The Housewife

                              
So, I quit my job. Which, let's face it - was not a big deal. I worked ONE day a week. Sometimes I would pick up extra during the week when my kids were at school. I did work one Saturday a month. I worked 32-40 hours a month. I would generally work every Sunday but it became an issue as I would never leave work on time, my husband's role at work changed, it was hard for us to ever do anything on the weekends as I would have to be up early on Sunday. It just wasn't working for us, so I prayed a lot about it and I ultimately felt like it would be best to take my Sundays back.

So I went from being employed to 8 hours a week to 0 hours a week. Not a huge adjustment. I haven't worked during the week in about 3 years. It's just easier. My husband has a job that is not flexible, he travels, he sometimes has to work weekends, he takes call after hours one week out of the month AND he's in school. He doesn't have time for any domestic work. He definitely helps where he can but as much as possible, I try to take the stress of off him.

I really don't feel like the term "stay at home mom" fits me because I don't take care of kids all day. I have a high schooler and middle schooler. I hate the term "housewife". I'm probably somewhere in-between stay-at-home-mom and housewife. I'm like the Director of Support Services. Or maybe I don't need a special term to make me feel important.

This weekend, I went to a wine party and the lady who was selling it was telling her story and she was talking about how she quit her job to stay home with her 4 kids and how she was so BORED and isolated. I thought- Bored?!?!?! How can you be bored with 4 kids and a husband? Literally just the meal making, laundry and driving around is a full time job.

I thought about this when I got up yesterday. People will ask me how I fill my time. Sometimes I give a snarky reply - I sing to my cat, take naps, play Candy Crush, drink wine and watch movies.....hahaha. That sounds AMAZING. No, most of my days look something like this- this was yesterday:

When the alarm goes off at 6:15 in the morning, my husband gets up to take a shower and get ready for work. I get up (no, just because I stay home DOES NOT mean that I sleep in), I make the bed, I feed the cat, I check the 12 year old and make sure she's up, I let the dog out. I brew coffee and I make breakfast. My hubby and I are modified-keto so I always make some kind of cooked eggs and a protein - so breakfast sausage, or bacon, or sliced avocado and a fruit. My youngest will get toast with hers. While breakfast is cooking - I make my husband lunch. Something healthy, balanced and packed with protein. I sit down and have breakfast with the two of them.

Then, is my relaxing time of the day. I sit on the couch for 25 minutes and drink my coffee and scroll through Facebook and read the news. Then at 7:40 - I get up and fix a hot breakfast for the high schooler. She loves herbal tea, so I'll brew a cup of tea and fix her lunch. A little less healthy than my husband's, but balanced. We leave at 8:10, I pick up 2 of her friends on the way, drop them off at the high school, get home shortly before 9.

As soon as I get home, I let the dog out again, I unloaded the dishwasher, I loaded the breakfast dishes, wiped down the counters, I threw a load of laundry in the washer, I cleaned out the litter box, I wiped down the bathroom sinks, I swept the downstairs. Then I had to do my grocery shopping. I stopped at the Dollar Store and picked up some last minute Halloween stuff, I had to run to Walmart and get some liquid stitch and sewing tape because I need to hem my daughter's dress for an event on Friday, then I went to the grocery store. I got home and unloaded everything. It was shortly after noon.

I fixed myself lunch, as I ate, I had eggs boiling on the stove and bratwurst in a skillet for my husband's lunch for the following day. I put away the groceries, and packed a snack for my daughter for gymnastics. I prepped a taco soup for dinner and put it in the slow cooker, I went upstairs and threw a load of laundry into the dryer, then went to take a shower.

I'm about to step in the shower and and my phone pops up that my oldest daughter is typing me in SNAPCHAT. Oh God. If my kids text me in the middle of the day, it usually means something is wrong.

KID: Momma. I think I'm having an allergic reaction. My lip is really swollen and itchy and burning.

Knowing that she has a flair for the dramatic, I ask her to text me a picture. She does, and sure enough, it looks like she is having an allergic reaction to something. I text her a barrage of questions: Do you know what triggered it? Did you use a new lip product, eat something new, get a bug bite? No. I'm trying to figure out how serious this is. Is she going to go into anaphalaxsis or is this just a contact reaction?

