This has been a rough week with my oldest daughter. What's new? She's having an I-hate-my-mom week. Not for any legitimate reason. Just because she is an adolescent and wants to. I am trying not to take it personally and just give her space. Sometimes I feel like my mere presence makes her cringe on the inside.
Last night I went into her room before bed to talk for a few minutes and tuck her in. She seemed uninterested but humored me. "All right, it's time to go to bed." She put her hand up and said, "Don't hug me." I didn't. I just stood up while she got under the covers. "Goodnight, I love you." She responded with, "Okay."
I was exhausted and crawled into bed. A short time later my husband came out of the shower and put on his pajamas and I head my daughter's footsteps into my room. "Dad, I'm going to bed now. Love you." Then she threw her arms around him and hugged him. Not a quick hug. A lingering hug.
I just closed my eyes and pretended to be sleeping. A short time later my husband crawled into bed. I turned to him:
"Why does she love you more than me?"
"She doesn't love me more than you."
"Why does she hug you and say I love you to you and not me?"
"She's just trying to become independent from you. You're her mother. Plus, I'm way cooler."
"She's ten and you are not cool at all. What did I do to deserve this?"
"Are your feelings hurt? Don't take it personally."
I do take it personally. I am not bad to her. I'm annoyed. I lost it with her piss poor attitude this morning. She was in the backseat with headphones in her ears looking out the window. I was talking to her about remembering to go over her vocab words in the morning for her test today. She sighed angrily. "Do you know what I don't understand? Why you think I can hear you talking when I have headphones in." I turned right around and replied, "You know what I don't understand? Why you act like such a beeotch." I said it and I don't feel bad about it. She laughed out loud because she knows it is the truth. She'll probably rat me out to my husband because they are BFFs now. Whatever.
I was excited to have lunch with my third grader today because that is the child that still tolerates me and pretends that she likes to have me around. I didn't know that I would be put into a very awkward situation. We had a picnic style lunch and I sat with her on a blanket with her two girl friends and two little boys. I volunteer in the class a lot so I know all the kids. They were not uncomfortable with my presence. One of the little boys is a twin and we were talking about twins. One of the little girls piped up, "My aunt is pregnant with twins!" One of the little boys leaned into the group and said, "Do you guys know what a man and a woman have to do to get a pregnancy?"
Oh my God. Why? I was not prepared to deal with this today. Before I could even interject one of the little girls said, "Yeah, my mom told me." The other one said, "It's gross." My daughter stared up at the ceiling. I was like:
I interjected before this conversation went any further. "Okay guys, that is a conversation to have at home with your parents. Not here at school. Now go on and eat your lunch." The little boy looked up at me and said, "Well, if I even think about it I won't even be able to eat because it is so disturbing."
This must be a thing going around 3rd grade because my daughter came home asking what sex was a few weeks ago. "What do you think it is?" She smiled, "I'm not going to say it. It's bad." I just told her straight out, "When a man and a women love each other very much...." but I left out the part that involves a baby. So basically I told my eight year old daughter that adults have recreational sex. So I had to have a second conversation. Fail. Bad Mom Award.
I need a drink after getting through this week. After dealing with my ten year old's crappy attitude and my daughter's 8 year old friends alluding to baby-making in my presence, I pretty much feel like I have lost control of my life.
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