My oldest daughter is nine today. *tear* She is our surprise baby. When I found out I was pregnant, I was surprised and nervous and I wanted to do a good job. I read every baby book I could get my hands on. Which was easy, because we were too poor to afford cable so I would just spend my days reading baby books. When the time came, I felt prepared. After all, I had the wisdom of Dr. Sears to guide me.
She came a week late and she was a furry little baby and tiny. They whisked her away to the nursery for an unforgivable amount of time and finally that evening brought her in to us. She was not happy to have been evicted from the womb and she spent all of her time crying. She screamed and slept for short bouts in between. It was awful. The second day in, I was exhausted and I was sure that this baby hated us and that already, I was an epic failure as a mother. The second night it was just the two of us and she was screaming and unhappy and I was trying to calm her down. She had cried so hard that she was hot and sweaty and I took all of her clothes off and I laid her on my chest and just talked to her. I asked her (very politely, I might add) to please stop crying and that it was okay and that I loved her. After just a moment she was totally quiet. She just laid her tired little head on my chest and listened to my heart beat. When I talked to her, she would look up at me and there she was happy. I had figured it out.
It was the only place she wanted to be. Skin to skin with her mom and there she stayed for the following days, weeks and months that followed. I spent the first 4 months of her life eating, sleeping, nursing and rocking the baby and that was pretty much it. I was lucky if I got a shower in between. I didn't mind it a bit. I was in love with her. I could just stare at her sweet baby face for hours. I wanted to just inhale her being. The two of us were like peas and carrots. I never left her. I just strapped her on to me and where I went, she went. At the time, I couldn't imagine that there would ever be a time that it would be different....
As the years went by and her sister came and she grew she became less and less attached to me. It was a beautiful transition that was so slow, I didn't even notice it. She turned into this toddler, who turned into a little kid, who turned into a big kid who is now a "tween". She can leave me now, and prefers to. I told her she could stay with me on her birthday. We could go to the movies together but she opted for summer camp with her friends. If she knew that there is this piece of me that still just wants her close to me, her head resting on my heart. I long for the days when my mere presence solved all of her problems.
My daughter is a big girl. We had a family gathering recently and everyone remarked that she looked older. Sure enough. She comes up to my chin, she will be taller than me soon, I imagine. I keep wondering when this happened. I cannot physically pick her up anymore and I wonder about when the last time I actually was able to hold her and carry her to her bed. We took the kids to the Biltmore this weekend and I sat in the grass and she came and sat in my lap and it was so comical because she is so long and big that she didn't know where to put her legs. She wrapped her long arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder and I took in the moment because I know that some day soon she won't want to sit my lap. She won't be able to! She's nearly outgrown it already.
She is a big kid now and that's okay. She is smart and funny and sweet as can be. She is a well liked kid. She is kind to everyone and smart as a whip. She is a beautiful little girl. She has taught me more than any parenting book ever could and I am blessed that she came into my life as a wonderful surprise!
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