Tomorrow my kids come back from camp. I have been kid free all week. I haven't even talked to them. I've seen pictures of them that the camp has posted on their Facebook page and that is all. They were smiling and looked like they were having fun. Maybe they aren't upset that I left them there after all.
It has been so strange not having kids in the house. I vaguely remember what life was like before having kids. That was like a lifetime ago. It could have just been a dream.
Here are a few things that blew my mind about having a kid free week:
1. Grocery shopping - I purchased groceries for the week for me and my husband. I spent $70. I usually spend $200 on an average week. Does that mean my kids are eating $130 worth of food every week? Maybe. A carton of blueberries can get eaten in 1 day. They always make special requests for Nutella and sh*t. These growing children are literally eating me out of house and home.
2. House Cleaning: I cleaned my house, then I went to work and when I came home from work - IT WAS STILL CLEAN! What?!?! It stayed clean ALL week.
3. Laundry: I did 2 loads of laundry the entire week. Usually I do 1 load of laundry a day. If I don't, the laundry will overtake us and it will take forever to catch up.
4. Silence: No one is screaming about anything. No one is fighting. No one asked me to buy them something. No boys showing up to sit with my daughter on the couch. Blissful, blissful silence.
5. Husband time: we ate dinner together EVERY DAY this week. No one was rushing around to pick up kids from whatever activity. We ate dinner, we took walks, and we watched episodes of Deadwood.
6. Worrying: I didn't. I didn't worry about making sure my kids ate their meals. I didn't worry about what they were watching on TV. I didn't worry about trying to censor my language or having to wear pants.
7. Leaving: I just left the house whenever the f**k I wanted. I didn't have anyone to tell or worry about being back at a certain time. I didn't have to argue with anyone to get them to come with me. If I wanted to go to the store, I just got up, walked out the door and went to the store like a boss.
The past week was so unlike anything that I am used to. I mean, I realize that there are TONS of people out in the world with no kids. They must feel so rested. You do not know servitude until you have children. You learn to exist in this world where your needs are always secondary. There is something very humbling about that. My kid free week has given me a new appreciation for parents everywhere. This parenting gig is not easy.
Parents kick-ass. We are tough. To all the sleep deprived mamas and daddies who sleep with knees in their back, who scrape half-eaten plates of food into the trash, who have piles of unfolded laundry hanging around, who drive their kid to practice after a long day of work, who endure their kids rolling their eyes and insulting their intelligence, who wake up every day and run themselves ragged because they love their kids and want the best for them - I think you are amazing! You are a rock star! I don't know how you do it.
Even my kid free week didn't go completely kid free. I got out of the shower on Tuesday morning and grabbed a Q-tip to swab my ear. I stuck the Q-tip in my ear and it felt crusty. Ugggh! What the f**k?
I looked at it and there was nail polish on it. One of my kids (I suspect my oldest) used the Q-tips to remove nail polish and stuck the used Q-tips back into the container with the clean Q-tips. I went through the container and pulled out NINE Q-tips with nail polish on them. You know, because throwing them away would have been much too difficult. That's what life with kids is like - sticking crusty used Q-tips into your ear canal.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited to see my kids tomorrow. They make me crazy but my life would be so empty without them. They are the stars in my sky. I can't wait to embarrass them tomorrow by hugging and kissing them in public. I love these girls!
The day we got back from vacation, I told both my girls to a Panic at the Disco and Weezer concert. I let them each bring a friend. We purchased the tickets in January and they have been anxiously awaiting it. They LOVE Panic at the Disco - they know the whole album front to back. So do I, because I had to listen to it every morning while dropping off my 4th grader to school.
"This song had the F-word in it but only two times, so it's not that bad..." What the hell? Some of the songs are questionable, but they have some acceptable, catchy music. I was just going for Weezer anyway. We show up to the concert and we had nosebleed seats but still a pretty good view of the stage.
It was mostly 20 somethings but a lot of teenagers too. A fair amount of 10-12 year olds there with their parents. Panic at the Disco played first. They were really good live. The kids stood up on the bleachers and danced and sang their little hearts out. It was a great show until the lead singer started talking in-between songs. He said, "I'm from Las Vegas. Las Vegas is pretty cool because drugs are readily available and everyone wants to f**k each other." I was like,
I took them to a concert where that sentence was said out loud. My kids can't unhear it. Good job. Bad Mom Award.
That prompted my oldest daughters friend to relay an off-color joke her mother had made that day. "It was so gross. I don't want my parents to do THAT ever." She just went on and on about it. Finally, I laughed and said, "How else are married people supposed to stay married?" I shouldn't have said that. My kids gagged. LOL. That is another sentence that cannot be unheard. Bad Mom Award.
