I opened my eyes at 4:41 am this morning. I stared at the ceiling for a while before getting up. That has been my reality ALL week. I've been waking up between 2-5 am and tossing and turning. It figures. We are finally getting into a place where my kids actually sleep and now I have a hard time sleeping.
Let's stay in reality though. My 9 year old did somehow manage to snuggle into our bed between us after I fell asleep last night. I woke up this morning with a knee in my back.
Seriously, we've been having this struggle for almost 12 years. That is a long time. I am over it. I have this conversation with her frequently.
"You can't sleep in bed with us."
"Why not?"
"You are too big."
"But it feels so safe and warm."
We go around and around. Usually she winds up sleeping on the floor right next to our bed. We just re-did her bedroom. Painted it, got new curtains and a comforter, let her pick our pictures, wall stickers and a lava lamp. She still won't sleep in there.
I am a proponent of the family bed, I love when the kids lay with me and snuggle. When I say she is too big to sleep with us - I don't mean that she is too old - she is physically too big. My husband is a big guy, I am a big lady and she is getting to be a big person. There is just not enough room.
She gets it from my husband. A few months ago, he went out of town for work and said, "I'm not going to sleep good."
"Why?"
"Because I don't like to sleep alone."
What is wrong with these people? I'll sleep alone every day of the week. Having the whole bed to myself, having all the blankets and pillows, spreading out.... I've been cliff hanging for over a decade. I'm over it.
We had a rough week. It's been really busy. I am ready for school to be over. I am counting down the weeks. I am a horrible parent at the end of the school year. My daughter reminded me to sign her agenda and I had this thought: Can you just sign my name on there? I immediately felt terrible. Bad Mom Award.
I HATE getting the kids ready for school in the morning. Not just because of making lunches either. On Tuesday, my 4th grader got up at 5:30 am and went into her room to get dressed. Before long she was in my room demanding that I find a pair of black tights for her.
"Check the clothes that I just put in your room."
"I did that."
"Wear something else."
"No. I want black tights."
I went into her room, opened her closet and you would not believe it was half full of clothes and crap. When I asked her to clean her room last weekend, she took everything and stuffed it into her closet.
There were no clean black tights. Blue tights, grey tights, striped tights, 5 pairs of jeans.... She had a full on freak out so bad that I can't even tell you. Screaming. She told me that I am a horrible mother and that I don't love her and then refused to go to school. "If I don't have black tights to wear - I'm not going."
Then I had a freak out. Then she screamed some more. Finally, I just left. "I am leaving this house at 7 o'clock with or without you!" I was so upset I was seeing white.
I went downstairs and sat at the table. I was so upset that I was shaking. I was doing deep breathing exercises. My husband wasn't thrilled either.
"Do you think it's too late to consider adoption?" I asked.
"Yes."
"How are we going to survive the next 6 years?"
He shrugged. "Drinking. Lots of drinking."
She came downstairs later in black tights that belong to her sister. Refused to eat breakfast. "It doesn't matter - you want me to starve anyway!" Drama.Drama.Drama.
We grounded her from TV for the rest of the week which invoked 90 minutes of crying that afternoon. How can someone cry for 90 minutes? That's exhausting. Consequently, she did well getting ready the rest of the week.
My 6th grader is a little better. She is slightly more pleasant in the morning. She came downstairs yesterday in a white tee-shirt.
"You need to wear a tank top under that shirt," my husband said.
"I don't have a clean tank top."
"You have plenty of tank tops, go put one on," I piped in.
"I only have a black one."
"Well, put it on," he said.
"But why?"
"Because you are wearing a white tee shirt and that's what we told you to do. Do it NOW."
We're only in February. I am just waiting for the fights that will ensue when it gets warm. She's going to need new shorts. I have straight up told her that it will be mid-length, Bermuda shorts and capris at school. The shorts need to be fingertip length but I am not buying shorts that at AT fingertip length. We are not going to do it this year.
Bathing suit shopping will be hell also because we will have the bikini fight AGAIN. Every year. "I don't care it everyone else wears a bikini...." There will be crying and eye rolling. Please pray for me throughout the spring. I need strength.
I am turning into my parents. Lord Jesus, help me.
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