ME: Do you have any burning, tingling or swelling in your tongue and throat?
HER: I don't know.
              
My kids REFUSE to go to the nurse. They could text me a picture of their finger cut off and blood spurting out and they'd be like, "MOM! My finger got cut off. Will you come get me?"
And I'm like, "OH MY GOD! Your finger is cut off! Go to the nurse, call 911. Do something!" and they'll reply, "Nah, It's not that bad. I'll wait for you. Just come quick if you can." Drives me crazy.

So by my powers of deduction, I figure out she is not at immediate risk of dying. I take a quick shower, run to the store to pick up non-drowsy antihistamine, pick her up from school about an hour early, medicate her. Then, we went to drop off her band fee money, ran to the gas station to put gas in the car, picked up kid 2 from the middle school and dropped her off at gymnastics, looped back around to the high school to pick up her friend who was supposed to go to a band concert with us that evening.

We went home, I fixed dinner, fed the dog and cat. Kissed the husband when he walked through the door. Went upstairs and put the second load from the washer into the dryer. Then, we left and went to the concert. I love watching my daughter play her flute. It was great. Got home around 8:15 as my husband was walking through the door from picking up my youngest from gymnastics.

I heated up her dinner and loaded the dishes while she ate and we chatted about her evening. She showed me a bruise she got during practice and talked about school. She went upstairs to take a shower and I fixed cocktails for my husband and I and we lit a fire and sat on the back porch and talked about our day. It was a cool night and as often as possible we try to get porch time to re-connect. He told me about his day and we chatted about upcoming events. We played Celtic radio and just enjoyed our time.

We went in after half and hour, my youngest asked for some assistance with her homework so I sat down and did that. Then I went upstairs, took the second load from the dryer. I washed my face and brushed my teeth and crawled into bed around 10.

That is somewhat a typical day in my life. I generally have 5 hours of kid-free time during the day. Once a week I do the grocery shopping, once a week I mow the lawn and weed eat, one day a week I mop and do the bathrooms and wash all the linens....I always have extra things. This week I'm hemming a dress and throwing a Halloween party and today I made alterations to my daughter's Halloween costume while I sipped a cup of coffee and chatted with a good friend.

Someone always has a doctors appointment, or orthodontist appointment, or therapist appointment or an allergic reaction, sprained ankle, broken finger, the common cold....seriously this week is the first week NO ONE had some kind of medical appointment. But we have 2 next week.

Once a month I have lunch with my youngest daughter at the middle school. She picks the meal and the day. I volunteer here and there. I attend awards ceremonies and pay the bills and take the cars to have the oil changed, replace the tires and everything else.

I have a list of things to be done when I get to them- the baseboards in the dining room need to be repainted as does the mailbox post. There is some landscaping work to be done in my front yard and I need to re-screen our window screens, get rid of things in the garage. Those are the things that will get done one-by-one, when and if I have the time.

If I need time to myself, I take time. If it's been especially hectic I will schedule a massage or spend an hour in a bubble bath in the middle of the day or take a nap, or just lay on the couch and watch a movie, have breakfast or coffee with friends.  It's not often- not weekly but I do it if I need to. And I don't feel ONE OUNCE of guilt.

Am I bored? No. Never. Am I busy? Sure. But I can't complain because working parents have to do EVERYTHING that I do ON TOP of working a full time job. I know that my life is not hard AT ALL. I know that it is a HUGE luxury to be able to stay home and support my family and spend time with my kids. I feel gratitude every day.

I have been a full time working parent and it is HARD. I never did it well. I could never achieve the work-life balance that I desired. I always felt like I was falling short in every area of my life. As women, we are supposed to "lean in" to our jobs but also be there for our kids and make sure we spend quality time with them, and cook nutritious meals, and keep a clean house, and work out, and get 8 hours of sleep, and f*ck our husbands multiple times a week, and maintain relationships for friends and family and be happy and put together. Is this what it means to "have it all"? It's a damn trap is what it is.

I'll never forget when I was working full time for the State and I picked up my kids from aftercare at 5:15 in the evening. I had forgotten to pull something out of the freezer for dinner so I stopped somewhere to grab dinner on the way home. I walked through the front door and the breakfast dishes were still on the table, my floors were filthy, my bed was unmade, there was mold growing in the corner of my shower, dust was on every surface, there was a pile of laundry in the hallway. I was so behind on the housework, so tired, I hadn't spent quality time with my husband in weeks, what I really wanted to do was just hang out with my kids. I was failing. I was tired of resenting my husband for not helping more. I had a breakdown.

