I was away for work all week. It was a long, trying week but I saw snow for the first time in years. I was so happy to step off of the airplane Friday night.
My family was there to greet me at baggage claim. The girls hugged me and were so excited that I was home. I wasn't even bothered that my suitcase never showed up. I kissed my husband and he said, "I need you in my life." I smiled. Five days is a long time to hold down the fort, to cook all the meals, pack all the lunches, shuffle to all the activities. He does an excellent job. I am so lucky to have him.
When we arrived home, I was exhausted. My oldest daughter had a friend sleepover so I gave the children the ground rules and went straight to bed. This morning, I got up with a list of things to accomplish. There was grocery shopping to do, laundry, and general housekeeping.
I wanted to do something with just the girls this afternoon where we could have some one-on-one time. They had gift cards for Barnes and Noble so we decided to go read some books, have a cup of coffee, and visit the dogs at Pet Smart next door. My daughter's friend came along.
When we pulled into the parking lot, all the dogs were out in the front of Pet Smart and we went over to see them. OH MY GOD! We could not even take the cuteness. The kids were begging me, "Mom! Can we please get another dog?" As if! These kids don't even help me with the dog that we do have. These dogs were like:
There was a huge, old dog in the corner. His name was Big Ben. He was 8 years old and had big, sad eyes. I knelt beside him and scratched behind his ears and rubbed his back. He didn't even move. He just sighed. I had such a strong urge to take him home. Not many people want to adopt old dogs. One day, when I'm retired, that is going to be my thing. I am going to adopt 10 year old dogs and spoil them for the rest of their lives. I'll be a dog hoarder.
We had to leave because my heart was breaking. We walked over to Barnes and Noble and chatted about our dog. "I want to go home and hug Summer," my youngest said. "Me too. She's a dumb dog." She was so offended. "Mom, she is not dumb! She is our family." I'm not saying I don't love her. I do, she is adorable but she is dumb as sh*t. She is the dog-version of an airhead. I'm not trying to insult her, but she's no Lassie or Rin Tin Tin.
We went into Barnes and Noble and we browsed for books. My kids made a bee-line for the teen section. That was weird. They both read at a very high level and sometimes it's hard to make sure everything they are reading is appropriate. We were at the library this summer and my 9 year old walked up to me with a book and said, "Can I read this?" It looked like a mystery novel. I don't even know where she picked it up.
I read the back of the cover. "No."
"Why not? Is it because it's about a rapist?"
Apparently, she had read the back cover too.
"Yes, that's exactly why."
So, we're at the bookstore now and my 9 year old hands me a book. "I want this one." I read the back cover and flipped through it. "It says the word shit in this book." She shrugged her shoulders. "So what? I know that word. I know, like, all the words already." My 11 year old chimed in, "I've read books that have the word hell, slut, the d-word, the s-word, the f-word...."
Thanks for letting me know about that...in public. I appreciate you saying the word slut out loud. Sixth grade style.
I left them to browse and wandered over the the parenting section, because I need it. There were a million baby books. Your Baby, Yourself; How to Give Birth Standing on Your Head; Potty Training NOW.... there has got to be some good books for navigating the tween years. There is not. Unless you have an autistic tween, or a tween with ADHD. Even the books about daughters are geared to the younger years.
I am in mommy limbo. There are a ton of resources for new parents, support groups and everyone giving advice but as your kids grow older that slowly starts to diminish. Maybe it's because society thinks once you've been in this parenting gig for over a decade you should know what the hell you are doing. I feel like I'm just flying by the seat of my pants on a daily basis.
There is so much information on how to get a baby to sleep but practically none on what you should do when your 4th grader knows all the words. The struggle is real. When my kids were younger I used to subscribe to that, "Your child- week by week" and every week it would be a new milestone or a tip. Why don't they make them for older kids?!?! It would be much needed. It would look something like this:
Week 599- Eye Rolling - Now that your child is almost 600 weeks old, you will find that more and more they will be trying to exert their independence. They will do this with what seems like an endless amount of eye rolling. Their eye rolling may be prompted by asking them to complete a simple task, telling them to do their homework, asking them how their day went, or just speaking to them in general. Don't worry - this is completely normal and won't last forever. It should subside within the next 10 years or when they realize that you aren't really a complete schmuck. Keep a lookout for next week when we will discuss how the smallest events appear to be the END OF THE WORLD to your tween.
When the kids were younger, I would go to support groups with other moms and we would let our babies crawl around while be lamented over the sleepless nights and exchanged healthy meal ideas as we sipped cups of coffee. The moms of tweens support group is much needed, but would be much different. The moms would sit around with glasses of wine while the tweens would sit, slouching and scowling with headphones stuffed in their ears and cell phones in hand. We'd discuss the real struggles in our lives. How to deal with the nasty attitudes, the best way to clean the soles of Converse sneakers, and the most effective way to get your child to realize that you were serious when you told them you weren't buying them a new iphone when they cracked the screen AGAIN.
I don't know exactly how I got to this place. But here I am. I don't hate it. I just wish there was more support. It has been the loneliest part of motherhood that I have experienced thus far.
After books, I was ready for coffee. They ordered mocha frappes like the divas that they are and I got us cookies to share. We sat down and talked. One nice thing about having older kids is they can talk to you and tell stories that are funny and interesting. Little kids are cute but when they want to tell you about Little Mermaid for the 80th time, you really just do not give a shit.
My daughter's friend was talking about her siblings (she's one of 6) and said something about her mom when my 11 year old piped in.
"Yeah, my mom is always giving us a dose of reality."
"What does that mean?"
"You know, like when you say that life isn't fair. Or like some kids will ask for things and their parents will just get it for them and you are like, "Do you have a job?" Stuff like that."
Well, I sound like a giant asshole. Thankfully her friend chimed in and said, "My mom is like that too!"
"What do you admire most about your mom?" I asked her friend. I'm curious about how kids this age view their parents. She thought for a moment.
Before she could answer my 11 year old said, "I admire my mom's sense of humor. I think I take after her." My 9 year old added, "I admire my mom because she is kind, passionate, funny, and she loves us!"
I thought that was so sweet. I do love these girls so much and it's nice to know in these moments that seem to getting fewer and farther between that they really do appreciate me and not think I'm the worst.
I still think I need a support group though.
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