It's here again - Christmas time. I stopped anticipating the holidays years ago, they come so quickly. I swear we just HAD Christmas and yet here it is again. I enjoy this time, it's my favorite time of the year.
I usually don't go Black Friday shopping but my kids tricked me this year. They put on a ruse that they had to get birthday presents for their friends. When I came into the house at the end of the day loaded down with bags, my husband looked at me sideways. "What happened?" I shrugged. "I told the kids they could get ONE thing, but at like, 10 stores." I had regrets.
The next day, it was time for the Thanksgiving decorations to come down and the Christmas decorations to go up. I have so many things - figurines, trinkets, nutcrackers, snowmen and Santa Clauses. I decided to pare down this year, to be more simple. I did lots of garlands and just a few things.
The elf permanently sits atop my golden reindeer on the mantel. My husband hates the reindeer. He thinks it gaudy and terrible but that's my buddy and he STAYS.
I love these angels that my daughter drew when she was in 1st grade.
My kids made these from their tiny fingerprints.
I looked at all their pictures with Santa. There is a stack, 12 years worth. The last time they both went to visit Santa was in 2014. We went in 2015 on Christmas Eve because I was a big-time slacker that year and it was a 3 hour wait. In 2016 my youngest decided that she was too old to visit Santa. So, the picture of the two of them in 2014 is sitting on my shelf. They were in matching outfits, sitting on Santa's lap, smiling. I didn't know that was the was the last time they'd go see Santa together.
When I was growing up, it was our tradition to decorate the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve but I LOVE seeing my decorated tree up all month long so we decorate within the first few days of putting it up. We always light a fire and have cookies and roast marshmallows and watch a holiday movie after.
I often talk about my hodge podge ornaments. We have so many- from family milestones, from my grandparents, from our travels.
The year I was born!
This is our "Japan" ornament. I have no idea what it says. It probably says, "Poop In My Butt" or something obscene.
In all it's glory.
The next morning, I was up before everyone. I sat on the couch and drank my coffee by the glow of the Christmas tree. I admired all of my ornaments and I thought of all of my Christmases. When I was 18, I visited my grandfather at his beach house. It must have been Memorial Day. I had dinner with him that night. I was graduating soon, getting married, moving far away. He went into the attic and he gave me a box. I didn't open it until I got back home. It was Christmas ornaments that belonged to him and my grandmother. God! I miss him so much. He's been gone 10 years this year and my heart still aches for him.
I spent my first "married" Christmas in Oklahoma with just my husband and I. I hung my grandparents ornaments on my tiny, $10 pipe cleaner tree. It made me happy.
I reminisced while I admired my tree and I wondered about which ones I would gift to my children when they grow up. My oldest will get the silver flute and my youngest the gymnastics girl. Maybe I'll let them pick ONE other ornament they want from my collection that reminds them of their childhood. Then, I decided we would start a NEW tradition this year.
On Christmas Eve morning, after breakfast, I will take the girls out and I'll let them each pick out their own ornament. We'll mark them and hang them on the tree before bed and add them to our collection. We'll do this every year until they have a home of their own. On that Christmas, when I go to decorate my own tree - I will set their ornaments aside and I will gift them to my daughters to start their own collections. I think that will be nice.
On Saturday night, we had a rare evening to ourselves. Our house is usually full of children on the weekends so it was a nice reprieve. My youngest was sleeping over a friend's house and my oldest had a birthday party. We decided to wander around the bookstore and enjoy a cup of coffee together. We used to do that often before the children came. We'd hang out at Hastings every Saturday. I never go to the bookstore anymore. I only buy books on Amazon or pick them up from the library.
We browsed through the aisles. They keep all the sex books under a section entitled LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE which made me chuckle. I wandered into the parenting section, they have 10x's more books on potty training than they do on raising teenagers. Should be the other way around, to be honest.
I found myself in the children's section - walking past books my children used to love. Strega Nona, Pinkalicious, Madeline, No David, The Little Engine That Could.... When I was pregnant with them, I brought more children's books than onesies. We used to read to the kids EVERY NIGHT. Those were some of my favorite times. After their baths, curled up next to me in their pajamas, reading the three books they picked out. I should have given their books away to kids that don't have books but I just couldn't bear it. I have boxes and boxes of the kid's books in my attic (with a few treasured toys). One day, when they gone and I have accepted it and turned the bedrooms into guest rooms - I'll get a new bookshelf and bring them out again.
After perusing the children's section, I found my husband again and we ordered coffee. I also had a warm caramel toffee cookie. He read a book about the founding of Rome, I choose an astrology book. I am a true Aquarian.
There were 2 older couples sitting near us. I leaned into my husband, "Is this going to be us every Saturday night when the kids are gone?" I asked.
He didn't even look up from his book, "Probably," he said taking a sip of his coffee.
I felt strange for me to be there with just him, relaxing, enjoying coffee and a book. It's like it had always been this way. Like the years between then and now were merely a dream. I'm not really sure how I feel about this time.
