I was so excited last Spring with I found out that they were opening a library down the road. I was going to be convenient. I was going to read a book a week and the kids could get books out over the summer and I didn't have to buy any books.
I got a shiny new library card and I picked up a ton of books, CDs....and books on CDs. I was good at returning books for a while. Then, I had 8 business trips in a row and I forgot I had books out and I never returned them. It pains me to say it - I am so embarrassed about it.
I got a letter in the mail from the library telling them I needed to bring everything back and pay them $84 in late dues. I am the worst community member in the world. I thought I could get by without anyone knowing my dirty secret - that I don't return my library books. I dropped everything off in the drop box under the cover of night. I mailed a check to cover the $84. I cleaned it up.
A few weeks later, I received my check back in the mail with a letter that informed me, that while they were appreciative of the fact that I was trying to pay my dues, they do not except checks and I would have to take cash or a money order into the library to pay my dues. What the hell? They don't take checks or credit cards. I didn't know we were still living in 1873.
'There was no way around it. I was going to have to show my face in the library. I walked in, with a look of shame in my eyes, I had the letter in my hand. I walked up to the counter and handed her the letter. I whispered, "I have to pay some fines."
She was quiet and read the letter. Then she looked up at me disgusted, as if the letter had told her that I killed a horde of kittens. Then she went into the computer and typed a lot. "Okay, that will be $84 dollars," She said it loud, like she wanted everyone in the library to hear it. She wanted them to know that I was not a person, that I was a library criminal. I handed her the cash.
"Does this mean I am banned from the library, now?" I asked. I assumed that surely they have a system where they banish people who don't bring back their books on time. "No. You have a clean slate. You can check out whatever you want." I was so excited to be back in good standing with the library community. My daughters and I browsed and picked out books. I came across the Forest Gump soundtrack and picked that up too.
I enjoy the Forrest Gump soundtrack. It has a lot of great 60s and 70s music. I popped it in the CD player on the way home. My eight year old really liked it. She has become OBSESSED with the Forrest Gump soundtrack. Literally, every time we get in the car she says, "Put on Gump."
The problem is that we can't JUST listen to the Forrest Gump soundtrack. Every time a song comes on she needs me to tell her what was happening in the movie that corresponds to that specific song. It's annoying. I hate it. She asks me every time, even if I have given her the answer a million times. She's trying to catch me in a lie. "Mom, what was in the movie for this song?" "I don't know - him and Jenny were sitting a tree." She looks at me suspiciously, "Well, last time you said it was when he was running."
We have to listen to the same songs over and over again. I listed to Rebel Rouser EIGHT times yesterday. Even Fortunate Son gets old after the 50th time. I have listened to Forrest Gump so much this month, I am about ready to put on a tie dyed T-shirt and organize a Vietnam protest rally.
I have tried taking it back to the library but whenever we goes, she finds it. I am going to take it back next time and lean over the counter with cash in hand. "You see these 3 Washingtons right here? They're all yours if you take this CD and send it to Moncks Corner."
The Forrest Gump CD has also caused physical pain. Earlier this week, I was sitting outside of the Middle School waiting to pick up my oldest daughter and I was on the phone with Medicare trying to take care of something for my mother in law. My youngest was in the passengers seat doing homework and I was ignoring her. That is, until I heard a scream. I turned to see what was going on and my daughter held up her hand.
She had put her finger in the hole in the center of the CD and now it was stuck. She was screaming and freaking out. I hung up on the lady on the phone and tried to get it off. I tugged a bit and she shrieked in pain. I tried turning it. It was on there good. My daughter then started screaming, "Get the butter, get the butter."
What does she think this is? We were in the car. Of course, why didn't I think of that? Let me get a stick of butter out of my purse. I make sure I always have one available in case of emergencies. In case I want to make pound cake on the go....
Finally I got the stupid thing off. She rubbed it for a minute and then put the CD in the player. Hound Dog started playing. Again. She looked up and do you know what she asked me? "Mom, what was in the movie for this song?"
Thankfully, I do not need to endure the waiting to pick up kids anymore because I have finally put my foot down and signed them up to take the bus after school. My oldest daughter is not happy about it. I do not care. Get your snobby butt on the bus. I apologize that our butler, Jeeves cannot come pick you up in our town car. Life is hard.
I have included a video below, so that you too can enjoy the melody of Rebel Rouser. It's from the part where he was running, just in case my daughter asks. You can thank me later.
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