Happiness Is Not A Fish That You Can Catch

                               
I just had my 15th wedding anniversary. Which seems impossible because I'm only 25. ;) It's gone by so fast- 15 years, 180 months, 782 weeks, 5,479 days. I can still go back in my mind and feel like I'm there with him, on the courthouse steps - the Texas morning sun shining down on us, his hand clasped in mine as we got ready to step into this future that we couldn't possibly envision as teenagers, but we knew we would be together and that would be enough.

I love to reminisce about how we fell in love but it happened far before I even realized it. We worked down the shore together the summer of 2000 and we were instant friends. There were trips to the beach, the mall, movies. He wasn't like everyone else. He had this devil-may-care attitude and he was always a gentleman to me. He would drop hints sometimes but they were too subtle. I didn't pick up on them at all. He was just a 17 year old boy.

We had good times together, just the two of us, as friends. The December after we met, the people at the deli we worked at down the shore threw a Christmas party at a seafood restaurant in Avalon. I didn't drive but wanted to go so he offered to take me.

I remember that night so vividly. We met up at the Wawa down the street. I was wearing tight black pants and platform shoes, a purple form fitting V-neck cardigan sweater and the new black peacoat that I had just purchased at Boscov's for $92. Seriously, $92 for a coat 17 years ago?!?!? How wonderful to be 16 and not have bills.

He had on wide leg khaki cargo pants and a black Champion jacket that was at least one size too big. He still has that jacket. It was a good investment- better than my $92 peacoat. He smelled like Joop and Dentene Ice. He was my very good friend.

It was dark already and we had gotten an early snow that year, not too much; just 2-3 inches - enough to cover the ground. We drove to the restaurant and had a delicious seafood dinner with our summer co-workers. We recalled funny stories - the time I thought the condoms under the counter were cigarettes and the good looking life guard that would come in everyday and eat a doughnut while browsing the store and not pay for it. The mood was light and a good time was had by all.

Dinner was over early, around 8 and my curfew was 11. We had 3 hours to kill. "My grandfather has a summer house in Stone Harbor," I told him. "Do you want to see it?"
He shrugged, "Sure."
We drove to Stone Harbor and I directed him through the abandoned winter streets. We pulled up in front of the house and it was all dark. I had never seen it with snow covering the ground and it seemed different. "Come on," I told him as I got out of the car and stepped into the frigid air. He followed me and we trekked through the snow, through the breezeway to the back of the house to the back deck. We sat out there for a while, watching the light of the moon reflect off the bay, the wind stung our checks and you could see the heat of of breath as we sat out there together. "This is it," I told him.

I was sharing a piece of my childhood with him in that moment and it's a dear memory I hold on to now. He spent some time there with me the following summer and I am so happy he got to be there with me, in a place that holds so many of my happy childhood memories.

It was only 9 o'clock and we headed home. He played some crappy electronica CD that I tolerated. We were driving down Landis Ave when we passed a house that had a neon sign that said: PHYSIC READINGS. OPEN."

"Ohhhhh! Let's get a reading!" I said.
He scrunched his nose. "That's stupid."
"Come ON! It will be fun! Live a little!"

He gave into me (he has a tendency to do that) and turned the car around. We pulled up in front of the house. It was a small, crappy little house and seemed a little bit sketch but we were 16 and 17. We were young, wild and free. It was exciting.

We knocked on the door and a woman answered right away, as if she was expecting us. There was another woman behind her. They were both middle aged with long, dark curly hair. They both had black eyeliner and wore long skirts. They had to have been sisters.

The woman who answered the door spoke with an accent that I didn't recognize. "Come in," she said.
We were ushered into a living room. The second woman motioned for him to follow her into a back room. "You come with me," she told him. He looked at me nervously.
                   
He was being a little over dramatic about the whole thing but he followed her anyway.

The other woman stood next to me and waited motionlessly until the two of them had disappeared into the back of the house. Then she grabbed my hand and led me over to a couch and told me to sit down. She sat down in front of me and straightened her skirt.

She pointed to the wall behind her and said very nonchalantly, "That boy that came in here with you - he is not your boyfriend but he thinks about the sex with you ALOT."

What?!?!? How could that even be? I was flabbergasted. I had never had any indication that would be the case. Him? Really? Maybe it's because I spent the summer riding in his passengers seat wearing a bikini drop and reading Cosmopolitan articles to him out loud. I was 16, I didn't know any better. I tortured that poor boy.

The fortune teller sat down and gave me my reading. I loved her accent and her voice was soft, sweet and hypnotic. She told me about how I felt misunderstood, how I didn't like my parents, how I'd had my heart broken.

I was shocked. HOW DOES SHE KNOW? THIS IS LEGIT. Now as an adult, I laugh and laugh. I could do that job. Every teenager is misunderstood, hates their parents, and has had their heart broken.  I would add - concerned about your future, trying to find your identity, ect. She charged me $40 for the reading as well as some oil and a candle that was supposed to be "cleansing".

He reappeared with the second fortune teller and they sent us back into the cold. We sat down in his car and said nothing for a moment. It was awkward. "What did she tell you?" he asked. I grinned. "She said that you think about the sex with me ALOT."

