I took my kids to the beach this weekend. They had been begging, so I said yes. Then my little one wanted to invite a friend. That meant my oldest wanted to invite a friend. So I planned a trip to the beach with 4 kids.
I'm not a huge fan of the beach. I don't hate the beach, but I don't love it either. I feel like going to the beach requires a ton of prep work. You have to pack snacks, beach blanket, towels, toys, make sure everyone has sunscreen on. It's like an hour of work before you even get into the car.
Secondly, I think the ocean is disgusting. It's full of wild creatures that could be swimming around you and you never know it. It is full of excrement. All the fish, whales and sharks are just poopin in the ocean. If that wasn't bad enough, my cousin's husband who is in the NAVY was telling me about how they dump all the human waste from the ship out in the middle of the ocean. I was horrified. He laughed, "The fish eat it, I guess." Vomit. I just can't get over it. I can't unhear that story. Also, the ocean is like a giant toilet for beach goers. Gross. There are millions of people just peeing in the ocean every year. I don't think the oceans are rising because of global warming - I think it's all the urine of all of the people at the beach.
But, I love my kids and they like the beach so on we went. We laid out our beach blanket and and the kids went right into the ocean. I followed. I walked into the giant toilet bowl water. They are dredging and the water was a beautiful blue. It was the perfect day. The kids were so excited. They splashed and played. Then they got out the water guns and one of the kids squirted me right in my mouth. My mouth was full of poo-poo/pee-pee water. I was not happy about that.
We went on a hunt to collect shells and there were a TON of dead starfish littering the beach. They wanted to collect them all. We found a shark's tooth, which was cool. The kids made a fort in the sand. It was a great day.
We packed up the car and drove home. It was a stinky ride home as we had the rotting corpses of 30 starfish in a bucket in the back. All the girls fell asleep in their sandy suits.
Then next day, I was looking forward to a relaxing Sunday. My husband was going to take the kids to a birthday party and I was going to go to a Mary Kay party. But no - there was no relaxing. My husband drove the hatchback that day. We have 3 cars and I drive my vehicle and my husband takes turns driving our other 2, but he mostly drives our small Kia. Last week, it was shaking and the engine light came on and we haven't had time to take it in, so he has been driving the hatchback. The kids loaded in and off they went. I cleaned a little and then started to get ready for the Mary Kay party. Then my phone rang. My husband was on the other end and he did not sound happy. "I just got pulled over because my brake light was out and did you know our registration expired in March of 2013? The cop said I could get my license suspended. I need you to come here now."
What the heck? I have NEVER re-registered that vehicle. I registered it when we brought it in March of 2012 and then never again. They always just would send me the bill and I would pay it and they send the sticker but they must not have sent me the bill and it totally slipped my mind. I felt horrible, like I was a criminal. How did we not realize that we had expired tags for 14 months?
I met him at the pizzeria where the party was being held. I walked in and I saw some mutual friends. She said, "Your daughter just came in and told us that you are untrustworthy." Great. My husband took my car to get new brake lights. He came back and installed them. I stood and watched. It doesn't get much trashier than working on your car outside of a pizzeria but that's how we roll. He installed the new lights and got in the car to test them out. "It's not working - there is something wrong with the electrical." So now we have 2 nonfunctional vehicles, one of which has expired tags. We walked into the pizzeria, discouraged and upset.
He ordered a slice and then we sat down at a table and said nothing. At one point my daughter left the party table and came up and said, "Are you guys stressed? Because you are both doing this:
She put her head in her hands. Yes, we were a pathetic sight.
We dropped the kids off at the skating rink in my car. On the way, the car in front of me braked suddenly - so I slammed on my brakes. "Sorry about that," I said. My husband shrugged, "At least your brake lights work and your car is registered." I looked at him sadly, "We fail at life so BAD!!!!" He took my hand and I said, "Well, there is no one else I would rather fail at life with."
Failing. We mastered it this weekend.
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