Keeping Secrets

My husband is in Las Vegas this week so I am on full time kid/mom/house duty. This evening my oldest daughter had a jazz band concert. I was so proud of her, she sounded so good. She was in good spirits on the way home. We talked about having ice cream and listened to the radio. I LOVE this kid.

When we got home, she went upstairs to take a shower and I went to the kitchen to do the dishes and fix my youngest a plate. Twenty minutes later, she appeared before me. She looked serious.

"Mom, can I talk to you?"
I stopped what I was doing and leaned against the counter top. "Sure. What's up?"
"I really need to tell you something but you have to promise me you won't freak out and kill me...."

Nothing good ever comes when that statement precedes it. I knew something had happened and she was coming to me so I took a deep breath. "I promise I won't freak out or kill you."

She didn't tell me her secret right away. Instead, she started rambling. "You always tell me that I can tell you everything, but I don't want you to be mad at me. I can't stand keeping secrets from you. I feel so guilty, I know I shouldn't have done it....." Her eyes were getting teary.

Now I was having a full-blown f**king panic attack. This was me inside:
                                  
I did not know what she was about to tell me but I went over ALL the possibilities in my head and it wasn't good. I was about to hyperventilate but was trying to be calm on the outside. I couldn't even handle it. Whatever this thing was, it was HORRIBLE.

"What is it?" I asked.
She raised her hands to her hair and pulled it back revealing 2 additional piercings on each ear.

I was actually relieved.
                    
I mean, there were a million other horrible possibilities. I can deal with holes in ears.

"When did this happen?" I asked, getting closer and looking at them.
"About 3 weeks ago," she replied.
"How?"
"I pierced them myself when you were at work."
"Was dad here?"
"Yes."

Good. This shit is on his watch.

"How did you do it? Don't you know you can get a terrible infection?"

She went on to detail how she researched it, how she did it, how she sterilized the needle, how she has been doing the aftercare every day for the past 3 weeks .... as if it were no big deal.

I was impressed by the level of diligence that went into it. They don't look bad, and if she asked me to get a second piercing, I would have let it. She could have just asked.

I did keep my promise, I didn't freak out. I did give her the, I'm so disappointed lecture, and the risk taking lecture, and the infection lecture....

More than be mad at her, I HATED myself. I am obviously a shitty, shitty mother. How did I not know for 3 WEEKS that my child had 4 additional holes in her ears? She has been wearing her hair down alot....but I should have discovered it on my own. I suck. Worst mom ever.

This daughter of mine will be a teenager in 9 short weeks and she wants to grown already. I know my parents are laughing right now at me because she is MY daughter, through and through. I'm getting it back SO BAD. Pray for me to get through these next 5 years.

I looked her straight in the eyes, "This is it. No more holes in your body until you turn 18 and if you ever think of getting a tattoo, I will kick you out of my house."