The End of The School Year

                           
Tomorrow is the last day of school. I have been waiting for it to hit me. It hasn't until just now. My baby, my youngest is going to the middle school. I had her pick out her clothes for tomorrow. There are no agendas to check. I've managed the Facebook page for the school for many years and tonight I removed myself. When I clicked the button it gave me a warning: once you have been removed, it cannot be undone. Something about that statement affected me. I cried a little bit.

It cannot be undone. What has happened has happened. The elementary years have passed for both of my children. There is no turning back. When my daughter walks into the school for the last time tomorrow, I'll imagine her as the curly haired kindergartner that she once was, clutching my hand with a backpack bigger than herself.

She is almost 10 years old now. Half a decade has passed since then. It has been a wonderful time. I could not have wished for a better experience for my child or myself, as a parent. We have truly been blessed.

There is no time for looking back. We look forward, to the future. This is what is supposed to happen, after all. Children grow up. You know what? That is okay.

As much as I miss my children being little, I refuse to mourn the fact that they are getting bigger. Instead, I choose to celebrate. We have much to be thankful for. As much as I complain about my children, I am blessed. I love them so much. I am so proud. They are both smart, healthy, beautiful, kind, funny, strong girls. I pretty much hit the kid jackpot.

Over the next few years they will turn into young women. We will have our joys and our challenges. I am so looking forward to it. Life is complicated, it is messy but so beautiful.

This evening, my youngest was at gymnastics and I went into my oldest daughter's bedroom. She had just finished cleaning. We chatted about her posters. She looks me directly in the eyes now. She's a big kid. She came close to me and wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder. I breathed her in. She always smells so good. Like coconut, citrus and flowers. "Seventh grade, huh?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Stay close to me." It was more like a wish, than a request.
"Ok."
"What are the most important things?"
"You are smart, you are beautiful, mom & dad love you no matter what."

I used to say that to the girls over and over and over again since they were tiny. It's our mantra. Those are the things that I need them to know and believe. Especially in the coming years.

I will be weepy tomorrow but it will be okay. I'll look ahead without worry or fear. The kids are all right and we are ready. Life goes on.