Fast forward to this week, I have been busy preparing my kids to go to camp. On Thursday night my 11 year old stood in the doorway to ask me a question. I was laying in the bed staring at the ceiling contemplating what is happening to my life. "Mom, are you and dad going to do something tomorrow for your anniversary?"
I replied, "No. We are going to do something all week while you guys are gone."
She literally fell to the floor, stuck her fingers in her ears and started screaming. "MOOOOOOMMMMM. YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY THAT TO ME!!!!"
By something, I meant that we were going to go on dates all week while they were gone to celebrate our anniversary because we didn't have to worry about kids. ]
I should have said, "How to do expect married people to stay married?" She surely would have thrown herself down the stairs.
I was so ready to send this kids to camp. We really signed them up for camp FOR THEM. I went to sleep away camp when I was 13 and it was an amazing experience. I always wanted to spend every summer at Camp Anawanna. It's a 90s kid thing.
I showed them the video and they were pumped. They have water activities at the lake, archery, horses, crafts, a climbing wall. Lots of kids. It looked like a lot of fun. As a bonus, my husband and I get time to ourselves away from the kids.
The longest we ever went away together without the kids was for our 10th wedding anniversary and it was less than 48 hours. Which is fine, we get small breaks from the kids but we've never had six days.
I have been so ready. The kids about did me in this week. My oldest is much less combative than my youngest but she has a crap attitude. The mornings are horrible. I seriously don't want to be around her in the morning. This morning was especially bad. She was bitching because she was awoken at 9 am. I'm sorry that I have s**t to do and that the house can't be completely quiet to accommodate your rest that you obviously need because you work soooooo hard. Can you feel me rolling my eyes?
My youngest is just a bat out of hell with that mouth of hers. Her attitude has gotten progressively worse. It's an age thing and a hormone thing. Uggggh! She was annoying the piss out of me the other day. We have a rule that during the day, our dog has to stay downstairs. We keep a baby gate up. At night, she sleeps upstairs in her cage. The reason for this rule is because my dog loves to poop in my youngest daughters room.
If she is allowed to go upstairs, that's what she does. My youngest feels bad for the dog when the dog is downstairs and she lets the damn dog upstairs during the day when I'm not paying attention or out. I've told her many times to keep her door shut at all times and that if the dog goes in her room, she is responsible to pick it up.
Lo and behold, the other day I was putting laundry in her room and I saw a giant turd on her rug. I called her in. "I told you to keep the door shut and to leave the dog downstairs." She looked at me like she I was crazy and said, "I don't know how that happened. I keep the door closed. Maybe the dog opened it." I looked at her and said, "Are you telling me the dog needed to take a crap so she came upstairs, stood on her hind legs, opened your door and decided This looks like a good place to poop, and then did it right here on the floor?"
She thought about what I had just said. Then she replied, "Yes."
I was so steamed. "You are going to pick up this poop."
"No, I'm not."
"I'm not doing it. You WILL do it."
I don't remember what happened after that, but I didn't follow through because I am a crappy parent. That turd was still there the next day. UNACCEPTABLE. We went head to head and I had to yell and scream and be a crazy person but she did finally pick up the poop. Not willingly. She was crying the whole time about it, swearing up and down that the dog opened the door herself. That was her story and she was sticking to it.
This morning, we finished packing and had a nice lunch together. Then, we loaded into the car to make the hour and fifteen minute drive to camp. We pulled in past cabins with kids and it was situated right on Lake Marion. We waited to check in and the kids were being such jagoffs. Their arms were crossed and they were scowling. My oldest was like, "I can't believe that you are going to just leave us here. You are just trying to get rid of us." My youngest echoed those sentiments.
I was not feeling bad for them. If I could afford boarding school, I'd send them off. These kids are making me crazy. We checked them in and headed to their dorms. There were lots of bunk beds and kids. Their counselors introduced themselves. It was fine. They seemed a little more relaxed but they were still mad. I hugged my oldest goodbye and she didn't reciprocate. She kept her arm crossed. My youngest hugged me but gave me an "I don't like you" look.
I was over it. I was like:
We walked back to the car with no kids.
I love my kids. I know I talk trash on them now and again but in general, I enjoy them. They are good people and when everyone has their attitude in check, we have a nice time. That being said, I am so looking forward to not having to shuffle kids around, clean up their messes, cook their meals, and be insulted by them. My husband and deserve some date nights and alone time. We work hard and we literally pour all of our time and resources into the children. We are not going to feel bad about it.
Yesterday I celebrated 14 years of marriage. How can that even be? It doesn't seem like it could possibly be that long.
