Sick Daze III

On Friday my daughter woke up again with a fever. We were on day 10 of fever, she had been on 2 antibiotics and the kid has been diagnosed with a sinus infection had been tested for everything from strep, flu, and mono. All negative. So I called the doctor again and we went for our 3rd office visit that week. My daughter, although she's had fever, has been acting normal. She BEGGED me to go to school. "I have to read, and learn and be with my friends..." I explained to her that they wouldn't let her stay with a fever and she gave me a dirty look as if that was my fault.

We went to the doctor and did the same song and dance. Her weight, her temp, her pulse. We saw a new physician who diagnosed pneumonia  put her on a new cocktail of antibiotics and sent us to the hospital for chest x-rays.

Off we went. We checked in and the admin person doing the intake asked me a lot of questions about her illness and she said, "I'm sorry, but she's going to have to wear a mask." She pulls out this kids mask that has Disney characters on it. My poor child put it around her ears and I helped adjust it. She thought it was kind of funny. They sent us back to the waiting area and people were staring at her like, "Don't sit down next to me." I whispered in her ear, "If anyone asks, tell them you have SARS. It will freak them out." She laughed. We sat and waited. I said, "You know, if you wore the mask everywhere we could probably clear places out and have it all to ourselves." "Like the movies?" "Yeah."

They called us back and did her x-rays and then we were done. It was time to pick up my little one from school.

We got there and were walking out when my little one said, "Mom, a spider bit me." She pulled up her pant leg to reveal a red welt under her knee. "We'll take care of it when we get home." Lord help me. I underestimated that bug bite. To be continued.....

                          

What is it?

Do you know what this is?

If you guessed a blue cat who is wearing a yellow rain slicker and surfing while showing off his belly button - you are correct.

When I saw it I said, "Wow - look at the happy alien." Big mistake on my part. HUGE.

Sick Daze II

My child is still sick. She was sick for 2 days and then her fever went away for 24 hours and by Sunday afternoon she was feverish again. By the night time she had a fever of 104.5. When my kids are sick they both get high fevers in the 103s and 104s. At 104 we do sponge baths and fever reducers and cold Gatorade and food and rest. When I tell this to people they look at me like I am some kind of negligent a**hole who should drive to the closest ER. If they are eating and drinking and don't have a stiff neck and back and are not sensitive to light we get the soonest doctors appointment. So that's what we did. We got her fever down a few degrees and I let her lay in bed with me.

Her fever began to break and the sweat just poured out of her body. She was soaked. I kept mopping her off but that didn't seem to help. At one point she sat up and angrily pulled her pants off and threw them. "Those pants bother me." Whenever we lay in bed together she tries to roll on top of me. We always joke that I am a magnet for the children. She laid her slimy sweaty leg on top of me and we just laid in a puddle of nasty feverish sweaty fluid. I was too tired to care. Periodically I would reach over to check her pulse. Not to actually check her heart rate but to remind myself that it was still beating. As cool, calm and collected as I seem to be when my kids are sick there is a little piece of me that gets super neurotic and thinks that their cold is going to "steal their breath." So I never really sleep when they are sick. I keep waking up to check on them. I thought that whole thing would pass after they reached their first birthday but it never has.

When my oldest child is ill she always feels better after a shower. She has taken 5 showers a day. A few weeks ago when the kids were showering we were out of clean towels so I had to pull some from the dryer. They remarked at how warm and good they felt. Now they request warm towels. If I am in a favorable mood, I give in to this request. My sick child asks me for a warm towel every time. I can't say no to her cute little feverish face. I feel like I a running a day spa with this whole "warm towel" business. I have to go now - literally, I have to go retrieve a towel because my daughter is ready to get out of the shower. After she is well, no more pampering in this house!

Sick Daze

Last week my kids came home with flyers for the book fair. Two or three times a year they set up a mobile book store in the library and the kids can buy books on their library day. They were so excited and I was too. It's not that we actually need anymore books in this house. I am a hoarder of kids books. We have literally HUNDREDS of kids books. We have so many kids books that I have to pack up the "seasonal" books and bring them out during certain times a year because we have no more room for them. When I was pregnant I didn't buy baby clothes. I purchased books. If you are looking for a classic kids book, we have it in this house. I like to share books that I enjoyed as a child with my kids but also we read every night and I need variety in my life. I always say yes to books.

