This morning my 6 year old came up to me and asked, "Mom, how much money do you have?" "Why?" I asked. "Just tell me." "I have 7 bucks in my purse and some change." She threw her arms in the air exasperated. "NO! I mean how much money do you and dad have all together?" I didn't know what she was getting at. It's not that simple of an answer. I said, "Well, we have some money in a checking account. That is for food, the house, your after-school, bills...that kind of stuff. Then a little bit of money in savings but we can't spend that money unless we have a big emergency. Most of our money is in retirement and we can't spend that until we are old. So basically we only have $7 leftover." That was too much of an answer. I didn't want to give her a dollar amount because I know that it would be used against me anytime she wanted to buy something. She thought about my answer. "What is retirement?" "That is when we are old and don't work anymore. You see, we have to work now to save enough money so that someday we don't have to work." Seems legit. She said, "Well when I grow up I am going to give all my money to my family." I thought that was so sweet. "Awww - you want to give your money to mom and dad?" She looked at me like I was crazy, "No - MY family. You know, my kids and my husband. But I might give you and dad a dollar...once a year." Gee thanks, I'll try not to spend it all in one place. I am going to remember that when she wants me to pay her college tuition. She walked off satisfied. I never did discover the origin of her question but she didn't ask me to buy her anything so that was a win.
We are blessed and we make do. I can turn a little bit into a lot, it's a skill I acquired when we first got married, those were the lean years. A week before we got married my husband requested leave but his sergeant wouldn't approve it until we attended financial counseling on base. It was in this little building that looked like it was ready to be condemned on the top floor in the back office. The gentleman was a big, stocky African American man with a bald head in his battle dress uniform. He was a tough looking dude and he had this deep commanding voice. He had us sit down and he just looked at the two of us for a minute. "You are getting married next week?" We nodded, like the stupid teenagers that we were. He began to tell us all the things not to do. Don't get payday loans, don't get into credit card debt, don't gamble. He encouraged us to have a joint bank account and make a budget. He regaled us with a story about a soldier who kept a separate bank account from his wife and he gambled their money away. She found out about it and attacked him with a knife, slashing his face. This man began making a slashing movement with his hands and in his booming voice yelling, "Where's the money? Where's the money?" I was scared. He looked us both in the eyes and said, "Do you understand?" "Yes, sir." "Do you have any questions?" "No, sir." He leaned back in his chair. "Well, good luck." We walked out and walked down the hallway silently. I recall turning to my husband and saying, "We will never have separate bank accounts EVER and we will never fight about money." He agreed and it's been that way ever since. It's worked pretty well, there has been no face slashing thus far. We never have fought about money either. I have a girlfriend who used to say, "My husband and I don't fight about money - we both agree that we don't have any." I love it, that is my motto. Although, I can't say we don't have ANY. I still have that $7 in my purse.
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