A few weeks ago, I was making breakfast while my husband fixed the coffee.
"Can you believe we'll be married 14 years this month?" I ask. "How have we done it?"
We have been through so much, so many trials, so many changes. We married so young, it is almost a miracle.
He shrugged, "I don't know. I kind of feel like I just woke up here."
I laughed, but he is so right. Time really is an illusion. We have just taken life one day at a time and before you know it you are where you are now.
A few months ago, I read an article about the "secret" of happy long term marriages. A long-term marriage being described as one that has lasted more than 10 years. It talked about how those couples experience an "afterglow" effect. Below is the definition of afterglow: theglowleftafteralighthasdisappeared; atrace,impression,etc,ofpastemotion,brilliance,etc
It gave me pause. Is that what this life is now? The glow that is left now that the light has disappeared, now that the fire has subsided? I don't know if I buy it. It ebbs and flows.
Last week when we were flying home from Denver, I was sitting next to a young woman on the airplane. I was being antisocial and didn't want to talk so I closed my eyes and napped. By the end of the ride, I couldn't escape it. She struck up a conversation with me and told me about how she was getting married at the end of July.
I listened to her tell me the details of her wedding, the venue, the dress. She glanced down at my ring. "How long have you been married?" she asked.
"It will be 14 years next week," I replied.
She looked surprised. I get that all the time.
"Yeah, I was a child bride," I joked.
People are always curious, so I go into the whole - I was 18 and he was 19 when we got married, no - I wasn't knocked up... We're a novelty.
She told me that she is 22 and he is 21 and that she is nervous about getting married, that they have no money. I felt like I had to tell her something. So I did. I gave a little bit of marriage advice, which I rarely do because I don't feel like I am equipped to.
"Marriage is not a fairy tale. Sometimes it's like running a business, sometimes it's just grocery shopping, washing socks and comprising. Always make time for each other - even if it's date nights on the couch. Don't be too hard on each other. Never give up."
Then I went into my getting married young speech of, "There is so much pressure when you get married young - to build a life, to make a living, to buy a house and have kids at the right time, to prove to everyone else that you can make things work. Screw everyone else, don't listen to the naysayers. Just love each other."
She nodded. She probably thought I was a crazy lady, but she is the one at opened the can of worms.
I can't say I knew where she was coming from because that is the one thing that I can honestly say I wasn't concerned about. I never doubted that getting married was the right thing. Every other person around me did but I had never been so sure of anything else in my short life. I was only 17 when I agreed to marry him, after all.
I knew with every shred of my existence that he belonged to me. That there would never be anyone who would make me feel the way that he made me feel. When he walked into the room my knees were weak. I needed him the same way I needed air, food and water. He is vital to my existence. I would have followed him anywhere and I did. I moved across the country and left my friends and family to become his teenage bride. I've never regretted it and never looked back. He is home to me.
We received a piece of marriage advice ourselves before we got married. He was home from the ARMY for a short break and we were in the car at a stop light making out. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, we would make out at stop lights in the car. We were ridiculous. Holy hormones Batman.
Anyway, we were necking in the car at the stop light when there was a knock on our window. I looked up and there was a middle aged man at the driver's side window. His car was in front of ours and he had left his drivers side door open. I thought there was something wrong with our vehicle and he was notifying us. My husband rolled down his window.
The man looked him in the eyes and said, "You, you need to always take care of her." He pointed to me. He then looked at me and said sternly, "You need to always take care of him. Okay?" We both nodded, stunned and confused.
That was it. He walked back to his car and drove off. We both got the chills but we did vow to always take care of each other. We have. We have never given up on each other, we have enjoyed our years together, we separate but we are one.
We have built this AMAZING life together. A life that has far exceeded my expectations. If this is the afterglow, I want to bask in it forever.
The morning after our soggy evening at Mount Rushmore, we headed out early to explore the Badlands. We hadn't originally planned to visit them but I read that they were a must see. I have to say it was one of the highlights of our trip. It is by far one of the most beautiful places I have ever been in my entire life. Pictures don't do it justice. We were in awe.
My 11 year old was being grumpy. If it's before noon, she is not on board with life. We stood at the edge and admired the beauty of the formations. My husband and I were freaking out. "OH MY GOD! This is so beautiful! Isn't it amazing?" Our 11 year old shrugged with her arms crossed,
She did start to come around as the day wore on. We drove through the Badlands and stopped at all the lookouts. She gave me her phone and made me take Instagram pictures. "Ok, mom. Wait until I'm in between those two things and make sure the rays of the sun are shining good. Don't take the picture until I tell you to." Oh my God! Her photography instructions were exhausting. My 9 year old was excited. She climbed the formations but didn't try to fall off of the edge like she did when we were in the Rockies. I was grateful.