So the kids had a pen and were circling the books they wanted to buy. My 8 year old said, "Mom, I'm going to need $50." This kid obviously thinks that money grows on trees. I told her that I would give her $20 (still pretty damn generous in my opinion). My oldest showed me the books she wanted to get and I was excited because there was a book that I would enjoy reading. I read my 3rd graders books....and thoroughly enjoy them. They are quick reads. I love the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. They are a riot!

So on Wednesday morning my daughter woke up and she made sure I put $20 in an envelope and put it in her book bag. She was sooo excited. Her class was going to book fair from 9:30-10:15. We got dressed and I sent them off to school.

I was sitting in my office at 10:16 when my phone rings. It is the school nurse. "Your daughter has a fever of 100.9 and a stomachache. Can you come pick her up?" I went to the school and through the office and there was my sweet girl sitting in a chair, curled up in her sweater. "Hey baby, what's wrong? You weren't sick this morning." She said, "I was not feeling good when I woke up." That's when I realized that she woke up with a fever and felt like crap but she pretended to be well so that she could buy books at the book fair. She literally went to the book fair and walked straight over to the office afterwards. That is some book-loving dedication. I piece of me was proud that I have passed my nerdiness down to my daughter.

"Did you get the books you wanted?" She began to cry. "I got my books but by accident left them in the bathroom and I went back to find them and they are gone." She started to sob. I held her against me and her little head was burning. "Let's go tell the secretary to look out for your books." We walked up to the front to sign out and I saw a bag on a desk. Someone had turned in her books. She was so happy!

We walked out of the school and I said, "Let's stop by the store and get some soup and ginger ale. Then you can lay in bed and I'll put a cool cloth on your head." "Not a cool cloth, I want it to be temperate." She said temperate. She is so funny. "When you are done with The Ghost of Graylock, can I read it?" She nodded.
Then we went home and were lazy and read books and it wasn't such a bad sick day after all.

Spilled Milk

Monday mornings are hard. This morning was a typical Monday. We were running a little bit late and so I packed breakfast to eat in the car. Bagels and cream cheese, fruit and usually I'll bring a sports bottle of water. My 6 year old asked me for chocolate milk. I generally say “no” because I don't want milk in the car, but I was feeling nice so I said “okay.”

We get in the car and we are half way down the road and I hear, “Mom, I spilled.” It was just a little bit of milk. It mostly got the seat belt and a little splash on her shirt. “We need to go back so I can get changed.” That was not a possibility this morning. First of all, it was just a small amount. She was wearing a patterned shirt so there would be no visible stain. If we went home they would both be late for school and I would be late for work. It just was not going to happen. I told her that it would dry and it would be okay. She started freaking out on me. Crying, telling me I am “horrible.” My 8 year old tried to get in on the action. "Just do it, mom!" I don't give in to peer pressure. I said no.

 I get it, I really do. I understand she was uncomfortable and it was not ideal for her – but that is life. If she spilled milk on herself at lunch she would have to wait until it dries. That's just the way it is. Finally she calmed down but when we approached the school she said, “Mom, it's not dry yet." I said, "Sweetie, it's been two minutes. It will dry." She gave me the meanest look ever and said, "It's all your fault." 

We get to the drop off line and my oldest gets out but my 6 year old refused. She sat in the backseat with her arms crossed and said, "I am not getting out until I get a new shirt." Meanwhile, there are 800 cars behind mine and we are literally backing up the whole school lot. "Get out of the car, NOW." "NO!!!" My kids do not fear me enough. So I freaking put on my E-lights and in front of all the other people had to get out of the car, walk over to her side and physically remove her from the vehicle. Thankfully she realized resistance was futile and didn't fight me. I quickly kissed her quickly and I said, "I love you. Go inside and have a good day." She lifted her head and gave me a look of betrayal. I walked back to the car amongst the dirty looks of the other parents waiting impatiently behind me. I get in and as I am driving away, I am watching her walk into school. She looked so cute today in her jeans and sunflower sweater with a big flower in her hair. As she is walking in she is quietly weeping and wiping her tears with the wrist of her sweatshirt.

In that moment I felt like a complete and total a**hole. How is that even possible? She was being mean and unreasonable and I don't think I had any reason to feel bad. But somehow I still did. It's not fair. Score for the kids:1. Mom: 0. 