"We are paying someone to clean the house once a week!" I declared to my husband. I needed that for my sanity. He didn't argue with me. He completely agreed. He could see my struggle. So how did I do it all when I was working full time? I didn't. I paid someone to clean my house once a week, I paid someone to watch my kids, I paid someone to mow my lawn and I spent almost as much as my mortgage eating out. I SUCK at managing my life. I was tired. I could not do it all.

When the kids were sick it was the worst. It'd be a random Thursday and we'd get up and get ready for work and one of the kids would wake up with a fever. It usually went something like this:

Me: Kid 1 has a 101 fever. One of us is going to need to stay home with her.
Husband: Well, I can't because I'm leading the team meeting this afternoon.
Me: Well, I have a speaking engagement at a conference in Columbia. I cannot no-show to it.
Husband: Uggggh. I'll reschedule my meeting but I CANNOT miss two days in a row. You have to take off tomorrow.
Me: Okay.

There would be arguments about who's job was more important that the others. Sometimes we would both take a half day so that we didn't miss a whole day. We were lucky-  we've always had paid time off but a lot of parents don't. It was difficult during those years.

The world is not designed for working parents. Everything is during the day. Awards ceremonies, school events. Kids bring home field trip permission slips a week before. Guess what- if you're a nurse you have to have your schedule approved a month in advance. There is no chaperoning your kid's field trips. Your kid wants to do an after school activity? They need to be picked up. My kids both did chorus in elementary school and needed to be picked up at 3 pm. My husband took his lunch at 3 pm to pick up the kids so they could participate. My youngest needs to be at gymnastics at 4 pm everyday. Many working parents cannot do this. Many working parents have to say "no" to activities that their kids might enjoy or might enrich them because it just does not work with their schedule. Working parents get f*cked all the time.

I've always been fortunate to work jobs where I had flexibility. Even when I had a job where I traveled, I worked from home 50% of the time and I could make my own schedule. I was fortunate that I never had to miss anything. I volunteered a lot and we made huge sacrifices to make sure we spent enough quality time with them. It was SO HARD. I was SO TIRED.

When I got laid off from my job 4 years ago, I took a year off from work to re-charge. It was great. I had a clean house. I spent a LOT of time with the kids. Every Monday I volunteered in my daughter's 3rd grade classroom. It was a time of recovery and rediscovery and I was fortunate to be able to have that time. After a year I went back to work in outside sales and marketing. I was fortunate to have flexibility but it became difficult again. As my oldest daughter began to navigate the tumultuous world of middle school it became clear to both of us that I needed to dedicate my time to the family. Plus, my husband's role changed at work and it involved more travel. "The kids need you here," he said to me. He was right.

I've been fortunate that every time I've ever lost or left a job it's been in combination of a job change or some sort of promotion for my husband. I have always felt strongly that God will provide and he has.

So, here I am again. I feel good about it. Last week I had a lunch date with my husband and we were chatting about me quitting my job and he reminded me, "It's just a few years." He is right. These are the last years with them before they become adults. It is an important time. I could not ask for a better man. He truly values me and he tells me all the time, "You do too much." If the kids ever say anything about me not working or just working 1 day a week he'll chime in and say, "Your mom works just as hard as me." If I mention that I'm spending all his money he reminds me, "It's OUR money."

People will ask if he gives me money and I laugh. There is no allowance. We always pool our money regardless of what my employment status is, always have. Even when we were in high school. We budget together and it's not an issue. Not that it matters, after the bills are paid, all the rest basically goes to the kids.

So, right now I am only a mom. That doesn't mean that I think that a woman's role is in the home. If she feels strongly that her role is in the home- then she should be there. If a woman feels like her role is in the workplace then she should be there. Having the option is a huge privilege. Many women don't have a choice one way or the other.