When we got to the end, we stopped for lunch. We sat by the window that overlooked the Badlands. Just unbelievable. I ordered an Indian taco. It was fry bread, which I had heard about and never experienced. It was like a taco shell made out of a sugarless funnel cake. It was spread with re fried beans, seasoned ground buffalo, and all the fixings. So yummy.
After the Badlands we made the drive out to Deadwood. I was so pumped to go to Deadwood. Deadwood is infamous. I mean, HBO made a whole show about Deadwood. We arrived at our hotel around dinner time. Part of the hotel was a casino with bars and restaurants and there was an entertainment venue. The Avett Brothers were playing that night and we wanted to go but tickets would have been $300 for all of us. No thanks, I'll just listen to the CD.
We had to take an elevator to get to the hotel part of the resort and another separate elevator to get to our room. The whole trip my damn kids fought over who would press the elevator buttons. I am not kidding you. Middle school children. They would push each other out of the way. My oldest wept. She got on the elevator and actually cried. "It was MY turn to push the button." I looked at her like she had lost her damn mind.
"You are about to be 12 years old next month. Really? Really?" We had to set up a system where we kept tabs on pressed the button last. "Okay, it's Ws turn next..." we'd remind them. Super annoying. I could not deal with it.
We were tired but still decided to walk into town for dinner. Our hotel was a block from main street. It was bustling with tourists and lots of biker types.
We ate dinner in a restaurant above a saloon that was once a brothel, because we're shitty parents. We waited in this little corner that had pictures of "girls" in negligees holding cigarettes. They were not Pretty Woman type of ladies, they looked like they should be in Metallica's "Turn the Page" music video. There was a history of Deadwood's brothels hanging on the wall. The brothels in Deadwood weren't shut down until 1980. "You came 36 year too late honey," I said to my husband. He chuckled.
We had a yummy dinner on the rooftop and then we went to the restroom before walking back. We walked in and on the wall was an antique photograph of 5 or 6 nude women dancing. You know, because we were hanging out in a former brothel. They had their legs cocked to the side so you couldn't see their baby making area but they were topless. I decided I wouldn't acknowledge it. I'd just be low key. The human body is not a horrible thing.
My kids had to talk about it. My 9 year old said, "Why are these ladies dancing naked?"
I shrugged, "Maybe someone paid them alot of money." Bad mom award.
My 11 year old turned up her nose, "Their boobs are kind of saggy."
I was a little offended, because they were looking better than me. I ushered them out of the bathroom before they could comment further on the photo.
When we got back to the hotel, I took my 9 year old swimming in the indoor pool and I relaxed in the hot tub. It was bliss.
The next morning, we went horseback riding. It was a little weird. We drove up with mountain and there was a house with a bunch of horses. We have been horseback riding before so we kind of had an idea of how it would go. Her credit card machine was broken so my husband had to drive down the mountain to get cash and come back. It was convoluted.
Once we paid and put on helmets, she took us around the side of the house to meet our horses with her 14 year old farm hand. She told us a little bit about the temperament of the horses and she turned to me and said, "You are going to ride Doc. We call him Deranged Doc. He can be a little crazy. Make sure he stays away from this brown one here. He doesn't like him. He'll bite and might try to buck you off." I was like, WTF? How am I supposed to ensure that he stays away from the other horse. I'm basically am amateur. I was scared.
She lined up the horses and we got on. The kids first, then my husband, then me. She gave us instructions about how to control the horses and off we went up the mountain. It was beautiful, except that my husbands horse was literally farting in my face the entire time. Seriously, with every step it was: poot, poot, poot. We laughed so hard. That horse needed some Bean-O.
We stopped at several lookouts and the lady got off her horse and told the kids stories about how Deadwood came to be and about the gold rush, she talked about the local wild life and what it's like living in South Dakota. It was awesome. After the ride she let the kids help take the saddles off and feed the horses. She pointed out the horses that she planned to breed that afternoon. "Are you going to light candles and play romantic music?" I joked. My 11 year old shot me a dirty look.
Afterwards we went to lunch outside of a saloon. There was a guy playing live music and as we walked by he said, "Today is kids day. All the beer they can drink.... Hey! It's not my liquor license." We had to eat there. Bad Mom Award. We listened to him play and ate. It was a beautiful day. Afterwards, we explored the visitors center that was once the train station. That evening we went to Mount Moriah cemetery and visited the graves of Wild Bill, Calamity Jane and Seth Bullock and then it was back in the pool.
