and then your only other options are Payless BOGO, Target 20% off rack, and Kmart. Two shoes in one? I was not born yesterday. Get a job.

This morning I was ready for the kids to be back in school. It was 6:45 am and I was trying to enjoy a cup of coffee and read the news and the 9 year old sits down next to me and says over and over again:

"I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored...."

It was too early for that s**t. "What do you want me to do about it?" I asked.

"Find me something to do."

"That's not my job. I only have to feed you, clothe you, put a roof over your head and provide medical care and basic supervision. Other than that, you're on your own."

"No. You have to find me something to do."

"Fold the laundry upstairs, help me with the dishes, walk the dog, read a book, draw in your sketch book...."

"I don't want to do any of those thing. I'm booooooored!!!! Can I go sit on the roof?"

Lord, give me strength. 

Eleven Years

                  
On Sunday, my daughter turned 11. Eleven years. 574 weeks. 4,017 days. 96,408 hours. How can that even be?

I look at pictures of when she was younger and I am truly baffled by where the time has gone. She was a baby, then a toddler, then a little kid, then a big kid and now a young lady. She doesn't even seem KID-like anymore. Someone last month asked me if she was 14. Fourteen?!?!?! Geez!

She is as tall as I am. Her shoes are a size 7, sometimes she wears my flip flops. She wears a woman's size small. But she IS still a kid and she IS still my baby.

There are things that I miss about her being little. There are things that you take for granted when you are in the midst of raising little ones. I wonder when the last time I picked her up and carried her on my hip. The last time I kissed a boo-boo to make it all better. The last time I read her a story before bed.

I used to be sad when I thought about my kids growing up. Not anymore. It is a joy to watch her grow and learn and turn into the person that she will be. She is an awesome kid (when she's not being an a-hole at the Piggly Wiggly).

I am proud of her. She is smart, beautiful and kind. She is sensitive, creative and soooo funny! I enjoy being around her. I was genuinely concerned when she was born about how things would turn out. My husband and I were just two children playing house and we had a LOT of growing up to do and lessons to learn (Lord knows that we still do).

Somehow, things have turned out okay. More than okay, they've turned out pretty great. I might not be perfect, I might be the worst mom ever but I have dedicated my life to these girls. My husband and I both have.

Things are different now at 11. I've said it before, she is teetering between childhood and the teenage years. Some days she sits on my lap (which looks ridiculous) and asks me to buy her stuffed animals and the next she will scowl at me and spend the day with head phones stuck in her ears.

I am learning not to take it personally. To take advantage of the times she wants to be close, and respect her when she needs space.

She was clingy and sweet to me all last week but the pendulum swung last night. She was getting ready for bed and I went in to kiss her good night. I leaned in and kissed her fore head and said, "I love you, good night."

Do you know what her response was? "OK."

OK? What the hell does that mean? How about: I love you too. Good night mom! Nope, just ok. I closed the door behind me and tried to shrug off the sinking feeling in my chest. I walked past my 9 year old and said, "Hey, do you want to watch a show with me?"

"Don't talk to me!" She said before going into her bedroom.

Not her too! I climbed into bed next to my husband and sighed.

"Do you think we'll survive this?"
"Survive what?"
"The next 10 years."
"I hope."

I sighed. "Just think. In two years we will be parents of a teenager." He didn't say anything. We let the reality of that statement sent in. Our children are getting older and we're getting older too.

You're Ungrateful

                           
I cannot stand complaining. Unless I'm complaining about my kids, in which case complaining is totally acceptable. In general though, I can't stand it. Whining and complaining are my pet peeves.

My kids take turns with the whining and complaining. This is a nice thing they do for me because if they were both doing it at the same time it would be too much and my head would explode. This week it was my oldest daughter's turn.

On Monday, I took the children to the zoo and out to lunch. We saw all kinds of animals, we fed goats, went to different presentations. We had a good time. We were by the barn and the kids started asking to go to the gift shop. I told them that we would go on our way out as it was on the opposite side of the zoo and we still had some more exhibits to see. "We will go right before we leave. It's by the exit, we have a few more things to see." That was not good enough. "I don't want to see the koalas, blah, blah, blah, blah....I want to leave, blah,blah,blah...."