This feeling that the children are here but that their childhoods are gone, the holidays without the delight of young children, this push and pull between the past and future when I really only want to exist in the present. I am not joyful but I am not sad. I feel calm, but beneath the surface I am fragile.
I had hoped this week would be more relaxing. Compared to last week, it was a walk in the damn park but it was still a shit show. I've gotten used to it. There was just so many THINGS to do. Always an event, a practice, a bullshit thing that comes up.
I did accomplish a few things that have been on my agenda. I mowed and edged the front and back yard for the last time this year. Goals. I have accepted that my to-do list will never be finished. I'm just taking things one day at a time.
A terrible thing happened this week. I'm going to tell this story - as a cautionary tale to other parents but know it's not for the faint of heart. Be prepared to cringe- so hard that you will feel it in the actual core of your being. Just thinking about it now, I shutter.
So, one of the nights this week, we were hanging out in the living room. I had a fire going in the fireplace, I was in my fleece pants and fuzzy socks, I was drinking a glass of wine. I was fully relaxing, enjoying my life. Little did I know, my world was about to be rocked.
My oldest daughter was talking about someone's parents getting divorced. Then she said, "I never worry about you and dad." I thought that was really sweet. "Awww, really?" I said. We could have just left it at that. It would have been fine. But no. She followed up with, "I know you still like each other a lot because I hear you playing the piano all the time." Except she didn't say "play the piano", she used another term that I had never heard before, that was so jarring that I can't even type it. I was shook.
No. That just cannot be. "Are you serious?!?!?!" I asked. She was like, "Yeah. It's low-key disgusting." I was so upset. Like, I wanted to crawl underneath the couch and die. I was MORTIFIED. I was apologetic. "I am so sorry. I hope you know that it would never be my intention to disrespect you or make you uncomfortable. Are you scarred for life? Do you want me to make you an appointment with your therapist so you can talk through it?" I was dead serious.
She shrugged, "Nah. It's fine. It happens, that's life. I just put my headphones in."
Then we just changed the subject and started talking about Thanksgiving. She seemed totally fine, she didn't seem bothered in the least. But I was bothered. I was not the same person that I was 5 minutes before. There has to be a word for an emotion that includes- embarrassment, self-loathing, and resignation. I felt THAT way. Thot Mom Award.
First of all, "all the time" is a little bit of a stretch, in my opinion. Second of all, we are not some kind of degenerate weirdos. We are not disappearing in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. Parents wait - until the kids are asleep, until they are out of the house, until they are distracted. There is little spontaneity and romance about the whole thing. When the kids are young, you think that it will get better and that you will have more time. But you won't because when they are older they are ALWAYS awake. They don't take naps, they stay up later than you, even when you think they are asleep, they aren't really. It makes it more difficult. Plus, they are more AWARE. Things don't go over their heads anymore. It's like when your kids learn to spell.
Like, a few months ago, I was in the kitchen making dinner. My husband came in and hugged me. I don't know what it is- but whenever I'm standing at the stove, it makes him happy. I was being kind of flirty and I starting singing, 2 Become 1, which is totally a 90's thing to do. I hear a voice yelling from the next room, "EWWWWWW. I'm downstairs. STOP!" I didn't know my kid was sitting in the living room. Ooooops. Or the time I was driving and I told her to text her dad on my phone and she scrolled WAY up. I think she thinks we talk about her in our spare time and was trying to find out. She threw my cell phone down. "Stop texting dad disgusting things," she said with a frown. "How about don't read my text messages?" I replied.
Even an innocent wink or a lingering kiss elicits gagging from the children. I get it. I really do. I would never purposely try to make my kids uncomfortable and always try to be very discreet. I am a mother. I take my role as a mother very seriously and I do everything I can to be there for my kids and provide them with a good life. BUT, I am also a wife. I think my role as a wife is EQUALLY AS important as my role as a mother. The relationship with my husband is important. It is a priority to me and is the cornerstone of our family's happiness and survival. Sorry kids.
So, learn your lessons from me. You might think your kids are asleep, but they aren't actually asleep. They might actually know. I know what I'm adding to the Christmas list this year- noise cancelling headphones.
In other news, my 14 year old has decided she wants to get a job. On Monday, she came home and said, "I'm applying for a job at Publix." That came out of the blue. I don't think she really needs to work and she plead her case to me. "Well, I do marching band 12-25 hours a week and I still kept my grades up. I want to work like 8 or 12 hours a week. Maybe on the breaks and summer a little extra. I always am asking you guys for money and I want to make my own money. Plus I will be driving next year and I will have to buy gas and stuff."
I thought about it and decided to let her give it a go. I told her that I would take her but she would have to do the application herself. I told her that if she really wanted to get a job, she should ask to speak to the manager and introduce herself. We practiced a little bit and I made her shake my hand. "You have to have a firm handshake." On Wednesday, I dropped her off. I told her that if she has issues filling out the application, she can call or text. I parked in the back of the parking lot and waited. My phone started to ring. It was her, speaking in a whisper.
"Mom, I don't have a suffix. What do I do?"
"Just leave that part blank," I said.