People need to do what works best for them. As my kids needs have changed we have adjusted our lifestyles to those needs. In 2 years, when my youngest is in high school and my oldest is driving - maybe I'll go back to work. Maybe I'll go back when my husband is done school. Maybe I'll wait until my youngest graduates. Maybe I'll work from home. Maybe I'll write a book. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that it is bright and that the universe is full of abundance and that I won't regret the time I've spent with my children.

And to the working parents out there- just know you are doing the best that you can, don't beat yourself up if you miss awards, know that it's okay to use paper plates and to let the clothes live in the dryer, y'all are the true MVPs and you have my utmost respect. 

Year 3 In the Books

Marching band season came around this year without much fanfare. It's my daughter's third year - she just folded right back in. The first year was exciting- it was new, there were things to learn and adjust to. The second year of marching band was like a second year of marriage, the newness had worn off but it was still fresh. It was emotionally difficult. This year, it became part of the routine. She was confident in what she was doing, she knew the schedule and expectations and it just WAS.

I spent the season shuttling her here and there, chaperoning football games and helping at competitions like I always do. My daughter is playing the piccolo this year so that was neat to watch. "I can finally HEAR you!" I exclaimed. She came home toward the start of the season and told me that her section leader had assigned her to a new seventh grader- to kind of watch over her and help her with learning what she needed to learn. She was in that girls shoes, so she understood the struggle.

She would come home and let me know how things were going in her daily "tea" spilling sessions to me. One day we took this girl home and as she was getting out of the car my daughter turned to her and said, "You worked REALLY hard today. Keep up the good work! I'm so proud of you!" The girl gave her an exhausted half-smile and went into her house. As we were driving home, we had a chat.
"I think I've figured it out!" she said.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. If I get frustrated with her, it doesn't work. So now, every time she does something well, I point it out to her and tell her "good job". Every time, even little things. Then she will do it like that again."
"So, positive reinforcement?" I said.
"Yes!" she replied.

She loved this little child and genuinely wanted to help her. I think it brought her satisfaction to be in an unofficial mentor role. It's been fascinating to watch her grow over these past few years. She came in as an inexperienced seventh grader, who doubted her abilities and was really looking for her place in the world but now, 3 years later she is a lot more mature, so much more confident and she has a passion for music that is enviable. I'm proud of her.

This past weekend was Lower State. The day started early and it was a windy, overcast day with an on and off drizzle. The group of us parents did what the parents do - we unloaded the truck, administered first aid, plumed hats, we set up props, we cheered as the children performed, we fed them, we loaded the truck, we sat and we waited.

When they announced awards, I huddled with some of my close friends and grasped their hands, and we all held our breaths. We needed to be in the top 8 to make it to the State Competition. They called our band and we were not in the top 8. My heart fell into my stomach and I could hear the sniffles and the tears of the kids sitting behind me. I was sad for them, it was disappointing. I thought they marched a great show. They've grown and improved so much. I was proud.

Life is like that sometimes. Sometimes you work incredibly hard and you still don't win. Sometimes you want something so bad and it just doesn't happen. Life is full of disappointments and heartache - this group of kids knows that more than most. BUT they are resilient and I can't wait to see the amazing things they do next year.

When we got back to the school, I helped clean up the bus and get things put away. My daughter asked if she could go eat with friends. I handed her my debit card and kissed her on the forehead. "Yes, just be home between 10:30 and 11:00."

I took home her friend, who is in the 7th grade. It's her first year. "I'm just sad it's over. I'm going to miss my friends," she said. The young ones don't even understand, they THINK it's "over". I tried to explain, "It will go by really fast. You guys still have 2 more football games, and the Red, White and Blue festival. Then you get a week off for Thanksgiving. Then you have the tree lighting and the Christmas parade. Then there are auditions , and you will all be at together. Maybe you get 8-12 weeks in the spring but then you have the banquet and spring training. It goes by fast. Besides, you are at the middle school which means you have morning rehearsals and afternoon rehearsals, and multiple concerts. Trust me - you will have NO problem filling your time."

Band kids, the ones who are all in, are balls-to-the-wall all year round. I know. I'm living that life.

I went home and took a shower and crawled into bed. I was exhausted. I heard my daughter come in at 10:36. She came upstairs and filled me in on her dinner excursion. The child can talk. "Are you okay?" I asked. She shrugged, "It sucks but it was a growing year. It just be like that sometimes, you know?" I laughed. That's her saying- it just be like that sometimes. "This marching season went by really fast but I'm excited for next year. It will be really good." She told me about some things she planned to work on and goals she was setting for herself. LOVE HER.

