On Friday night my kids asked if I would take them to the movies over the weekend. I told them that I would and my 4 year old niece was listening and asked if she could sleep over and come with us. I told her that she could.
The next morning I got up early and did laundry and cleaned up and took the kids to a birthday party and brought my niece home with us. I was so tired but needed to go to the grocery store before we went to the movies. My husband took a nap and I instructed the kids to behave and I made a quick trip to the grocery store. I got back and unloaded the groceries and instructed the girls to get ready to go to the movies.
Then we had the ultimate blow up. You see, we could not agree on what movie to see. My kids wanted to see the Lone Ranger but it's not an appropriate movie for a 4 year old. My youngest has seen Despicable Me 2 and Monsters University and she wanted to see Man of Steel (she's obsessed with super heros and comic book movies right now, go figure). So no one could agree and everyone was upset at each other. When I told my 7 year old we weren't going to see Man of Steel she called me the BB word. That's literally what she said, her exact words were: "You're the B-B word, mom." "What word is that?" She said nothing. I don't know the BB word. Is it bumble bee? Boogie Butt? B*tch squared? I showed her my double b*tch side. Then she went into her speech about how no one loves her and everyone hates her. In response, I played her a sad song on the world's smallest violin. We decided to rent Megamind instead and have popcorn at home. Then they played and I actually got them to go to sleep shortly before 10. I was so glad. I went downstairs to hang with the hubby. I thought maybe we could make out on the couch like a bunch of crazy teenagers. Just kidding, I didn't really think that - I don't have that kind of time or energy.
"Whatcha watching?" He looked at me like he saw Big Foot. "You're awake?" He is always surprised when I make it past 10 pm. "Yeah, I want to spend time with you." He put on a show for us to watch together and a moment later he was shaking me. "Come up to bed." I had fallen asleep. The minute my butt hit the couch, I fell fast asleep. So much for trying to spend time together. We crawled into the kids beds as they had taken over our room. We were awoken some time before 7 am by 3 children literally crawling on top of us. "Wake up! It's morning." Dear God, Why? "Let me sleep." "But mom, can we have doughnuts?" I waved them away, "Yes, go fix doughnuts but save me a coffee crumb one." I love the crumb doughnuts but the kids always eat them before I serve myself. I work hard, I purchased them and I think I should get first dibs. I heard their feet pitter patter down the stairs and I was hoping to get another hour of sleep but not 5 minutes later, I felt a tap on my foot. My 9 year old was standing at the end of the bed with a plate in her hand. "Mom, I got you a crumb doughnut." How could I be mad at that? No sleep for me. I got up and fixed a cup of coffee and then propped myself up in bed. There are few things in life better than coffee and doughnuts in bed on a Sunday morning.
I was enjoying my coffee and relaxing and my niece came up to me in her nightgown with her big eyes and crazy morning hair and said, "Aunt Jossy, can we walk to the park?" I looked at her and looked back at the clock that read 7:05. "Sweetie, it's 7 in the morning." She just stared at me. She's 4, she doesn't have any concept of time and could give a flying you-know-what that it's 7 am. "You want to go now, don't you?" She nodded. "Get dressed and let me finish my coffee." By 7:20 we were ready to go to the park. I went to track down my 9 year old. She was in her room at her desk in front of her laptop. She had earbuds in and was writing in a composition book. I yelled so that she could hear me, "HEY, WE ARE GOING TO THE PARK." She rolled her eyes at me, "But I'm busy. I need to write down the words to this Selena Gomez song." Whatever.
So I took my 7 year old and my niece. We walked over to the park and I wanted to sit on the bench and chill but alas, things are not that easy. My kids are too old to be amused by the park alone, they have to play games and do other things. They can't just slide down slides. One of their favorite games is "Troll Under the Bridge." I made up this game, which is something I often regret. There is a bridge on the play equipment and I pretend that I am a troll (not a far stretch for me) and I hiss and growl and hide and try to "catch" them as they run back and forth on the bridge. This game involves me running and crouching and hiding - and hissing. I know I look ridiculous playing the troll under the bridge but no one in their right mind is out of bed at that time on a weekend morning, so I was in the clear. I did that for half an hour and then the kids wanted to head home to use the bathroom.
As we walked back my 7 year old asked, "Mom, will you make us hot chocolate?" WTF? It's the middle of July. "We don't have any at the house." She was disappointed. "But we want hot chocolate." I didn't want to do it, I should of said no and took a nap instead but I told her I would make it on the stove. I got home and of course we were out of milk so I went to the Piggly Wiggly to get milk and marshmallows. I drove home and as I was gradually heating the milk and chocolate on the stove, I realized that I could have just gotten the stupid hot chocolate packets since I had to go to the store anyway. It would have made my life 10 times easier in that moment. I experienced self loathing then. The kids happily drank their hot chocolate while I did the dishes.
I dropped my niece off at 9:30 am and it had already been a long day. I went home, cleaned the house, did a load of laundry, made lunches for the week, put dinner in the crockpot, ran to the dollar store with the kids (one of which threw a fit for an unknown reason and embarrassed me in public), cleaned out my car, packed for an upcoming business trip, and then played 3 rounds of badminton in the backyard with the family and THEN embarked on a 7 hour trip.
I finally rested my head at midnight. In the moments before I fell asleep, I felt amazed that I could fit so much into one day. I congratulated myself for being a bad-ass troll.
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