Marching band season came around this year without much fanfare. It's my daughter's third year - she just folded right back in. The first year was exciting- it was new, there were things to learn and adjust to. The second year of marching band was like a second year of marriage, the newness had worn off but it was still fresh. It was emotionally difficult. This year, it became part of the routine. She was confident in what she was doing, she knew the schedule and expectations and it just WAS.
I spent the season shuttling her here and there, chaperoning football games and helping at competitions like I always do. My daughter is playing the piccolo this year so that was neat to watch. "I can finally HEAR you!" I exclaimed. She came home toward the start of the season and told me that her section leader had assigned her to a new seventh grader- to kind of watch over her and help her with learning what she needed to learn. She was in that girls shoes, so she understood the struggle.
She would come home and let me know how things were going in her daily "tea" spilling sessions to me. One day we took this girl home and as she was getting out of the car my daughter turned to her and said, "You worked REALLY hard today. Keep up the good work! I'm so proud of you!" The girl gave her an exhausted half-smile and went into her house. As we were driving home, we had a chat.
"I think I've figured it out!" she said.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. If I get frustrated with her, it doesn't work. So now, every time she does something well, I point it out to her and tell her "good job". Every time, even little things. Then she will do it like that again."
"So, positive reinforcement?" I said.
"Yes!" she replied.
She loved this little child and genuinely wanted to help her. I think it brought her satisfaction to be in an unofficial mentor role. It's been fascinating to watch her grow over these past few years. She came in as an inexperienced seventh grader, who doubted her abilities and was really looking for her place in the world but now, 3 years later she is a lot more mature, so much more confident and she has a passion for music that is enviable. I'm proud of her.
This past weekend was Lower State. The day started early and it was a windy, overcast day with an on and off drizzle. The group of us parents did what the parents do - we unloaded the truck, administered first aid, plumed hats, we set up props, we cheered as the children performed, we fed them, we loaded the truck, we sat and we waited.
When they announced awards, I huddled with some of my close friends and grasped their hands, and we all held our breaths. We needed to be in the top 8 to make it to the State Competition. They called our band and we were not in the top 8. My heart fell into my stomach and I could hear the sniffles and the tears of the kids sitting behind me. I was sad for them, it was disappointing. I thought they marched a great show. They've grown and improved so much. I was proud.
Life is like that sometimes. Sometimes you work incredibly hard and you still don't win. Sometimes you want something so bad and it just doesn't happen. Life is full of disappointments and heartache - this group of kids knows that more than most. BUT they are resilient and I can't wait to see the amazing things they do next year.
When we got back to the school, I helped clean up the bus and get things put away. My daughter asked if she could go eat with friends. I handed her my debit card and kissed her on the forehead. "Yes, just be home between 10:30 and 11:00."
I took home her friend, who is in the 7th grade. It's her first year. "I'm just sad it's over. I'm going to miss my friends," she said. The young ones don't even understand, they THINK it's "over". I tried to explain, "It will go by really fast. You guys still have 2 more football games, and the Red, White and Blue festival. Then you get a week off for Thanksgiving. Then you have the tree lighting and the Christmas parade. Then there are auditions , and you will all be at together. Maybe you get 8-12 weeks in the spring but then you have the banquet and spring training. It goes by fast. Besides, you are at the middle school which means you have morning rehearsals and afternoon rehearsals, and multiple concerts. Trust me - you will have NO problem filling your time."
Band kids, the ones who are all in, are balls-to-the-wall all year round. I know. I'm living that life.
I went home and took a shower and crawled into bed. I was exhausted. I heard my daughter come in at 10:36. She came upstairs and filled me in on her dinner excursion. The child can talk. "Are you okay?" I asked. She shrugged, "It sucks but it was a growing year. It just be like that sometimes, you know?" I laughed. That's her saying- it just be like that sometimes. "This marching season went by really fast but I'm excited for next year. It will be really good." She told me about some things she planned to work on and goals she was setting for herself. LOVE HER.
The next day was a recovery day but sure enough, that evening I heard the sound of her metronome through her door and the state solo being played. Band doesn't end - there are auditions to be prepared for.
I participated in marching band for 3 years in high school so when my kid joined marching band I was kind of aware of what I was getting into and the level of commitment it takes. I feel bad for the parents whose kids join marching band and they were never in band because it can be an adjustment. Here is a list of things I think new band parents need to know:
- Your child will spend more time with the marching band than with their own family from August-October. It is a huge time commitment. It's okay, they are in good hands.
-Practice will run a few minutes late. Just know it, try to be patient. It is what it is. The only exception to this rule is if you are running late to pick up your child - then, it will have ended on time and you will get angry text messages in all caps that read: WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
-Don't plan anything on the weekend - ESPECIALLY in October. There will be band every weekend. Don't plan trips out of town, don't organize the family reunion....EVERY kid in the marching band is important and is like a piece in a puzzle. They need to be there.
- You'll probably want to buy two show shirts because there will be a football game before a competition or your kid might misplace their show shirt. The same goes for long, black socks. You will be doing an extra load of laundry a day because they will come home in yucky, sweaty clothes everyday. Make sure they pack an extra deodorant in their band bag- and a water bottle.
- Have grace. You child might not tell you that their bibbers need to be mended until the night before, they might leave their timeline crumbled in the bottom of their band bag, they might show up to band camp without their instrument....it can be stressful for them learning how to balance marching band, school, family, friends and life. They are not trying to be dicks. Thankfully, marching band teaches great life skills - like multi-tasking, time management, and responsibility. Long term benefits for the win!
-Help! There are a lot of opportunities to participate and the band NEEDS parent volunteers. The director and kids need to focus on their jobs so the parents fill-in with the miscellaneous stuff and take stress off of the staff. As a band mom, I have moved equipment, hand washed color guard uniforms, held back hair with a flute between my knees as a kid vomited, I have calmed nervous breakdowns and tracked down gauntlets, I have helped with fundraisers and collected trash. When there are parents to help with these things, everything goes a lot smoother. Any amount of time that you can dedicate is important and helpful. Plus, you get to meet other amazing parents who might turn into your good friends.
-When you are around volunteering, you get to know all the kids. They will be excited to see you. I was in the mall once and I heard footsteps behind me and a set of arms threw themselves around me before I could even turn around. It was just a random marching band kid. That made my heart smile. You get to know the people your kid is around too which calms your nerves when they go to Cook Out after a competition. You'll watch them grow with your own child and you will celebrate their successes. Guess what? The other band parents are like that with MY KID. Do you know how amazing it is to know that there are other people who would make sure my kid is taken care of when I am not around? Parents who will snap pictures of my kid and send them to me? That will keep an eye out for her? It is the BEST.
-When, if at all possible, come and watch them. Even if you've seen the show a thousand times. Even if they just marched it at the football game. Even if they have terrible teenage attitude and act like they don't want you there. There is something special about having someone be there just to see YOU. It matters. They won't forget it and you will never regret it. I promise.
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