"Ok, thanks."
She hung up. A little while later, my phone rang again.
"Mom, what's my social security number?"
I told her. "Thanks!"
She hung up. A minute later, my phone rang again.
"Mom - our zipcode is XXXXX, right?"
"Yes," I confirmed.
"Okay. I just wanted to make sure. Thanks."
I was chuckling so hard. I waited 45 minutes. Finally she called and asked where I was parked. I picked her up and she gave me the play by play. "I finished the application. Then, I asked to talk to the manager. I was really nervous but I introduced myself. I gave a firm handshake and I told him that I was only 14 and never had a job before but that I was a hard worker and that I want to learn how to work with customers and other people. I also said I had a good attitude and that I can work up to 12 hours a week. He was really nice and said he was looking at applications after Thanksgiving and to call him in 2-3 weeks if I don't hear from him. I feel good about it." I smiled. "Good! We'll keep our fingers crossed."
I was thinking about it and you know what? My child is an actual bad ass. I think it took a lot of guts and initiative for her to do that. She went in there by herself, she really put herself out there to talk to an adult and plead her case. Good for her. Even if she doesn't get the job, it was a good experience for her. I was proud.
The rest of the week was mostly uneventful. Our new mattress and box spring came in. You'll remember our old box spring broke and mortally injured our cat. When we took everything out there was a huge blood stain under our bed. It was upsetting.
We got a memory foam mattress which my husband was SO excited about. His back hurts for no reason because he is getting old. It was so comfortable. I was so excited to sleep in our new bed. I was ready to get a good nights sleep. I've been so tired.
Unfortunately, I was jarred out of my blissful sleep at 2 in the morning by my husband shaking me. "Are you ok? Are you ok?" he said, frantically, over and over again. I sat up, PISSED. "No, I'm not okay. I was sleeping. What the hell?" He stared at me with glassy eyes. This bitch was asleep. He is prone to sleep walking/talking but he doesn't usually wake me up. I was triggered. I miss sleep so bad.
None of this makes sense, I'm rambling, I'm tired. My husband is 36 today so I'd better go make some cupcakes. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get a nap in. Lord knows, I need it.
It's been a weird week. The accounts of this week will be reviewed, it can best be described as a saga. This is going to take awhile. I suggest you pour yourself a glass of wine and settle in.
It started last Tuesday. The day before Halloween. I had alterations to make to my youngest daughter's Halloween costume. She wanted to be Keneki Ken from Toyko Ghoul for Halloween. Do you know who that is? Probably not. Neither did I. I did not feel like making a costume this year, so I ordered it online. You can't just walk into Walmart and pick up a Keneki Ken costume. I paid $30 to have it shipped from China so it would get here on time.
It shows up and it's all wrong. The sizing was off, it didn't look the same. I would have called and thrown a fit but the invoice basically said: THANK PURCHASE IS GOOD FOR KENEKI KEN so I decided that was a waste of time. I had to turn the pants into shorts, shorten the sleeves 5 inches and take the sleeves in.
So, the day before Halloween I spent my morning fixing the costume while I had coffee with my girlfriend who lives around the corner. She talked and I sewed. We have coffee about once every 2 weeks and we generally spend most of our time chatting about all the shit that needs to be fixed in the house and all the ways our kids our annoying us. Today was different.
"So, we think the neighbor across the street is dead. We haven't seen her for a while," she says.
She went on to tell me all the evidence and then that they were going to call the police later that day for a wellness check. Then we chatted for an hour about how much we hate our popcorn ceilings.
I went about my day. I was hosting a small get together for Halloween so I had a lot of cooking and cleaning to do. Then, I picked up my youngest from school and took her to gymnastics and then did the high school pick up. My daughter and I were "spilling the tea", as she would say, and I was telling her about how my friend thought our neighbor was dead.
I pull around the corner and there are 3 cop cars, and ambulance, and a firetruck in our circle. "Mom, I'm pretty sure she's dead." I texted my friend to find out what happened and she immediately texted me: COME DOWN. So I walked down to her house and I hung out with a group of our neighbors and we rubber necked. Apparently she had been dead for 2-3 months. There were cops everywhere, it smelled terrible. Everyone was trying to figure out when they had last seen her. Not the friendliest lady in the world, God rest her soul.
We enjoyed fellowship together on the sidewalk. I low-key felt bad but the living have to go on living. After the coroner came and left, I went back home to make dinner and finish my Halloween prep. I picked up my kid from gymnastics and made her try on her costume, which fit perfectly and then went to bed.
The next morning was Halloween! We love Halloween and had big plans. The high school had a late-in, so I planned to run errands in the morning. I had miscellaneous things to get. Dry Ice from the other side of town, since Publix stopped selling it. A hose and unflavored gelatin from Walmart and a ladle and napkins from the Dollar Store. Should have been uneventful.
