Super Bowl

                             

The Super Bowl is coming up this weekend. I don't really care about football. I think it's just a bunch of overpaid jocks jumping on top of each other, but the Super Bowl is as American as apple pie so I watch it every year. I usually pick a team to root for and enjoy the commercials and half time show. I have always wanted to have a super-awesome Super Bowl party. I don't know why it's an aspiration of mine but it is.

I did have a Super Bowl party once, in 2005 when the Eagles made it into the Super Bowl. It was the single saddest Super Bowl party in the history of all Super Bowl parties. I was so excited. We invited about 10 people, I decorated the house in green and white streamers. I made ALL kinds of food - a lunch meat tray for hoagies, meatballs, wings, chips, soda, beer. I even made a Super Bowl cake.

The vision in my head was a green cake with a foot ball in the center and "GO EAGLES" written on it. It was green but my foot ball did not look like a foot ball. It looked like someone took a giant dump in the center of my cake. The "GO EAGLES" looked like it was written by someone with Parkinsons. My husband looked at it and laughed. "Why did you put a poop on the cake?" I rolled my eyes at him, "It's not a poop. It's a football."

The game was ready to start and people started showing up. By people, I mean 2 people. That's it. One of them left at half time. The Eagles lost that night which was incredibly disappointing. After the game, I turned off the TV and walked into the kitchen and admired all the food I worked hard to make that no one showed up to eat. No one even wanted a slice of my football/poop cake. I picked it up and threw the whole thing away. It was sad.

Even though, I tried once and failed, I still have visions of one day having an awesome Super Bowl party. I mentioned it to my husband a few weeks ago. "I want to have a Super Bowl party but we don't have cable or friends." My husband was optimistic. "We could stream it. We could invite the family over." I sighed, "That is not a Superbowl party. That is called every-single-Sunday." He shrugged, "Good point."

My second alternative is to try to be invited to an awesome Super Bowl party, which is a lot harder than it seems. I ask everyone I know what they are doing for the Super Bowl in hopes that they will invite me to watch it with them. In my head, this is how I imagine the conversation happening:

Me: What are you doing for the Super Bowl?
Random Person: Actually, we are having some people over. You should totally come.
Me: That would be great! I'll bring wings!
Random Person: See you then!

That never happens. This is how it usually goes down:

Me: What are you doing for the Super Bowl?
Random Person: We are going watch it with friends. You aren't invited.
Me: That's cool.
              

We are just going to have family over, which will be fun. I'll make something special, not a poop cake.

The problem with this Super Bowl is that I don't want either team to win. They've already won the Super Bowl. I am just going to default to the Sea Hawks. I am so tired of watching the Patriots win the Super Bowl. Besides, they won the Super Bowl when they played against the Eagles in 2005 and I never forgave them for that. I'd like to see someone else in there. Give us some variety.

I told my husband that I am going to follow a team that totally sucks and root for them next year. I love an underdog. I am tired of the Eagles. Besides, even though the Eagles suck - they have a lot of fans. I decided that I am going to now be a fan of....The Cleveland Browns.

There are many reasons why I am now choosing to be a Browns fan. See list below:
1. I have never met a Browns fan in my entire life. Not one.
2. They are just horrible. In the 15 seasons of the "new'' Browns, Cleveland has lost in double digits 12 times, endured 13 losing seasons, finished last in the division 11 times and made the playoffs once, a one-and-done appearance as an unlikely 9-7 wild-card team in 2002.
3. The name of their team is a color. The color of turds. I find that amusing.
4. I like the hastily made Cleveland tourism video.

I declared to my husband, "I am a Cleveland Browns fan now." I gave him my reasoning. He thought for a moment and said. "I like how you think, I'm going to support the Tennessee Titans." Our choices in football teams reflect the idea that no matter how dismal things may seem, there is still hope. haha.

Next year, if the Browns actually do get to the Super Bowl I will make another turd cake, except this time it will be intentional. Look out, the Browns are coming to town!