It's been a busy week. Right after we got back from Tennessee we had to turn right back around and head to Greenville for my daughter's gymnastic competition. I had deleted the email about the competition so I pulled up the event location online. That morning we drove to the gym that was listed on the website and there was no one there. Whoops! I called my friend (who has her actual s**t together) who kindly told me the event was actually at Furman. We wound up being 10 minutes late and my daughter was flipping out, my husband and I were screaming at each other about the quickest way to get there and we were generally being dysfunctional.
I sent her down to the floor and went to the bathroom. There were a bunch of moms in there with their gymnasts doing hair. It seemed more like a beauty competition. They were spraying hairspray, doing braids, some had curlers so they could have a curly ponytail. They had fancy bows. My heart sank. My daughter did her own pony tail and just had a regular hair band. I am so white trash and suck as a mom. I can't even braid. I can't even make my own hair look good.
I went back and we waited for the competition to start. My 11 year old declared that she would like to attend Furman University. "Well, Furman is a good school. A little expensive but maybe you could get a scholarship." By expensive, I'm talking $61,000 a year. Probably not going to happen.
She replied, "When do I start looking at colleges?"
"Probably in about 3 years maybe you'll have an idea of what you want to do and we'll look at programs at different schools and then in the following year or two we'll tour campuses and then you'll apply for schools the summer before your senior year."
She thought for a minute and said, "Well, I'm thinking Furman."
"Let's keep our options open."
How crazy is that? In three years she'll have almost completed her freshman year of high school. How are high school kids supposed to know what they want to be when they grow up? That seems like a LOT of pressure. Also, how is it possible that I'm going to have a kid in high school in 2 years and 4 months? I'm much too young for all that. I'm having a panic attack just thinking about it.
My daughter came out to compete. She did so well. I was really proud of her. She has come a long way this year. I envy her hard work and dedication. She got a gold for her floor routine and I beamed ear to ear as I watched her climb to the top pedestal and salute. How blessed we are!
We celebrated with a late lunch at Outback. They asked if we wanted kids menus. My kids are getting at that weird age where people aren't sure. My children said a resounding "No." They ALWAYS want to order off the adult menu now a days. That s**t is so much more expensive.
My 9 year old ordered a steak (medium rare) with shrimp, a side of button mushrooms and a soup. She thinks she's 40. It was so good. I love going out to eat.
We had a 3 hour ride home. On the ride I told my daughter about the girls getting their hair done in the bathroom with pretty bows. "Don't you think I should have done that?"
She shrugged. "No. I mean, I have to learn to do things by myself for when I grow up." Wow, I use that same excuse to justify my shitty parenting all the time. At least we're on the same page.
By the time we rolled up to the house in the early evening, we were all cranky. My brother had been house sitting for us and we greeted him. As soon as we got through the door, we unloaded bags, started laundry and tended to the animals. My brother asked if I wanted to go with him to pick up some Moes and a 5 minute drive in the car sounded nice.
My brother is funny because his life is the opposite of me. I am fascinated by him. He is 30, unmarried, no kids, has a lot of friends, has traveled the world, is much more fun than I am. We drove along and he said, "I need to ask you something. Tell me the truth, do you think I should have kids?"
That's a loaded question. "Of course you should. Why do you ask?"
"I just watch you and talk to people that have kids and it seems horrible. Like, I'm thinking that I have a lot of nieces and nephews so that might be good."
"Having kids is horrible but it's also amazing. I think you should have one or two. Besides, you can just make your wife do all the work."
That was a very sexist thing to say but being a dad seems way cooler than being a mom. I'm speaking in generalities but moms do more of the grunt work of parenting and dads get to do more of the fun stuff. Like how I clean up all the throw up and how my husband takes the kids to super hero movies.
Today was balls to the wall. We haven't really been home in so long and the kids go back to school tomorrow so there was so much to do. I was going from the moment I woke up. I got up, fixed breakfast, fed the dog, did the dishes, went to the grocery store, made lunch, prepped sandwiches for the week, put a chicken in the crockpot, attended a birthday party for my mom, did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned both bathrooms, cleaned out the cat box, unpacked, swept the floors, cleaned the microwave, served the chicken, made chicken salad with the leftover chicken, prepped dinner for tomorrow, spot mopped the floor (my damn steam mop broke and the replacement parts haven't come in yet), cleaned out the book bags, yelled at my kids to clean their rooms....This is what my life is. A never ending list of tasks that need to be completed again as soon as they are completed.
I was in the kitchen around 8 pm and my 11 year old came downstairs. "Mom you promised that we go buy underwear today." Of course, underwear. I sighed. "It's late. I am so sorry I forgot today." She looked at the ground. "You keep forgetting, you promised we would do today." I sighed again. "Go get on your shoes."
I went upstairs and got dressed, then I went to grabbed my purse. My brother looked surprised to see me dressed. "Where are you going? You haven't stopped all day."
"I promised to take my daughter to the store to get something. I've kept putting it off. I'll be back soon."
Do you know what he said to me? He said, "You're a good mom."
I stopped in my tracks. I could feel the tears form in my eyes. "Really? You think so?" He looked at me like I had asked a stupid question. "Yes!"
I don't hear that often. It is so hard on a daily basis to try to maintain a house, a marriage, to raise children. It was nice to get some acknowledgement from an outside person. I try really hard and I often fall short of my own expectations. I just hope when my kids look back on their childhood that they remember I tried. Hopefully they can forgive the fact that I can't do hair good, that am frugal, that sometimes I just need a cup of coffee before I can talk to them in the morning. If not, I'll just record my brother telling me that I'm a good mom and play it back over and over again when I need an ego boost.
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