I left the house at 7 am to go to an oxygen supply store for dry ice. I walk in and there are 3 older men that greeted me. I got 10 pounds of dry ice and I'm checking out and the guy asked what I am getting dry ice for. I told him I was putting it in cocktails and he looked at me like I was insane and I got a lecture about how dangerous it is. Seriously? Every year I make "witches brew" with dry ice for the kids. It's their favorite thing. I was driving away feeling all paranoid about injuring everyone. Boo.
Then, I went to Walmart to get a hose. I walk into the Garden Center and it's all Christmas trees. They are playing Christmas music. It is HALLOWEEN. I was hardcore triggered. I asked the dude where I can find a garden hose and he points me outside to a sad rack that had random leftover garden stuff. There was one $50 hose, sprinkler system thing. I was annoyed. That was not going to work. Oh well. I went over to find the unflavored gelatin for this shrimp "brain" mold I was making.
There was no unflavored gelatin. I was looking for something that would work but everything had sugar and sugar and shrimp don't really go together. I was now 0-2 at Walmart.
I just cut my losses and left and went to the Dollar Store right next door. I got my 2 things and I got in line. There was one lane open. There were 3 people in line, including me. The cashier was arguing with a lady about a coupon, the woman in front of me had a few things on the conveyor belt and had a 3 year old with her. She is talking to the 3 year old, but loudly, so I couldn't help but overhear the conversation.
"It's Halloween AND Shawty's birthday- I'm popping bottles tonight!" she tells the 3 year old. Weird thing to say to a 3 year old, but to each their own. Then the kids starts to wander off and she was like, "A scary man is going to kidnap you!" Well, okay.... Finally, the manager gets called out to help the coupon situation. He resolves it and as the cashier is finishing the transaction the manager tells me he can take me in the next lane over. It made sense to do that, as by the time the lady gathered her things and brought them over, the woman in front of her would already be walking out the door.
So, I walk over with my TWO things and the lady starts getting really loud. "I was next in line! This is bullsh*t...." I practically threw my money at the guy and ran out the door. I'm halfway to my car and I hear yelling and her and the manager are now outside of the Dollar Tree and she is dragging the three year old by the arm and screaming at this guy. "F*ck you, motherf*cker!" she yelled at him, right in front of the kid. He told her she was banned from the store and she was like, "I don't want to come to this piece of sh*t store anyway! F*ck you!" It was way too much for me to be experiencing at 8 o'clock in the morning. Bless that 3 year old. Good luck in life, kid.
I still had time so I went to Lowes and got a hose, put gas in my car and then went home to pick up my oldest to take her to school. We are halfway to school and this child says, "Mom, I legit forgot my shoes." Are you kidding me? She NEVER puts her shoes on before she leaves the house. She doesn't wear shoes in the car EVER but this is the first time she left her shoes. I was hella annoyed. I turned around and we got her damn shoes and I actually did get her to school on time. That would be the first of 2 shoe debacles to happen this week.
I spent the day making cocktails and putting together snacks and mopping and getting ready for the evening. Because we don't trick-or-treat with the kids anymore, I wanted to do something fun so we decided we would dress up, light a fire in the driveway, have some friends over and have drinks while we passed out candy. The kids initially invited a few kids to go trick or treating. Little did I know....
After school, the kids come home and some of their close friends came over and I made them dinner and they had "witches brew" and got into their costumes. Then I got into my costume. My husband and I were dressed like ancient Romans. I set out food and we started a fire. Then kids started showing up. Lots of them. At one point I counted more than 30 kids in my front yard. It was a little bit of a mad house. They were trying to eat all my food but I told them that they needed to go trick or treating, that grownups get first dibs and that they could have the leftovers when they got back. If they didn't have a costume I made them put one on. I had pulled out my costume bin- we have costumes for days.
Before they departed, I gathered them for a group picture and then yelled the rules. "I expect y'all to be respectful. Everyone knows my kids faces so anything will get back to me and you know I will call your mamas. Don't be knocking on doors past 9:30 and have a good time!" I'm that mama.
Once the kids left, it was great. I had drinks, I got to hang out with all my friends and neighbors and my husband. It was good company. It really was a great time. We gave out 500 pieces of candy. Around 9, the kids came back and it was a whirlwind. They all seemed to be having a nice time, my oldest had a temporary freak out about something but it was short lived.
The last guests left at 10:30. The fire was still going in the driveway so the four of us sat out there for a while. We talked about our night and had some family time. I am partial to my 4. My husband had drank more than his share and he was loudly declaring, "Best Halloween ever. We're doing this every year!" I was like, Slow down, Julius Caesar.
I went in to survey the damage- not too bad. A lot of soda cans laying around, wigs were strewn across my living room, there were some chips on the floor but nothing excessive. Someone did write Yeetus my Petus on my notepad on the fridge. hahahaha. Teenagers.
They had eaten ALL of the food. There was nothing to be wrapped up or tossed. It was great. I got to work emptying the soda cans. My husband came in my the house with our dining room bench that we'd pulled outside. He whips it around the corner and knocks over the trashcan. There was a half filled coke in there and there is coke, nerds, chips, plates of dip - literally all the contents in the trashcan were on my kitchen floor.