He turned bright red. I'm talking, his face all the way to the tips of his ears. "Is that true?" I laughed.
He scoffed, "No. That's disgusting."
I laughed out loud. "Are you sure? She said A LOT, not even a little bit. You're probably thinking about it right now, you perv."
I was such an a**hole. I'm the worst person on the planet. He was getting so pissed off.
"I don't even like you like that," he said with anger in his voice.
"Good," I replied, "Because that's never going to happen."

"What did she tell you?" I asked him.
"I'm not telling you," he replied.
I begged and pleaded for him to tell me but he would not utter a word about what had transpired in that back room. I folded my arms, pouted and looked out the window for the rest of the car ride.

We wound up getting together just 2 and a half months later and from time to time I would bring up the fortune teller and ask what she had said and he always denied me the answer. It wasn't until after we were married that he finally told me.

He recounted the whole story about how the woman took him to a kitchen area and they sat at a table and she told him about how we were soul mates but that we would never be together. He recounted that it had devastated him. "I didn't want to tell you until I was sure that she was wrong," he said.

Yes, the Landis Ave fortune teller was wrong. Go figure.

That seems like a lifetime a ago. We have grown up together, built this life, brought two children into the world, we will be parents of a teenager in just 3 weeks. In a lot of ways we are the same though, deep inside. We're just a little worn now. That's okay though because sometimes we can just look at each other and we are young and wild and free again. That is truly a gift. When you marry your high school sweetheart you get to be forever young.

I was trying to figure out how to celebrate our anniversary this year. Something small, because we did just have our European adventure. After we got back, I heard an ad on the radio for an Our Lady Peace/ Collective Soul concert on the ACTUAL day of our anniversary. That's it!

The summer we dated, we would often listened to Happiness Is Not a Fish That You Can Catch by Our Lady Peace. It was a nice break from some of the sh*t electronica he was listening to then. Before he left for the ARMY he gave me some things of his. His HUGE CD holder with all of his CDs, his jacket, his cologne, pictures we had taken (there were no smartphones or digital cameras then).

I was so sad when he was gone. Sometimes, I would just sit down in my room, wrap myself in his jacket, and listen to Blister on repeat and weep. How emo of me. What a teenage girl thing to do. If that was my own daughter, I would be rolling my eyes SO HARD.
                 
                   "Go take a cold shower and get your sh*t together."

Anyway, my point is, we have a connection to Our Lady Peace. I wanted to surprise him. I told the kids that we would be out until 11. My oldest was in charge and my youngest had a friend sleepover. It's kind of weird that my kids are at babysitting age now and they can babysit themselves. We should be taking advantage of this and having a date night every week.

We went out to dinner and then headed to the venue. We discovered that our friends also were going to be there so we planned to meet up. We had general admission seats but the show wasn't sold out so we snuck down to a lower level. Tonic opened the show, which was amazing. They were making all of our 90's dreams come true. Then, our friend was like, "I have a friend working here tonight. He can get us down to front row seats." What?!?! As you remember, Swaggy Kid also got us on to the floor at the Twenty One Pilots concert. We keep getting the hook up.

Sure enough, we were within spitting distance. Right up front. I was soooo excited. Our Lady Peace came out and played and were amazing. It was so cool to be so close and we sang along to all the words. Then it rained and we took cover for a while and waited for Collective Soul to come out.

They started playing and we went back to our seats. They had just started our set when my friend said, "My friend is with the lead singer of Our Lady Peace, do you want to meet him?"

We were like, "Hell yes!" So we followed him up and sure enough there was Raine Maida in the flesh. Our friend was all loud pointing to us, "It's their 15th anniversary!" He was super chill.
"Happy Anniversary!" he said.
"We are high school sweethearts and we kept Happiness Is Not A Fish That You Can Catch on repeat when we were dating. We are HUGE fans!"
"That's awesome," he replied. He shook my husband's hand and gave me a side hug and we got our picture taken. It made our YEAR! It was the f*cking coolest.

Then we went back down and listened to the rest of the show. Collective Soul was AMAZING. They ended the show with one of my favorite songs, Run. I love that song. We clapped our hands and sang along. I was so happy. I leaned into my husband and said, "Can you believe this is our life?"

I mean, we really have been so fortunate and so blessed. Beyond my wildest dreams and expectations. It was a very memorable anniversary.

We joked with our friends on the way home and recounted how great the show was. When we got home, everyone was asleep. It was only a little after 11, so that was unusual. We went into the bedroom to get into our pajamas and our desktop computer was up that showed a confirmation for $40 worth of Chinese food. What the hell?

I woke up my oldest. "Dude! How did you get $40 for Chinese food. Is there even a Chinese food place that delivers in this area?"
She rubbed her eyes, half asleep. "Well, the younger kids wanted Chinese food and they had cash and I chipped in $10 so I placed the order online and they just delivered it to the house. Don't worry, I didn't let them come in."

I wasn't even mad, I was a little impressed. These kids are resourceful. They wanted Chinese food and they found a way to make it happen by themselves. They might survive the zombie apocalypse.

I crawled into bed with my husband and he put his arms around me. "So, fifteen years...."
"Yea," I replied. "We're old. We're so old that we have kids that are old enough to order Chinese food and pay for it themselves."

This life has been good to us.

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