I paid $50 to go to the zoo. I wanted to see the damn koalas. I snapped at her, "You know what you did today? You went out to lunch at one of your favorite places, you looked a freaking giraffe in the eyes while it ate out of your hands, you touched a hedgehog, you saw elephants. On a scale of 1 to amazing - your life is pretty damn amazing today so shut up."

She pouted. Whatever. We went to the stupid gift shop and the kids wasted their money on overpriced junk. The rest of the day was okay. I calmed down a bit.

On Tuesday, I took the girls downtown to get facials which was sooo awesome. I needed it. The girls felt so fancy. Somehow they convinced me to take them out to lunch again. The level on whining on Tuesday was reasonable.

On Wednesday, we relaxed. I kind of felt bad because I ignored the kids while I cleaned the house. In the afternoon I told the kids that I was going to get them a special treat after we picked up their friend. It was a surprise. I was going to do an ice cream sundae bar. We were going to the grocery store to get ice cream, whipped cream, fudge, caramel, waffle cone bowls, peanuts, sprinkles, cherries. The whole thing. I wasn't even going to get to eat one because I didn't want to use up my calories.

I was going to surprise the kids and let them pick out what they wanted. We walked into the grocery store to the ice cream section and I said, "We are going to do an ice cream sundae bar!"
                              
My oldest crossed her arms.
                             
She turned her nose up like I told her we were going to eat piles and piles of shit, and announced to me, "Ugggh! I didn't even want ice cream sundaes. That's not even a treat!"

Oh.My. God. I lost my mind. I did what any good mother would do. I pointed my finger in her face and I said, "You know what? You're an a-hole." Except I said the actual word. Out loud. I the grocery store. In front of 5 people who looked at me like I was the worst person ever. I didn't even care.
                                  
I let the other kids pick out the things while she pouted. I didn't even feel bad about it. Worst Mom Ever. Bad Mom Award.

I love my kids and I like to do nice things for them. I'm not asking for them to be overly thankful. I just don't want them to be completely ungrateful. Or if they're going to be ungrateful and unappreciative they could keep it in their heads.

She could have stood in front of the ice cream freezer and thought, I hate my mom. Does she think this is a treat? I hate ice cream. She is so lame.... I would not have known any different and life could have gone on happily.

We had a long talk about counting our blessings and how mom and dad don't have to do extra things for them, ect. I hope next week will be better. It will be my 9 year old's turn.

Lose It!

                            
A few Sundays ago my husband, my two sisters and myself were sitting in my living room eating brownies and complaining about how fat we are. It's a thing that we do from time to time.

I am an on-and-off dieter. I was almost to my heaviest weight not-pregnant a few months ago and dieted and lost 5 pounds and then gained a pound back. Boo. The problem is that I HATE working out. I HATE it. But  that is the only way to really lose the weight.

I lost 30 pounds in 2008 by going to the gym 4-5 times a week and running on the elliptical but my weight has crept back on in the years since.

The four of us decided to make a pact to lose weight together. We need to do it as a group so we can be accountable to someone besides ourselves. I decided to go all in. We downloaded this app called Lose It!

You put in your weight, your goal, how much weight you want to lose per week and it calculates how many calories you can eat in a day to meet that goal. You log your food and exercise daily. You can sign up for different weight loss challenges. I signed up for 2,000 minutes of exercise because that is where I am lacking.

We have done really good. I lost 4 pounds last week. I have not been in the 130s in over two years so when I stepped on the scale I was so excited. I've been working out.

I went with my husband to join the gym by our house. He already has a membership but I've been holding out. You'll remember that last time I went to the gym, I literally pissed my pants while doing sit ups so I wasn't really excited about joining. I was reluctant.

We pulled into the parking lot and my husband said, "Damn it! It's packed in here. I forgot that today was pizza Monday."

"What's pizza Monday?"

