Let's rewind to a few weeks ago where I was gushing about how amazing the summer would be, how it would be so much less stress. It would be so stress-free. I could just bitch slap myself.
Maybe it's work, maybe it's the house, maybe it's the kids, maybe it's everything but most days I'm like:
The kids still have activies like every evening of the week. This is my mind every day: I have to let the dog out, feed the dog, make coffee, make breakfast, get dressed, pay the electric bill, do a load of laundry, go to work, call orthodontist to schedule emergency appointment because youngest's wire broke, do a bagillion things at work, call back that person that called me, get money out of the ATM for the birthday party Saturday, call the kids and remind them to eat lunch, drive this kid to gymnastics, make dinner, drive this other kid to dance, drop off library books, pick up kid from dance and drop off at marching band, call husband to remind him to pick up other kid from gymnastics, return work emails, check personal email, pick up kid from band, remind kids to eat dinner, do dishes, make to-do list for the following day.....
It's exhausting. So many tasks that it's impossible to get them done in a day. I am seriously bone tired. My kids are not helping the situation. Love them. LOVE them, but they are killing me.
Now that it's summer I just let them get up at any time of the day. I have told them that in the summer they are responsible to fix their own breakfast and lunch. I don't have time to do it. They are capable human beings. We have plenty of food in the house. These holes will literally not eat if I don't remind them. I have to text them, go interrupt whatever they are doing to remind them to eat. Oh my God! Do you want me to wipe your ass too? COME ON. It's like another thing on my list to do. When they were at school at least they had assigned lunch times where they were prompted to eat. They are making it really hard to be the parent that I want to be.
The other night my oldest started her summer session of dance. They had fitted her for new ballet slippers last month. I walked in and let the front desk lady know that I had to pick up the shoes and pay for them. I got out my checkbook and the lady said, "Okay, that will be $86."
To add insult to injury she followed with, "You also need to buy the gel padding which will be $19.95 and you also owe tuition."
So I wrote the check and begrudgingly handed it over. I cried on the inside. I waited for her to finish up and I had to drop her off at band immediately following. We were running late. When I pulled in the parking lot my daughter said, "Just park here."
"No. I'll drop you off at the curb, it will be quicker."
"You should just park."
"It's okay. I'm dropping you off on the curb."
I pulled up and she grabbed her flute violently from the back seat, looked me in the eyes and declared, "I hate you!" She flung her car door open and got out. I had half a mind to jump out after her and lay her out right on the side walk but I was much to tired and defeated.
How dare I commit the serious offense of dropping her off at the curb instead of parking in a parking space. That is just entirely unacceptable. Who do I think I am, trying to earn mom points by paying over $100 for ballet shoes with gel cushions? A dumb ass. That's what I am.
That night, I was sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee and playing Candy Crack to escape the reality of my life. She walked in and sat down next to me. I ignored her. She laid her head on my shoulder and said, "Sorry I said I hate you. I was hangry. I really do love you."
It melted my heart, mostly because she didn't ask me to buy her something after her apology.
My 9 year old has been better. She hasn't been critizing my entire existance lately. I'm grateful for it.
I need a little break from life and I'm getting it. We leave for vacation tomorrow morning. We're flying to Denver and then exploring South Dakota. I've always wanted to go to a Wild Wild West town and to see Mount Rushmore. We will check many things off our bucket list. We are going to see family, explore Mount Rushmore, go horseback riding in the Black Hills, watch shoot outs in the streets of Historic Deadwood, get old time-y pictures made, hike at the Badlands. We are going to just be together without the stresses of everyday life.
No work calls, to laundry to be done, to pets to be fed and walked, to grocery shopping to be done, to doctors appointments to be made and the best part - someone else is going to cook all the meals!
Just me, the hubby and the two people we made to keep us company. It is a much needed break!
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