I have been incredibly busy doing a whole lot of nothing lately. Just a constant stream of laundry, making meals and driving kids around. Housewife problems. Let me get back to complaining about my children now.
This weekend was a little crazy. We found ourselves hosting a sleepover party on Saturday night. The following evening, my oldest daughter slept over a friend's house and my youngest daughter had a friend sleep over our house. On Monday I texted my oldest daughter that I was going to pick her up at noon. That is when all hell broke loose. This was the actual text conversation:
M: I'm picking you up at noon.
C: But I just woke up.
M: It's 2 hours from now. You have plenty of time.
C: But I want to play. Can you pick me up at 2?
M: No. I am dropping your sister's friend off in the same neighborhood at noon.
C: So?
M: I am not dropping her off and then turning around to get you 2 hours later.
C: It's not fair.
M: Be ready by noon.
C: 1?
M: NO. Noon.
C: 12:50?
M: NO. Noon.
C: 12:50?
M: I AM NOT RESPONDING TO ANY MORE TEXTS. SEE YOU AT NOON.
C: Mom
C:Mom
C:Mom
C: PLEEEEEEEASE
C: Mom
I was so annoyed at her. When I went to pick her up she scowled and refused to hug me. Whatever. We spent that afternoon cleaning up and relaxing. That night, I was laying with my 8 year and she showed me her nails. Her sister went to the mall with her friend and purchased fake nails that you essentially glue on with super glue. She super glued nails onto her little sister. "Can you wear those to school? Can you even write with them?" She tried to pull them off, but cried out in pain. "Just go to bed, and I'll soak them in nail polish remover in the morning and take them off." She seemed anxious about it, but she is anxious in general.
We went to bed and all was right with the world. Until I felt a tap on my shoulder in the middle of the night. I opened my eyes and my daughter was standing in front of me. "Mom, mom. Can I take off my nails now?" "What time is it?" She turned around to look at the alarm clock, "It's 3:11."
"I don't care. Just go back to sleep." The alarm clock went off approximately 109 minutes later. It was horrible.
I had lunch with a girlfriend the next day and she remarked, "Man, your kids will just wake you up for any reason." She is so right. They wake me up to tell me things that I don't need to know and ask me questions that they already know the answer to. We've had discussions about this. They know that they don't need to wake me up to tell me they are going to use the bathroom at 2 am. I think they hate me and are trying to kill me.
Speaking of kids hating me, I had a heck of a time with my 10 year old this Wednesday. I signed her up for theater and acting classes and the first class started this Wednesday and was at 4 o'clock. It was a mad dash over there and traffic was beyond horrendous. I was yelling at people, "Move this funeral procession ALONG. It's holding up the living. We have places to be...."
I walked in 2 minutes late. When I did, they had just started giving introductions. We filled in and as soon as we did the lady in charge gave this speech (while looking at me meanly): "It's important that we teach kids to be on time. If they are in a play the director won't like it if they are late. You may need to plan ahead to get here a few minutes early. Being on time is important. Very, VERY important."
Geez, where is your hammer? Why don't you just nail me to a cross? I was mortified and shamed. I signed her in and ran out of there as quickly as possible. The class is only an hour and a half long and is a half hour from my house so I decided I would go to Starbucks to pass the time. When I went to pick her up, I was excited to hear about how the class went. I knew she would love it.
We got in the car and she saw the cup and said to me, accusingly, "Did you go to Starbucks?" "Yes, I needed to do something to pass the time." She was mad. "Well, I want Starbucks too. Can we go now?" I had traffic to battle, dinner to make, and it was out of the way at this point. "No. Not today." All hell broke loose. She started whining, crying and throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old.
If there is one thing I cannot put up with, it's whining. Whining makes me want to pull my skin off. I cannot stand it. "Stop whining. If you act like a baby, I will take your phone." She stopped whining and just cried pitifully. Over Starbucks.
I drove along and turned up the music. She turned it off. I turned it back on. She turned it off. I turned it back on. Then she turned to me and said....wait for it...."You abuse me."
"Because I won't buy you Starbucks?" She looked at me with hatred in her eyes and screamed, "YESSSSSS."
Somebody, get DSS on the line. We have a neglected child over here. I can see them coming to the door now. "We received an anonymous report that your daughter requested a caramel mocha frappe and you told her no. According to the State of South Carolina, we are going to have to investigate this matter...."
She was being moody the rest of the night and the next morning. I just left her alone and let her dwell on the injustices of life. The next morning, I dropped her off at school and came home to clean up. I noticed she had left her science notes and homework on the table. I got dresses, packed everything in a bag and wrote her a little note and dropped it off at the school.
When I walked through the door that afternoon, she greeted me with a smile. "Mom, you are soooo AMAZING." I thought to myself, I know. I said to her, "Remember that next time you are mad at me." She hugged me. She won't but I still love her anyway.
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