We had a full day planned the following day. First on the agenda was Old Time Photos. I've ALWAYS wanted to get old time photos done. When I was a kid, I'd walk by the Old Time Photo place on the boardwalk and think One day, I'm going to get those done. We walked down to Woody's Old time photos and took a look around. They had 25 scenes to choose from and we settled on a bar scene. Good parenting. We went down to the costume room and they had people there to help us dress. "What kind of look are you guys going for?"
"I want to be like the lady that runs the brothel with my wayward children and my husband to be an outlaw."
Worst Mom ever. They picked out an off the shoulder dress for me, a cowboy outfit for my husband and some slightly skank outfits for my kids. Whatever.
We went up to the scene and our photographer was so funny. He was fabulous. He stood and looked at us for a moment with his hand on his chin and thought for a minute. Then he arranged us. He handed my husband a gun, me a bottle of liquor. Then he asked the girls what they wanted. My 9 year old wanted a pistol and my oldest daughter a fan.
He told us to look this way and that. "Okay, now look serious. Okay, now smile slightly. No - not you dad." For the next photo he put me on the bar. "Hike up that skirt and let's see some of that leg, mom." That was the least sexiest sentence that has ever been uttered in the history of the world. After the family pictures, he took pictures of just the girls. He gave my youngest a shot glass and a bottle of Crown and my oldest some other bottle of liquor. They posed. I leaned into my husband, "I feel like I should feel like this is wrong, but it's just kind of funny." Worst parents. It was so fun, everything that I thought it would be.
After the photos we walked to the Adams house which was an amazing restored Victorian. My husband and I are suckers for house museums. We love them. We have dragged the kids to every plantation house, they have toured Monticello, Montpelier, the Biltmore, and Mount Vernon with us. Poor kids. It was an amazing house. One of the highlights for me. I wanted to move in.
After the museum we drove half a mile to Broken Boot Gold Mine and the kids panned for "gold" and we got a tour of the mine. Our guide was a hilarious 16 year old kid. It made it really interesting and we learned a lot. It was crazy to go underground and explore the mine. Later we walked back into town, picked up our pictures and went to watch a Hoe Down in the haunted and historic Bullock Hotel. The music was amazing.
Deadwood has an acting troupe that does re-enactments and shootouts throughout the day in the city and the Hoe Down was part of that. We watched a shoot out before dinner and then waited in Saloon 10 for the re-enactment of Wild Bill. They asked for volunteers to help with the show and picked out our 11 year old.
She was so excited. They put her in a long coat and hat and sat her at the card table with 2 other kids. The show was really interesting and entertaining and followed with the shoot out and capturing of the "assassin".
The evening culminated with a play about the Trial of Jack McCall. Our 9 year old was part of show in the jury so both kids got to participate. We were pooped by the time we got back to the hotel. It was an amazing day.
The next morning we got up early and headed out to explore Spearfish Canyon. We got out to see the the waterfalls and explore. It was breathtaking. Then, we made the LONG drive back through Wyoming and to Denver.
We were ready to go home the next day but we had one more stop. My aunt and uncle live in Littleton, right outside of Denver. The kid's middle school has an anti-bullying campaign that is inspired by one of the girls that was killed at Columbine High School and they tell her story every school year.
We drove over to the Columbine Memorial in the morning and it's nestled in the corner of this park. There were baseball games going on all around and we walked over to it. There was a team of landscapers watering the flowers and lovingly wiping down the the memorial. We walked quietly and read the quotes and the bios of the kids and teachers that were lost on that day. We found Rachel's memorial and my 11 year old read it quietly.
The memorial is at the bottom of the hill and there is a path up the hill. I walked up and to the left was the high school, and the mountains were wrapped all around. It was a beautiful and a quiet place. A peaceful place believe it or not. I didn't go to the top because there was a a group of people up there - a wedding!
As I walked down the hill, the bride was walking up. It was her aisle. I walked though the grass to get back down but I still think I might have photobombed her pictures.
We made it to the airport and many, many hours later pulled into our driveway. It was the middle of the night and we were exhausted. It was so good to be home. We had an amazing wild west adventure. I feel like it brought us closer together. I especially feel like it brought our girls closer together (except for the elevator buttons). We crossed items off our bucket list and we made lots of awesome memories. That's what this crazy life is all about, right?
We have been home from vacation for less than 48 hours and it already feels like a memory.
We had such an amazing time. The kids kept their a**hole level at a 3 vs. their ususal 5-6. I am greatful for that. We had a LONG plane ride to Denver and were exhausted when we arrived. We were staying with my aunt and uncle for a few days which was AMAZING. Seriously, I ALWAYS am hosting and I never get hosted.
