My husband and I were driving to a party a few weeks ago and having a chat. He was telling me about work. He works with other dads and I'm pretty sure we have the oldest kids of the bunch. He laughs because sometimes they will come to him for advice. You know, a seasoned, veteran dad with two teenage daughters who hasn't run away yet - there has to be some wisdom there.
So his co-worker was explaining this situation where his 7-year-old daughter went to a friend's house and they watched a show or listened to a song she's not allowed to at home. It wasn't anything scandalous but still, it broke the rules. And he was like, "How do you get your daughters to do what you want them to do?" He laughed and laughed and was like, "I don't." And the guy was like,
My husband said, "Yeah, I really feel bad because I feel like they want me to bring them some sort of reassurance or something. He says stuff like, "My kids will never......" and I'm like, "They probably will." Then he went on to talk about this other guy that has a baby and he thinks my husband is just the best dad ever and that our kids are the best. I chuckled. "Well, it seems like our social media family PR campaign is working." Bless us.
The thing is, my husband is an amazing father and I have great kids. Highly involved, highly motivated, smart, healthy, beautiful girls. Some of that we have something to do with and most of it, they get full credit. They are great kids but they are not perfect. They are like any other kids. But no one is going to share their kids' mistakes and fuck-ups like they do their accomplishments. Although, Facebook would be a lot funnier if they did.
How DO you get your kids to do what you want them to do? Isn't that the eternal question? Everyone knows that kids just do what they want to do. Jerks. All you can do is instill your morals and values into them early, talk to them, and establish rules and boundaries. That's all you can do. Then, they have to make their own decisions. They are not extensions of us. They are their own people, with their own ideas and free will. As parents, we think we have control and in some ways we do, but much less than we think we do. There are environments that we can control but we can't control who they are. We can't be with them 100% of the time.
Welcome to Parent of Teenagers Bingo
It's like the shittiest game of BINGO because instead of winning money, you only get a nervous breakdown. This is not a comprehensive list, for sure. I mean, that's all that will fit on the board. If your kids haven't reached this age yet - take a look. Really, it's like pick your own adventure.
I laugh but it's really not even funny. You have all these lofty ideals and expectations and then you find yourself sitting on the couch (probably during the middle school years) with your head in your hands, praying to God that you survive this. That is some real parent shit. Then after a few years you'll be like:
Don't say "not your kid." Not because I think it's a naive or self-righteous thing but because saying "not my kid' is bad juju. Every not-my-kid person I know has had a rough time. I more of a I-hope-not-my-kid-but-anything-is-possible kind of mom. hahaha. I'm more of a probably-but-hopefully-no one-finds-out kind of mom.
I always send my kids horrible articles as "warnings" about things and they are always like, "I would never do this" and I'm like, "I'm just making you aware." Anytime, I see a new article about something I feel like they need to know about, I send it over:
"Girl Electrocutes Self in the Tub While Charging Cellphone with an Extension Cord."
"Honor Students Die After Taking Drugs for the First Time."
"New STD Discovered."
"Teens Lung Collapses from Excessive Vaping"
"Teen Dies After Butt Chugging 40 oz of Vodka"
"High Schoolers Paralyzed After Texting and Driving"
"Girl Raped After Meeting Stranger in Target Parking Lot"
They need to know about these things. They are out there. I would like to think none of these things are possible for my girls but I'm going to talk about it JUST in case. You know? They get annoyed with me. But I'm just covering all my bases. If you do some dumb shit, that's on you because I told you.
In general, though, I have good kids. They keep out of trouble and if they are doing bad shit, I'm not aware of it and I'm just over here living in my blissful ignorance. So good luck with the child-rearing. May you only win Bingo once or twice.
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