The next day was a recovery day but sure enough, that evening I heard the sound of her metronome through her door and the state solo being played. Band doesn't end - there are auditions to be prepared for.

I participated in marching band for 3 years in high school so when my kid joined marching band I was kind of aware of what I was getting into and the level of commitment it takes. I feel bad for the parents whose kids join marching band and they were never in band because it can be an adjustment. Here is a list of things I think new band parents need to know:

- Your child will spend more time with the marching band than with their own family from August-October. It is a huge time commitment. It's okay, they are in good hands.

-Practice will run a few minutes late. Just know it, try to be patient. It is what it is. The only exception to this rule is if you are running late to pick up your child - then, it will have ended on time and you will get angry text messages in all caps that read: WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!

-Don't plan anything on the weekend - ESPECIALLY in October. There will be band every weekend. Don't plan trips out of town, don't organize the family reunion....EVERY kid in the marching band is important and is like a piece in a puzzle. They need to be there.

- You'll probably want to buy two show shirts because there will be a football game before a competition or your kid might misplace their show shirt. The same goes for long, black socks. You will be doing an extra load of laundry a day because they will come home in yucky, sweaty clothes everyday. Make sure they pack an extra deodorant in their band bag- and a water bottle.

- Have grace. You child might not tell you that their bibbers need to be mended until the night before, they might leave their timeline crumbled in the bottom of their band bag, they might show up to band camp without their instrument....it can be stressful for them learning how to balance marching band, school, family, friends and life. They are not trying to be dicks. Thankfully, marching band teaches great life skills - like multi-tasking, time management, and responsibility. Long term benefits for the win!

-Help! There are a lot of opportunities to participate and the band NEEDS parent volunteers. The director and kids need to focus on their jobs so the parents fill-in with the miscellaneous stuff and take stress off of the staff. As a band mom, I have moved equipment, hand washed color guard uniforms, held back hair with a flute between my knees as a kid vomited, I have calmed nervous breakdowns and tracked down gauntlets, I have helped with fundraisers and collected trash. When there are parents to help with these things, everything goes a lot smoother. Any amount of time that you can dedicate is important and helpful. Plus, you get to meet other amazing parents who might turn into your good friends.

-When you are around volunteering, you get to know all the kids. They will be excited to see you. I was in the mall once and I heard footsteps behind me and a set of arms threw themselves around me before I could even turn around. It was just a random marching band kid. That made my heart smile. You get to know the people your kid is around too which calms your nerves when they go to Cook Out after a competition. You'll watch them grow with your own child and you will celebrate their successes. Guess what? The other band parents are like that with MY KID. Do you know how amazing it is to know that there are other people who would make sure my kid is taken care of when I am not around? Parents who will snap pictures of my kid and send them to me? That will keep an eye out for her? It is the BEST.

-When, if at all possible, come and watch them. Even if you've seen the show a thousand times. Even if they just marched it at the football game. Even if they have terrible teenage attitude and act like they don't want you there. There is something special about having someone be there just to see YOU. It matters. They won't forget it and you will never regret it. I promise.

The Corn Maze

It's October which means we are in full Halloween mode. We love Halloween and we spend the entire month celebrating - we decorate, watch spooky movies, carve jack-o-lanterns and enjoy a visit to the corn maze.

We have been going to the same corn maze every year since 2007. This was our 11th visit. We packed up the kids (and Hollister Boy, the official tag-a-long) this Sunday and headed to the corn maze. It's quite a sight to see now. When we first started going, it was a small event. It was only it's third year in existence. There were some animals, a hay ride, a pumpkin shed and a corn maze. That was it. It wasn't crowded, they only accepted cash.

But now, 11 years later, things have changed. There are two parking lots and a cop directing traffic. Every year they added new things and you walk up and there are food trucks, snow cones, a sand pit playground thing, a corn kernel sand box, a small kid maze with hay bales. It's kind of neat to have watched it grow.

At the very front they have pictures of all of the corn mazes organized by year and the kids pointed them out and were like, "I remember this one. Oh- the one with the football. It was really hot that year!" We have so many wonderful memories of the corn maze.

