The Afterglow

                   
Yesterday I celebrated 14 years of marriage. How can that even be? It doesn't seem like it could possibly be that long.

A few weeks ago, I was making breakfast while my husband fixed the coffee.
"Can you believe we'll be married 14 years this month?" I ask. "How have we done it?"
We have been through so much, so many trials, so many changes. We married so young, it is almost a miracle.
He shrugged, "I don't know. I kind of feel like I just woke up here."
I laughed, but he is so right. Time really is an illusion. We have just taken life one day at a time and before you know it you are where you are now.

A few months ago, I read an article about the "secret" of happy long term marriages. A long-term marriage being described as one that has lasted more than 10 years. It talked about how those couples experience an "afterglow" effect. Below is the definition of afterglow:
the glow left after a light has disappeared; a trace, impression, etc, of past emotion, brilliance, etc

It gave me pause. Is that what this life is now? The glow that is left now that the light has disappeared, now that the fire has subsided? I don't know if I buy it. It ebbs and flows.

Last week when we were flying home from Denver, I was sitting next to a young woman on the airplane. I was being antisocial and didn't want to talk so I closed my eyes and napped. By the end of the ride, I couldn't escape it. She struck up a conversation with me and told me about how she was getting married at the end of July.

I listened to her tell me the details of her wedding, the venue, the dress. She glanced down at my ring. "How long have you been married?" she asked.
"It will be 14 years next week," I replied.
She looked surprised. I get that all the time.
"Yeah, I was a child bride," I joked.

People are always curious, so I go into the whole - I was 18 and he was 19 when we got married, no - I wasn't knocked up... We're a novelty.

She told me that she is 22 and he is 21 and that she is nervous about getting married, that they have no money. I felt like I had to tell her something. So I did. I gave a little bit of marriage advice, which I rarely do because I don't feel like I am equipped to.

"Marriage is not a fairy tale. Sometimes it's like running a business, sometimes it's just grocery shopping, washing socks and comprising. Always make time for each other - even if it's date nights on the couch. Don't be too hard on each other. Never give up."

Then I went into my getting married young speech of, "There is so much pressure when you get married young - to build a life, to make a living, to buy a house and have kids at the right time, to prove to everyone else that you can make things work. Screw everyone else, don't listen to the naysayers. Just love each other."

She nodded. She probably thought I was a crazy lady, but she is the one at opened the can of worms.

I can't say I knew where she was coming from because that is the one thing that I can honestly say I wasn't concerned about. I never doubted that getting married was the right thing. Every other person around me did but I had never been so sure of anything else in my short life. I was only 17 when I agreed to marry him, after all.

I knew with every shred of my existence that he belonged to me. That there would never be anyone who would make me feel the way that he made me feel. When he walked into the room my knees were weak. I needed him the same way I needed air, food and water. He is vital to my existence. I would have followed him anywhere and I did. I moved across the country and left my friends and family to become his teenage bride. I've never regretted it and never looked back. He is home to me.

We received a piece of marriage advice ourselves before we got married. He was home from the ARMY for a short break and we were in the car at a stop light making out. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, we would make out at stop lights in the car. We were ridiculous. Holy hormones Batman.

Anyway, we were necking in the car at the stop light when there was a knock on our window. I looked up and there was a middle aged man at the driver's side window. His car was in front of ours and he had left his drivers side door open. I thought there was something wrong with our vehicle and he was notifying us. My husband rolled down his window.

The man looked him in the eyes and said, "You, you need to always take care of her." He pointed to me. He then looked at me and said sternly, "You need to always take care of him. Okay?" We both nodded, stunned and confused.

That was it. He walked back to his car and drove off. We both got the chills but we did vow to always take care of each other. We have. We have never given up on each other, we have enjoyed our years together, we separate but we are one.

We have built this AMAZING life together. A life that has far exceeded my expectations. If this is the afterglow, I want to bask in it forever.