Withdrawal

               

I've been having a rough couple of days. I am withdrawing from a serious diet coke addiction. I have a serious problem. It started off innocently enough. I used to drink an occasional soda. When I went out to eat,  sometimes to treat myself at work in the afternoon. I mostly drank water. Then about 18 months ago, I wanted to lose some weight so I switched to Diet Coke. I found myself drinking it more and more. I only like fountain soda so it's not been as out of control as it could be but it was bad. I realized how bad it was earlier this week. I dropped the kids off at school at 7:30 and went to McDonalds and got a 16 oz cup of Diet Coke. It felt so good but by 10 am, my body was craving more - a headache had started to set in. I stopped at a gas station and got another 16 oz of Diet Coke. I has 2 at lunch. A can in the afternoon and another 2 at dinner. This is what my life is like most of the time. I calculated it and I easily drink 60 oz of diet coke a day- 80-90 oz if I am traveling, which I am a lot. It's a shocking amount. It was shocking to me. I am like a drug addict with the Diet Coke. I need it. I am always looking for my next hit. So on Wednesday morning, I woke up and first thing in the morning, I think of how much I would love a diet coke. I decided that this needed to stop. I decided I would quit cold turkey. I am out of control. I have an unhealthy relationship with diet coke.

The first day was horrible. The bad headache set in quickly. I was drinking water and took some ibuprofen. I had some unsweet tea at noon. I had a long drive home that evening and I felt like I was in hell. My head was pounding, my arms were like jelly. I got home late and crashed. I don't remember saying hello to my husband. The next morning was still bad, I felt exhausted, the headache was still present and I was just not well.

I got the kids up and fed them breakfast and got ready to get them to school. My husband kissed me good-bye and looked at me funny and said, "Are you taking the kids to school in your robe?" I looked at him indignantly. "Yes. Yes I am. I don't care. Do you know how many sh*ts I give right now? Zero, that's how many." I leaned in close and said, "And you know what else? I am not wearing any pants either." I walked to the car in my slippers and bathrobe and I loved every minute of it. I was just dropping them off at the curb. No one can see what I'm wearing. If they asked, I'd just tell them I was wearing a wrap dress.

I made it through the day, which seemed to drag on forever. I am on day 3 of no Diet Coke now and even though I still have a splitting headache, the fog is starting to lift a bit. I feel less-jelly like. I've had a ton of work to do and with not feeling well, I've been letting the kids do their own thing. This has not been a good thing at all. I was working at the computer this afternoon. Trying to think straight with my head pounding. I hear the mail man come and I peek out the window and I see my 7 year old with I pile of cards. "What are you doing?" She smiled at me, "Look at all the cards we got, mama." She took the outgoing mail out of the mailbox which included 40 Christmas Cards and 10 party invites." I grabbed them from her and ran down the mailman as he was driving away, "Wait, wait - I need to send out something." I was out of breath and apologized profusely. If you get a card from me with foot print marks on it,  it's because they were sprawled all over my driveway. Sorry.

As I walked back to the house I saw a bag on the chair. "Are you eating the tortilla chips and sharing them with the neighborhood kids?" She nodded, "Yeah, they're good." I picked the bag up which now consisted of crumbs. We were going to have black bean nachos for dinner, but not anymore. I would go out to eat but it's not worth it because nothing tastes good without Diet Coke. I can do this...I can do this...I can do this....