I think my husband only barely noticed. He had really had a good time. I picked up the mess and mopped up what I could. I was exhausted. I crawled into bed at midnight. The next morning was rough. My husband and I got up at 6:30 the next morning. He was quite hungover and was in an actual struggle. But, he went to work. I got up to mop because you'll remember my floors were covered in Nerds and Coca-Cola.
I told the kids that they could sleep in and go to school late the next day. Bad Mom Award. They got up around 9 and I fixed them breakfast and dropped them both off around 10:30. Then, when I got home-I had alternations part 2.
The school does this contest for the boys where a certain number of boys from each grade get to participate in a pageant-type event and those boys nominate escorts and my daughter was picked. She was surprised but really excited. I think she just wanted to dress up. I brought her a dress the Saturday before Halloween but hadn't had time to make the alterations until now.
It needed 3 inches taken from the straps, 2 inches taken in at the waist and it needed to be hemmed 4 inches but there were 2 layers that needed to be hemmed separately. The material was such that it couldn't be stitched so I had to use sewing tape. Let's just say it consumed my whole afternoon and early evening. I am not a professional seamstress. I took Home Economics in 7th grade. It was a big job.
When I was finished, and before I cut the extra material off the bottom, I wanted her to try it on to make sure it was right. I fit like a glove. But I was messing with the bottom and my daughter was caching an attitude with me. I was exhausted and done. "Listen, I don't like your attitude and I feel like you are not appreciating me."
"I'm not having an attitude," she protested in an attitude-y type of way.
I removed myself from the situation and went back to my room to cut the excess material from the bottom of her dress. A little while later, she walks in.
"I apologize for having an attitude, even though I wasn't having an attitude," she said to me.
I was too tired to argue. I just looked up at her. "Why are you apologizing?"
"Because you're mad at me and I don't want you to be mad at me," she said.
I was genuinely puzzled. "So, I'm mad at you for having an attitude and you think that apologizing to me and then stating you weren't having an attitude will make me NOT be mad at you anymore?"
She folded her arms, "I really wasn't having an attitude."
"Perception is reality, my dear," I replied.
"Well, I WASN'T," she reiterated, with emphasis. As if saying it differently was going to convince me. The child knows how to beat a dead horse.
All was well in the end, and I finished the dress and slept HARD that night. I was so stinking tired. The next morning, I had to go to awards for my 7th grader. She got straight A's. I was super proud of her. However, I hate awards. They are the worst. They don't bring me joy. They are long and drawn out. I'm not a fan. Thankfully, one of my girlfriends was sitting next to me and kept me entertained. She'd lean over and whisper in my ear things like, "What are they feeding that boy? He's in 7th grade and looks like he has a wife and kids at home." I was dead. I am making her come with me to EVERY awards. After my kid got called and she shook the principals hand and saw me- I yeeted out of there (as the kids would say).
I went to the grocery store, unloaded the groceries, cooked dinner since I'd be out that evening and then went to pick up the kids. An hour later, I had to turn around and drop my oldest back off to get ready for the pageant, then an hour and half after that, I was back again to watch the show. I'm sitting in the audience and the show is about to start and my phone starts blowing up. It's my daughter's friend. I step out into the lobby, "Hello?"
My daughter is on the line and she is full out SOBBING. "Mom, my phone died and I cannot find my shoes anywhere. Can you check your car?"
I run out to my car and there are no shoes. I call her back and told her, "Just go without shoes, your dress is long and will cover your feet, no one will know." She hated that idea.
Luckily, one of her friends who was there to take pictures for the yearbook had an extra pair of black shoes and my child put them on and was wiping mascara from her face as they were doing the pledge of allegiance.
I sat down in my chair and was on edge. I can't even deal with my kid's crises. It stresses me out. I really enjoyed the show and my daughter looked so beautiful. I can't even believe that she belongs to me- that I made her from scratch. I sat and watched all the children, many who I know personally, and they looked so grown up. They are smart, beautiful, talented kids. They are young but on the verge of adulthood. Their lives are full of endless possibilities. The entire world belongs to them and they don't even realize it. They won't realize it or appreciate it until this time has passed. That's something to think about.
Afterwards, a group of the freshman kids and parents went to Yokoso. We were there until almost 11:30. My daughter was falling asleep at the table. I crawled into bed at midnight. Again. Ugggggh. I wanted to sleep in the next day and I did- until 7:15.
I get up and didn't have any plans. I did have 4 loads of laundry to do and I had to take down all my Halloween decorations and do some things around the house. My oldest had made plans to go to the movies. She's about to walk out the door and the doorbell rings. I open the door and here is Hollister Boy just standing on my door step.
"I didn't order any cookies," I said. Then, "Ummmm.....did you guys make plans or something because she is about to go to the movies."
"Well, she said I could come over today but that was like, on Thursday." My daughter came down and they chatted, she was about to leave.
"You want me to take you home?" I asked.
The child looked pitiful. "Please don't make me go home." He never wants to go home.
"Well, I have a lot to do. I have some work for you if you want to stay." He agreed.