Having Kids

Yesterday I stopped by the house before I picked up the kids and my house looked how it always looks on Thursday afternoons.

                              Not my house (I would never take a pic of my messy house, I'm snobby like that)

I looked around and I thought to myself "**ck this! We are going to Jason's Deli for dinner." I just could not generate more dishes to clean. I am literally drowning in housework. So I picked up the kids and we went out to eat.

We were sitting there eating and the kids were telling me about their days and we were having a nice time. The restaurant is connected to the mall so we could see in and watch the people go by and be creepers. This young couple walked by and they seemed so carefree. I closed my eyes and I remembered how my husband and I used to be that way. Like we were the only people in the room, like nothing else mattered but the moment that we were in. Those carefree days are long behind us. It's not necessarily a bad thing. We've been married a decade and have a couple of kids - it's a natural progression. When we became parents we realized that everything in our lives would need to be very deliberate suddenly. That our days where we were the center of existence and we could be care free were gone. When you have a baby it hits so suddenly - the worry. Is my baby eating enough? What is this rash? Are they still breathing? Will they keep up with all of the mile stones? You realize that you will never sleep again and you have to plan ahead for outings to the corner store. As my children grow I become much less worried about the present and much more concerned with the future. I realize that I will never be carefree again. I will be preoccupied by my children even when they become adults and then it will be my grandchildren. Maybe great-grands one day?

Later that evening we were getting ready for bed and I was watching my children and I turned to my husband and said, "Look at the girls." He turned around. "Aren't they so cute and smart and awesome?" "Of course." I remarked, "We made them." He looked at me weirdly like, I know...I was there. I find it absolutely miraculous that we actually produced human beings that have both of our DNA that are walking around in the world, reading books, sharing their opinion about things. In reality there is nothing miraculous about it. People pop out kids left and right and have been doing so for thousands of years. It's really a pretty ordinary and ho-hum event but somehow it still seems impossible and extraordinary to me. Slightly weird. I thought having kids would be less weird as they got older but it gets more weird for me. Like they will say these profound things and I think, "Whoa! You used to live inside of me. Some of me is in you and now you are your own human being." I think being a grandparent must be mind blowing. When a human that YOU made, makes another human. I tell my kids all the time that I "made them from scratch." They roll their eyes at me. "No, mommy - God did!" Okay - I'll give them that, but I helped!

Monday, Monday

 I never really woke up on Monday morning. All day I felt like if I just crawled back into bed and closed my eyes I would be asleep in an instant. I just felt really worn down. I had some sick leave scheduled for the afternoon to take the kid's to the dentist so I felt a little bit better knowing that I didn't have to have a full day of work and could sit at the dentist office and zone out for an hour.

I picked the kids up and we were driving over and they were telling me about their day. I hear one of them say "This is good candy." We had gone to a party Sunday and not all the candy from the goody bag made it into the house apparently and they were just chillin back there. Eating it. Not just any candy but sticky Laffy Taffy candy. Who lets their kids eat candy right before going to the dentist? WTF, man. Then I said, "Well, eat a lot of it because you're about to have your teeth cleaned." Bad Mom Award.

We get there and check in and the kids and I read People magazine for a while. Then they had to go to the restroom and we all took turns. My 6 year old threatened to open the door when it was my turn. I wanted to give her a swirlie. They took the girls back and my oldest got my favorite hygienist, Ashley and my 6 year old got the other hygienist who is rough. One time I went and Ashley was out and this lady cleaned my teeth and it was so horrible I was in tears. She basically butchered my gums. I told her she was very nice but to please schedule my next appointment with Ashley. I think she felt really bad about it. When she walked in she gave me this knowing look and I have her a look that said, "If you make my baby cry I will throw something". She thankfully did not butcher her teeth. My little one kept asking for the spit sucker. They call it "Mr. Thirsty". She likes the way it feels in her mouth so every 2 seconds she was like, "Mr. Thirsty, please." So cute.

