No Kid Week

Tomorrow my kids come back from camp. I have been kid free all week. I haven't even talked to them. I've seen pictures of them that the camp has posted on their Facebook page and that is all. They were smiling and looked like they were having fun. Maybe they aren't upset that I left them there after all.

It has been so strange not having kids in the house. I vaguely remember what life was like before having kids. That was like a lifetime ago. It could have just been a dream.

Here are a few things that blew my mind about having a kid free week:

1. Grocery shopping - I purchased groceries for the week for me and my husband. I spent $70. I usually spend $200 on an average week. Does that mean my kids are eating $130 worth of food every week? Maybe. A carton of blueberries can get eaten in 1 day. They always make special requests for Nutella and sh*t. These growing children are literally eating me out of house and home.

2. House Cleaning: I cleaned my house, then I went to work and when I came home from work - IT WAS STILL CLEAN! What?!?! It stayed clean ALL week.

3. Laundry: I did 2 loads of laundry the entire week. Usually I do 1 load of laundry a day. If I don't, the laundry will overtake us and it will take forever to catch up.

4. Silence: No one is screaming about anything. No one is fighting. No one asked me to buy them something.  No boys showing up to sit with my daughter on the couch. Blissful, blissful silence.

5. Husband time: we ate dinner together EVERY DAY this week. No one was rushing around to pick up kids from whatever activity. We ate dinner, we took walks, and we watched episodes of Deadwood.

6. Worrying: I didn't. I didn't worry about making sure my kids ate their meals. I didn't worry about what they were watching on TV. I didn't worry about trying to censor my language or having to wear pants.

7. Leaving: I just left the house whenever the f**k I wanted. I didn't have anyone to tell or worry about being back at a certain time. I didn't have to argue with anyone to get them to come with me. If I wanted to go to the store, I just got up, walked out the door and went to the store like a boss.

The past week was so unlike anything that I am used to. I mean, I realize that there are TONS of people out in the world with no kids. They must feel so rested. You do not know servitude until you have children. You learn to exist in this world where your needs are always secondary. There is something very humbling about that. My kid free week has given me a new appreciation for parents everywhere. This parenting gig is not easy.

Parents kick-ass. We are tough. To all the sleep deprived mamas and daddies who sleep with knees in their back, who scrape half-eaten plates of food into the trash, who have piles of unfolded laundry hanging around, who drive their kid to practice after a long day of work, who endure their kids rolling their eyes and insulting their intelligence, who wake up every day and run themselves ragged because they love their kids and want the best for them - I think you are amazing! You are a rock star! I don't know how you do it.
                     
Even my kid free week didn't go completely kid free. I got out of the shower on Tuesday morning and grabbed a Q-tip to swab my ear. I stuck the Q-tip in my ear and it felt crusty. Ugggh! What the f**k?

I looked at it and there was nail polish on it. One of my kids (I suspect my oldest) used the Q-tips to remove nail polish and stuck the used Q-tips back into the container with the clean Q-tips. I went through the container and pulled out NINE Q-tips with nail polish on them. You know, because throwing them away would have been much too difficult. That's what life with kids is like - sticking crusty used Q-tips into your ear canal.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited to see my kids tomorrow. They make me crazy but my life would be so empty without them. They are the stars in my sky. I can't wait to embarrass them tomorrow by hugging and kissing them in public. I love these girls!