I showed him how to use the power washer and he power washed the front of the house and my garage door while I re-painted my porch chair and took down the yard decorations. I made him help me pull stuff out of the garage, and take out the trash. "Are we going to decorate for Thanksgiving?" he said, excited. Yes, we are going to decorate for Thanksgiving.
My daughter was home by then and I took down the Halloween decorations and put up the Thanksgiving decorations. Then, for some reason I decided to make this Thai chicken soup for dinner. I SHOULD have ordered take-out but instead I decided to be in the kitchen for 2 hours. I made fresh red curry paste, I was chopping veggies, I made fresh broth. It was labor intensive. It was delicious but I had regrets.
I baked cookies and after dinner, we settled in and watched Drop Dead Fred. The kids loved it. We need to show them Problem Child next. I am so pleased that they agree to watch old movies with us.
The following day we had planned to go to the Renaissance Festival in North Carolina. We go every year but last year it didn't happen. Usually we go up and spend the night but that wasn't conducive this year. We decided to go up and back in one day. Worst idea ever. We left at 7 am since it's 3 hours away. I was the only one who dressed up. I was a little Renaissance boy. My kids thought I was embarrassing. I did not give one shit. If I'm going to be a nerd, I'm going full on. It was a great time. We LOVE the Renaissance festival. The kids get into it. We ate turkey legs, saw acrobats and belly dancers, we rode rides, we shopped, we watched jousting. We shut the Festival down. We stayed ALL day.
It took an hour and 45 minutes just to get out of the parking lot and then it was horrible torrential rain ALL the way home. Needless to say, our timeline was way off. The kids slept the first half of the ride and then the second half they wanted to play a game. We ALWAYS play word games or ispy on long car rides. That night we played "The Ministers Cat". So the way it works is that the first person says, "The minister's cat is an _____ cat - and you need to describe the cat with an "A" and go around until someone gets stumped or someone repeats and then you move on to "B". So the ministers cat might be an alley cat, and then the next person will say, "The minister's cat is an agile cat...." so on and so forth.
It's hilarious to play with older kids because you get some interesting responses -that night the minster's cat was an asshole cat, he was a drug dealing cat, he was a horny cat, he was a gynecologist's cat (the minister was also a gynecologist?), he was a murderous cat.... Okay guys.
We did not get home until 11:45. Worst parents ever. I rolled into bed at midnight, for the 3rd time that week.
I was up bright and early around 6 the next day, I did my breakfast/lunch routine, dropped my oldest off at school and met up with my girlfriends for coffee. It was so nice to catch up with them but damn! I was tired. I got home and took a shower, threw in laundry, did the dishes and prepped dinner and then I had to pick up my youngest for a doctors appointment. I was home maybe 2 hours before I had to leave again. I did that, took her to gymnastics, picked up the oldest from school, made dinner and did another load of laundry and then it was time to pick up my youngest again. I was tired but I knew the rest of the week was not going to be better. Just let me get through this week. I told myself.
The next day was election day. The kids had off, so they could sleep. They needed it. I promised my girlfriend who was running for mayor that I would shake hands and kiss babies on her behalf at my polling place that morning - so that's what I did. I had the 7am-9am shift. The lines were LONG. I decided I would vote later when the line was shorter. I ran to the store because I ran out of creamer and then went home and did the laundry and dishes and made lunch for my husband and kiddos and then went to have lunch with my mom.
It was so good and relaxing. I needed it because what was going to happen later would push me over the edge. When I got home, I went to vote and the line was still long as HELL. I waited for an hour and a half, did my civic duty and then went home. It was dinner time. I went to fire up the grill and the damn propane tank was empty. I switched out the grill tank for the fire table tank and that one was low too so took forever to heat up. Minor inconvenience. I dealt with it.
Although, I had kept up with doing my laundry that week, I hadn't kept up with folding it. I had 7 loads of laundry in a pile to fold, so I started that. I went back downstairs and finished dinner, served dinner, and then finished folding the laundry. When that was done - I took my oldest to her flute lesson.
I'm driving home from her flute lesson and I am bone tired. I am fantasizing about going home, taking off my bra, getting into my pajamas, pouring myself a glass of wine and sitting my tired ass on the couch and watching the election results come in. I was so excited about my wine. I usually drink $7 trash wine but I went to a wine party and got good $30 wine. I still had half a bottle left. I was pumped about it.
I was halfway home and my phone rings. It's my husband. "I need you to get home like, RIGHT NOW! The cat has a wound!" He was freaking out. "What do you mean?" I asked. "It's bad. I need you here now," was all he said. "Okay, I'll be home in 5."
Our cat is an indoor cat. How bad of a wound could he have? I was sure it was a scratch. I wasn't super worried. I walk in the door and the cat is standing on the stairs. He doesn't look upset, he looks normal. "Where I this wound?" I ask. My husband points to his side. I go to look and there is a HUGE chunk missing out of his shoulder. Down to the bone. I freaked the f*ck out.
