My daughter has been begging me to go to Claires in the mall for the past 4 days. I have been sick as a dog and incredibly busy so I kept pushing her off but today I was feeling a little bit better so I told her we could go. We were all getting dressed and ready to go and my 9 year old walked in with the ipad playing some horric Flo Rida song. OHHHH Hell to the No. Here are the lyrics to the chorus if you have not had the pleasure to hear it:
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go
I'll tell you what, I don't think he's talking about whistles. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't have a whistle collection.
"Turn it off. Put on something else." She pouted. "How do you even know this song?" "From the radio." Of course. "Turn it off, it's inappropriate." Then my 7 year old had to jump in. "Why is it inappropriate? What does it mean? What does it mean to blow the whistle?" Great. I had to have that question. I kept trying to shlep her off and change the subject. No. She was insistent. She screamed. "Tell me what it means to blow a whistle." I had to think of something quick. I can't just tell that to a kid. I am the first one to be open and all of that but this is where I draw the line. So I lied. "It means, he wants her to blow in his mouth." She looked at me suspect. "No it's not." "Yes it is. You know how they say, 'Wet your whistle' and that means to take a drink and wet your thirsty mouth? Well to blow your whistle means to blow in your mouth." Come here. I went to give her a kiss and I blew air in her mouth. She scrunched her nose. "Mama, your breath tastes like tuna fish." She brought it though, hook line and sinker. I had to go to extreme measures with that lie but I did what I had to do. Bad mom award.
Let me tell you - I HATE the music that's out today. I have to be a psycho about the radio and pandora. Some songs would be reasonable expect that always have to have a rapper do a cameo and ruin the whole song. For instance, Timber in itself is not an inappropriate song for the most part. But some dummy has to come in talking about "shaking in bras and thongs" and "bootys up" and ruin the whole thing. Then there is Dark Horse. The song would be okay except for an appearance by 2 Chains in which they talk about Jeffery Dahmer and compare Katy Perry to a drug that he was trying to "hit and quit" but she was so dope he got "addicted." That's real nice to hear playing on the radio on the way to school at 8 am. I can't wait to hear the next mainstream pop song that features lyrics about a serial killer. I think that's really sexy. Then there is that horrible Talk Dirty song. I had one of the kid's friends in the car and as soon as I heard the first note I changed the station. "But I love that song." Ummmm..... the first sentence of that song are this: I'm that flight that you get on, international. First class seat on my lap girl, riding comfortable. I'm not a prude or anything, but I have standards- and no, we are not listening to that garbage. I wish it was 1933 and they were walking around singing, "It's Only a Paper Moon." Life was more simple then. Parents weren't having to lie to their kids about songs about blow jobs that come on the radio. *Sigh* I feel bad for them. I can't wait to see what their teenagers will be listening to.
After I blew in my daughters mouth, we finished getting ready. My nine year old came down in jean shorts, over leggings with a white tanktop under a slouchy black sweater and a headband. What is this 1994? "Do other people wear leggings and shorts?" She rolled her eyes at me. "Yeah mom. It's in style." I know other people that wear leggings under shorts:
Clarrisa Explains It All:
Tia and Tamara
Daria's friend Jane
Dude, the 90s are soooooo back. Claire's wall full of 90's stuff. Little 90's backpacks, tattoo bracelets, chokers. I was excited and said, "I had all this stuff when I was a kid." My daughter shrugged her shoulders, "Except now it's better and cooler." BBBBBBUUUUUUURRRRRRNNNNNN. I thought I was cool because I used to have the stuff that is now back in fashion. But no, we can't have mom thinking that. She needs to stay in her old person, uncool box.
She picked out all her stuff and went to pay. She had $13 of her own money and it was $12.21. She went to pull out her money, but she didn't tell me it was $13 in change. Oh.my.goodness. I was so embarrassed. "You didn't tell me it was in change." She didn't care. "It's good money." The sweet clerk counted up her change and told me it happens all the time. I believe it.
We left the store and joined my husband and 7 year old. My oldest dug in her bag and handed her sister a bracelet. "I got this for you." She was so surprised and happy and hugged her big sister. I love these girls. They are getting too big.
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