Fun at the Grocery Store

I often talk about my adventures to the grocery store with the children. That is the most exciting event of my week usually. They are horrible in the grocery store, I don't understand it. They turn into demons. Trips to the grocery store with the kids make me question my will to live. I keep having hope that somehow the children are going to learn to behave in the grocery store. Surely they won't be trying to juggle avocados in the produce section as adults.

This week was especially bad. The sales weren't great, so I knew the amount of money I would need to spend would be soul crushing. Have you purchased sugar lately? My goodness, it's expensive. This stuff better have been harvested by Tinkerbell and her fairy friends in Pixie Hollow for this price. It was sad.

My kids are terrible in the grocery stores in different ways. Of course they both fight with each other equally. My 9 year old just badgers me the whole time. She walks behind me with her arms folded and declares she needs things. "Mom, I need some Nutrigrain bars." "Well, they are $3.75, let's get some Nature's Valley granola bars. They are 1/2 off." She pouts. "But I love NUTRIGRAIN BARS, you are so cheap." The guy looking at the cereal hears her and smirks. She thinks she is insulting me, but I am not insulted. I am cheap and I am not ashamed. My cheapness has allowed me to feed my family and go on fun vacations and pay the electric bill. She can call me cheap all day. I'll wear a shirt that says, "cheapskate" across it. Not hurting my feelings. Then she always tries to get me to buy this Gatorade Mio crap. It's $5 for this Gatorade drink mix junk. She begs me for it all the time. "No, you can drink water." She shoots daggers, "You never get me anything." What a lie. So I gave her a list of all the things I've gotten her in the past week. She grew out of a lot of her clothes so I purchased her 5 tops and a sweater. Not even from Goodwill, from Old Navy. I did shop clearance and I did have a coupon - but still. She stomped her foot down and rolled her eyes. She makes me crazy.

My 7 year old is more physically out of control. She likes to randomly try to jump on the cart while I'm walking, like a train jumper. She waits for the perfect moment and then hops aboard. I almost always run over her foot. Then she told me - out loud- that she wanted to fart on me this week. I wanted to throw a bag of pretzels at her. Then, the icing on the cake was that during check out, she walked over to the ice display and rubbed her butt on the glass. She kind of just stood in front of it and moved her hips back and forth, then she looked me in the eyes and smiled. I gave her this look:
                             
"GET OVER HERE AND STAND NEXT TO ME NOW!" She came over and said, "Mama, that was cold." Lord in heaven.

We got to the car and I turned around and they had fished out a bag of chips out of one of the bags and were eating them. There were chips in the backseat. I sighed, "What is wrong with you kids? You are too old to act like this. You will be punished when we get home." My 9 year old piped up, "If we are so bad at the grocery store, then maybe you should stop taking us." That's when I knew. She revealed their evil plan. They act horrible in the grocery store so I won't take them anymore. They are evil geniuses. It's on. They have completely underestimated the amount of pain and suffering that I am willing to endure.

We got home and unloaded the groceries and I regaled my husband with tales from edge of hell aka the grocery store with the children. He shrugged, "Stop taking them to the grocery store." I looked him dead in the eye. "No. I'm not going to let them win." I then proceed to eat an entire pint of Haagen Dazs. It made me feel better. Plus it was half off and I had a coupon, so that made it taste even better.

I am gearing up to put on my game face for this weekend. Mom vs. Kids, taking place at Publix this Saturday at 2 pm. It's on. It's on like Donkey Kong.