I didn't even sit down. "We need to take him to the animal hospital RIGHT NOW." I went to collect his crate and I asked the kids to see if they could figure out where his did it. There was blood trailing through the house. They wanted to come with us but they had school in the morning. "Just finish your school work, get in your pajamas. We will call y'all." Off we went.
We checked in around 9:15. The cat seemed fine in spite of the fact that he had this horrible, gruesome wound. They took us back and we waited...and waited....and waited. Our oldest called and informed us that there was a lot of blood under our bed and that the box spring appeared broken. He must have gotten under there and sliced his arm on the bed frame.
The tech finally come in and she was asking us a bunch of questions. Some were weird. Like, "Was your cat left alone at all today?"
Why does that matter? Is that not allowed? Are you going to call Cat Protective Services on us? My kids are home alone right now, so yes, we are shitty people.
My phone died at 10:30, I tried to curl up on the wooden chair and rest my eyes and we waited some more. At 11:30 the doctor came in. "His wound is very deep. He has a blood vessel exposed. We are going to need to put him to sleep, debride and clean the wound, and then repair it. We'll give him an IV antibiotic and pain meds and then a 14 day antibiotic injection. But since I can't get to it for a few hours, we wont charge you for boarding and you can get him in the morning. I'll have them write up a quote."
She shut the door and I looked at my husband. "It's going to be a $1,000," I said. We just sat there, glassy eyed and silent. They came back in and sure enough, it was $975.
You might remember that 4 weeks ago, we replaced our air conditioning unit and 4 weeks before that we had to evacuate our home because of the hurricane and you might remember that Christmas is in 5 weeks. Let us bow our heads and have a moment of silence for my savings account.
Get well soon, savings account.
We said goodbye to the cat and headed home. On the way home, I was talking about how I still wanted a glass of my wine. My husband was being weirdly quiet. I was drained. We rolled up at midnight and I walk into the kitchen and I see my wine bottle EMPTY on the counter. My husband had drank my good wine while I was at my daughters flute lesson. I was TRIGGERED. I just crawled into bed. I would have cried but I was too tired. It was after midnight. Fourth time that week.
I was up at 6. I called the animal hospital and the cat did good with his surgery. They told me to pick him up after 9. I made breakfast and lunch for everyone and then got in the car to take my oldest to school. I crank the car and Christmas music starts playing from my radio.
I'm not a Grinch, I love Christmas but I don't want to hear a Jingle bell, see a Christmas tree, deck the damn halls until after Thanksgiving. One month of Christmas is adequate for me. I promptly deleted the radio station from my list. I don't even want to accidentally come across The Little Drummer Boy. No. Just NO.
I dropped my oldest off at school and headed straight to the animal hospital to pick up the cat. I was still in my pajamas and I was giving zero f*cks.
I walked in to get the cat and the lady at the front pulls up my stuff and said, "You have a balance of $200." Oh, hell to the no. I didn't freak out, I was too tired. "Why? I paid $975 like 9 hours ago." She went to the back to check what the deal was. She came back and said, "That's for his pain medicine." No. I've had 10 stitches in my hoo-ha and they only gave me ibuprofen - I'm not paying $200 for cat morphine.
I just looked at this fresh faced, blonde 23 year old receptionist and said very calmly, "I'm not doing that, so I'm going to need you to try again." She must have known that I was on the verge of losing my actual shit -so she went to the back again. When she came out she said, "They are giving him different medicine so you actually will get a $75 refund." Bless, I'll take everything I can get.
The cat is in his crate and he is wearing the cone of shame and he looks PISSED. I take him home and he hadn't eaten so I move his food right by the crate and I open the door and this bitch bolts out and tries to jump on the dresser. I put him in the dogs cage and he was freaking out. Writhing, trying to get the cone off, rolling around on his incision. Being crazy. I gave him his medicine and he calmed down but he was NOT happy. I peeked at the incision and it looked horrifying.
I decided that clear out our walk-in closet - move his food and litter box in there so he could have some space and not have to be crated and there was nothing he could jump on and hurt himself. I did that and he finally settled down. I felt terrible for him. He was PISSED.
I left him to rest and I wanted to take a nap but there was no time. It was Gabby Douglas day! My daughter's gymnastics did a fundraiser to bring Gabby Douglas to their gym and my daughter raised $850. I got her favorite leotard out and I gathered some items for Gabby to sign. I made dinner for my husband and daughter since I wouldn't be home all afternoon and evening. I took a shower since I was greasy as hell and then I went to pick up my daughter.
We got to the gym and she got dressed and then we waited for Gabby to arrive. She stepped out of the car and the girls greeted her with flowers and bubbles. There were different contests they could win and my daughter won a VIP meet and greet with her. It was so cool. It was her and 4 other kids in a room with Gabby. They had her sign their items - she had a poster and a picture that Laurie Hernandez had signed too. She answered questions, took pictures with them. My daughter was so nervous and in awe. She could barely speak. Gabby was super nice and down to earth. It was awesome.