"They serve free pizza on Mondays."

"They serve free pizza at the gym? You have got to be f**king kidding me. I am trying to lose weight and I'm going to be running in front of the delicious cheesy pizza. Great!"

We went in and a 19 year old signed me up for a gym membership. He asked me if I would like some pizza. "We call it judgement free pizza. Also, we have bagel Tuesday the second Tuesday of the month." That's how they keep their customers - by making sure they stay fatties. He handed me a shiny card and a tee shirt. My husband looked at the guy and said, "That's not fair. I didn't get a tee shirt when I joined."

The guy just looked at him like, What the hell do you want me to do about it?

My husband was not going to let it go. "I REALLY would have liked a tee shirt. It's a nice shirt." They stared at each other and shared an awkward silence. When my husband realized that the 19 year old was not catching his hint, he walked away.

I ran on the elliptical and burned 300 calories. I was happy with that. On the way home I logged my exercise into the Lose It! app. I browsed through their exercises.

"Whoa! They have sexual activity listed as an exercise!" I said surprised.

"Oh yeah? How many calories does it burn?"

"Only 26 calories for half an hour. That's not even worth it."

"Half an hour?!?!?! Who the hell has half an hour?"

"People who don't have children that are around all the time."

Seriously, our kids are ALWAYS around. They stay up as late as we do. It's horrible. I've considered paying them $10 to walk the dog around the block for ten minutes, 3 times a week.

Anyway, I've been doing good going to the gym every day. Except for Wednesday. On Wednesday we attended a free boot camp. Oh my God. I was running, doing bear crawls, at least 60 squats, 100 crunches. I didn't pee my pants though, so that was a victory.

We were SO sore afterwards. The next two days I was in tears walking up and down the stairs. I went into the bathroom and screamed bloody murder.

My kids were like, "Are you okay, mommy?"

"Yeah, I just had to sit down on the toilet and it hurt my legs."

I still went to the gym though. I hated and cursed every minute of it but I did it. I didn't even eat the bagels. So proud.

My Girl

                                       
On Thursday my baby turned nine! Where does the time go? She was just born, like, a second ago.

She was very specific about what she wanted for her birthday. She wanted a big breakfast, a day at the river, dinner at Larry's Subs and marble cake. The child is easy to please. My husband got up at 5:30 in the morning to make her fresh blueberry pancakes with whipped cream, bacon, and eggs. It was a feast. We went to the river and swam with a snake (YIKES!) and then dinner and cake. She wanted $50 and a bow and arrow so that is what we got her. It was a good day.

My daughter is a wild child. She is smart as can be and soooo funny. She is into weddings right now for some reason. Her new favorite show is Say Yes to the Dress. The other day she came up to me and asked, "What is the budget for my wedding?"

"I don't know. It depends on how much money dad and I have when you get married."

"Well, I want a lace dress that is strapless. Straight across, not a sweet heart neckline. I also want a marble wedding cake and shrimp at my reception. Can you remember that?"

"Sure thing."

I forgot that according to "tradition" we have to fund 2 weddings. Two weddings and college.
                  

Hopefully she marries a rich guy who will pay for the wedding and pay off her student loans. I'll still be paying mine off when she gets married.

I feel so blessed to have this little one. She is one of the smartest, wittiest people that I know. She is highly entertaining and I love just hanging out and being around her. She makes me laugh.

Now that she is nine and going into the fourth grade I told her I was going to teach her how to do some light cooking. She has been begging me for months. I asked her what she wanted to learn how to cook. Guess what she said? Ramen Noodles.
                       
The child is obsessed with Ramen noodles. I don't understand. They are horrible for you and full of sodium so I don't let her have them all the time but if she could, she would eat Ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I taught her how to boil the water and how to cook them and transfer them safely into the bowl. She was so excited. That was all she needed to know. She thinks that she is ready to go to college now. That evening she stood up in the living room and announced: "Tomorrow I am giving you a treat. I am going to make Ramen noodles for you ALL for lunch." That is a treat indeed.