The first year, it took so long for us to get through. No one was there but us and I sat in the maze and nursed my 1 year old as we took a break. Another year, the crop wasn't so good and they turned the bare area into a resting stop. There was the year that it started pouring down rain when we were in the middle of it and we were determined to finish. We laughed as we ran through, punching our cards as the rain came down. When the kids were young, they'd want us to carry them. They'd walk a little, then we'd carry them on our hips, then down again to walk a little, then we'd carry them again.

I remember the first year they made it all the way through without us carrying them ONCE. I smiled to my husband, "Can you even believe it?" That was so long ago.

 It's been hard to find time as the kids have gotten older. Last year, we made it to the corn maze at the last minute.

Last October was a heavy time. It was busy,  gymnastics season was moved to the fall, marching band was in full swing, my oldest daughter experienced two tragic deaths of people she knew. It was hard for all of us. The state marching band competition was the last Saturday of October and I had to get up early the next day and go to work.

I came home from work that Sunday afternoon, exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally spent. I pulled my scrubs off and told the children to get ready to go to the corn maze. My husband was like, "Are you sure? We don't have to." I nodded, "We're going, we can't break our tradition."

It was the late afternoon, the coldest it's ever been. It was overcast and we all shivered as we made our way through the maze. The kids ran ahead, we laughed and it was a beautiful time- like it always is.

Afterwards, we had gotten barbecue at the food truck and we sat together and ate. We talked about Halloween, the sun was going down and the heaviness had lifted. In a world that seemed to be changing all the time, that had become more confusing, different and hard for the kids- this was a place that was familiar, that was grounding, that was the same. It brought comfort to all of us.

Now, here we were a year later. I paid for our wrist bands and we made our way through to see the animals. The kids admired the chickens and pet the cows and the pigs. They asked if they could paint pumpkins. I didn't think they'd want to this year but they still do. They all picked out pumpkins and set them on the tables and painted them. It was a sight to see because lined up on both sides of the table were little children- all under 8, painting their pumpkins and at the very end were our adult-sized children hunched over painting their theirs. Not noticing that they were out of place at all.

We took our phones out and took pictures of them. "Look at me!" my husband said, snapping a photo. Some of the other parents there looked at us weird as we took pictures and oohed and aaahed at their pumpkin painting. To them, we probably seemed ridiculous. But we don't see our kids the way they do. They are still our children and we are still making memories. We are cherishing the very last pieces of their childhood that are slipping away from us.

They will understand one day, too. I watched the parents of the young children as they "helped" and wiped noses and instructed on hand washing. That was me, once upon a time. I sighed.

They set their pumpkins down to dry and we rode on the hay ride and then we made our way through the corn maze. The kids helped navigate and ran ahead, as usual. We were about halfway through when we came across two children. A boy and a girl. "Excuse me, do you know were we are?" they asked, handing us their map.

I called my husband over and he showed them exactly where we were. The kids were like, "We actually lost our mom. Can we stay with you guys and you can help us get out of the maze?" My husband was behind them looking at me like,


I couldn't very well leave them in the maze all alone. That's not who we are. "Sure, you guys can stick with us until we get through and if your mom isn't there then we'll let the workers know."

We went on our way through the maze- now with 5 children in tow. I asked the kids their names and ages. They told me, "I'm 10." and "I'm 11." Then they told me their life story. I didn't ask, they just shared. "Our parents are divorced." That was the first thing they told me. I was like, So much for keeping the conversation casual. They were there with their mom and her boyfriend. I got the impression that they didn't like the boyfriend very much. The boy had gotten lost first, according to his sister, and the adults hadn't seemed concerned. Then SHE got lost but she found her brother and they decided to stick together and then they had found us.

"Is this your first time being here?" the boy asked.
"No. This is our 11th year in a row," I replied.
"We're you a kid then?" he asked.
"11 years ago?" I laughed, "No."
"How old were you 11 years ago?" he asked.
"I was about 24," I said.
He looked puzzled. I explained to him that these big children were MY kids. I think he thought we were just a bunch of friends. That made me chuckle that he thought I was must have been a child 11 years ago.

