The Saga Continues

Where did I leave off in the early January saga? You'll remember I had a crazy time getting my car fixed, then drove to Tennessee the following day, then drove HOME from Tennessee the day after that (after eating some sweat-infused Wendys), then slept for 5 hours before getting up to drive daughter number 1 to a band audition.

I made us both breakfast that morning, a BIG cup of coffee in my travel mug and we loaded into the car for the almost 2 hour drive. My eyes were sore and my butt was numb but I was powering through. My 12 year old was chatting away. Filling me in on the last 2 days of school and about the tattoo she's planning on getting. "I've decided, that when I'm 18, I'm going to get a tattoo on my rib cage of a bar of music that I like. I haven't decided which song yet, maybe Moonlight Sonata."

                          
I let her pick the music for the car ride. This is what she chose: selections from The Last of the Mohicans soundtrack, Mozart's Requiem, Moonlight Sonata, Any Other Name.... which, in a normal situation would be okay but I was so TIRED.

I cut her off. "You need to play some upbeat music - Metallica, Atari Teenage Riot, ANYTHING....I'm literally going to fall asleep and crash into a tree." I told my daughter to turn off Beethoven and put on Metallica. Bad Mom Award. There is a special place in hell for people like me.

We get there and she warms up. She told me her audition was at 11. The time was quickly approaching and when I reminded her she said, "No. It's at 11:48." We could have left FIFTY minutes later. I could have gotten FIFTY more minutes of sleep. Those were fighting words.

I stood around and waited. I was not going to sit down on my tuckus. After the audition, she wanted to go to Taco Bell before we made the long ride home. We walked into the Taco Bell and there was a young man a suit. "Hey, it's you!" he said with a smile when my daughter walked in. He was older, maybe 17. I was not having that.
               
"Who is that?!?!" I whispered to her.
"Nobody. We were just talking before my audition."
"Talking about what?"
"Band stuff, mom - and cruise ships."
"You're not allowed to talk to strangers."
"OMG, mom!"

My daughter is only 12 but she looks much older, which I HATE. I'm going to start making her wear a tee-shirt that has her age on it. Ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

After we ate our disgusting Tacos, we drove back home. I was getting my second wind. I went upstairs and laid down on my stomach in bed. I was weepy. "Dude! I think I have bed sores on my rear end from driving. I'm serious." My husband rolled his eyes at me. "You're going to be fine."
"No, I'm not. I need Bengay on my cheeks, like, right now."
"I'm not doing that. That's where I'm drawing the line."
"I'm never going to drive again!!!!'

I laid there for a little while but not long enough to take a nap. I had a penis cake to make.

That night, we had a birthday party to go to. It was my birthday party, actually. I share a birthday with one of my good friends and we decided to have a joint birthday party. As I joke, I told her I was going to make her a big penis cake.

This cake was a lot of work. I made the cake and fondant ahead of time. I cut it in half and did a vanilla butter cream filling. I shaped it, I rolled on the fondant. I made hair out of chocolate sprinkles, I made a blue fondant ring for it, I made splooge out of melted butter and powdered sugar. It was a whole production AND I had to make sure my kids weren't in the kitchen. It took a while but I was happy with the finished product.  I put the cake in the fridge, dropped my kids off at their friend's house, then came home to get ready for the party.

When it was time to leave, I took out the cake and brought it into the car. My husband was sooooo offended. "You need to cover that thing. That is so embarrassing. That is the equivalent of the leg lamp."
He DID NOT like the cake, he ranted and raved. "I'm not eating that cake, people are going to judge you...."

Judge me? Like I have standards? Who cares? I thought it was funny. Penises are bizarre appendages. It was silly. Everyone liked the cake. As a matter of fact, they suggested I sell them. How? Post on MomSwap? That would go over well.

We laughed and laughed. We took pictures, which I'm sure will be used to blackmail me one day. We had a blast that night. There were cocktails, strobe lights, dancing, lots of laughing..... Even my husband loosened up. It was 2 in the morning and they were getting ready to kick us out of their house and he was still dancing in the living room like:

                                  
"This party's just begun!" I had to corral him back to the car. It was so nice to have a fun night out without the kids. That never happens.

We slept in super late the next day and picked the kids up in the afternoon. Then we just laid around and recovered. The kids had off for MLK day the next day, so it was perfect. I got up the following morning and drove my daughter to the school, as she was in a parade, went home to get dressed, went out to lunch with my hubby and the youngest, watched the parade, took my youngest to her dentist appointment, made a quick trip to the grocery store, went home and cooked dinner and got ready for the week ahead.

I was so excited for the following day. I was going to nap and catch up on life. Or so I thought....