Well, here we are again. It's 3 days until Christmas and I'm ALMOST ready. I have finished my gift shopping. I'll do my big grocery trip tomorrow. Last night my husband turned to me and asked, "Are you ready to spend 2 solid days straight in the kitchen?" Hahaha. He is not even lying.
This is the second year that the kids don't believe in Santa. It makes the Christmas season different somehow. It just FEELS different. Not bad, maybe a little less stressful. We don't have to do Elf on the Shelf anymore- BLESS UP. Although, whenever Hollister Boy comes over, he moves the elf. I don't know why he does this, maybe because he never had an elf. It is a little fun to track him down, so I can now appreciate the appeal of it for young children. We still do all the Christmas-y things that we always do. The kids were excited to get their Disney Advent calendars and once a week, we light a fire and roast marshmallows and watch a holiday movie together. Last night we watched a Muppet Christmas Carol and we sang along to the songs together. Tonight we will go out to dinner and go see the lights, which is a yearly tradition.
The kids really do like doing these things. They don't roll their eyes or protest. I think it brings back some of the magic for them. It links their childhood to the present. It's so weird when the kids reminisce about the years behind them. "Mom, do you remember when I was little and.....?" or "When I was a kid...." I gives me pause because to me they are still KIDS, but the don't see themselves that way.
Christmas is expensive and the older the kids get, the more expensive it is. Don't even ask me for a damn Apple watch, or an Apple laptop, or some $300 hoverboard. Ugggggh. Both my kids have iphone Xs though, so I actually am a piece of shit.
I am usually really good and I buy a lot of stuff ahead of time and this year was no different, but we literally got pummeled this year. So going into December, I had my budget and was good to go. Then I got a phone call from my daughter's dance studio reminding me that we owed $225 for costumes for the May recital. We pay this every year in December but my daughter hasn't danced since last June so I literally just forgot. Then we had to put down $150 for summer camp. Then we found out we would have to travel for a gymnastics meet, then the battery died in my car and I had to replace that to the tune of $160.
I sat down and wrote everything out and looked it all over. I will not take any more money out of my savings account. Not after the air conditioning unit and damn cat surgery. I don't give a f*ck if we have to eat rice and beans. I generally don't stress about stuff like this. We are faithful.
So I prayed on it and decided that I was going to sell all the sh*t laying around in my house. If we haven't used it in 3 years, I sold it. We had an iPhone 6, perfect condition, in it's original box, just sitting in the closet. Why?!?!? I actually purged a lot of stuff from my house. I donated and threw away a lot of stuff too. It's a good thing to do to prepare for the New Year, anyway.
I sold enough stuff to cover ALL of our "extra" expenses.
I'm am literally not keeping up with the Joneses, there is no magical pot of money, there is no unlimited credit. I don't care what other people think. If you invite me out and I'm trying to pay for camp, or go to Mexico, or buy Christmas, or be stay at home mom.....I will say "no". I will never over-extend myself.
Besides getting ready for Christmas, I've been dealing with health issues. I have a cardiac issue that was diagnosed about 8 years ago. I was having bad tachycardia and passing out. I have an arrhythmia that originates from the upper chambers of my heart. At that time, I went through all kind of tests. I had a holter monitor for weeks, EKGS, echos, an MRI study of my heart....my heart beats irregularly but the structure of my heart is good. I have a leaky valve but that is not the cause of my arrhythmia. At that time, they didn't "do" anything. I just have to be careful about what I do. I have to limit my caffeine intake and I have to NEVER get dehydrated. I try not to over exert myself. I'll never run a marathon but I can do moderate exercise. If my heart beats fast or palpitates, I drink a BIG container of Gatorade or Powerade. I've done great for 8 years. Haven't had issues.
Well, last month, for whatever reason, I started to have heart palpitations out of the blue. For 2 days, I was having 60-70 a day. To a normal person, that sounds alarming but if you break it down, it's only like 3-4 an hour. I felt fine otherwise- no chest pain, no shortness of breath, no light headedness or passing out, my heart RATE is normal.
So, I took extra care to relax, drank a shit ton of Gatorade and BANA water, stopped drinking alcohol completely (I usually have 3 glasses of wine a WEEK), started an additional potassium supplement, limited my coffee fro 12 oz to 8 oz and my palpitations decreased to 10 a day, to 5 a day. I've still been having a few everyday but I have no other symptoms and I FEEL good.
I haven't seen my cardiologist since 2011 and I went for a follow up this week because even though I don't feel like I'm going to die, my heart beating irregularly for this long warrants a trip to the cardiologist. He was so funny. "Does it make you feel anxious?" he asked about my palpitations.
I shrugged, "Not really. I have no other symptoms. I feel good. I could have just gone to the ER and they would give me fluids and potassium and stabilize me and then would tell me to follow up with my cardiologist. I've know how this works. So I just decided to give myself fluids and potassium and follow up with my cardiologist." He laughed. "That's probably true." My EKG looks good and I'm not in immediate danger. He does think that I may have had a viral infection and because I have an arrhythmia it may have presented with palpitations and that might be a life-long thing. I had some blood work done on Monday at my new primary doctor so we are going to wait to get that back before we do any other tests.
My heart is not the only thing wrong with me. My sh*t is f*cked up. I was diagnosed with RA at 23 after 7 years of consistent joint pain. I have a GI issue. I will randomly have tinnitus and nephropathy in my fingers. I have this weird ice pick headache that lasts 30 seconds and originates from my temple and shoots through my head. I have severe fatigue, sometimes muscle pain. I get hives randomly. My symptoms have come and go through the years, they vary in severity. I have been diagnosed with everything under the sun it feels like, or mostly doctors will THINK I have some issue but my tests and blood work are always normal. I don't look "sick enough" so many times I get dismissed. I have not seen a primary doctor in 6 years because really, I'm done. Either I'm told it's all in my head or they are trying to prescribe me heavy-duty medicine like Humira or Loratab. Ummmmm......no thank you.
I manage my own symptoms. If I'm having a lot of joint pain, I take ibprofen. I try to eat very clean and healthy. I drink a lot of water. I take supplements for nutritional support. I HAVE to get 8-9 hours of sleep at night. I try to pace myself and not over-do it. If I know I'm going to have a period of time where things are stressful, I clear my schedule as much as possible the following week to make sure I can re-cooperate.
With my cardiac issue acting up again, I have re-established with a new doctor. I'm at a holistic practice because I need a change. They tested for nutritional deficiencies as well as Lymes disease and co-infections associated with it. That is like, the only thing I've never been tested for. I don't go back until January 7th.
In spite of this, I have never considered myself sick. I don't. I'm consider myself well, with a few issues here and there. This is my normal. I have had joint pain every day for a long as I remember. I try not to complain and people really would never know. My husband is the only one who REALLY knows because he's seen me crawl into bed at 7:30 pm with crushing fatigue, or soaking in the bathtub because I am so sore and achy, he's retrieved ice packs, and heat pads and ibuprofen. He has picked up my slack at times when I have really not been well.
In spite of this, I have lived a very full life. I have thrived. I have done all the things I've wanted to do. I haven't let it stop me. It's certainly slowed things down but that's okay. I don't want anyone to worry about me or feel bad for me. F*CK that. I don't feel bad for myself. My life is good and I have been blessed. Hopefully, I'll get some answers soon.
Anyway, I need to go clean out my fridge and get my grocery list together because I'm about to spend 2 solid days in the kitchen. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
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