I looked around and I thought to myself "**ck this! We are going to Jason's Deli for dinner." I just could not generate more dishes to clean. I am literally drowning in housework. So I picked up the kids and we went out to eat.
We were sitting there eating and the kids were telling me about their days and we were having a nice time. The restaurant is connected to the mall so we could see in and watch the people go by and be creepers. This young couple walked by and they seemed so carefree. I closed my eyes and I remembered how my husband and I used to be that way. Like we were the only people in the room, like nothing else mattered but the moment that we were in. Those carefree days are long behind us. It's not necessarily a bad thing. We've been married a decade and have a couple of kids - it's a natural progression. When we became parents we realized that everything in our lives would need to be very deliberate suddenly. That our days where we were the center of existence and we could be care free were gone. When you have a baby it hits so suddenly - the worry. Is my baby eating enough? What is this rash? Are they still breathing? Will they keep up with all of the mile stones? You realize that you will never sleep again and you have to plan ahead for outings to the corner store. As my children grow I become much less worried about the present and much more concerned with the future. I realize that I will never be carefree again. I will be preoccupied by my children even when they become adults and then it will be my grandchildren. Maybe great-grands one day?
Later that evening we were getting ready for bed and I was watching my children and I turned to my husband and said, "Look at the girls." He turned around. "Aren't they so cute and smart and awesome?" "Of course." I remarked, "We made them." He looked at me weirdly like, I know...I was there. I find it absolutely miraculous that we actually produced human beings that have both of our DNA that are walking around in the world, reading books, sharing their opinion about things. In reality there is nothing miraculous about it. People pop out kids left and right and have been doing so for thousands of years. It's really a pretty ordinary and ho-hum event but somehow it still seems impossible and extraordinary to me. Slightly weird. I thought having kids would be less weird as they got older but it gets more weird for me. Like they will say these profound things and I think, "Whoa! You used to live inside of me. Some of me is in you and now you are your own human being." I think being a grandparent must be mind blowing. When a human that YOU made, makes another human. I tell my kids all the time that I "made them from scratch." They roll their eyes at me. "No, mommy - God did!" Okay - I'll give them that, but I helped!
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