So the dentist comes in to examine the 8 year old first. My daughter has an extra tooth right next to her front tooth. That tooth is loose, as is the one next to it. The dentist says to me, "I want you to bring in those teeth when they come out. They are fused at the root and it is not very common." So, essentially the extra tooth and the tooth next to it are like Siamese twins. I said, "Well, the tooth fairy usually takes the tooth when she comes to visit." He said, "I will pay her for the tooth." My daughter said, "Mom, we can just write the tooth fairy a letter and tell her we gave it to the dentist." Whatever. I feel kind of weird about selling my kids body parts to doctors and a piece of me wants to keep it because it is uncommon but what am I going to do with the weird tooth? Display it and show it to company? I feel like the dentist will treasure it more than we will. Show students and colleagues perhaps? He will give the tooth the kind of exposure and recognition it deserves. We'll see.

Then he went into my 6 year old. He just went on and on about her mouth. He was like an art connoisseur   talking about a painting. "Look at the perfect primate spacing of her teeth, her palate and oral shape look perfect. Amazing!" He was very excited. "Does that mean she will have straight teeth when the adult teeth come in?" He said, "Probably, we'll wait and see." I would have liked a "definitely" better. I know we'll be sinking a few thousand dollars in my 8 year old's mouth within the next 2 years.

They got new tooth brushes and we headed home to make dinner and do homework. I unloaded the car and pre-heated the oven. I put my purse up and noticed that a damn lizard was in the house. Sitting on the wall next to the front door. I swear that lizards and frogs hang out outside our door just waiting for it to open because we constantly have lizards and frogs that I am chasing out of the house. This was just too much excitement for one day. So I try to trap him and he runs away. I open the back door and am trying to guide him outside but this idiot lizard kept running the wrong way. I was chasing this freaking thing through the house. I was so annoyed. At one point he ran under my oven. I was sure he was going to die a hot fiery death but he emerged. He was covered in dust and crumbs. *Note to self: pull out oven and clean under it one of these days* Finally he ran out the back door. I was exhausted.

I finished dinner and put it on the table. I called the kids down. My 6 year old takes one look at the mashed sweet potatoes and says, "Why do you always make us eat baby barf?" I smiled at her, "Because I know how much you like it."

Mom Jeans

On Friday I woke up before dawn, as usual. I got dressed before the kids woke up. Friday is not just Friday where I work. It is "Casual Friday", which means we get to wear jeans. Somehow, wearing jeans makes your job feel a lot less soul sucking. So I was all excited to wear my jeans. It requires a lot of jumping to get into my jeans because I have a small waist and a lot of assets. When I zip them up I push the extra tummy skin into the bottom so that I don't get any bubbles. It is quite an ordeal. After I zipped my jeans up, I had this realization 98 % of the pants, jeans, shorts, and skirts that I own come up to my belly button. I felt kind of sad about it. My sexy clothes wearing days are over. I wear mom clothes and pants that cover my belly button. *Sigh*

Now, I am not a big lady. I don't have the perfect body but it's not a bad one. I'm not a super model or anything but I can't really complain. I am a normal weight and when I have clothes on, everything looks pretty smooth. But it's not. My skin really took a severe beating during my pregnancies. I gained like 50-70 pounds each time. I would just eat pints of Ben and Jerry's daily - I was huge. It took many years to lose the weight but my stomach has a lot of extra, loose skin. If I lay down and point my toes, it looks completely flat but if I stand up, it just bunches at the bottom. If I were to lean over it, it all comes forward and looks like it is melting off of my body. My stomach is like a Salvador Dali painting. Albeit sad, and less profound.

My kids love to pull on my stomach skin and see how far out it goes. They are like, "Mom - your stomach is so WEIRD." That is why my pants NEED to come up to my belly button. Otherwise I would just look ridiculous and my skin would just flap over the edge and look grotesque. Sometimes I see people wearing skinny jeans or low rise jeans that have bodies like me and I think that I look much less ridiculous in my high waisted pants. I would much rather look older and less sexy than trying too hard. I will pass the torch of low- rise jeans to the next generation.

Yesterday I wore my wide-leg khaki mom-capris. Those come above my belly button. I paired it with a cropped boat neck coral top. I looked in the mirror and thought to myself. "I am one sexy mom-capri wearing beast." That's how I roll.

Sticking Together

My daughters are peas in a pod. They can argue with each other and they definitely have sibling rivalry going on, but ultimately they have each others back. They are united against a common enemy - their parents. This  was on display on Monday morning.

