No More Magic

The other day, my youngest and I were laying in bed watching old home movies. It was a rare event as she usually avoids me like the plague.

But this day was different, we watched videos of her as a toddler - dancing, singing and being cute. We watched one where she was 3 years old, setting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve.

My 11 year old turned to me. "Mom, tell me the truth. Is Santa real?"
I thought she didn't believe in Santa and has been humoring us. She is going into the 6th grade. It's time. "No. Mom and Dad are Santa."

She didn't seem disappointed. She just shrugged and said, "Everyone was saying Santa wasn't real and I kind of THOUGHT it was you and dad but then I thought you would never spend that much money on us because you are so cheap." Wow. Roasted.

Then she said, "We can't tell my sister because she still believes." I laughed so hard. "No. She found out in the beginning of 5th grade. I told her not to tell you."

The look on my daughter's face was priceless. Her mind was blown.
                                            
I think that her older sister is the only reason that she believed in Santa for so long. Whenever my little one would come home with doubts, she would say, "Who cares what other kids say? I believe in Santa and I'm older than you."

Yes, we all lied to her. But you know what? The world is shit, so we should hold onto the childhood magic as long as we can.

I then confirmed that the Easter Bunny and tooth fairy are not real....and the elf.
"Well, now that you know the elf isn't real, I'm not moving him this year."
She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Yes, you are."
Excuse me? Do you know what I said to her. I said, "F*ck that elf!"

Just kidding, I didn't say that. But I did in my head. I hate the elf. He brings me no joy. What I actually said was, "You can move him for me now."
"But, Mom! He brought us Christmas doughnuts!" she protested.
"No. I brought Christmas doughnuts and I still will."

She hadn't thought about that. Christmas will still go on as it always has. This year will be different though. None of my children believe in Santa. I imagine we will set out cookies and milk and wait until the children go to get to pile presents under the tree - it's what we've always done but it won't feel the same.

I imagine the Christmases of our future- my husband and I sitting on the couch, drinking coffee in front of the fire, waiting for them to decide to wake up and open their gifts. No toys- practical things like socks and Sephora gift cards, electronics.....

The "little children" days are over. The sound of their tiny feet pitter-pattering down the stairs on Christmas morning and the shrieks of delight when they saw that Santa came will just live in my memories now. Time is passing too quickly.

I have to look on the bright side - at least I don't have to do the elf anymore. I hate that b*tch!