They laid out a shrimp cocktail and cheese and crackers and we sat on the back porch that overlooked the mountains. The temperature was perfect - a relief from the oppressively hot and humid South Carolina air. We had originally planned to stay close and hike the following day but when my husband found out that the Stanley Hotel was just an hour and a half away, we had to change plans. He was like a kid in a candy store. "Come on, we have to go. It's on MY bucket list. When will we ever get to go again?"
The next morning they made us a delicious hot breakfast and we headed out to the Stanley. The ride over there was breathtaking. We parked the car and walked up the hill to the hotel. It was a beautiful historic building.
My children were on the lookout for ghosts, stongly encouraged by my husband. We walked up the front steps and into the lobby, which was bustling with tourists. There were old fashioned keys hanging on the wall behind check-in. On both sides of the staircase were large stone fireplaces with fires burning. I sat in one of the oversized leather chairs and took it all in while the children oohhed and ahhhed at an antique motorcoach that was displayed by the door.
We went to book a tour but were informed that the tours were all sold out. Not a problem, we could do a self guided and explore the grounds. I made a reservation at the restauraunt there. But it was a problem - for my 9 year old. She sulked, crossed her arms and acted completely pissed off at us. "What do you want us to do? The tours are sold out."
"You should have planned ahead."
"We made a spur of the moment decision to come. Let's just look around."
"I hate you."
Worst parents ever. That's us. Her attitude had come around by lunchtime. They sat us at a table by the window overlooking the fountain outside. We opened the menus and parused the options. My 9 year old said, "I would like to have the meatloaf."
I am not kidding you it was $26 for a slice of meatloaf. It had elk and bison in it. Now, I realize that we were on vacation but there is no was in hell that I was willing to spend more than a quarter of a hundred dollars for a slice of meatloaf for a child.
"Okay guys, the rule is keep it under $20."
I think that is reasonable. She was pissed off all over again. She didn't protest too much, thankfully. She ordered a bacon cheeseburger. My 11 year old opted for the mushroom risotto. That was like $18. My kids can't be normal kids and eat chicken fingers. They think they were born to Beyonce and Jay-Z. Sorry guys.
After lunch we headed to Rocky Mountain National Park which was amazing. We hiked up to Alberta Falls. My little one was so excited. A little too excited. I feared for her safety. At one point we got to a gorge that the water was rushing through and she was right at the edge trying to hang off.
I yelled for her to stop. "Mom, I can't SEE. I'm fine." I was about to have a panic attack. She was agitated and I was careful not to make any sudden moves. If I got to close or tried to grab her she would have recoiled and wheeeeeeeeeeee straight into the gorge. It became a hostage situation. "I'm going to need you to slowly come away from the edge...." Even my 11 year old was having a freak out about it.
I finally convinced her not to hang off of the edge of the gorge. I reprimanded her. "I would like for all of us to leave the park ALIVE today please." I vowed to NEVER take her to the Grand Canyon. Never. That would be too stressful. I'd stoke out.
We finally made it to the top of the falls. It was byond beautiful. We could feel the spray of the falls on our faces. We had made it! We hiked the mile back to Bear Lake. Breath taking. It was a real life screen saver.
There were mounds of snow all around and the kids got a kick out of playing in it and throwing snowballs at each other. "Look, mom. It's snow in JUNE!" We saw a bride getting her pictures taking and we oohhhed and ahhhed over her. My husband leaned into me and whispered, "Who wants to get married? Stupid." I grinned back at him. "Dumb asses, for sure."
The next day we drove up to South Dakota to see Mount Rushmore. We drove through Wyoming which was gorgeous. We expected Clint Eastwood and a band of horses to just show up. The Marlboro Man definately lived there. It was so desolate. Miles and miles of nothing but land.
After a few hours we were all hungry and had to use the bathroom. "Okay, we're going to stop at the next place. Look, Lost Springs is coming up in 30 miles. We'll stop there." We drove 30 miles and saw a few run down houses scattered about. A huge sign read: Lost Springs Population: 4. "Okay, we are not stopping here."
We finally reached a little town called Lusk. We got out of the car and the air smelled like wood. People had cowboy boots and hats on. We'd made it to the west. We had lunch and then my 11 year old begged us to explore the local antique store. You know, because normal 11 year olds are into antiquing.
We got back in the car and listened to the local radio. They were talking about the High School Rodeo teams. Yes -high schools have competitve rodeo athletes in Wyoming. Screw Friday night football games, they do rodeos in the the wild wild west.
We drove two more hours to Mount Rushmore and 5 miles before we reached the monument it stated POURING down rain. I was so disappointed. We changed our plans and decided to go to the hotel first and to Rushmore in the evening. I reserved a room at a hotel right at the bottom of the mountain. All the hotels/motels there were little mom and pop type establishments.