We had a fun day planned. My husband was in the kitchen making cheesy omelets and chocolate chip pancakes. We were going to spend a few hours at the water park and then go see family for lunch and then make homemade pizza for dinner and hang out and play games. It was a great morning - things were starting out well. Until my 8 year old threw a fit. She walks in the kitchen and asked me where the nail polish remover was. I told her I had used it all. She started acting completely irrational and yelling and crying. She obviously woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I asked her multiple times to stop crying and whining and to leave the room (which she refused to do). So I picked her up and physically removed her from the kitchen. I don't put up with that kind of crap. Especially not first thing in the morning.

My 6 year old went to her and was patting her back and then she came into the kitchen and said, "Why are you being so mean today? You should not be mean to C." I just ignored her and fixed my coffee, like the meanest mom in the world would. She got mad that I was ignoring her and she nudged my leg to get my attention which caused coffee to spill all on the counter and down the cabinets. Steam started coming out of my ears. I turned around to her and said, "Learn to pick your fights. This is not your fight." She started to cry, "But you should not be mean to her."

We sat down to eat and my 8 year old had finally gotten over herself and sat down - sniffling with eyes red. Sad face. My 6 year old declared, "I wish we had better parents." WTF? I rolled my eyes. My oldest daughter turned to her and said, "There is no such thing."

Later I asked her what she meant by that. She said, "There are no better parents then you guys because no one is perfect." I thought that it was a very insightful observation. Granted, there are better parents than us out in the world. That have more patience. I don't feel the need to be validated by my children about my parenting but it is nice to hear sometimes that she doesn't wish she lived with some other nicer parents that would let her have a TV in her bedroom and eat icecream before dinner and take her on a shopping spree to Claire's every Saturday. Thankfully our oldest child gives us grace. I know I won't get any from my 6 year old. :)

Later that day as I was cleaning up the upstairs I found this letter. I could have melted:

Cooking Onions

On Thursday night my 8 year old came up to me and said, "Mom, I need to wear deodorant." I looked at her like she had 3 heads. "Why?" She said, "Well, sometimes I get so hot and sweaty at school when I play  it smells like I am cooking onions in my arm pits." She didn't make that statement up. She overheard it. My husband tells me that I smell like I am cooking onions when I am sweating. I tell him it's not B.O., it's my mating scent. My cheese steak smell brings the boys to the yard........ I think he is full of crap and that I smell awesome, but whatever.

So I said, "Okay." Then she added, "I think I am getting hairy armpits." I was thinking that I needed to call an endocrinologist ASAP. "Let me see." She lifted up her arms and there was not a strand, not peach fuzz, not even any lint. Praise God. But it did smell very flowery. "Did you put on my deodorant?" She nodded. I told her I would think about that whole deodorant thing.

So I thought about. We are kind of strict about keeping our kids children for as long as possible. I don't shelter them but I am not exactly in a rush for them to grow up. We don't let the kids wear bikinis, I won't let them get their ears pierced until they are teenagers, ect. I decided that I could give on the whole deodorant thing. I mean, it's pretty benign. If she really is getting sweaty and stinky and uncomfortable at school it's important that it gets corrected. Nobody wants their kid to be the smelly kid at school.

The next morning I told her that I would get her deodorant. She was soooooo excited. Weirdly excited. "Can I pick it out?" "Sure," I said.

So that night we went to the grocery store to get food and pick out the deodorant. We had to walk by the douche section to get to the deodorant. Gotta be fresh from head to toe, I guess. We stood in front of all the deodorant. "Can I get whatever one I want?" I told her she could and we were there for 20 minutes. She was opening them all and smelling them. People were walking by looking at us like we were crazy. She finally made a choice.
                                     
The cap is pink and sparkly. I didn't like the whole Twilight Kiss implications. I said, "Does that mean I have to kiss your armpits before bed?" She rolled her eyes at me.

When we got to the checkout she handed it to the cashier and said, "Could you leave this out?" She just carried it around proudly. I had to laugh to myself. The whole deodorant thing will get old pretty quick. Like bras and maxi pads and all the other female paraphernalia that the next 5 years will bring.

When she got home she showed her little sister who was jealous. "I need deodorant too. My armpits smell like trash and nipples." I am not sure what trash and nipples smell like exactly but whatever. I told her not to rush. They are making me feel old.