That Mom Life

                          
I had hoped this week would be more relaxing. Compared to last week, it was a walk in the damn park but it was still a shit show. I've gotten used to it. There was just so many THINGS to do. Always an event, a practice, a bullshit thing that comes up.

I did accomplish a few things that have been on my agenda. I mowed and edged the front and back yard for the last time this year. Goals. I have accepted that my to-do list will never be finished. I'm just taking things one day at a time.

A terrible thing happened this week. I'm going to tell this story - as a cautionary tale to other parents but know it's not for the faint of heart. Be prepared to cringe- so hard that you will feel it in the actual core of your being. Just thinking about it now, I shutter.

So, one of the nights this week, we were hanging out in the living room. I had a fire going in the fireplace, I was in my fleece pants and fuzzy socks, I was drinking a glass of wine. I was fully relaxing, enjoying my life. Little did I know, my world was about to be rocked.

My oldest daughter was talking about someone's parents getting divorced. Then she said, "I never worry about you and dad." I thought that was really sweet. "Awww, really?" I said. We could have just left it at that. It would have been fine. But no. She followed up with, "I know you still like each other a lot because I hear you playing the piano all the time." Except she didn't say "play the piano", she used another term that I had never heard before, that was so jarring that I can't even type it. I was shook.
                                
No. That just cannot be. "Are you serious?!?!?!" I asked. She was like, "Yeah. It's low-key disgusting." I was so upset. Like, I wanted to crawl underneath the couch and die. I was MORTIFIED. I was apologetic. "I am so sorry. I hope you know that it would never be my intention to disrespect you or make you uncomfortable. Are you scarred for life? Do you want me to make you an appointment with your therapist so you can talk through it?" I was dead serious.

She shrugged, "Nah. It's fine. It happens, that's life. I just put my headphones in."
                   
Then we just changed the subject and started talking about Thanksgiving. She seemed totally fine, she didn't seem bothered in the least. But I was bothered. I was not the same person that I was 5 minutes before. There has to be a word for an emotion that includes- embarrassment, self-loathing, and resignation. I felt THAT way. Thot Mom Award.

First of all, "all the time" is a little bit of a stretch, in my opinion. Second of all, we are not some kind of degenerate weirdos. We are not disappearing in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. Parents wait - until the kids are asleep, until they are out of the house, until they are distracted. There is little spontaneity and romance about the whole thing. When the kids are young, you think that it will get better and that you will have more time. But you won't because when they are older they are ALWAYS awake. They don't take naps, they stay up later than you, even when you think they are asleep, they aren't really. It makes it more difficult. Plus, they are more AWARE. Things don't go over their heads anymore. It's like when your kids learn to spell.

Like, a few months ago, I was in the kitchen making dinner. My husband came in and hugged me. I don't know what it is- but whenever I'm standing at the stove, it makes him happy. I was being kind of flirty and I starting singing, 2 Become 1, which is totally a 90's thing to do. I hear a voice yelling from the next room, "EWWWWWW. I'm downstairs. STOP!" I didn't know my kid was sitting in the living room. Ooooops. Or the time I was driving and I told her to text her dad on my phone and she scrolled WAY up. I think she thinks we talk about her in our spare time and was trying to find out. She threw my cell phone down. "Stop texting dad disgusting things," she said with a frown. "How about don't read my text messages?" I replied.

Even an innocent wink or a lingering kiss elicits gagging from the children. I get it. I really do. I would never purposely try to make my kids uncomfortable and always try to be very discreet. I am a mother. I take my role as a mother very seriously and I do everything I can to be there for my kids and provide them with a good life. BUT, I am also a wife. I think my role as a wife is EQUALLY AS important as my role as a mother. The relationship with my husband is important. It is a priority to me and is the cornerstone of our family's happiness and survival. Sorry kids.

So, learn your lessons from me. You might think your kids are asleep, but they aren't actually asleep. They might actually know. I know what I'm adding to the Christmas list this year- noise cancelling headphones.
              

In other news, my 14 year old has decided she wants to get a job. On Monday, she came home and said, "I'm applying for a job at Publix." That came out of the blue. I don't think she really needs to work and she plead her case to me. "Well, I do marching band 12-25 hours a week and I still kept my grades up. I want to work like 8 or 12 hours a week. Maybe on the breaks and summer a little extra. I always am asking you guys for money and I want to make my own money. Plus I will be driving next year and I will have to buy gas and stuff."

I thought about it and decided to let her give it a go. I told her that I would take her but she would have to do the application herself. I told her that if she really wanted to get a job, she should ask to speak to the manager and introduce herself. We practiced a little bit and I made her shake my hand. "You have to have a firm handshake." On Wednesday, I dropped her off. I told her that if she has issues filling out the application, she can call or text. I parked in the back of the parking lot and waited. My phone started to ring. It was her, speaking in a whisper.
"Mom, I don't have a suffix. What do I do?"
"Just leave that part blank," I said.
"Ok, thanks."
She hung up. A little while later, my phone rang again.
"Mom, what's my social security number?"
I told her. "Thanks!"
She hung up. A minute later, my phone rang again.
"Mom - our zipcode is XXXXX, right?"
"Yes," I confirmed.
"Okay. I just wanted to make sure. Thanks."

I was chuckling so hard. I waited 45 minutes. Finally she called and asked where I was parked. I picked her up and she gave me the play by play. "I finished the application. Then, I asked to talk to the manager. I was really nervous but I introduced myself. I gave a firm handshake and I told him that I was only 14 and never had a job before but that I was a hard worker and that I want to learn how to work with customers and other people. I also said I had a good attitude and that I can work up to 12 hours a week. He was really nice and said he was looking at applications after Thanksgiving and to call him in 2-3 weeks if I don't hear from him. I feel good about it." I smiled. "Good! We'll keep our fingers crossed."

I was thinking about it and you know what? My child is an actual bad ass. I think it took a lot of guts and initiative for her to do that. She went in there by herself, she really put herself out there to talk to an adult and plead her case. Good for her. Even if she doesn't get the job, it was a good experience for her. I was proud.

The rest of the week was mostly uneventful. Our new mattress and box spring came in. You'll remember our old box spring broke and mortally injured our cat. When we took everything out there was a huge blood stain under our bed. It was upsetting.
                                    
We got a memory foam mattress which my husband was SO excited about. His back hurts for no reason because he is getting old. It was so comfortable. I was so excited to sleep in our new bed. I was ready to get a good nights sleep. I've been so tired.

Unfortunately, I was jarred out of my blissful sleep at 2 in the morning by my husband shaking me. "Are you ok? Are you ok?" he said, frantically, over and over again. I sat up, PISSED. "No, I'm not okay. I was sleeping. What the hell?" He stared at me with glassy eyes. This bitch was asleep. He is prone to sleep walking/talking but he doesn't usually wake me up. I was triggered. I miss sleep so bad.

None of this makes sense, I'm rambling, I'm tired. My husband is 36 today so I'd better go make some cupcakes. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get a nap in. Lord knows, I need it.