Monday, Monday

 I never really woke up on Monday morning. All day I felt like if I just crawled back into bed and closed my eyes I would be asleep in an instant. I just felt really worn down. I had some sick leave scheduled for the afternoon to take the kid's to the dentist so I felt a little bit better knowing that I didn't have to have a full day of work and could sit at the dentist office and zone out for an hour.

I picked the kids up and we were driving over and they were telling me about their day. I hear one of them say "This is good candy." We had gone to a party Sunday and not all the candy from the goody bag made it into the house apparently and they were just chillin back there. Eating it. Not just any candy but sticky Laffy Taffy candy. Who lets their kids eat candy right before going to the dentist? WTF, man. Then I said, "Well, eat a lot of it because you're about to have your teeth cleaned." Bad Mom Award.

We get there and check in and the kids and I read People magazine for a while. Then they had to go to the restroom and we all took turns. My 6 year old threatened to open the door when it was my turn. I wanted to give her a swirlie. They took the girls back and my oldest got my favorite hygienist, Ashley and my 6 year old got the other hygienist who is rough. One time I went and Ashley was out and this lady cleaned my teeth and it was so horrible I was in tears. She basically butchered my gums. I told her she was very nice but to please schedule my next appointment with Ashley. I think she felt really bad about it. When she walked in she gave me this knowing look and I have her a look that said, "If you make my baby cry I will throw something". She thankfully did not butcher her teeth. My little one kept asking for the spit sucker. They call it "Mr. Thirsty". She likes the way it feels in her mouth so every 2 seconds she was like, "Mr. Thirsty, please." So cute.

So the dentist comes in to examine the 8 year old first. My daughter has an extra tooth right next to her front tooth. That tooth is loose, as is the one next to it. The dentist says to me, "I want you to bring in those teeth when they come out. They are fused at the root and it is not very common." So, essentially the extra tooth and the tooth next to it are like Siamese twins. I said, "Well, the tooth fairy usually takes the tooth when she comes to visit." He said, "I will pay her for the tooth." My daughter said, "Mom, we can just write the tooth fairy a letter and tell her we gave it to the dentist." Whatever. I feel kind of weird about selling my kids body parts to doctors and a piece of me wants to keep it because it is uncommon but what am I going to do with the weird tooth? Display it and show it to company? I feel like the dentist will treasure it more than we will. Show students and colleagues perhaps? He will give the tooth the kind of exposure and recognition it deserves. We'll see.

Then he went into my 6 year old. He just went on and on about her mouth. He was like an art connoisseur   talking about a painting. "Look at the perfect primate spacing of her teeth, her palate and oral shape look perfect. Amazing!" He was very excited. "Does that mean she will have straight teeth when the adult teeth come in?" He said, "Probably, we'll wait and see." I would have liked a "definitely" better. I know we'll be sinking a few thousand dollars in my 8 year old's mouth within the next 2 years.

They got new tooth brushes and we headed home to make dinner and do homework. I unloaded the car and pre-heated the oven. I put my purse up and noticed that a damn lizard was in the house. Sitting on the wall next to the front door. I swear that lizards and frogs hang out outside our door just waiting for it to open because we constantly have lizards and frogs that I am chasing out of the house. This was just too much excitement for one day. So I try to trap him and he runs away. I open the back door and am trying to guide him outside but this idiot lizard kept running the wrong way. I was chasing this freaking thing through the house. I was so annoyed. At one point he ran under my oven. I was sure he was going to die a hot fiery death but he emerged. He was covered in dust and crumbs. *Note to self: pull out oven and clean under it one of these days* Finally he ran out the back door. I was exhausted.

I finished dinner and put it on the table. I called the kids down. My 6 year old takes one look at the mashed sweet potatoes and says, "Why do you always make us eat baby barf?" I smiled at her, "Because I know how much you like it."