Later they did a clinic with her and Gabby picked out my daughter and another girl from the gym as an example for a back handspring. "See how much power they have?" Gabby said. My daughter was beaming. An Olympic gymnast, one of her idols, complimented one of her skills. She was over the moon. A bunch of the gymnastics moms went into the photo booth with Gabby's mom. At the end, my daughter got a hug from her. It was an experience of a lifetime. All of my stress and exhaustion melted away. It made me so happy.
After, we had dinner at Moes - just the two of us. She talked excitedly and we bonded. I dropped her off at home and I went to pick up my oldest from youth group. Hollister Boy was there, unexpectedly, so I took him home. My husband called me on my way home. "I need you. The cat is freaking out, the internet went out, I need some things so I can get my license renewed tomorrow."
My husband always wants me around. The older we get, the worse it is. He needs to be in my vicinity. If I'm in the kitchen cooking, he will come in multiple times. To check in, to hug me. If I'm having coffee on the couch he will practically sit on top of me. I'll be like, "Can I get some personal space?" He will just look at me and be like, "No." If he wakes up before me, he doesn't like it. If he's awake, he wants me to be awake. I can go to bed before him but he will never go to bed before me. He will NEVER admit it, but it's true.
"I'll be home in 5 minutes. Also, I already pulled out your passport, social security card, birth certificate, mortgage statement and electric bill. They are all together on the counter. Calm down." I come in and we gave the cat his medicine. I threw in a load of laundry, took a shower and then crawled into bed with my husband. I was so damn tired.
I was awakened at midnight by the cat CRYING and scratching at the door. My husband groaned. "He's been doing that for hours." He was not due for medicine. He just wanted out of the closet. I grabbed a comforter. "I'll go be with him." I made a pallet on the closet floor and laid down. The cat was miserable with his cone but he walked over, curled up next to me and sighed. I pet him and he finally stopped crying, settled in, and fell asleep. He's one of my kids. When my girls don't feel good, they want me with them. Apparently, the cat too. So I slept on the floor of my closet, with the cat.
My husband woke me up at 6:30. My back hurt like a bitch. I did not sleep well. I am too old to be sleeping on the floor. I got up, fed the cat and went to make breakfast and lunch. My husband is working from home 2 days a week now so he logged into his computer and I did the middle school and high school drop off. Then I had to go to the bank and the grocery store. I got home and unloaded the groceries and made lunch. My husband came down and helped. He held up a bottle of sparking moscato that I brought. It was $4. "What did you get this for?" he asked. I looked him straight in the eye and replied, "For my sanity."
I went upstairs to do the laundry before I had to pick up the kids and the cat is acting crazy again trying to get out of the cone- rolling on his incision. He is miserable. We can't do this for 2 weeks. We looked up alternatives for to a cone. A onesie. A onsie will work.
I went to Once Upon a Child before I went to pick up the kids. I'm going through the onesie bins to find one that will work and I hold one up and it reads, FULL OF GIGGLES. I am deliriously tired and imagining my fat ass, miserable, grumpy cat in a FULL OF GIGGLES onesie was just too much for me. I started laughing hysterically. I am laughing so hard, so uncontrollably standing at the onesie bins that I am crying. There were tears rolling down my face. Everyone stops and looks at me like I am insane. I am insane at that point. I didn't care who was looking, zero f*cks were given. I finally collected myself and paid for the onesies. The sales girl thought I was nuts. hahaha.
I picked up the kids from school, then came home and put the onesie on the cat. He was so much happier and he can't get to his incision. Plus, he looked cute as hell.
The end of the week was almost near. We had almost made it. I picked up my kid from gymnastics and she volunteered to sleep in the closet with the cat. I love her. I slept a full 8 hours in my own bed. It was amazing.
The next morning my youngest had an orthodontist appointment for a retainer check. The orthodontist has a new partner. He examined my daughter. "This tooth needs to come out. I need you to wiggle it a lot."
"Don't worry. I have a pair of pliers at home," I interjected. He looked at me like I was a giant asshole. I forget that not everyone appreciates my dry sense of humor. I appreciate it though, and that's what really matters.
I went home and cleaned the sh*t out of my house. I caught up on all my laundry. I picked up the kids and made an easy dinner and then I dropped my oldest off to ship away to youth group camp for the weekend. I sat down on the couch and I reflected on the craziness.
I decided that I will not take on anything else until after Thanksgiving. I will only honor my current commitments that have been made. I'm not volunteering for anything extra, I'm turning down invitations, I am going to spend some time reflecting and resting and recuperating. December through the New Year will be insanely busy so I NEED to take care of myself and refill my cup.
I got a text from my girlfriend this morning:
I'm going to make myself lunch and that's what I'm doing - I'm drinking wine in my bathtub. Candles and bubbles and the whole shabang. Then I'm going to play a mindless game on my phone. I'm going to take a nap. I'm making a seafood feast for dinner - salmon, crab cakes, shrimp, fresh asparagus. I'm going to make an easy lemon souffle with my youngest. We are going to curl on the couch in our pjs and watch movies and pet my cat in the onesie and do NOTHING. I'm not leaving the house. YESSSSSSSSSSSSS.