We checked in and went to our room and my kids were very confused. "This is not like the Double Tree, mom."
It was a little outdated but clean and smelled good, so I didn't have a problem. We waited out the rain and when it finally stopped we went to the downtown area to have dinner. We ate at this really cool, kind of creepy Victorian restauraunt. Then we had icecream and window shopped.
The rain had cleared completely now and we went to see Mount Rushmore. They were having a lighting ceremony so it was great timing. I was super excited. As you walk up to the monument they have all the state flags. We searched for the flags of the places we have lived, and for South Carolina. We walked up and admired the presidents staring out at us.
We got a few good pictures and then suddenly a fog rolled in and completely obliterated the view of the monument. It was so dense that we were standing directly in front of it and could not make out the faces. Boo. The fog lifted right before the ceremony but it began to drizzle. We sat in the drizzle which then turned to rain. When they lit up the monument, the marble was wet. It looked like Washington was crying and Jefferson had booger-nose.
In spite of the rain, the ceremony continued. They played the national anthem and hundreds of us stood together, in the rain and sang along. It was super American. I loved it. America-I'm a fan.
We were freezing cold and wet when we checked back into our no-name hotel. We didn't care though. We were having a wild west adventure.
Let's rewind to a few weeks ago where I was gushing about how amazing the summer would be, how it would be so much less stress. It would be so stress-free. I could just bitch slap myself.
Maybe it's work, maybe it's the house, maybe it's the kids, maybe it's everything but most days I'm like:
The kids still have activies like every evening of the week. This is my mind every day: I have to let the dog out, feed the dog, make coffee, make breakfast, get dressed, pay the electric bill, do a load of laundry, go to work, call orthodontist to schedule emergency appointment because youngest's wire broke, do a bagillion things at work, call back that person that called me, get money out of the ATM for the birthday party Saturday, call the kids and remind them to eat lunch, drive this kid to gymnastics, make dinner, drive this other kid to dance, drop off library books, pick up kid from dance and drop off at marching band, call husband to remind him to pick up other kid from gymnastics, return work emails, check personal email, pick up kid from band, remind kids to eat dinner, do dishes, make to-do list for the following day.....
It's exhausting. So many tasks that it's impossible to get them done in a day. I am seriously bone tired. My kids are not helping the situation. Love them. LOVE them, but they are killing me.
Now that it's summer I just let them get up at any time of the day. I have told them that in the summer they are responsible to fix their own breakfast and lunch. I don't have time to do it. They are capable human beings. We have plenty of food in the house. These holes will literally not eat if I don't remind them. I have to text them, go interrupt whatever they are doing to remind them to eat. Oh my God! Do you want me to wipe your ass too? COME ON. It's like another thing on my list to do. When they were at school at least they had assigned lunch times where they were prompted to eat. They are making it really hard to be the parent that I want to be.
The other night my oldest started her summer session of dance. They had fitted her for new ballet slippers last month. I walked in and let the front desk lady know that I had to pick up the shoes and pay for them. I got out my checkbook and the lady said, "Okay, that will be $86."
To add insult to injury she followed with, "You also need to buy the gel padding which will be $19.95 and you also owe tuition."
So I wrote the check and begrudgingly handed it over. I cried on the inside. I waited for her to finish up and I had to drop her off at band immediately following. We were running late. When I pulled in the parking lot my daughter said, "Just park here."
"No. I'll drop you off at the curb, it will be quicker."
"You should just park."
"It's okay. I'm dropping you off on the curb."
I pulled up and she grabbed her flute violently from the back seat, looked me in the eyes and declared, "I hate you!" She flung her car door open and got out. I had half a mind to jump out after her and lay her out right on the side walk but I was much to tired and defeated.
How dare I commit the serious offense of dropping her off at the curb instead of parking in a parking space. That is just entirely unacceptable. Who do I think I am, trying to earn mom points by paying over $100 for ballet shoes with gel cushions? A dumb ass. That's what I am.
That night, I was sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee and playing Candy Crack to escape the reality of my life. She walked in and sat down next to me. I ignored her. She laid her head on my shoulder and said, "Sorry I said I hate you. I was hangry. I really do love you."
It melted my heart, mostly because she didn't ask me to buy her something after her apology.
My 9 year old has been better. She hasn't been critizing my entire existance lately. I'm grateful for it.
I need a little break from life and I'm getting it. We leave for vacation tomorrow morning. We're flying to Denver and then exploring South Dakota. I've always wanted to go to a Wild Wild West town and to see Mount Rushmore. We will check many things off our bucket list. We are going to see family, explore Mount Rushmore, go horseback riding in the Black Hills, watch shoot outs in the streets of Historic Deadwood, get old time-y pictures made, hike at the Badlands. We are going to just be together without the stresses of everyday life.