The kids were delightful and they just tagged a long. We all were having a great time. When we were almost through, we ran into the little kid's mother and boyfriend. "I thought we had finally gotten rid of y'all!" the boyfriend exclaimed when he saw them. Oof, as my girls would say. The kids waved to us and said goodbye. I smiled back at them and bid them farewell.
   

After we'd made it through the maze, we got barbecue and chatted about the day. The kids watched the little ones play in the sand that they had played in years ago. It was a nice time.

When it was time to go, the kids went to retrieve their pumpkins that they had painted. "Will we still come here when the girls grow up?" I asked my husband.
"Hell yeah. Me and you can do the corn maze."

I thought about what that will be like. There are only 3 more Octobers until our oldest graduates and just 5 for our youngest. That first visit without them will be weird. I can see it now- the two of us walking in, alone. We'll look at the pictures of the corn maze of all the years past and we'll reminisce. We'll ride the hayride, just the two of us. We'll sit on a hay bale and take a selfie and send it to the girls - Wish you were here. :) We'll watch the parents of young children, carrying their bags and their sippy cups, looking tired and we'll remember when that was us.

We will walk through the corn maze and argue over which way to go and when it's all done we'll sit and eat barbecue. We'll talk about our jobs, upcoming trips, the last time we talked to the girls....

Will I be okay? Will I have adjusted to this new life? Will this place bring me comfort- knowing that our visits brought us so much joy throughout their childhood? Will the memories of my children being young break my heart or will they sustain me? These are the questions that I don't have the answers to. They are the things I can speculate about but I really won't know until I get there.

We walked back to the car and I watched them. My girls laughing about something, Hollister boy towering above them as he walked alongside. Just like that, our 11th visit to the corn maze had come and gone.

How the Hell is it October?

  
It's been so long since I've written here. Over a month. I'm not vain enough to pretend that anyone cares that much but I have been so good at archiving our lives over the years that I'm a little disappointed in myself.

September was a little crazy. We took an impromptu vacation to St. Augustine after the Governor ordered mandatory evacuations for the coast. It was a little stressful, we made the decision to leave very quickly. We scrambled to get the house together and secure what we could, we took down our backyard oasis and made arrangements for the pets. We took our important documents, all the food we could pack in coolers and left the rest. I don't care about anything in my house. Things are only things.

We stayed at this adorable cottage just 2 blocks from the beach. We filled our days with beach going, sight seeing and generally relaxing. I drank pina coladas on the back porch every night. There was no hustle and bustle of driving kids here or there. It was so nice- a much needed break from real life. I needed it and I think the kids did too.

Since then, things have returned to normal. I quit my job. I grew weary of working every weekend. My husband is busy with work. He'll be traveling again soon. Definitely to Germany and possibly Hawaii. One day, when I kids are grown, I'll tag along on some of his work trips. In the meantime, the kids are keeping me busy with their activities. School is going well for them. Progress reports came home today. I haven't seen my oldests yet- she has all As and Bs in Powerschool so lets hope she keeps it up. 

My youngest was annoyed that she has a 92 in English. Otherwise she has a 98 and the rest are 99s. What the hell? I never had a 99 overall grade in anything ever. She's so smart.

This month I found out that when you get old your pubes turn grey and they fall out. I was really upset about it. I feel like it's something everyone should know. I've been telling people about it. Like a PSA. After I found out, I was sitting in the living room with my family and I just turned to them and said, "Just so you know- when you get old your pubes are going to turn grey and fall out."
They were horrified.
                          
Just telling you all in case you didn't know- Your pubes are going to turn grey and FALL OUT. You will thank me later.

Also, I'm pretty sure my air conditioner just shit the bed. It's like 84 degrees in my house right now. We've been waiting for YEARS. The unit was installed in 02. It's as old as the house. We don't even get it serviced because it's financially not worth it. Every summer we just cross our fingers and wait. It's a game we like to call How-Long-Will-This-AC-Last? or Us-Against-the-AC. Look at it.
 
It's a damn disgrace. It's a remnant from the civil war and they just built the house around it. hahaha BUT it's October now. It's hot as balls but only really for the next 2 weeks. I'm about to tell these kids to open the windows, take cold showers, and wear their little shortie shorts. I mean, I can't really be mad about it. It had a good run, it gave us all it had to give. All good things must come to an end.

So, that was my lame-ass excuse for a blog, for those that care. :)