Nesting

                               
I've been nesting. I can't quite figure it out. I'm not having a baby (Thank the Lord Jesus). Maybe it's because I'm coming out of this fog and I'm realizing how much I've let the house go to shit. Seriously, a few weeks ago I stood in front of my house and thought:
                 
We tore up all of our bushes. I painted our shutters, mailbox, and front door. I repainted the porch and garage door trim. I purchased some bushes and flowers. I planted mums in hanging baskets that will hang from the porch. It's going to look so nice!

The kids had off from school today because of the tropical storm so we got to sleep in. I didn't have to pack lunches or drive anyone to gymnastics. It was the best thing ever. Since it's September, it was time for me to put up the autumn decorations. I went to the garage and pulled out the bin labeled "FALL DECOR" but I rustled through some of the other containers. I had 3 LARGE bins of kids papers. I pulled them out as well.

After I had taken down the flags, switched out the wreath, draped autumn garlands, hung a cinnamon broom and lit a pumpkin candle - it was time to tackle the kids papers. I opened them up and went through everything. Some of it I hadn't seen in years.

There were some things that were mine. A report card from first grade, random report cards from my middle and high school years. My high school year books, and sloppy pictures that I drew in kindergarten.

I kept some clothing items. The dress my oldest came home from the hospital in, an Easter dress that belonged to my youngest. My got rid of my oldest's kindergarten graduation gown and the sling that I'd carried the kids around in. It was hard but I did it.

The papers were overwhelming. I saved so much. Every scribble, every card, every award and report card. My kid got an award for pooping in the potty. I'm not kidding you, it was signed and everything. I get it, it's a big deal when your kid takes a dump in the toilet for the first time but do I really need a piece of paper in the garage commemorating the event?

I started purging. Great - my kid wrote the letter "J" twenty times. Why am I keeping this? Toss. Why do I have the note cards for a red panda research paper? Toss. Before long, I had a huge pile of stuff to get rid of.

My kids came downstairs while I was mid-purge. "What are you doing with all of our papers mom?"
"I'm getting rid of them."
They were personally offended. "Why? Don't you want this stuff? We made it."
I was going to stand my ground. I was not going to re-pack this stuff. I asked them to look through some of it. "Do you want me to save this stuff to give to you to store in garage when you grow up?"
They shook their heads "no".
"Good. Now one of you go get me a trash bag so I can throw away all of these memories." Bad Mom Award.

In the end, I threw out 2 trash bags full. I still saved a lot of stuff. I saved the report cards and awards, some drawings, memory books they made in school, I even saved the award my daughter got for shitting on the toilet. Things that they'll want someday, maybe.

I felt like a horrible parent doing it, but the truth is - there is no reason to save that stuff. They are sitting in boxes in my garage. My house is full of things my kids have made. I have their framed art hanging all over my house, my kitchen window sill is a menagerie of clay art projects they've made.

I may have thrown out a TON of their old school work and their art BUT what they don't realize is that I've been writing about them since they've been born. Literally, hundreds and hundreds of pages of stories and accounts of our days together, funny things that they've said.

My opus will be compiling all of it for them. I'll pair up stories with pictures and get it printed and bound. I think they'll enjoy that much more than the poop-in-the-potty award.