No work calls, to laundry to be done, to pets to be fed and walked, to grocery shopping to be done, to doctors appointments to be made and the best part - someone else is going to cook all the meals!
Just me, the hubby and the two people we made to keep us company. It is a much needed break!
It was a rough week. Work was busy, the children were somewhat difficult, I had car trouble, and the housework was never ending. On late Friday evening, I walked down to my friend's house, offering gifts of daiquiris, to vent.
While I was there, I said something about her children. She has double the amount that I have. It seems....almost impossible. I grew up in a house with 4 kids so I should know how it works, but it seems so all-consuming. I mean my 2 kids are a handful. Her husband laughed, "Well, look at how many kids are always at your house. You can't even claim them on your taxes." I laughed but his comment gave me pause.
Our house has always been open. Not a single day goes by that I feel like we don't have someone here. Children, friends, family. There are so many people coming and going. I have a small house and it's not always as clean as I want it to be, but if you don't mind you can come and stay for a while.
I am not always keen on having my kids stay at other people's houses so I do offer that they can come here. Consequently, there are always kids at my house. I took the children to the river yesterday and they each brought a friends. They were my 4 children for the day. There is one little girl who spends the weekend once every few months, we have taken the kids friend's on vacation, we always have some child sleeping at the house.
It is a blessing to have the house full of children but not have to send them all to college. We may only have 2 kids but we love so many more than that. That's how it's supposed to be. I know that both of my kids have parents who love my children. It is a blessing.
But now it's boys too. We haven't really had boys showing up at the house since E-man used to come everyday and sit on the electric box out front with my daughter. That was months ago. That changed about 3 weeks ago.
This new boy showed up on my front lawn. I didn't recognize him. That's because he is in the grade above my daughter. My husband and I were watching a show when my daughter came in and said, "Hey, my friend T-man is here. He wants to meet you guys." WTF.
This kid who is at least 4 inches taller than I am, walks into my living room with his head held high and shook our hands and introduced himself. If he was nervous, he was hiding it well.
"How old are you?" I asked.
"I'm 12, ma'am."
"You are going into the 8th grade?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Oh my god! Eighth grade. We interrogated this child. Not intentionally, just because we were curious. Who is this tall 12 year old who just walked into my house like a boss? He spoke intelligently, was well-mannered and charismatic. He seemed like an-ok kid. After we interrogated him, they played Jenga on the coffee table while we watched the rest of the show.
T-man has come to my house pretty much every single day since then. I don't mind if they hang out, as long as it's at my house, supervised. He rides his bike over rain or shine. That is dedication. He sits next to my daughter on the couch and they watch TV and he occasionally looks over at her with hearts in his eyes.
Kill me.
I always stay close by. Not too close. I don't sit on the love seat and stare but I cook dinner, work in the adjoining dining room, keep an eye out. I pop in to remind them to leave enough room for Jesus between them on the couch.
Last week, something about him was different. His demeanor has changed. Something was bothering him. "Is everything ok with you, T-man?"
"Well, my mom is going on vacation with my step-dad so I have to stay at my grandparents house for 10 days."
"Oh, so you can't come over?"
His face dropped. "No, ma'am."
I thought for a minute, "Well, by the time you get back we'll be headed to South Dakota for 8 days."
The look on his face when those words left my mouth was nearly tragic. You would have thought I told him that his dog died. Pure melancholy.
In spite of the fact that he is supposed to have gone away for 10 days, he has still found ways make it to my house. It's not every day, it's been sporadic but where there is a will, there is a way.
I don't trust this kid. Mostly because I don't trust kids in general. He's a nice kid, I am quite fond of him but he is still a 12 year old boy who works out, wears Axe body spray and looks at my daughter with hearts in his eyes. He is still a human being. My husband will hear none of it. He is team T-man.
"Don't be talking sh*t on T-man," he says.
"I'm not. I'm just saying I don't trust him."
"He's a nice kid."
"That's all part of the plan. Do you think he doesn't know what he's doing? He's smart. You always win over the parents first. That way they'll let you sit on the couch next to your daughter."
"I don't think he plotted that."
"It could be our own daughter who plotted it. I pray she isn't anything like I was."
"Yeah, that would be the worst."
It would be the worst. Payback is a bitch.
I've warned him not to get used to T-man being part of the scenery. Our daughter is in 7th grade which means he probably won't be around through the end of the summer. That's the way it goes in Middle School. Relationships are intense but fleeting.
At least I still have a little one. She be little for like another second. It's not easy. Don't Trust Kids.
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