Sweet 16

When my oldest child was born, I was 20 years old. I was in awe of her. She was this creature that I had made and she belonged to me. It kind of freaked me out. She slept the first day but on the second day, she woke up. She cried and cried. I didn't know what to do with her. How to make it better. But then I figured out, that if I just put her on my chest, and laid her head over my heart, she was calm. I have to laugh now, because even 16 years later, it is still like that. Except that she doesn't lay on my chest- that would be weird. 

Sixteen is such an interesting age. It's like being on the cusp of adulthood, which is right around the corner. It is thrilling and terrifying all at once. There have been a lot of milestones this year. She got her driver's license which has been exciting for her. Although, I felt bad because it was just a few weeks before the shutdown. Imagine being 15 with a driver's license and your own car and nowhere to go. 

The thing I like best about my daughter is that she has a big heart. She is a million times a better person than I am. If she sees a homeless person, she will buy them food. She was super active in the Joy Club this year. If a friend is having a hard time, she will show up with Starbucks and a kind word. That's just who she is. She is highly empathetic and in a lot of ways I think that makes her an amazing person. In some ways, it will make life difficult for her. The past few months have been exceedingly difficult and she has been incredibly brave. It is hard to have a big heart when the world is full of disappointment and uncertainty. 

She started buying plants. Every day, she gets up and waters them. She painted her room and rearranged things. Letting the sun in and keeping a living thing alive has been good for her. 

We are incredibly close. Although, sometimes she hates me in the way that teenage daughters should. Anything else would be unhealthy, I think. She will come home and say. "So-and-so told me not to tell you.... People always say "Don't tell your mom," before they tell me anything, but I don't know why. I'm going to tell you." hahaha. We do talk a lot, about big things, small things and heavy things. She tells me a lot but she doesn't tell me everything. Thank God. I don't want to know everything. 

She isn't around a lot. She is busy working and hanging out with friends and her boyfriend. But I want that. That is normal. But she is still comes to me at the end of the night and sits on the edge of my bed and tells me all the things. That is a gift. 

At 16, she is pulled in 2 directions. She is being propelled into the future and all the wonder and uncertainty that it brings but she is also yearning for the comfort and familiarity of childhood. And dealing with life being turned upside down because of the pandemic on top of it all. I am confident that she will find her way and figure out where she is supposed to me. I am so proud of the young woman that she has become and I love her more than life itself. Happy Birthday, my girl!