She is my fearless child. That is one of the things I love the best about her. She is not afraid to try anything. She wants to experience everything that life has to offer. We went to the aquarium this Friday and we attended a presentation about snakes and insects. The presenter asked if anyone wanted to pet the hissing cockroach. Her hand shot straight up. She was the ONLY kid who pet the cockroach.

That's who she is. When she was two she jumped into the deep end of the pool because she wanted to go swimming. She always wants to ride the biggest, scariest roller coasters. She wants to go sky-diving someday. She makes me so nervous. I have spent the past nine years trying to get her to balance her thrill-seeking with self preservation.

She is a free spirit. She wears cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts and a tie dyed tee shirts. Her room is pink with Star Wars and Avengers posters on the wall. She loves My Little Pony and Doctor Who. She is friends with everyone. She is not afraid to be herself. I wish everyone could be like that.

I don't know how I got so darn lucky. I am so blessed to have her in my life. My crazy curly-haired, sweet, funny wild child. I love her so much. I always tell her, "I love you all the way to the moon and all the way back home." Truer words were never spoken.

Cheap and Easy

       

My husband's cousin came to visit us this past weekend. She is getting married and her fiance's family lives in South Carolina so they stopped by as they were passing through.

She walked through the door and we embraced. The children were upstairs watching Minecraft videos on Youtube or whatever the hell they do. His cousin remarked that she hadn't seen the kids since they were 2 and 3 months old. We are horrible family members. Nine years! We haven't seen each other for almost a decade. We called the kids down and they came bounding down the stairs.

My oldest daughter is as tall as she is. Crazy. We sat down in the living room and had a chat. Her fiance was very nice. He asked how long we have been married.

"We just celebrated 13 years," I replied.
My husband piped in, "Yeah, man. She has me spoiled...."

I thought that was such a nice thing to say. He never says that to me. It must be because I am so beautiful and take such good care of him. Nope.

He added, "She's cheap and easy."

That's what he said. Those exact words to describe me: CHEAP and EASY. I looked at him like

         
After they left I confronted him about it. "Thanks for telling them I'm cheap and easy. You made me sound like some two-cent hoe hanging out on Rivers Avenue."

"There is such a thing as a two-cent hoe? I didn't mean it like that. I just mean you are laid back and are low maintenance."

"Well, next time instead of calling me cheap and easy you can say that I have low standards and am easy to please."

He is right. I am kind of cheap. It has been well documented. I received a gift card last week and I went shopping over the weekend. I was excited. I never buy anything for myself. I almost never go clothes shopping in real life. I do everything online.

The kids have gotten pickier about where they get their clothes and they like American Eagle, Aeropostale, Justice. I am a beast when it comes to saving money. I got $120 worth of clothes online at American Eagle for $38 this week. I like shopping online because I can compare prices, watch sales, search for coupon codes.

Anyway, I went shopping this weekend. I needed to buy a bathing suit for myself and some sundresses. I picked out some bathing suits and went to the dressing room. I hung them on the rack and took off all of my clothes. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
                          
Dear God. The lighting was just horrible. Gross. I put all of my clothes back on. I don't need a bathing suit anyway. I'll just wear a burka on the cruise. I handed the suits back to the dressing room lady. "I changed my mind."

I walked the aisles and looked at dresses and tops. I saw one blouse that was really cute. I looked at the price tag. $89.00.

I thought to myself, Who are the ballers buying $89.00 blouses? It wasn't silk or cashmere. It was polyester mix or something. Made in Vietnam. It wasn't even a brand I recognized.

Then I thought that maybe it's normal for people to buy shirts that are ninety dollars. People are doing it all the time. Probably people with no kids and a lot of disposable income who are sitting around having people serve them food.

Not carpooling moms who spend their days cooking meals, yelling at kids, wiping counters, and sweeping up dog hair. I went to Old Navy and purchased some lovely $4 cotton tee shirts. These can be used as rags after they get ruined, I thought. Sad. Just sad.

I got some stuff for when the kids go back to school. Only 43 days left to go. Not that I'm counting or anything...