We have been attending a lot of weddings over the past few years. We are gearing up for another in 2 weeks. Everyone is getting hitched. Whenever we get a wedding invitation my husband and I pretty much have the same conversation.
Him (holding the invite): What is this? Two more people going and ruining their lives.
Me: You should probably call and tell them that they are making a horrible mistake.
Him: Nah. I'll let them figure it out for themselves. Do I have to go?
Me: Yes.
Him: Is there going to be alcohol?
Me: I'm sure.
Him: Okay, I'll go.
I have to laugh at this exchange because I think there is a thread of truth in it. Marriage is great but let's face it. It is not exciting. Being married is some boring ass stuff. It's not romantic and spontaneous. It can be at times but, in general, it's not. If you spend more Saturday nights in the grocery store and sorting socks instead of making whoopie - you are probably married. If you have never looked at your spouse and thought, "My God! I'm stuck with YOU the rest of my life", then you haven't been married long enough. It happens to the best of us. There is no mystery after you get married, you don't make as much of an effort to impress after a while. You don't just ride off into the sunset. I mean you do for a while, but then what?
Marriage is can be hard at times, especially when you have young children. I think back to when the kid's were babies and toddlers and we really were ships passing in the night. We spent so many years dedicating all of our time and effort into the children. When we weren't chasing kids, changing diapers, cleaning vomit and doing endless loads of laundry, we slept. We were exhausted and we didn't make enough time to connect. It's so easy to lose each other during that time. Now that the kids are getting a little bit older and can be left in a room alone for more than 5 minutes we actually spend time together again. It's been so nice. The past 2 years have been great, a good reminder of why we got married in the first place.
It takes work to stay connected. Falling in love is so easy, it's a chemical reaction that is temporary. To fall in love is so wonderful - the electricity that runs through you every time you touch, the excitement and newness that makes you feel like everything in the entire world is wonderful, the infatuation and the passion. All of those things begin to fade over time and come again only in fleeting moments. That exciting, new love becomes replaced with a different kind of love. A mutual love and respect that is a choice. When we passed 10 years, that's when it hit me. That we had survived so much together and that we have truly become one. We are us, everything we have together is ours, we have been US for so long that it's who we are. He is a part of me in the same way my children are. We exist together.
I had dinner with friends and I remarked that in 7 years, I'll be married 1/2 my life
and she said, "Wow, you are really thinking ahead." I thought that was a funny statement because of course, that is the plan. Seven years from now, 10 years, 20....I imagine us together dancing at our daughter's weddings, watching our grand kids. God willing. He is my past, present and future. We have worked so hard to get to this place.
I recently read this article about a couple who was married for 70 years and the wife talked about how they didn't have a perfect marriage and really struggled at times but were committed to sticking it out. I was very inspired. Our expectation of what marriage should be and what reality is often is conflicting. I just feel fortunate that most of our married years have been good so far. We will attend the weddings and give well wishes but we won't give marriage advice. We are ill-equipped to do so. We are pretty much flying by the seat of our pants - but we're doing it together.
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