Turning Into Your Mother

                                      
The other morning I was running around like a chicken without a head and my 11 year old decided that she was going to make scrambled eggs for breakfast for herself and her little sister. She made the eggs, sprinkled them with cheese and added a side of cantaloupe and laid the plates down on the table.

She called my 9 year old down. She sat down at the table, looked at the plate and said, "I don't want eggs." My 11 year old literally lost it.
                       
She put her hand on her hips and said, "What do you mean you don't want eggs?!?!?! I made eggs special for you and you don't even appreciate it. You are so ungrateful."

Chills ran down my spine. I was like I was outside of my body watching myself. It is so strange when you hear you hear yourself come out of your child. It was frightening.

She did it again in the car on the way to school. Somehow we got to talking about the electric bill and I asked the neighbor boy if his mom gets mad about the electric bill. My daughter piped up. "This is what my mom does. She opens the electric bill and then comes into my room and says, "Why is your light on? It's the day time." She said it in my voice with my inflection. She might turn into me. I feel kind of bad for her about it.

She is right, I do lose my mind about the electric bill. Every time I get the electric bill and go through the house and unplug everything. I ask why the ceiling fan is on in rooms that are unoccupied. If someone turns down the air conditioning I'm like: "If you're hot take off your pants or sit in a cold bathtub." I'm the worst.

The electric bill last month was like, $400. We live in a small house and keep the AC at 78. That is just unacceptable. The damn electric company keeps raising rates. Why are people not outraged? Why is there allowed to be a monopoly? Why aren't lawyers looking into this? I'm ready to take to the streets about it. If I had a pitchfork I would show up outside their offices with it.
                
          THE ELECTRIC BILL IS TOO DAMN HIGH!!!! YOU'RE A BUNCH OF CROOKS!!!!

Anyway, as if opening the electric bill yesterday wasn't enough of a shocker, my 9 year old came up to me at breakfast this morning and asked, "Mom, what's morning wood?"
                 
Christ Almighty, I can't deal with questions like that early in the morning.
"Where did you hear that?"
"I don't remember." Liar.
"What do you think it means?"
"It's something to do with boys."
"Let's talk later but do me a favor and don't repeat it please."

I can imagine that phone call coming from school. She didn't remember to bring it up this evening but when she does I'll just say it's when 84 Lumber has a sale before noon. Kill me.